Disclaimer: All Valdemar related items in the below story are the possessions of Mercedes Lackey, not me.
A/N alright I do have a good set of excuses for not posting … I was at my dad's house for the weekend, and then I had to mow lawns and the like when I got home … and then I went back down to my dad's and we went to a horseshow in Kentucky and now I am at my dad's alone for a week because my mum went to Toronto to visit relatives while we were still in Kentucky so I will have to rummage around and borrow a disk in order to get this to a computer that gets internet access here since mine doesn't. But it's all cool because I love being downstate with my dad and step-mom we actually talk to each other… wow! And we go to church, a really cool church. Right, but that's enough disclaiming, I'll get to the story.
I waited until the fire had started to die before trying to rouse Elsa from her dazed reverie. By the time I caught her attention the moon was nearly set and the others, exempting those on guard duty, were sleeping rather soundly.
With much cajoling I managed to get Elsa on my back and without a word from her we set off for a walk. I knew she needed to be somewhere where she could feel safe, where she could be free to cry, scream, or do whatever she needed to. Worry for her overwhelmed me. I picked up a fast trot once we passed the sentries and didn't look back until we were a few hills distant from the others, close enough to hail in case of danger, and far enough to be alone.
:Elsa? Talk to me chosen…: I begged. Elsa dismounted and left me to huddle up against a rock. I let her have her space and watched as she curled up in a fetal position and hid her face from me.
Of course that only served to make her anguish all the clearer to me, yet I doubt she could have hidden it anyway. She still surprised me though, I had expected sobs, wails, or at least crying, instead my chosen appeared to be asleep. I stepped closer, a quick nudge with my nose confirmed that she wasn't sleeping. I looked closer and noticed that she was in fact crying; her body was rocking with suppressed sobs, her fist stuffed in her mouth in an effort to remain silent.
:Chosen…: I didn't know what to say, she seemed to be falling apart. I nudged her again, but there was no response to me, :Elsa, please don't ignore me.:
I was starting to worry. I stepped even closer to her and pushed her again, :Chosen, you are going to choke if you keep on like that, cry all you want, there's no one to hear it but me.:
When she ignored me again I decided to take matters into my own hands. I firmly gripped the edge of her sleeve in my mouth and yanked her hands away from her face. She repaid me with a wildly flailing blow to the head and a tear stained glower that, had I not been so frustrated with her obstinacy and frightened for her, would have caused me to back down. As it was I matched her glare for glare for a moment but was shocked out of the contest by her shields rising seemingly for the express purpose of blocking me out. That brought back the fear, she turned away from me again and I was powerless to truly stop her. I could make her look at me and the rest, but I couldn't really force her to grieve healthily, I couldn't force her to live. Those were things she had to choose.
:I love you Elsa,: I announced to anyone in the general area, not sure whether she heard me or not, :And I'm sorry.:
That was it, after that message I went far enough from her that she could have privacy for her tears, and lay down to wait for her to come back to me. For a long time all I could hear were here strangled sobs. I had to fight the urge to leap to her aid. I knew I could best help her by letting her be as alone as was safe. Finally I felt the shields lowered cautiously.
:Chosen?: I whispered tentatively.
:They're dead,: she whispered sounding dazed.
:Yes, they won't hurt anyone else…: I ventured.
:But I killed them, I killed my family Asia.:
:We're your family now Elsa,: I said gently, in an attempt to ward off a fresh bout of hysterics, :It's okay to cry, but we still have work to do. Chosen, I know this hurts you but you are a herald…:
:I know that!: She snapped mentally before adding in a spoken whisper, "duty comes first. I know that well enough, Miss Elmira taught me the same thing, but Asia, I'm not even really sure what my duty is anymore."
I wasn't sure how to respond, I started to say a dozen different things before settling on nuzzling her shoulder and listening.
"They raised me, they taught me my gifts; they were everything to me. Miss Elmira was hard on us, but she was fair. Then you came.
"Asia you changed everything. Before you I followed orders, I knew my work and I did it. Now I don't know where I belong. I know I have the collegium, but I just don't fit there, and the clan would never have me back, not after what I've done to them. Where does that leave me?"
:Us,: I corrected softly.
:Us then, it hardly matters, what happens when they find out I was trying to use you? What if they don't believe that I'm on their side, what if they think I'll give you to her? What if they take you away from me?:
:They can't do that, only I can repudiate you El, and I won't.:
:What if it becomes your duty to? You're a companion Asia, you can't promise me a thing like that…:
:You're a herald, and my chosen, I can promise you anything I please.:
:Don't … you don't know half of it Asia. You just don't!:
:Then tell me … all of it, once and for all!:
Elsa shook her head, fresh tears flowed down her face. The sun was starting to peek at us from over the hill, just an angry reddish blur so far, but rising just the same.
"Get Ralph and Mew, have him truth spell me … I need you both to believe me." :You don't have to do that, I believe you anyway.:
"Then do it so that I will believe me."
Without a word to my chosen I called to Ralph. I watched as Elsa rubbed her eyes and then her face, smearing tears across the whole of it. It was readily apparent the she had spent the night sobbing. I was still studying my chosen when Ralph deposited Bart beside Elsa.
