A Wedding Song 25: Finale --- Grow Old Along With Me - Part 1
Song Lyrics belong to Tom Petty
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THE DAY BEFORE THE CEREMONY: THE KEEP
"You managed to find one small enough?"
"Easily. I had just the thing in my desk. I simply had to do a bit of excavating to find it. Before Roberta came along, my desk was the epitome of order. Now her pictures and her things seem to be everywhere."
"And you wouldn't have it any other way."
Smiling, Eberts glanced down and stretched out a hand to tickle Bobbi under the chin. She giggled and, as usual, his heart became play-doh.
"No, I wouldn't."
"Did you..."
"I tested the recorder and it works both perfectly and quietly."
"Marvelous. I have mine as well. Did you have enough tapes to go with it? I can lend you one or two..."
"Not necessary. I have an adequate supply. This was a marvelous idea, Claire. The boys will be ecstatic."
"I hope so. No qualms about the deception?"
"No more than I'd have about hiding in a darkened room waiting for a surprise party."
"Good. Oh, I can't wait to see their faces tomorrow. Can you believe it's finally here? They're finally getting the happiness they both deserve. Seems as if it's taken a thousand years."
"It does, at that. Admittedly, no relationship is trouble free, but theirs has seen far more than its share. Robert and Darien have earned a bit of peace."
"Here's to peace, however long it lasts." Claire laughed, lifting her soda in a toast.
"May that be forever." Eberts replied, gently clinking his coffee cup against her can.
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"Danny, man.... that's so generous, but you don't have to."
"I want to, okay? Think of it as a thank you for the way you just accepted me into the team. You had every right to see me as the enemy, but you chose to trust me. Now it's my turn to give a little back."
"But... three days on your own? If anything happened...."
"I'm not exactly marooned. There are twelve other agents here. If a case comes up that I'm not sure about I'll go to one of them for backup."
"You're sure?"
"Positive. Get going, both of you. You've got a busy day ahead if you plan on having everything ready for tomorrow."
"Wow. Hey, thanks Danny. We'll see you when we get back."
"I expect a full report on everything but the wedding night." Masters laughed as Bobby dragged his fiancée down the hall, already reciting an itinerary of the places they had to stop.
"Will do!" Darien tossed back over his shoulder.
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"They called and said they were ready. They're not gonna lie." Bobby reassured Darien as they stood at the jewelry store counter and waited for their rings.
"I know. I'm just... tense, I guess. The cake was perfect, the food was just what we ordered.... Everything's goin' too good."
"No, baby. Everything's goin' like it's supposed to for once."
Smiling softly, Bobby reached up and stroked a hand down Darien's face. "The universe has put us through hell, high water an' every other disaster it could come up with, an' we're still here. That counts for somethin'."
"Maybe. It's just... I'm never doin' this again. You're it for me. I only get one shot to make it perfect..."
"Ari, it'd be perfect if it was just us an' Betsy out in the woods with nothin' but squirrels an' chipmunks for an audience. The cake an' the food, the decorations.... they're great, but they ain't the point. The point is you an' me sayin' the vows we wrote, slippin' the rings on an' gettin' on with our lives."
"You an' Bobbi Claire... you're my life. You always will be...."
Darien was just about to surrender to the urge to kiss Bobby until he begged for mercy when the sales associate returned with the ring boxes. Hobbes caught himself reaching out to open them and pulled back.
"I hope they're what we wanted. We'll know tomorrow I guess." Bobby said, pulling out his check book. "How much was the first payment again?"
"You won't need that. The rings have been paid for in full."
"What? By who?" Darien asked.
"The gentleman wished to remain anonymous, sir. I'm afraid I don't know."
"I don't like this, Fawkes."
"It's okay. I might have an idea who it was. Let's get going, huh?"
"Wait a minute...."
"Hobbes, we've still got our tuxes, the decorations and a baby to pick up, an' if we don't get a move on it'll be midnight before we get home."
"Yeah, okay. But I'm lookin' into this later."
"If I'm right, you won't have to. By the way... why did you decide to call me that?" Darien inquired as they climbed into the truck.
"What, Ari?"
"Yeah, Ari. So? Why?"
"I don't know. It just kept... comin' out. I sorta like the idea of havin' a name for you that's mine... somethin' nobody else calls you. I'll stop if it bugs you...."
"No, I like it. I just wondered. Ari. Sounds kinda.... cool an' hip, doesn't it?"
"Yeah." {Cool, hip... an' mine. Just like Bert makes me yours. I hope you're ready for this, bud, 'cause after tomorrow you're never gettin rid a'me....}
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THAT EVENING: THE APARTMENT
"Do what? Spend the night where? Why didn't you say anything about this before?"
"I knew you'd freak out, that's why. " Bobby responded as he finished packing his over-night bag. "I'm stayin' in Claire's guest room. It's her idea, not mine. Somethin' about it bein' tradition for us to be apart the night before the ceremony."
"Yeah, well, to paraphrase Star Wars, if there's a center of tradition in the universe, you and I live on the planet farthest from it."
"You see me arguin'? I think it's stupid, but she insisted. I didn't wanna get her mad at me, so I caved."
"I guess.... The last thing we want in this house tomorrow is Claire ripped at one or both of us. You don't have to go right now, do you?"
"Nah... I told her I'd be there by eight. It's only.... a little past six now. Why?"
