Disclaimers: See Part 1.
*****
INT - STAR DESTROYER
Carrot is making his cautious way down a corridor, following his Jedi senses to what he knows
will be his final confrontation with Darth Vetinari, one way or the other. He has certainly matured
since Episode Four, with most of the naivete gone from his handsome face; he has seen evil, and
he has decided that he doesn't like it.
He pauses in front of a door, then keys it open. As it hisses aside, he snatches up his lightsaber
from his belt to confront--
A perfectly benign-looking if unnecessarily expansive conference room, with a file folder sitting
innocently at the table's far end. The chair at that end is turned away from Carrot's immediate
view; there is another door beyond. Carrot knows he's not alone.
CARROT
Show yourself, Vetinari.
The chair slowly turns to reveal the dark Jedi seated therein, looking especially stylish in his
freshly polished armour. He has a cold smile on his face.
Carrot focuses on Vetinari.
CARROT
My name is Carrot Skywalker of the clan Skywalker. You killed my parents.
Prepare to die.
Vetinari rolls his eyes.
DARTH VETINARI
Oh, please. Such melodrama, just to introduce yourself to me. I know who you
are, Carrot. [indicating the file folder] As you can see we've had our eye on you
for quite some time now. Your latent Jedi talents would be a great service to the
Empire, properly applied. Of course there would have to be significant changes,
you understand. You're a bright young man - I trust you understand the meaning
of *progress*? It is a regrettable fact of life that one cannot help everyone - some
must suffer for the greater good. Even as we speak, an Imperial agent is in the
very heart of the Rebel stronghold - and you can do nothing to stop him. [smiles
humourlessly] Perhaps he will find that lovely princess you're so fond of?
Carrot's resolve falters at this possibility.
CARROT
You're bluffing.
Too late - Vetinari has seen the flicker of fear.
DARTH VETINARI
So she *is* alive - at least for now.
The door behind Vetinari swishes open to admit an ominous robed figure.
DARTH VETINARI [contd]
I expect you'll want some time later on to mourn her passing - again - but first
there is someone I would like you to meet.
Carrot quails at the apparition of Lord Hong, as if evil is pouring off the Agatean Emperor in
waves - which it is.
DARTH VETINARI
In time, you will come to call him Master. Or you'll die. It makes no difference to
me, really.
CARROT
I think you're trying to freak me out.
DARTH VETINARI
I think I'm succeeding.
CARROT
We'll see about that.
Carrot activates his lightsaber.
CARROT [contd.]
My name is Carrot Skywalker of the clan Skywalker. You killed my parents.
Prepare to die.
DARTH VETINARI
[dismissive] Oh, fine, if you're going to be so childish about it.
Vetinari activates his own lightsaber and advances.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE FORBIDDEN CHAMBER
The red phone booth appears about a foot to the left of the heavily marked door; exeunt the
Doctor [holding the humming device out in front of him and apparently following it], Rincewind
[in a bit of a hurry to get away from Death], and Preston and Logan from the booth. Death stays
where he is.
THE DOCTOR
Well, the signal is coming from this door... [looks up and sees the warning sign] I
expect this is the place - after all, someone seems to be going through an awful lot
of trouble to make sure nobody goes in here.
RINCEWIND
Maybe we should take the hint and go.
THE DOCTOR
Oh, nonsense - we're exactly where we need to be.
He begins adjusting the device to a different setting. It hums in a different key. The electronic
lock starts humming also, in close harmony.
RINCEWIND
[sotto] Or exactly where the Empire wants us...
PRESTON
Lighten up, Rince-dude - after all, what's the worst that could happen?
RINCEWIND
[in all seriousness] Well, just off the top of my head, the door could open and a
monster could jump on me.
LOGAN
That *would* be bogus - [grins] but even we know that there's no such things as
monst--
Presently, the door lock beeps cheerfully, the door opens, and a scaly blur flies out [missing the
Doctor by inches] and broadsides Rincewind, knocking him off his feet. Preston and Logan start
screaming, as does Rincewind.
