EXPRESSIONS OF PITY
by Phil D. Hernández

GENRES: Xena: Warrior Princess, drama. VIOLENCE: Pity is revealed to be a lethal weapon to the spirit. SEX: Xena and Gabrielle cuddle while they sleep. RATING: PG-13. SUBTEXT: This story assumes Xena and Gabrielle share a romantic relationship. LANGUAGE: Squeaky clean. NOTICE TO JOXERPHILES: You may find this a very disturbing story. Please bear with me. NOTICE TO JOXERPHOBES: The more you hate Joxer, the more I encourage you to read this story.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
 Xena Warrior Princess
Gabrielle Xena's best friend and lover, Queen of the Amazons
Joxer their sometime acquaintance
Zyskon a tinker, merchant of Corinth
Iphicles King of Corinth
Parro a servant of the king

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Author's preface: This story was written as therapy for depression brought on in part by some correspondence I had with an extreme Joxerphobe. Xena and Gabrielle are written as I perceive this person's perspective of the characters, while Joxer is written as I conceive him. Consequently, Xena and Gabrielle appear in a bad light, as I took this to its logical conclusion. Because of this person's perspective, it was necessary to write this story as alt-fiction. No insult is intended to those who believe that Xena and Gabrielle share a romantic relationship, or to most Xenites, for that matter. Those Joxerphobes who are offended by this story probably deserve it. Read on at your own risk! - Phil D. Hernández
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A poorly-armored man sat somewhat apart from the camp he was sharing with the warrior woman and her best friend. They were eating, but he begged off, saying he wasn't hungry and would clean up later.
He chucked pebble after pebble into a nearby pool. Gabrielle, the warrior woman's friend, had suffered a series of severe personal shocks in the past year. He wanted to help her, but each time she turned instead to her best friend Xena. The only time she relied on him was when Xena wanted to kill her. Fat lot of help he'd been then.
Enough was enough. She had hurt him so many times, once more wouldn't make a difference. He would play his last card and tell her the truth he had been hiding for so long. He would tell her he loved her.

*****

That night, Xena cleaned and sharpened her sword briefly, then went to sleep. The man looked at Gabrielle, the struggle on his face so plain that she was moved to pity.
"Joxer, you've hardly said a word all day. What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? It's just...you've been hurting...you don't really need me..." His voice kept getting softer and softer. "...but I...I love you and I want to help."
He didn't think he was going to win her heart at that very moment, but the look of pity only deepened in her green eyes. He would never forget that look, or what she said next, no matter how long he lived.
"I'm flattered, Joxer. Really. That was very sweet of you. But I can't ever love you. I love Xena, and we love each other very much. In every way, Joxer."
He hung his head, all hope gone.
"I'm sorry, Joxer. I didn't mean to hurt you. But I have to be honest."
"It's all right, Gabrielle," he lied. "I needed to tell you sometime. You get some sleep, okay?"
"Talk to me. I will not let you beat yourself up over this!"
"Thanks, Gabrielle, but no thanks. I've been hurt before. I'll live."
He fell silent, and no amount of prodding was sufficient to get him to speak. Frustrated, Gabrielle pulled a blanket around herself.
"Fine. Feel sorry for yourself. If you change your mind, I'll be here." She snuggled up next to Xena and nestled in her friend's warmth.
She never saw the single tear, the final tear, that rolled down his cheek.

*****

Xena stirred briefly in her sleep. The sound that had penetrated her subconscious mind was obviously Joxer taking off his armor. She sensed no danger, and the sound subsided. Without having opened her eyes, she pulled Gabrielle closer to her.