"Can we...."
Faltering, Darien gestured toward the living room with his head.
"Oh. One a'those talks. Absolutely. I got all the time you need."
Once they were settled on the couch, Darien in the speaker's position this time, Bobby wrapped an arm around his partner and spoke to open the session. "Go on and talk. You're safe, I won't let you go."
"Wow. This is... really, really awkward. I needed to ask you.... We need to plan... I don't mean plan, I mean work out...."
Finally, Darien stopped, drew and released a deep breath and tried again. "We haven't talked about... tomorrow night."
"Sure we did. You helped me plan the party, decide the menu, pick the cake..."
"That's not it. I meant.... after. When Betsy, Claire an' Eberts are ready to go home, should we ask one of 'em to... take Bobbi for the night?"
"Why would we do that? You didn't say anything about us goin' outta town. We got an assignment you ain't told me about yet?"
"Bobby... I love you, six-inch thick skull and all." Darien laughed softly, "What I'm trying way too hard to get at is.... I know it's not an actual wedding we're puttin' on, but is there.... do you wanna have any kinda... wedding night?"
"Oh. Oh!" Bobby gasped, finally waking up as Darien's point sank in. "Wow... I mean.... wow. I thought we decided.... neither one of us...."
"Hobbes. Stop an' clear your head a minute. Think back to that morning. What was it... a month ago now? Think about that first kiss. I remember... I tried to make it fast, somethin' we could both forget in two seconds if we needed to. You didn't wanna let it go at that an' when I saw you didn't.... I didn't either. That kiss was sweet an' passionate an' beautiful. It's a memory I'll keep for the rest of my life. Anything we decided before that mornin'.... I think it's pretty much gone to hell in a hand-basket an' it's not comin' back."
"Which leaves us... where?"
"My opinion? We're back at square one, free to decide what we want an' what's right for us. C'mon, Bobby. Talk to me about that morning.... about the kiss. Tell me you felt nothing, that you never wanted it an' I swear I'll never bring this up again."
"Not want it? I never wanted it to end! God, how could you think.... When you touched my lip, then my head.... my brain kinda went south for the winter. All I knew was I wanted you to do it again. I got a little scared, yeah. Scared of myself, scared of what could happen if I crossed the line.... or at least pushed it like my body was beggin' me to. The scare woke me up. Then I felt you pullin' back a little.... so I let it go."
Bobby's words caused a sudden revelation in Darien. In a flash he understood why Bobby had restrained himself so fiercely that morning and why he might continue to hold back in the future if they didn't resolve the issue.
"Bobby... so that's it. I think I get it now, but you gotta tell me if I'm right. Deal?"
"Deal."
"I can't believe it took this long to hit me. You think if we ever did try to.... if we ever made love again that I'd end up scarred.... just like last time. You're worried about hurtin' me. Right or wrong?"
Bobby hesitated, but he eventually gave an honest answer.
"Right."
"Okay. My turn to tell secrets I guess. That beer amnesia from that night? It didn't last. I've pretty much remembered everything about what happened."
"How long?"
"A few months. I kept my mouth shut to avoid upsettin' you an' me both. At that point we were still duckin' the subject every time it came anywhere close to comin' up."
"Go ahead."
"The bottom line is... it wasn't you who did the damage. Not really. We were both consenting.... happily consenting. Between the alcohol an' the.... stimulation I didn't have a working brain cell left in my head to put towards thinkin' about protection.... or lubrication. Neither one of us did. That's why I got torn up. At least I'm pretty sure that was it. You weren't a crazed maniac an' you didn't force yourself on me. We both wanted to do what we did. If we hadn't been sloshed...."
"If we hadn't been sloshed, no Bobbi Claire."
"Huh... yeah. I guess things happen for a reason."
"So... you trust the memories? You really believe I didn't hurt you 'cause I was just outta control?"
"I trust the memories and, yes, that's what I believe."
"An' what if I'm not ready for a banana split yet? What if I just want a... a little dish a'ice cream?"
"I'm not ready for everything all at once either, Bobby. All I was askin' was... did you want anything to happen at all tomorrow night? It doesn't have to. Like I said, square one, free to choose what's right for us... for where we are right now. Even if it's only kisses, even if it's nothing that's okay with me."
"It is, huh?"
"Yeah, as long as any kissin' we do is as good as the first one."
"It wasn't too shabby at that. Could be hard to match."
"Not too shabby? Bobby, that was the most intense, powerful kiss I've ever been a part of. There were so many sparks flyin', I'm surprised we didn't set the curtains on fire!"
"So is that what you wanna plan on? We can just try another kiss tomorrow night... see where it takes us."
"I'd love that, but I'm not the only one involved here."
"Hey, that first kiss was as hot for me as it was for you. Yeah. I can get behind tryin' it again. Just make me one promise?"
"Anything."
"At the party we drink water, juice or soda."
"Absolutely." Darien laughed. "Which brings up an interesting point. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since I found out I was pregnant."
"Not even after she was born?"
"No. You?"
"A beer once in a while. Few an' far between though. Weird. Crap." Bobby exclaimed as he glanced at his watch.
"What? Time to go?"
"No way, babe. It's fine. Whatever you need, remember? We stay right here until you're ready to get up."
"I don't wanna make you late to Claire's...."
"Bobby Hobbes don't have to do anything except what he wants to do. You ready to move?"
