* * * * * * *4
"Aren't you excited about this?" the girl happily asked.
"About what?" he grumpily snapped.
"Didn't you hear what Gai-sensei said right now?"
He didn't answered.
"I mean...They're throwing a special party for us gennins, shouldn't we be proud?"
"Whatever..." he looked at the ground.
"Well, as for me I'm waiting for this." she sighed "Being the two of us is sometimes frustrating, I don't see the other kunoichis around very much often..."
The boy frowned.
"I'm really looking forward to this party!" she stood up.
Neji looked at her with incredulous eyes.
She seemed radiant and so lively he felt like a ghost beside her.
What was so enthousiasting about seeing other people? Why was she happy? To him, that party felt like a total waste of time. See the others, talk with the others, eat with the others...how boring. It meant nothing to him. Anyway, he didn't intend to go there.
He wanted to be alone.
He wanted to be left alone.
People would only bring him trouble. And he didn't feel like confronting them.
Tenten had gone back to her kicks-and-punchs session.
Yes, she was very lively today, for some reason he would never understand.
He stood up.
"Where are you going this time?"
"Home..." he said, walking away.
"Neji-kun, what is---"
"Nothing is wrong."
"But, you've continuously been skipping practise these days. And..."
"And...?" he asked, still not facing her.
"...And I'm worried."
He heard her walk towards him.
"...You're...somehow...changed." she said, uncertain.
"Changed?" he snickered. "I can't change. I'm what I was, since the beginning."
"No. There is...something else. I bet even Lee wouldn't recognize you..."
Lee?
Again.
Lee.
Why were their names always associated while they had nothing in common?...Was it about their rivalry?
And what rivalry. There had never been any rivalry between them. Lee had always been trying to reach him, straining himself in the process. And at that times he felt nobody could defeat him. Because he was strong.
But that was before he met Naruto.
Before he realized what pure power was.
No, rivalry had never existed between them. Lee was just chasing after him, just like he was chasing after Naruto. But it was an hopeless chase, he would never reach his goal.
Come to think of it, that was the only thing he and Lee had in common.Their failing. Painful.
He gritted his teeth.
He knew better than to try again. He knew taking the same path of eternal loss was pure madness.
That was why he had given up training.
That was why he had given up becoming strong.
"I don't care about whatever Lee thinks of me. Neither do I care what you think of me." he turned to her "Keep on wasting your time in whatever training of yours, but leave me alone."
Tenten frowned, wearing the look of a stern teacher facing a spoiled brat.
"Fine...tomorrow then."
"I won't be attending that stupid party." were his final words.
White eyes losing themselves in the azure.
Ghost eyes reflecting the endless pale blue of the sky.
Empty eyes wandering helplessly in the air.
Neji blinked as he realized he was staring blankly through the window.
As weeks passed, he found himself spending days on end sat on his bed.
Looking outside. Observing birds.
They kept flying and flying up to the sky. One spreading its large and coloured wings to go high. Another closing up its wings to fall down with incredible speed. Others happily flying over the forest, the little one flying after them. Here and there they kept executing the same movements, the same dance with such a grace he thought it was more a ballet than a simple way to travel. They flew, high, higher and higher, trying to reach the never ending sky. It was so high.
And they never seemed to get tired of it.
And he wondered why.
Nature was so weirdly shaped.
Only animals would continuously bang their head on something that could never move.
Only birds would try to fly above the infinite sky.
Only humans would know what the limits of the Nature were.
Yet, there were some of them trying to go against what was definite.
He sighed.
He sometimes wished he could be as carefree as a bird. For there were things it was better not to know.
A bird was so happy.
A bird was everything he wasn't.
He was trapped in his own body.
He was trapped in his natural legacy.
He could still try to fly, as high as he wished.
But what was the use of doing so, when you know you don't have wings?
Better forget about the stupid sky.
Better stay on a secure branch.
For it was already a taste of freedom.
For it was already better than being caged.
Bitter.
He was sick of looking at the birds.
So he left his room.
Bitter.
The food tasted awful in his mouth.
So he stopped eating.
Bitter.
His mother's word rang annoyingly in his ears.
So he left the table.
Bitter.
The house was closing up on him.
So he exited the mansion.
Bitter.
His training ground held bitter memories.
Memories he wanted to throw away.
So he deserted the place.
Bitter.
Each day reveals itself happily lively.
The sun's caress felt bitter on his pale skin.
He didn't want to see the day anymore.
He couldn't stand the sun anymore.
He didn't want to be alive anymore.
Living was such a pain when you didn't have the strenght to live.