The dragon hatchling, meanwhile, snuffles curiously at Rincewind's robes, then starts licking his
face, getting slobber all over and turning his beard into the first chin-based cowlick in history.
Rincewind stops screaming and starts spluttering.
THE DOCTOR
It's all right - I think it's just a baby. Look - it's wings aren't even fully developed
yet.
RINCEWIND
Erm, a little help here?
Pretty Butterfly and Lotus Blossom peer around the edge of the doorframe to see who opened the
door.
LOTUS BLOSSOM
Hai?
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
Hi!
The Doctor turns.
THE DOCTOR
Ah - are you the keepers of this creature?
The Agatean women look at him uncomprehendingly
RINCEWIND
[to the hatchling] [echo] Get off me - please? [/echo]
The hatchling tilts its head but backpedals off Rincewind. The Jedi gets up, wiping dragon
slobber off his face, and rejoins the group. Preston is in the middle of Creative Communication
with Lotus Blossom and Pretty Butterfly.
PRESTON
[enunciating very carefully] See, we're looking for a *phone booth* [pats the red
booth] except it's *blue*. [grabs the Doctor's scarf and points to a band of the
appropriate colour]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[to Lotus] [Agatean. Subtitle: Who are these buffoons?]
RINCEWIND
Can I try?
PRESTON
[discouraged] Yah - go ahead.
Rincewind clears his throat.
RINCEWIND
[long Agatean phrase. Subtitle: Hello.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Who are you?]
RINCEWIND
[gestures to the others in turn] Doctor... Preston... Logan. [gestures to himself]
Rincewind.
The two Agateans react to his name and start chattering excitedly between themselves. They
appear to be arguing.
LOGAN
What'd you say to them?
RINCEWIND
Hello, I think. I think they think I'm famous.
He seems less than thrilled about this possibility.
*****
End of Part 19.
*****
INT - STAR DESTROYER
Carrot is making his cautious way down a corridor, following his Jedi senses to what he knows
will be his final confrontation with Darth Vetinari, one way or the other. He has certainly matured
since Episode Four, with most of the naivete gone from his handsome face; he has seen evil, and
he has decided that he doesn't like it.
He pauses in front of a door, then keys it open. As it hisses aside, he snatches up his lightsaber
from his belt to confront--
A perfectly benign-looking if unnecessarily expansive conference room, with a file folder sitting
innocently at the table's far end. The chair at that end is turned away from Carrot's immediate
view; there is another door beyond. Carrot knows he's not alone.
CARROT
Show yourself, Vetinari.
The chair slowly turns to reveal the dark Jedi seated therein, looking especially stylish in his
freshly polished armour. He has a cold smile on his face.
Carrot focuses on Vetinari.
CARROT
My name is Carrot Skywalker of the clan Skywalker. You killed my parents.
Prepare to die.
Vetinari rolls his eyes.
DARTH VETINARI
Oh, please. Such melodrama, just to introduce yourself to me. I know who you
are, Carrot. [indicating the file folder] As you can see we've had our eye on you
for quite some time now. Your latent Jedi talents would be a great service to the
Empire, properly applied. Of course there would have to be significant changes,
you understand. You're a bright young man - I trust you understand the meaning
of *progress*? It is a regrettable fact of life that one cannot help everyone - some
must suffer for the greater good. Even as we speak, an Imperial agent is in the
very heart of the Rebel stronghold - and you can do nothing to stop him. [smiles
humourlessly] Perhaps he will find that lovely princess you're so fond of?
Carrot's resolve falters at this possibility.
CARROT
You're bluffing.
Too late - Vetinari has seen the flicker of fear.
DARTH VETINARI
So she *is* alive - at least for now.
The door behind Vetinari swishes open to admit an ominous robed figure.
DARTH VETINARI [contd]
I expect you'll want some time later on to mourn her passing - again - but first
there is someone I would like you to meet.