"I will be. A few more minutes?"
"I'm good." Bobby replied, grinning as Darien wriggled a little and sank deeper into his embrace.
"Bobby?"
"Hmmm."
"What if where it takes us... is into dangerous territory?"
"Long as we're not partyin' with the Clydesdales, we oughta have enough sense to know when to back off." He reminded his partner, adding his other arm to make the hug complete.
"Right. No horses."
Both men were silent for a while, each lost in his own thoughts; thoughts that followed very similar paths.
{Kissin' him... I don't need anything else to get high. What if....}
{Man... all I have to do is look at his mouth an' I'll be gone. What if...}
{{what if I don't wanna stop?}}
"Ari?"
"Yeah."
"I left a tape... a special one in your walkman. Don't listen to it 'till I go, okay?"
"Okay. I promise. You have to leave soon."
"Damn. You're right. You ready?"
"No, but I can deal." Darien replied, sitting up reluctantly. Bobby followed suit a moment later. Darien kept his promise, but just barely. The moment the door closed, he leapt up and raced to grab the tape player. He recognized Tom Petty's ' The Waiting ' within the first few notes and he wondered, not for the first time, whether it was possible to get close enough to someone that reading each other's thoughts became so routine you didn't know you were doing it. As the song played, echoing his exact feelings over the past twenty-four hours, he decided it was more than possible.
### Oh, baby don't it feel like heaven right now? Don't it feel like somethin' from a dream? Yeah, I've never known nothin' quite like this. Don't it feel like tonight might never be again, Baby, we'd know better than to try an' pretend. Honey, noone could've ever told me 'bout this. Said, yeah yeah (yeah yeah,) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
The waiting is the hardest part. Every day see one more card. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part.
Well, yeah, I mighta chased a couple women around. All it ever got me was down. Yeah, then there were those that made me feel good, but never as good as I feel right now. Baby you're the only one that's ever known how to make me wanna live like I wanna live now
The waiting is the hardest part Every day get one more yard You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.
Don't let it get you babe, don't let it get to you. Don't let it get you babe, don't let it get to you. I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool, Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you
Yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah....
The waiting is the hardest part Every day get one more yard. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.
Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part ###
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LATE THAT NIGHT: CLAIRE'S
"Claire?"
"No, it's Pavlov."
"Arf."
"I had a feeling you might be restless, so I came in to see if there was anything I could do to help."
"Nope."
"And whyever not?"
"You're not Darien. It's a... him an' me thing."
"Yeah? Tell me about it." she encouraged, pulling Bobby's old chair close to the bed and dropping into it, slipping the mini-recorder out of her pocket at the same time. She deliberately held the device low so he wouldn't catch even a glimpse of it, but also did her best to point the mike in the right direction
"I don't know if I can. I guess.... Bobbi's almost seven months old now, so that means Fawkes an' I have been sleepin' in the same bed for about... fourteen months. After all this time.... we have this sense about each other. I know when he's around, he knows when I'm around.... we both know when the other one ain't. If he's not close to me, I don't sleep."
"Do you think he's home doing this with Eberts?"
"Probably."
"Tell me why you said yes when he asked you to marry him."
"What's with all these questions?"
"I'm trying to bore you to sleep with the sound of your own voice?"
"Funny. Again with the comedy..."
"Answer the question. What made you say yes? How do you know this is the right thing to do?"
"There're a lotta reasons. It's hard to pick one...."
Bobby was silent for almost a minute before he spoke again. "Okay... you won't get this. I'm not sure anybody else ever could. It's his eyes. It's like... every dream I quit on or quit carin' about.... an' every single thing I ever *really* wanted but made myself shove in the flyin' oinkers file.... I look in his eyes an' I can see he's holdin' all that stuff for me.... an' believin' in it for me.... an' I know he'll keep holdin' it an' believin' it 'till I'm strong enough to do the job myself. An' see, I know it's good, what he's doin'.... but it makes me mad at the same time. I finally understand that what I always thought love was... it wasn't. Love don't always hurt... an' it ain't about givin' all the time, but never gettin' back what you need. I said yes 'cause I've spent too many years bein' wrong. What I see in Darien's eyes.... that, right there, is real love."
With one hand Claire swept away the tears rolling down her face, with the other she replaced the mini-recorder in her pocket.
"That was absolutely beautiful, Bobby. I didn't know you had words like that in you."
"I didn't for a long time. Knowin' him gave 'em back to me.... showed me how to say it right. You wait 'till tomorrow. I wrote some killer vows."
"I wish I could help you sleep. You'll be stressed enough tomorrow night without adding fatigue to the mix." she said gently as she rose to her feet and prepared to head back to her own room.
"It's okay. Maybe I can do it myself now. I'll just.... pretend he's with me. It's not as good as the real thing, but.... it might work."
"I hope so. Oh, by the way, there's a packet of tissues in the nightstand."
"What do I need tissues for? I'm not cryin'."
"No, of course not. I just thought I'd mention where they were. For the sake of conversation."
"Thanks."
"Good-night, Bobby."
"Night, Claire."
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SAME TIME PERIOD: THE APARTMENT
As he passed through Darien's living room with a glass of water, Eberts found his proposed bed on the sofa already occupied by Darien. He had been prepared to go into his friend's room and sit with him in order to get the information he needed, but sighed quietly with relief when he discovered the invasion of Darien and Bobby's private space wouldn't be necessary.