*****

Dawn came and the Warrior Princess awoke, startled. She had not been roused for her usual watch. It wasn't Gabrielle's fault, though; the bard's arms were still wrapped around Xena. Joxer had failed to wake her up for her turn.
"Can't he get anything right?" Xena muttered. "Now he'll be tired all day, and I'll have to listen to him whine about it."
She gently disentangled herself from her friend and looked around. No Joxer. There was his comical armor, piled tidily with the silly helmet on top. A bit of parchment fluttered from the helmet where it was impaled.
"Gabrielle, wake up. Joxer is missing."
The bard yawned and stretched. "Missing? Who could take him without waking us up?"
Xena had retrieved the parchment and was reading it. "No one. He left during the night." She handed the scrap to Gabrielle.
"'Thanks, anyway. Goodbye.' What does he mean? Oh, gods, I know exactly what he means!"
"Tell me," Xena said, giving Gabrielle a stern look.
"He said he wanted to help me, and that he loved me. I never knew! So of course I told him I couldn't love him because I love you, and then he said he was used to being hurt and clammed up."
"You couldn't get him to talk it out?"
"I tried everything but he just kept turning away. He didn't even cry."
"This is all my fault, Gabrielle. I knew he loved you but I never could tell him about us. I figured he'd grow discouraged and give up."
"He gave up, all right. On himself."
Sadly they surveyed the useless pile of armor. The sword was missing, as was his pack. The only other things he had left behind were a bag that turned out to be full of carrots - he always had carrots for Argo - and a half-finished figurine of Gabrielle he'd been working on, which they found in the remains of the fire.
"I brought him out of it once," Xena said. "I owe it to him to do it again."
They hastily broke camp, packing Joxer's armor and helmet, and headed out at a fast pace in the direction from which they had come. Occasionally they spotted his faint footprints in the dust of the trail, but as the morning wore on these disappeared, the gentle breeze having stirred the dust up enough to remove the marks.
They were confident they would catch up with him soon, for he was probably walking very slowly and sadly. There was no sign he'd left the road, not even for the necessities.
Then they came to the first crossroads and even Xena was stumped. She cast about, but there were no signs, no clues, no travelers to ask which way Joxer went.
"We turn right," Xena finally decided. Meg's place is in that direction. If he wants comfort and can't turn to us, maybe he'll try there."
Joxer had not gone to Meg's.
With a full day on them now, and giving every town and inn a wide berth, he eventually covered enough distance that even the rumors of his passing disappeared.

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TWO YEARS LATER
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"It was wonderful of King Iphicles to invite us to the celebration for Hercules," Gabrielle cheerily remarked to Xena.
"Yes, there was still some bad feeling from the past," her friend replied. Her army attacked the city when she was a warlord, but it was soon after that she had met Hercules and she turned her life around.
They were passing through the agora of Corinth, where merchants hawked their wares. The two women were not interested at the moment. Then Gabrielle saw a sign above a small shop and pointed at it.
"It says 'Joxer.' I wonder if it's the same Joxer who used to follow us around," she mused.
"I suppose we could find out. You, there!" Xena called out to the man who had the adjacent stall.
"Yes, lovely Amazon? Zyskon has some wonderful cooking gear for your camp."
"I'm not an Amazon. She is. But what I want to know is who that Joxer is next door. Is he a tall, thin fellow, dark hair, brown eyes, calls himself 'Joxer the Mighty,' goofy look on his face..."
"'Joxer the Mighty?' Nah, just calls himself Joxer. Doesn't look goofy. He is tall and thin, though. Can't tell you what his eyes look like. No one can stand to look in his eyes. Never smiles, either. Friendly guy, for all that. Does his civic work and his militia drills like the rest of us, always willing to help if you need it, but mostly keeps to himself. Around here we call him 'Joxer the Lonely.'"
"What does he do in there?"
"Furnishings, mostly. Wood decorations for rich people. I recall that when the bought the shop he'd had some pretty carvings he sold along with his sword. I think he sold a crossbow and a lute, too. Haven't seen any more carvings since. Asked him about it once, and he said, 'I don't do that any more.'
"I heard he used to travel about as a mercenary, but something real bad must have happened to him, 'cause he never talks about it. Never says much of anything.
"You know, now I do remember someone calling him 'Joxer the Mighty.' This guy was laughing at him and said Xena and Gabrielle must have sent him packing, and it was the only time I ever saw Joxer look anything but sad or deadpan. There was so much pain, and he looked in the guy's eyes and the fella just shut up. Joxer never said a word, just turned his back on him, went inside and shut the door. That was - wait a sec, you're Xena and Gabrielle!
"Yes," the Warrior Princess confirmed.
"I'd leave him alone if I were you. I don't know what he did to you or you did to him, but I never want to see that look on his face again."
"I owe him an apology," Xena replied.
"If he didn't want to hear it then, what makes you think he wants to hear it now? Look, I've got some nice pots and pans..."
"I'll take that frying pan over there. Four dinars."
"Ten. Joxer never bothers anyone. Why upset him?"
"Six. He was like family to us once."
"Seven dinars. Then treat him like that."
"Done. You don't let a family member stay hurt."
They clasped hands, and Zyskon handed the frying pan to Gabrielle, accepting the money from Xena in return.
"You're making a mistake, Xena. Don't go in there."
"I have to. Gabrielle, you've been awfully quiet."
The bard looked sadly at her best friend. "What if Zyskon is right? Joxer's made a new life for himself."
"How good could his new life be if he never smiles? We have to shake him loose, Gabrielle. He deserves to be happy. I'd expect you to be the first person to understand that. Are you with me?"
"You'll probably need me before it's over. I'm with you."