When he saw her the other herald leapt from Ralph's back, a look of genuine concern plastered to his features.
Placing his hands on her shoulders he exclaimed, "Elsa! Oh, are you alright? What happened?"
"I'm fine," Elsa mumbled pulling away from him, "I was just upset, but that's not why I had Asia call you."
"What's wrong then?"
"I haven't told any of you the whole truth."
"About what Elsa?"
"My involvement with the clan."
"I'm confused."
"I need you to put the truth spell on me so I can tell you the whole honest to goodness truth about everything. Cal told me you could do it level two, I haven't even seen it, but I know what it does. I need to tell somebody about what's going on and you're supposed to be my mentor so you're my best bet," my chosen gushed. She stood, eyes glued to the ground, chewing her lower lip as if afraid to look up.
"You're sure? You won't be able to lie about anything I ask you if we do this. You'll have to trust me."
She winced, for a moment I thought she would say no. After a moment of agonizing indecision Elsa looked up and nodded firmly.
"Alright," Bart sighed.
Moments later she was under his spell, quite literally speaking.
"Alright," Bart said running a hand through his hair. I watched intently as my chosen trembled nervously. It was quite obvious that she wasn't exactly happy with her circumstances, "Alright, tell us what you wanted to say," his tone made the request more of a command then a question.
"I wanted to tell you why I went with Asia to Haven."
"Why?"
"Miss Elmira ordered me to, I was so frightened. I didn't want anything to do with the filthy creature."
"You mean Asia? If it was your intention to tell me the whole thing, tell it."
"Yes, and yes that was my intention.
"It started when I told Miss Elmira about one of my visions. I saw myself with a white horse, I as all in gray … I was terrified. When I told her about it she was positively gleeful. She told me that was just the sort of break we needed. She said that with a companion at our disposal we might be able to gain the throne.
"I told her I was afraid, that I would rather be a mage, the first details I learned about heralds were taught to me when I found out I was to be one. Miss Elmira kicked me out of the school, she said it was bad enough that I was half trained and educated, to be properly instructed when chosen, and a peasant, would be suspicious. That was a year before Asia actually came. They prepared from that time on for securing my companion.
"Part of that time Georgette and Jared bought for me by making Asia sick. I went to Haven with every intention of sneaking out with Asia at my first opportunity and returning her to the clan in order to use her."
:How?: I interrupted. Elsa ignored my question until Ralph relayed it to his chosen who then put it to mine.
"We needed access to the palace, heralds have that access. Not to mention that a monarch of Valdemar must also be a herald. The plan was to drug Asia, and keep her drugged, so as to make her docile, and manageable. The fact that she is so shy played into that perfectly, who would think it odd that a companion who is afraid of her own shadow stays to herself?
"I just had to get her back to the clan and we would fake my death, stage a choosing of Miss Elmira, and then she'd go back to Haven for training while the rest of us got ready to attack. We would have come in as travelers, or better yet, heralds if the companions could be amassed. We just needed enough people on the inside to eliminate the heir and mortally wound the queen.
"Miss Elmira would then be thrust forward because she was to be the only herald with the bloodlines for the monarchy, and of course she would have been instrumental in removing the threat just in time to save the queen's life."
There was a moment of silence, Elsa stood perfectly still as if afraid of whatever would come next. I joined Ralph and Bart in staring at her.
"You really would have done that?" Bart asked when he finally got his jaws working.
"Yes, I had every intention of turning Asia over to Maggie up until we left the city."
"What stopped you then?"
"At first I couldn't get away from the collegium, let alone the city, and then I wanted to finish my schooling first. Besides it took me until I was ready for this circuit to convince myself that I didn't really like Asia, and that even if I did, Miss Elmira would treat her better than I could. By the time we left the city I was all but eager to turn Asia over. The thing that stopped me then was you, Bart. There was no way that I could finish my circuit with you if I gave her away, and I really liked you.
"I still hadn't worked up the courage but then they captured her. When they did that … maybe if I had given her up it would have been bearable, but to have them take her away from me hurt. That was when I realized I couldn't let them have her. When I realized that I couldn't work for both the heralds and the clan.
"When Asia came back I thought I had chosen to serve the heralds, but after fighting them … I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that. I don't know whose side I'm on anymore."
"Alright, that's more than enough for now Elsa," Bart took the truth spell off of her. Elsa collapsed at his feet sobbing again, but this time she didn't try to stop herself. Bart crouched down and scooped her up into his arms, trying vainly to comfort her. Ralph and I went to look for breakfast and a place for our chosen's to wash up.
Eventually Elsa did cry herself out and we lovable companions returned to show her and Bart to a river where they were soon presentable. We rejoined the others just as they were packing away their breakfast things and getting the prisoners assembled for a forced march back to Haven. The remainder of the guards and all but one of the other heralds were going with them. The few survivors would be tried by slightly more impartial judges than the heralds were at that point and sentenced.
That left Ralph, Garth and me to track down the magic-using clans members and Miss Elmira.
A/N now that this is finally typed I guess I'll find a disk and get it posted … I just hope there are more reviews than for the last chapter, although I really appreciate the one I got and the fact that it's hard to find time to get online as much in the summer. Anyway hope you all are having a good time just being alive, bye for now.