"Darien? What are you doing still up? It's late and you have a long day tomorrow."
"I know. I just can't sleep if Bobby's not here."
"Strange." Eberts mused, dropping to sit beside the other man and sliding his hand, which contained the mini-recorder, briefly behind a pillow. He then slowly retrieved his hand, leaving the device behind. "I've heard about this phenomenon, but only in couples who've been together for decades and are still... oh. I never considered... you and Robert haven't become.... intimate again, have you?"
"Depends what you mean by 'intimate'. We sleep in the same bed, yeah, but no, we're not "sleeping" together. Not that we won't ever... we just both agree that we're not ready yet."
"So what is intimacy for you and Robert at this point? How do you define the word as it applies to your relationship?"
"Who are you, Barbara Walters all of a sudden?"
"Can't I be curious? What you've found I may never achieve. Naturally I'm a bit intrigued.... and perhaps a bit jealous. Indulge me?"
"Yeah... okay. I'll try. Define it. I'm not sure I can. There's too much...We'd be here for a week. There is a physical aspect to it. We touch, hold hands.... kiss. Boy... do we kiss. He has this.... thing he does to help me sleep when I'm really scared or just restless."
"Yes, of course. He used it during the Cesarean section when you became... upset."
"I freaked out. It's okay, Ebes. I don't remember much about those few hours, but that stayed with me. Anyway, you know what I'm sayin' then, right? It's about as intimate as two people can get an' all he does is touch my face."
"I recall being stunned that such a simple technique could have such a profound and rapid effect. Your delusion seemed to have a very powerful hold on you until Robert stepped in."
"It did. Nobody else could do that for me. Nobody else could just... slide a finger across my forehead an' make me feel completely safe. He's the key.... to my life, to everything. It's the trust he has in me. That trust is a big part of the rest of what makes us so close.... closer than anything physical could ever do. He's.... in my head almost. There's this little niche inside me now.... this space that's all about Bobby. When he's not close to me, or at least somewhere around, that space turns into a hole. I never thought anything could hurt worse than my QS head-bangers, but.... that hole does."
"You do genuinely love him then."
"With everything I am. I didn't always know it.... or maybe I just never called it what it was. When I knew for sure I was pregnant with Bobbi Claire, after I made it past the 'No way, God. Not me' stage, all I could think about was Hobbes. What would he say? How was he gonna react to the news?"
"This is fascinating. I don't believe I've ever heard this part of your story. Please go on."
"Well, his first reaction was the same as mine; he passed out. Then he got mad, thinkin' Claire an' I were pullin' a practical joke on him. We convinced him it was true and managed to drag him back to the Keep so Claire could explain the hows an' whys an' all that stuff. She started talkin' about takin' the baby outta me so she could study it.... figure out how to stop it happenin' again. I still get a cold shiver when I think.... She couldn't believe it when I said I'd never let her do that. She looked at Bobby.... from her expression you could just see that she automatically expected him to back her up. Instead he told her that whatever I decided, he'd support me, even if my choice was to try an' have the baby."
"She must have been ready to give up on the sanity of both you and Robert."
"Just about. When he said he thought it was my right to see the pregnancy through, if I felt that was the right thing for me... I was so blown away by that. He's been there for me every minute since."
"Not *every* one...."
"Yeah, even while he was gone. He said he thought about me an' Bobbi that whole time an' I believe him. That's why he backed off in the first place.... 'cause he needed time to think. Trust wasn't always in Hobbes' vocabulary, Ebes. You know that better than anybody. I showed him I can forgive him an' keep lovin' him, even when he makes a mistake, an' now.... he trusts me. With his pain, his secrets... an' most of all, with his heart. You're damn right I love Bobby Hobbes. How could I not? The man handed me the password to his soul. No question, no hesitation, just.... ' Here. This is everything I am, everything that means anything to me. I trust you to take good care of it.' When he said he'd marry me, I swore to myself that I'd be worthy of him someday.... an' even if it kills me, I'm keepin' that promise."
"I think you already have, Darien. Many times over."
Eberts leaned over to the table to grab some tissues for his streaming eyes and offered one to Darien.
"What? I'm okay. I don't need that."
"Oh. Of course you don't. Well, we should both try to get some rest. Do you.... have tissues in your room?"
"Actually.... no. We ran out last night. I haven't grabbed a new box from the bathroom yet."
"Perhaps you should take one or two... just in case you need them later?"
"Yeah. I might. Thanks."
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Nah. I think I'm gonna try to go to bed... see if I can dream about him. Sleep well, Ebes. See you in the morning."
"Yes. I will try. You do like blueberry pancakes, I hope? I brought the ingredients with me, thinking it might take some pressure off of you if I did the cooking tomorrow. Up until the reception of course."
"Blueberry pancakes?" Darien repeated, his eyes widening.
"I can make waffles instead if you prefer. I also brought my own personal waffle iron...."
"No! I love blueberry pancakes! You can have the run of the house tomorrow. Just do two things for me. Leave me a copy of the recipe and show me how to make it. Bobby's idea of breakfast is coffee an' juice an' I couldn't make scratch pancakes if my life depended on it."
"Absolutely. I'd be happy to do both. Now, off to bed with you. Have lovely dreams, Darien."
"I will now. Pancakes...." he drawled, reminiscent of Homer Simpson in the midst of a donut fantasy.
