Chapter Two: Echoes
It takes me half an hour to find a damn phone. I told Tatsumi-san it would be wise to invest in at least one mobile phone, but apparently money's a bit tight right now. As it has been for years.
The phone box is located in a corner of the park; at least not completely in plain sight. I have to rest a while to catch my breath before starting to look for change. It takes considerable effort to remain invisible and block away nasty visions I'm getting from Tsuzuki's mind; I'm simply out of energy, so I turn myself and Tsuzuki visible. I doubt no one sees us anyway, it's a rich district and around eight o'clock, everyone's home eating dinner. As I'd like to be.
I let Tsuzuki fall down on the bench that is located a few metres away from the box and take a deep breath, glad to be rid of the horrible flashes of a dead woman's face as she approaches, of cold fear that pierces my mind. Thank the gods Tsuzuki's unconscious; the feelings and visions are blurry at best. He slumps on one side, his cheek meeting the dirty wooden surface. My brow is damp with sweat when I brush hair from my eyes. Tsuzuki's so very heavy and limp and cold.
I told you. I told you not to take any chances, and what do you of course go ahead and do?
Harvey's seen us now, and so has the yuurei - no, not yuurei; something else, but very dead nonetheless. I can still feel her eyes burning in my mind, but thank every higher power there is she didn't get to touch me. With all that hatred in her eyes alone, the flood of her feelings could've killed me. I feel a shiver go down my spine, and I hug myself to keep the cold fear away. There's no way we can go back now, hell, we're lucky if Harvey doesn't send the police after us. I'm too tired to concern myself with the matter. We screwed up, totally, but at least I managed to... at least we're here now.
My fingers are shaking when I fish coins from my pocket. Now to inform the office - they'll send someone to deal with that ghost woman. They'd also better send someone who knows what to do about Tsuzuki, because I have no idea. He's cold all over and hardly breathing, and I can't make his eyes stay closed. It looks creepy, and I try to avoid looking at his face. I'm not shaking because I'm scared. It's because I'm hungry, and worried, and have had to practically carry Tsuzuki at least three blocks from Harvey's house.
A hundred yen. This'll do. I leave Tsuzuki in his slumped position and go to the box to make the call.
I listen to the dialing tone for what seems like ages. Seconds creep by like hours, and it must be minutes before I finally convince myself that no one is going to answer and hang up, not bothering to take my money back. There must be some emergency situation, and everyone's out taking care of it, thinking that we won't have any trouble with our ridiculously easy assignment. Great. Just great...
I let myself fall down on the bench next to Tsuzuki. I'll just rest a minute and then... haul him up and to a hotel somewhere, at least I'll get him inside and somewhere where it's warm. Maybe this'll just pass, and he'll wake up and ask for shortcake like nothing's happened. I must hope so. Hope is one of the few things I have at the moment.
My musings are interrupted when Tsuzuki suddenly falls down from his sitting position and slumps sideways, his head landing first on my shoulder and then sliding down to rest on my thigh. I jump a little at the contact, and gasp at the sudden flash of confusion and fear that echoes from Tsuzuki's mind to mine, threatening to flood over my own thoughts. He's fighting inner ghosts now, and his body feels like it's frozen stiff. Luckily he's facing away from me, so that I don't have to see those staring cold eyes. And Tsuzuki's eyes are usually so *warm*...
"Okay," I say aloud, to focus my thoughts back on the situation at hand. "Let's move out. Come on – "
I sneak my hands under his arms and pull him up, then throw his other arm over my shoulders. He's still heavy, but I can manage. The bus stop I saw on our way here - it was not far away. We'll make it.
On the bus I go through Tsuzuki's pockets to find the office credit card. It's for emergency cases, and this one really counts as one. Near the stop where I decide to get off I find a phone box with a phonebook and go through the nearby hotels and motels. Tatsumi-san will never let me hear the end of it if I choose even a moderately expensive place, so I settle on a cheap guest house that's located not far away. The neighbourhood looks a little shady, but at least no one looks at me funny when I half carry Tsuzuki through the darkening streets.
The man behind the desk doesn't ask me anything when I ask for a room for two. I specify that I want a room with two beds and he quickly swipes the key he offered to me from my hand and gives me another with a weird look I don't particularly like.
"Do you want me to call a doctor?" he asks, pointing meaningfully at the still unconscious Tsuzuki.