*****

The shop was very neat and spare. Furnishings and wood paneling stood in orderly rows, with a worktable off to the side. Zyskon hadn't been fooling when he said Joxer didn't do carvings any more. All the designs were geometric; no figures of gods, people or animals, no fruit or flowers, not even a single leaf. They were beautiful and dynamic, even showing some passion. Above the worktable, a black cloth covered an unknown piece.
A man came out of the back room. "Can I help - oh. No, you never needed any help. What could you two possibly want here?"
Joxer was gaunt now, and had grown a beard. He did not smile in welcome, nor was he angry. His voice had been flat, barely rising to inflect the question.
But his eyes! Gabrielle had to force herself to look into them, though Xena stood his gaze without flinching. His eyes were totally dead. The bard remembered only one other person who had eyes like that.
Callisto.
But unlike the madwoman who'd become a goddess, there was neither malice nor madness in him. Instead, though he was tightly controlling himself, pain began to suffuse his countenance.
"We wanted to apologize to you," Xena said, and Gabrielle nodded. It was unfair of me not to let you know the true situation between us."
"If there's anything we can do to make it up to you -" Gabrielle began.
"HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?" Joxer exploded. There was a spark in his eyes now, a spark of pure anger. "You strung me along, Xena, letting me build dreams on fantasies, instead of just telling me the truth. And you, Gabrielle, pretending to be nice to me when all you ever felt was pity. Why did you ever let me follow you around when I never meant anything to you?"
"That's not true!" Gabrielle protested.
"Oh, it's not?" He leaned forward. "Here, Xena, here's my nose! Twist it for old times' sake!" He plucked the staff from Gabrielle's nerveless hand and handed it back to her in the ready position. "Come on, Gabrielle, bash me! Have a few laughs on Joxer the Mighty! Let him stay the ape man ovenight while you cuddle each other! You don't think I remember?"
He started making apelike noises and gestures, only it looked grotesque with his nearly-dead eyes and drawn face. Then he roared, an inarticulate sound.
"'Heart of a lion,' Xena! Whatever good did it do me? I never won a fight, never convinced a woman to love me unless I had the cold hard dinars in my hand. I finally get up the nerve to tell the woman of my dreams I love her - and she doesn't want me, she doesn't want any man, just you! How stupid I was!
"You can keep your apologies, and you can keep your pity." The spark died from his eyes and his voice became flat again.
"Now get out."
"We saved your life, Joxer," Gabrielle reminded him, fighting back tears. Xena's mouth was tight, but she remained silent.
"For what? So I could live without a dream? I said, get out. I never want to see either one of you again." He turned his back on them.
"But -"
"Come on, Gabrielle, you were right. We're only hurting him again."
They left.
The bard was shaking with grief. "He didn't have any tears in his eyes. He used to be so innocent."
"Gabrielle, I know it's sad, but he chose this himself. He tore himself up over it, and if he wants to, he'll fix himself again or let someone else do it. But not us. We can't help him any more."
"I've got an idea, Xena."
"I would just let it go."