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TBConcluded.....
Song Lyrics belong to Tom Petty
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THE DAY BEFORE THE CEREMONY: THE KEEP
"You managed to find one small enough?"
"Easily. I had just the thing in my desk. I simply had to do a bit of excavating to find it. Before Roberta came along, my desk was the epitome of order. Now her pictures and her things seem to be everywhere."
"And you wouldn't have it any other way."
Smiling, Eberts glanced down and stretched out a hand to tickle Bobbi under the chin. She giggled and, as usual, his heart became play-doh.
"No, I wouldn't."
"Did you..."
"I tested the recorder and it works both perfectly and quietly."
"Marvelous. I have mine as well. Did you have enough tapes to go with it? I can lend you one or two..."
"Not necessary. I have an adequate supply. This was a marvelous idea, Claire. The boys will be ecstatic."
"I hope so. No qualms about the deception?"
"No more than I'd have about hiding in a darkened room waiting for a surprise party."
"Good. Oh, I can't wait to see their faces tomorrow. Can you believe it's finally here? They're finally getting the happiness they both deserve. Seems as if it's taken a thousand years."
"It does, at that. Admittedly, no relationship is trouble free, but theirs has seen far more than its share. Robert and Darien have earned a bit of peace."
"Here's to peace, however long it lasts." Claire laughed, lifting her soda in a toast.
"May that be forever." Eberts replied, gently clinking his coffee cup against her can.
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"Danny, man.... that's so generous, but you don't have to."
"I want to, okay? Think of it as a thank you for the way you just accepted me into the team. You had every right to see me as the enemy, but you chose to trust me. Now it's my turn to give a little back."
"But... three days on your own? If anything happened...."
"I'm not exactly marooned. There are twelve other agents here. If a case comes up that I'm not sure about I'll go to one of them for backup."
"You're sure?"
"Positive. Get going, both of you. You've got a busy day ahead if you plan on having everything ready for tomorrow."
"Wow. Hey, thanks Danny. We'll see you when we get back."
"I expect a full report on everything but the wedding night." Masters laughed as Bobby dragged his fiancée down the hall, already reciting an itinerary of the places they had to stop.
"Will do!" Darien tossed back over his shoulder.
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"They called and said they were ready. They're not gonna lie." Bobby reassured Darien as they stood at the jewelry store counter and waited for their rings.
"I know. I'm just... tense, I guess. The cake was perfect, the food was just what we ordered.... Everything's goin' too good."
"No, baby. Everything's goin' like it's supposed to for once."
Smiling softly, Bobby reached up and stroked a hand down Darien's face. "The universe has put us through hell, high water an' every other disaster it could come up with, an' we're still here. That counts for somethin'."
"Maybe. It's just... I'm never doin' this again. You're it for me. I only get one shot to make it perfect..."
"Ari, it'd be perfect if it was just us an' Betsy out in the woods with nothin' but squirrels an' chipmunks for an audience. The cake an' the food, the decorations.... they're great, but they ain't the point. The point is you an' me sayin' the vows we wrote, slippin' the rings on an' gettin' on with our lives."
"You an' Bobbi Claire... you're my life. You always will be...."
Darien was just about to surrender to the urge to kiss Bobby until he begged for mercy when the sales associate returned with the ring boxes. Hobbes caught himself reaching out to open them and pulled back.
"I hope they're what we wanted. We'll know tomorrow I guess." Bobby said, pulling out his check book. "How much was the first payment again?"
"You won't need that. The rings have been paid for in full."
"What? By who?" Darien asked.
"The gentleman wished to remain anonymous, sir. I'm afraid I don't know."
"I don't like this, Fawkes."
"It's okay. I might have an idea who it was. Let's get going, huh?"
"Wait a minute...."
"Hobbes, we've still got our tuxes, the decorations and a baby to pick up, an' if we don't get a move on it'll be midnight before we get home."
"Yeah, okay. But I'm lookin' into this later."
"If I'm right, you won't have to. By the way... why did you decide to call me that?" Darien inquired as they climbed into the truck.
"What, Ari?"
"Yeah, Ari. So? Why?"
"I don't know. It just kept... comin' out. I sorta like the idea of havin' a name for you that's mine... somethin' nobody else calls you. I'll stop if it bugs you...."
"No, I like it. I just wondered. Ari. Sounds kinda.... cool an' hip, doesn't it?"
"Yeah." {Cool, hip... an' mine. Just like Bert makes me yours. I hope you're ready for this, bud, 'cause after tomorrow you're never gettin rid a'me....}
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THAT EVENING: THE APARTMENT
"Do what? Spend the night where? Why didn't you say anything about this before?"
"I knew you'd freak out, that's why. " Bobby responded as he finished packing his over-night bag. "I'm stayin' in Claire's guest room. It's her idea, not mine. Somethin' about it bein' tradition for us to be apart the night before the ceremony."
"Yeah, well, to paraphrase Star Wars, if there's a center of tradition in the universe, you and I live on the planet farthest from it."
"You see me arguin'? I think it's stupid, but she insisted. I didn't wanna get her mad at me, so I caved."
"I guess.... The last thing we want in this house tomorrow is Claire ripped at one or both of us. You don't have to go right now, do you?"
"Nah... I told her I'd be there by eight. It's only.... a little past six now. Why?"
"Can we...."