"That's not necessary," I stammer, forcing my exhausted brain to think up something. "M-my cousin drank too much, he'll be alright in a minute."
"I see," the man slowly nods, not believing a word I say. "Well, I wish you a good night, then. Please keep in mind that the room should be empty at 10."
"Where is the phone?" I ask, straining my muscles to keep Tsuzuki from crumbling to the floor. "I must order some food."
"The phone is over there round the corner, but I can make the order for you while you settle in," the man says, and suddenly he doesn't seem all that bad. Actually that offer just made him one of my best friends.
"Thank you," I say wholeheartedly, and give him my last yen coins. They won't buy me a feast, but anything warm will do at this point.
The room is small but clean, with two futon beds placed on either side of it and a nightstand between them. On the other side of the room there's a small shelf; nothing else fits in the room. I let Tsuzuki fall down on the other futon and practically fall right on my butt on the floor, exhausted. Finally, quiet. He must be having some ugly dreams. The same hazy visions over and over again...
I throw my denim jacket somewhere and flop down on the other futon, resting my eyes for a bit. When did I last have a good night's sleep? Feels like it was ages ago. I could sleep for a year... no, no I couldn't. Food, first. And Tsuzuki. I open my eyes and turn my head to get a look at his unmoving form, slumped there on his back in the exact same position I left him. What kind of partner am I? He's hardly breathing and I'm worrying about my lack of sleep. It's a matter of work ethics, for one thing; he watches my back and I watch his. When it fails, it's up to the one who's left standing. Which is mostly Tsuzuki, now that I come to think of it. I get up on my hands and knees and crawl over to him.
That haunted look is heart-wrenching. Tsuzuki never looks like that; he's always hopeful, always has a glint in his eye, no matter what. It used to puzzle me before I understood it wasn't just a way of blocking off the evils of this world but also something that came naturally for him. That he never smiles a fake smile, or feigns optimism. It's become a slogan for him: he's always serious. To the point of being obsessed, sometimes, but no one's perfect. That, and he's also a terrible tease sometimes. I think he'd like to be sort of a big brother to me. Yeah right. One naive, slack-off big brother who could just sit around gobbling cakes all day...
I should get the trenchcoat off, at least. I mean, I can't just let him lie there, practically frozen, and do nothing. I wince at the thought of having to touch him and be attacked by the fear and visions, but it can't be helped. Surprisingly, when I lay one tentative hand on his shoulder, I sense nothing. Finally there's peace in his mind, or so I hope, at least. I lift him up enough to slip the trenchcoat off his shoulders and take it off, tossing it somewhere. After a bit of hesitation, I do the same to the suit jacket. It feels kind of awkward doing this while he's unconscious - not that it wouldn't if he was *awake*! - but he can't very well sleep in his jacket, can he, and besides, it'd be all wrinkled when he woke up...
I'm making excuses, for who? No one would question me here, there's only Tsuzuki and it takes some effort to get him angry. Only Tsuzuki. I hastily turn my eyes away - what's all this willy-nilly about? - and take off his shoes, then pull the covers over him. He would do the same for me. Actually he would do everything he could, he always does. I suppose if it was me lying on my back, frozen and staring into space, he would've already called every damn division of Enma-Chou and managed to get us home somehow. He takes everything so seriously.
My fingers find his and lace through them, painfully aware of the cold that radiates from them. Tsuzuki takes care of me. No one's ever done so much. And he does it without asking for anything in return. That's one of his finer qualities, one that even sometimes makes me forget he's such a glutton and foolishly reckless.
Suddenly I feel my cheeks starting to grow hot. What is this? Why am I embarrassed, as if caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing? It was all true. And yet... those are truths I've never told anyone, not me or anyone else. Tsuzuki's hand feels so cold in mine, and I squeeze it hard, to feel the blood still flowing in his veins. Maybe I should tell him sometimes that I appreciate what he does, for me and for everyone around him. I never give him any credit. It's the least I could do...
A soft knock on the door. I jump up on my feet and go open it. The man - seemingly the owner and only employee - is standing at the door.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I just wanted you to know that I ordered some gyuudon for you, they'll be here in a moment. Would you like to have a cup of tea while you're waiting? Some other guests just boiled some water in the kitchen, and they say there's plenty of it."