*****

Iphicles, King of Corinth, kept a sumptuous court, appropriate for a rich trading city. He rose from his throne to greet Xena and Gabrielle personally.
"Welcome, welcome. I'm glad you could make it. My brother will be so pleased."
"I just wish Alcmene could be here to enjoy this," Xena said.
Iphicles grew sad for a moment. "Yes. I miss Mother very much. Still, I'm sure she'll be watching from somewhere."
"You may be right," Gabrielle smiled. "You know, she said shrewdly, "there's a fellow here who could carve a lovely figure of her you could give to Hercules."
"Gabrielle, don't do this," Xena warned.
"And why not?" Iphicles cried happily. "It's a splendid idea! Who is this artist?"
"His name is Joxer," the bard replied. She whispered to Xena, "If he gets the king's commission, he might see people value him for himself and what he can do." She spoke up again. "But don't tell him it was my idea."
"As you wish, Gabrielle." He called a servant. "Parro, find the artist Joxer and summon him to me. I wish to commission a figure from him." The servant saluted and left.
"Gabrielle, this is a very bad idea," Xena told her. "He already is valued by the people around him. You said yourself he had a new life. Did you forget what Zyskon said?"
"Oh, he was just scared of Joxer's eyes. This will fix that."
"You're only going to make things worse," Xena said flatly.

*****

Parro returned shortly thereafter.
"Sire."
"Where is Joxer?"
"He refused to come. He said he meant no disrespect, but he does no carvings. I threatened him with arrest, but he told me the only way he would come to the palace would be as a corpse. I believed him. His eyes - gods, don't ever make me look in those eyes again!" He began to shake.
"Steady down, Parro," the king said.
The servant gulped some air, then did stop shaking. "He had a message for Xena and Gabrielle, too."
"What is it?" Xena asked.
"'Butt out.'"
The king was furious. "Insult me and my guests? Very well, he shall be a corpse, as he desired."
Xena touched his arm gently. "No, Iphicles, don't. It's not his fault."
"It's mine," Gabrielle said. She couldn't look anyone in the eye.

*****

The next day, the two women were back in the agora. Passing Zyskon's stall and Joxer's shop, Xena felt something wrong. Zyskon approached them with an angry look on his face.
"So what did you do to him this time? He practically throws the two of you out of his place, chases the king's servant off, then packs up his stuff and tells me I can have the shop, he's got a better offer in another city. No, I won't tell you where. Go away! You cost me a friend."
"I'm going in, Xena. Maybe he left a clue."
"Gabrielle, please don't do this. He doesn't want us to follow him. Honor that, for the sake of friendship, at least."
The bard didn't listen. She opened the door and went inside. A few seconds later, Xena heard a scream so painful it seemed that Gabrielle's soul had been torn from her body. Xena rushed inside, fearing that Joxer had killed himself.
It was worse, much worse.
Beyond the spot where Gabrielle stood, sobbing hysterically, the tableau that had been covered by the black cloth stood exposed on its shelf. There were three figures. Xena had just thrown her chakram, which was beginning to penetrate Joxer's chest, even as Gabrielle was about to connect with her staff on the side of his head.
The expression carved on the faces of the women was pity.

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THE END
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Disclaimer:
 Joxer, Gabrielle and Xena, being fictional characters, were not harmed in the writing of this story. The author, however, was extremely hurt before he put pencil to paper. Such is the viciousness of some Joxerphobes.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
 Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Iphicles and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. The characters of Zyskon and Parro are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Comments:
 Unless your sole purpose is to bash Joxer or Ted Raimi, your comments would be greatly appreciated. You can e-mail the author at BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com .

More stories:
 Additional stories can be found at the author's website, The Subtlety of Pickett's Charge, at .