Faltering, Darien gestured toward the living room with his head.
"Oh. One a'those talks. Absolutely. I got all the time you need."
Once they were settled on the couch, Darien in the speaker's position this time, Bobby wrapped an arm around his partner and spoke to open the session. "Go on and talk. You're safe, I won't let you go."
"Wow. This is... really, really awkward. I needed to ask you.... We need to plan... I don't mean plan, I mean work out...."
Finally, Darien stopped, drew and released a deep breath and tried again. "We haven't talked about... tomorrow night."
"Sure we did. You helped me plan the party, decide the menu, pick the cake..."
"That's not it. I meant.... after. When Betsy, Claire an' Eberts are ready to go home, should we ask one of 'em to... take Bobbi for the night?"
"Why would we do that? You didn't say anything about us goin' outta town. We got an assignment you ain't told me about yet?"
"Bobby... I love you, six-inch thick skull and all." Darien laughed softly, "What I'm trying way too hard to get at is.... I know it's not an actual wedding we're puttin' on, but is there.... do you wanna have any kinda... wedding night?"
"Oh. Oh!" Bobby gasped, finally waking up as Darien's point sank in. "Wow... I mean.... wow. I thought we decided.... neither one of us...."
"Hobbes. Stop an' clear your head a minute. Think back to that morning. What was it... a month ago now? Think about that first kiss. I remember... I tried to make it fast, somethin' we could both forget in two seconds if we needed to. You didn't wanna let it go at that an' when I saw you didn't.... I didn't either. That kiss was sweet an' passionate an' beautiful. It's a memory I'll keep for the rest of my life. Anything we decided before that mornin'.... I think it's pretty much gone to hell in a hand-basket an' it's not comin' back."
"Which leaves us... where?"
"My opinion? We're back at square one, free to decide what we want an' what's right for us. C'mon, Bobby. Talk to me about that morning.... about the kiss. Tell me you felt nothing, that you never wanted it an' I swear I'll never bring this up again."
"Not want it? I never wanted it to end! God, how could you think.... When you touched my lip, then my head.... my brain kinda went south for the winter. All I knew was I wanted you to do it again. I got a little scared, yeah. Scared of myself, scared of what could happen if I crossed the line.... or at least pushed it like my body was beggin' me to. The scare woke me up. Then I felt you pullin' back a little.... so I let it go."
Bobby's words caused a sudden revelation in Darien. In a flash he understood why Bobby had restrained himself so fiercely that morning and why he might continue to hold back in the future if they didn't resolve the issue.
"Bobby... so that's it. I think I get it now, but you gotta tell me if I'm right. Deal?"
"Deal."
"I can't believe it took this long to hit me. You think if we ever did try to.... if we ever made love again that I'd end up scarred.... just like last time. You're worried about hurtin' me. Right or wrong?"
Bobby hesitated, but he eventually gave an honest answer.
"Right."
"Okay. My turn to tell secrets I guess. That beer amnesia from that night? It didn't last. I've pretty much remembered everything about what happened."
"How long?"
"A few months. I kept my mouth shut to avoid upsettin' you an' me both. At that point we were still duckin' the subject every time it came anywhere close to comin' up."
"Go ahead."
"The bottom line is... it wasn't you who did the damage. Not really. We were both consenting.... happily consenting. Between the alcohol an' the.... stimulation I didn't have a working brain cell left in my head to put towards thinkin' about protection.... or lubrication. Neither one of us did. That's why I got torn up. At least I'm pretty sure that was it. You weren't a crazed maniac an' you didn't force yourself on me. We both wanted to do what we did. If we hadn't been sloshed...."
"If we hadn't been sloshed, no Bobbi Claire."
"Huh... yeah. I guess things happen for a reason."
"So... you trust the memories? You really believe I didn't hurt you 'cause I was just outta control?"
"I trust the memories and, yes, that's what I believe."
"An' what if I'm not ready for a banana split yet? What if I just want a... a little dish a'ice cream?"
"I'm not ready for everything all at once either, Bobby. All I was askin' was... did you want anything to happen at all tomorrow night? It doesn't have to. Like I said, square one, free to choose what's right for us... for where we are right now. Even if it's only kisses, even if it's nothing that's okay with me."
"It is, huh?"
"Yeah, as long as any kissin' we do is as good as the first one."
"It wasn't too shabby at that. Could be hard to match."
"Not too shabby? Bobby, that was the most intense, powerful kiss I've ever been a part of. There were so many sparks flyin', I'm surprised we didn't set the curtains on fire!"
"So is that what you wanna plan on? We can just try another kiss tomorrow night... see where it takes us."
"I'd love that, but I'm not the only one involved here."
"Hey, that first kiss was as hot for me as it was for you. Yeah. I can get behind tryin' it again. Just make me one promise?"
"Anything."
"At the party we drink water, juice or soda."
"Absolutely." Darien laughed. "Which brings up an interesting point. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since I found out I was pregnant."
"Not even after she was born?"
"No. You?"
"A beer once in a while. Few an' far between though. Weird. Crap." Bobby exclaimed as he glanced at his watch.
"What? Time to go?"
"No way, babe. It's fine. Whatever you need, remember? We stay right here until you're ready to get up."
"I don't wanna make you late to Claire's...."
"Bobby Hobbes don't have to do anything except what he wants to do. You ready to move?"
"I will be. A few more minutes?"