Carrot quails at the apparition of Lord Hong, as if evil is pouring off the Agatean Emperor in
waves - which it is.
DARTH VETINARI
In time, you will come to call him Master. Or you'll die. It makes no difference to
me, really.
CARROT
I think you're trying to freak me out.
DARTH VETINARI
I think I'm succeeding.
CARROT
We'll see about that.
Carrot activates his lightsaber.
CARROT [contd.]
My name is Carrot Skywalker of the clan Skywalker. You killed my parents.
Prepare to die.
DARTH VETINARI
[dismissive] Oh, fine, if you're going to be so childish about it.
Vetinari activates his own lightsaber and advances.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE FORBIDDEN CHAMBER
The red phone booth appears about a foot to the left of the heavily marked door; exeunt the
Doctor [holding the humming device out in front of him and apparently following it], Rincewind
[in a bit of a hurry to get away from Death], and Preston and Logan from the booth. Death stays
where he is.
THE DOCTOR
Well, the signal is coming from this door... [looks up and sees the warning sign] I
expect this is the place - after all, someone seems to be going through an awful lot
of trouble to make sure nobody goes in here.
RINCEWIND
Maybe we should take the hint and go.
THE DOCTOR
Oh, nonsense - we're exactly where we need to be.
He begins adjusting the device to a different setting. It hums in a different key. The electronic
lock starts humming also, in close harmony.
RINCEWIND
[sotto] Or exactly where the Empire wants us...
PRESTON
Lighten up, Rince-dude - after all, what's the worst that could happen?
RINCEWIND
[in all seriousness] Well, just off the top of my head, the door could open and a
monster could jump on me.
LOGAN
That *would* be bogus - [grins] but even we know that there's no such things as
monst--
Presently, the door lock beeps cheerfully, the door opens, and a scaly blur flies out [missing the
Doctor by inches] and broadsides Rincewind, knocking him off his feet. Preston and Logan start
screaming, as does Rincewind.
The dragon hatchling, meanwhile, snuffles curiously at Rincewind's robes, then starts licking his
face, getting slobber all over and turning his beard into the first chin-based cowlick in history.
Rincewind stops screaming and starts spluttering.
THE DOCTOR
It's all right - I think it's just a baby. Look - it's wings aren't even fully developed
yet.
RINCEWIND
Erm, a little help here?
Pretty Butterfly and Lotus Blossom peer around the edge of the doorframe to see who opened the
door.
LOTUS BLOSSOM
Hai?
PRESTON/ LOGAN [unison]
Hi!
The Doctor turns.
THE DOCTOR
Ah - are you the keepers of this creature?
The Agatean women look at him uncomprehendingly
RINCEWIND
[to the hatchling] [echo] Get off me - please? [/echo]
The hatchling tilts its head but backpedals off Rincewind. The Jedi gets up, wiping dragon
slobber off his face, and rejoins the group. Preston is in the middle of Creative Communication
with Lotus Blossom and Pretty Butterfly.
PRESTON
[enunciating very carefully] See, we're looking for a *phone booth* [pats the red
booth] except it's *blue*. [grabs the Doctor's scarf and points to a band of the
appropriate colour]
PRETTY BUTTERFLY
[to Lotus] [Agatean. Subtitle: Who are these buffoons?]
RINCEWIND
Can I try?
PRESTON
[discouraged] Yah - go ahead.
Rincewind clears his throat.
RINCEWIND
[long Agatean phrase. Subtitle: Hello.]
LOTUS BLOSSOM
[Agatean. Subtitle: Who are you?]
RINCEWIND
[gestures to the others in turn] Doctor... Preston... Logan. [gestures to himself]
Rincewind.
The two Agateans react to his name and start chattering excitedly between themselves. They
appear to be arguing.
LOGAN
What'd you say to them?
RINCEWIND
Hello, I think. I think they think I'm famous.
He seems less than thrilled about this possibility.
*****
End of Part 19.