"I'm good." Bobby replied, grinning as Darien wriggled a little and sank deeper into his embrace.
"Bobby?"
"Hmmm."
"What if where it takes us... is into dangerous territory?"
"Long as we're not partyin' with the Clydesdales, we oughta have enough sense to know when to back off." He reminded his partner, adding his other arm to make the hug complete.
"Right. No horses."
Both men were silent for a while, each lost in his own thoughts; thoughts that followed very similar paths.
{Kissin' him... I don't need anything else to get high. What if....}
{Man... all I have to do is look at his mouth an' I'll be gone. What if...}
{{what if I don't wanna stop?}}
"Ari?"
"Yeah."
"I left a tape... a special one in your walkman. Don't listen to it 'till I go, okay?"
"Okay. I promise. You have to leave soon."
"Damn. You're right. You ready?"
"No, but I can deal." Darien replied, sitting up reluctantly. Bobby followed suit a moment later. Darien kept his promise, but just barely. The moment the door closed, he leapt up and raced to grab the tape player. He recognized Tom Petty's ' The Waiting ' within the first few notes and he wondered, not for the first time, whether it was possible to get close enough to someone that reading each other's thoughts became so routine you didn't know you were doing it. As the song played, echoing his exact feelings over the past twenty-four hours, he decided it was more than possible.
### Oh, baby don't it feel like heaven right now? Don't it feel like somethin' from a dream? Yeah, I've never known nothin' quite like this. Don't it feel like tonight might never be again, Baby, we'd know better than to try an' pretend. Honey, noone could've ever told me 'bout this. Said, yeah yeah (yeah yeah,) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
The waiting is the hardest part. Every day see one more card. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part.
Well, yeah, I mighta chased a couple women around. All it ever got me was down. Yeah, then there were those that made me feel good, but never as good as I feel right now. Baby you're the only one that's ever known how to make me wanna live like I wanna live now
The waiting is the hardest part Every day get one more yard You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.
Don't let it get you babe, don't let it get to you. Don't let it get you babe, don't let it get to you. I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool, Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you
Yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah....
The waiting is the hardest part Every day get one more yard. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.
Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part ###
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LATE THAT NIGHT: CLAIRE'S
"Claire?"
"No, it's Pavlov."
"Arf."
"I had a feeling you might be restless, so I came in to see if there was anything I could do to help."
"Nope."
"And whyever not?"
"You're not Darien. It's a... him an' me thing."
"Yeah? Tell me about it." she encouraged, pulling Bobby's old chair close to the bed and dropping into it, slipping the mini-recorder out of her pocket at the same time. She deliberately held the device low so he wouldn't catch even a glimpse of it, but also did her best to point the mike in the right direction
"I don't know if I can. I guess.... Bobbi's almost seven months old now, so that means Fawkes an' I have been sleepin' in the same bed for about... fourteen months. After all this time.... we have this sense about each other. I know when he's around, he knows when I'm around.... we both know when the other one ain't. If he's not close to me, I don't sleep."
"Do you think he's home doing this with Eberts?"
"Probably."
"Tell me why you said yes when he asked you to marry him."
"What's with all these questions?"
"I'm trying to bore you to sleep with the sound of your own voice?"
"Funny. Again with the comedy..."
"Answer the question. What made you say yes? How do you know this is the right thing to do?"
"There're a lotta reasons. It's hard to pick one...."
Bobby was silent for almost a minute before he spoke again. "Okay... you won't get this. I'm not sure anybody else ever could. It's his eyes. It's like... every dream I quit on or quit carin' about.... an' every single thing I ever *really* wanted but made myself shove in the flyin' oinkers file.... I look in his eyes an' I can see he's holdin' all that stuff for me.... an' believin' in it for me.... an' I know he'll keep holdin' it an' believin' it 'till I'm strong enough to do the job myself. An' see, I know it's good, what he's doin'.... but it makes me mad at the same time. I finally understand that what I always thought love was... it wasn't. Love don't always hurt... an' it ain't about givin' all the time, but never gettin' back what you need. I said yes 'cause I've spent too many years bein' wrong. What I see in Darien's eyes.... that, right there, is real love."
With one hand Claire swept away the tears rolling down her face, with the other she replaced the mini-recorder in her pocket.
"That was absolutely beautiful, Bobby. I didn't know you had words like that in you."
"I didn't for a long time. Knowin' him gave 'em back to me.... showed me how to say it right. You wait 'till tomorrow. I wrote some killer vows."
"I wish I could help you sleep. You'll be stressed enough tomorrow night without adding fatigue to the mix." she said gently as she rose to her feet and prepared to head back to her own room.
"It's okay. Maybe I can do it myself now. I'll just.... pretend he's with me. It's not as good as the real thing, but.... it might work."
"I hope so. Oh, by the way, there's a packet of tissues in the nightstand."
"What do I need tissues for? I'm not cryin'."
"No, of course not. I just thought I'd mention where they were. For the sake of conversation."
"Thanks."
"Good-night, Bobby."
"Night, Claire."
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SAME TIME PERIOD: THE APARTMENT
As he passed through Darien's living room with a glass of water, Eberts found his proposed bed on the sofa already occupied by Darien. He had been prepared to go into his friend's room and sit with him in order to get the information he needed, but sighed quietly with relief when he discovered the invasion of Darien and Bobby's private space wouldn't be necessary.
"Darien? What are you doing still up? It's late and you have a long day tomorrow."
"I know. I just can't sleep if Bobby's not here."
"Strange." Eberts mused, dropping to sit beside the other man and sliding his hand, which contained the mini-recorder, briefly behind a pillow. He then slowly retrieved his hand, leaving the device behind. "I've heard about this phenomenon, but only in couples who've been together for decades and are still... oh. I never considered... you and Robert haven't become.... intimate again, have you?"
"Depends what you mean by 'intimate'. We sleep in the same bed, yeah, but no, we're not "sleeping" together. Not that we won't ever... we just both agree that we're not ready yet."
"So what is intimacy for you and Robert at this point? How do you define the word as it applies to your relationship?"
"Who are you, Barbara Walters all of a sudden?"
"Can't I be curious? What you've found I may never achieve. Naturally I'm a bit intrigued.... and perhaps a bit jealous. Indulge me?"
"Yeah... okay. I'll try. Define it. I'm not sure I can. There's too much...We'd be here for a week. There is a physical aspect to it. We touch, hold hands.... kiss. Boy... do we kiss. He has this.... thing he does to help me sleep when I'm really scared or just restless."
"Yes, of course. He used it during the Cesarean section when you became... upset."
"I freaked out. It's okay, Ebes. I don't remember much about those few hours, but that stayed with me. Anyway, you know what I'm sayin' then, right? It's about as intimate as two people can get an' all he does is touch my face."
"I recall being stunned that such a simple technique could have such a profound and rapid effect. Your delusion seemed to have a very powerful hold on you until Robert stepped in."
"It did. Nobody else could do that for me. Nobody else could just... slide a finger across my forehead an' make me feel completely safe. He's the key.... to my life, to everything. It's the trust he has in me. That trust is a big part of the rest of what makes us so close.... closer than anything physical could ever do. He's.... in my head almost. There's this little niche inside me now.... this space that's all about Bobby. When he's not close to me, or at least somewhere around, that space turns into a hole. I never thought anything could hurt worse than my QS head-bangers, but.... that hole does."
"You do genuinely love him then."
"With everything I am. I didn't always know it.... or maybe I just never called it what it was. When I knew for sure I was pregnant with Bobbi Claire, after I made it past the 'No way, God. Not me' stage, all I could think about was Hobbes. What would he say? How was he gonna react to the news?"
"This is fascinating. I don't believe I've ever heard this part of your story. Please go on."
"Well, his first reaction was the same as mine; he passed out. Then he got mad, thinkin' Claire an' I were pullin' a practical joke on him. We convinced him it was true and managed to drag him back to the Keep so Claire could explain the hows an' whys an' all that stuff. She started talkin' about takin' the baby outta me so she could study it.... figure out how to stop it happenin' again. I still get a cold shiver when I think.... She couldn't believe it when I said I'd never let her do that. She looked at Bobby.... from her expression you could just see that she automatically expected him to back her up. Instead he told her that whatever I decided, he'd support me, even if my choice was to try an' have the baby."
"She must have been ready to give up on the sanity of both you and Robert."
"Just about. When he said he thought it was my right to see the pregnancy through, if I felt that was the right thing for me... I was so blown away by that. He's been there for me every minute since."
"Not *every* one...."
"Yeah, even while he was gone. He said he thought about me an' Bobbi that whole time an' I believe him. That's why he backed off in the first place.... 'cause he needed time to think. Trust wasn't always in Hobbes' vocabulary, Ebes. You know that better than anybody. I showed him I can forgive him an' keep lovin' him, even when he makes a mistake, an' now.... he trusts me. With his pain, his secrets... an' most of all, with his heart. You're damn right I love Bobby Hobbes. How could I not? The man handed me the password to his soul. No question, no hesitation, just.... ' Here. This is everything I am, everything that means anything to me. I trust you to take good care of it.' When he said he'd marry me, I swore to myself that I'd be worthy of him someday.... an' even if it kills me, I'm keepin' that promise."
"I think you already have, Darien. Many times over."
Eberts leaned over to the table to grab some tissues for his streaming eyes and offered one to Darien.
"What? I'm okay. I don't need that."
"Oh. Of course you don't. Well, we should both try to get some rest. Do you.... have tissues in your room?"
"Actually.... no. We ran out last night. I haven't grabbed a new box from the bathroom yet."
"Perhaps you should take one or two... just in case you need them later?"
"Yeah. I might. Thanks."
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Nah. I think I'm gonna try to go to bed... see if I can dream about him. Sleep well, Ebes. See you in the morning."
"Yes. I will try. You do like blueberry pancakes, I hope? I brought the ingredients with me, thinking it might take some pressure off of you if I did the cooking tomorrow. Up until the reception of course."
"Blueberry pancakes?" Darien repeated, his eyes widening.
"I can make waffles instead if you prefer. I also brought my own personal waffle iron...."
"No! I love blueberry pancakes! You can have the run of the house tomorrow. Just do two things for me. Leave me a copy of the recipe and show me how to make it. Bobby's idea of breakfast is coffee an' juice an' I couldn't make scratch pancakes if my life depended on it."
"Absolutely. I'd be happy to do both. Now, off to bed with you. Have lovely dreams, Darien."
"I will now. Pancakes...." he drawled, reminiscent of Homer Simpson in the midst of a donut fantasy.
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TBConcluded.....