"That would be great, thanks," I nod my head and try to pull the sides of my mouth up for a smile. Tea, that's a good idea. That'll warm Tsuzuki up when he wakes up. He'll wake up soon. I know it. I bite my lower lip, but stop at the kitchen door when I realise it'll start bleeding if I continue. Tsuzuki will wake up soon, and that's the end of it!
When I return to the room, and look at Tsuzuki lying there, still not having moved an inch, something very unusual happens. My chest tightens and I realise it's pity that seems to momentarily stop my heart from beating, raw sympathy I don't remember feeling for so long. I'm afraid. I've never seen anything like this happen to anyone. Who knows what those Western ghosts might do to a shinigami? It hurts to know so clearly that there is very little I can do, no, nothing at all. To be unable to help someone who's always been able to help me.
I gulp down a lump in my throat and go to put the steaming mug on the nightstand. Maybe I could try making him gulp down the hot liquid, even if he's not awake. There must be something I can do. Must be. And yet, I feel so useless and wretched right now that I can't think up what it might be, so I just clutch his hand in mine again. It's all I dare to do. Actually, what I'd really like to do would be to crawl next to him and lend him some of my own body heat. Not that it might work, but there's nothing else I can give him.
For long moments, I just sit there, head hung and fingers shakily stroking Tsuzuki's cold hand. I must look like I'm mourning. Tsuzuki certainly would pass for a corpse. He hasn't warmed up at all, despite the comfortable room and the thick blanket covering him. I bit my poor lip again when a wave of despair washes over me, and suddenly my eyes mist over. I'm so useless! So *fucking* useless! I can't even keep my partner alive, but he gives me a *life*, keeps me from slipping into the dark memories of the past. I let his hand fall to the floor and rub my eyes before a tear manages to escape. Tsuzuki doesn't need my tears, I have to keep my head clear, think of something, something...
Then I suddenly notice it. Tsuzuki is still lying there on his back, but his head has turned to one side, and his eyes are closed. His whole expression has changed; he now appears to be in deep sleep. Hope flutters in my chest at the sight. Now he looks like Tsuzuki again, and his eyes aren't staring at some horrors unseen. His hair is sticking to his sweaty brow, and I get the strangest thought that he's *melting*. My hand flies to touch his face on its own accord, and yes, his cheek feels warmer. I brush the hair off his face and watch him for a moment, a secret smile spreading on my face. The relief allows my own sleepiness to crawl back in, and I stifle a yawn. I better get ready for bed before that food arrives, so that I can just eat and then go straight to sleep. I take off my blue jeans and socks, and for a while consider leaving the t-shirt on, but then decide against it - it's warm enough in the room, and I have to wear this shirt tomorrow as well. I hazard a glance at Tsuzuki, who looks exactly the same as a second ago, but I feel oddly self-conscious nevertheless. When I turn away, I can just barely hear a soft sigh. He's starting to breathe normally.
The owner stops by to give me my change and food, and I attack it like I've never seen food before. It would be pointless to leave any for Tsuzuki, since it'll be cold if I don't eat it now, so I gobble it all down and then retreat to my own futon, somehow unable to get my eyes off Tsuzuki, waiting for further signs of awakening. Seeing none, I finally let my eyes slip shut, and before I know it, I'm sleeping more soundly than I've slept for years.
~ ~ ~
It takes me half an hour to find a damn phone. I told Tatsumi-san it would be wise to invest in at least one mobile phone, but apparently money's a bit tight right now. As it has been for years.
The phone box is located in a corner of the park; at least not completely in plain sight. I have to rest a while to catch my breath before starting to look for change. It takes considerable effort to remain invisible and block away nasty visions I'm getting from Tsuzuki's mind; I'm simply out of energy, so I turn myself and Tsuzuki visible. I doubt no one sees us anyway, it's a rich district and around eight o'clock, everyone's home eating dinner. As I'd like to be.
I let Tsuzuki fall down on the bench that is located a few metres away from the box and take a deep breath, glad to be rid of the horrible flashes of a dead woman's face as she approaches, of cold fear that pierces my mind. Thank the gods Tsuzuki's unconscious; the feelings and visions are blurry at best. He slumps on one side, his cheek meeting the dirty wooden surface. My brow is damp with sweat when I brush hair from my eyes. Tsuzuki's so very heavy and limp and cold.
I told you. I told you not to take any chances, and what do you of course go ahead and do?
Harvey's seen us now, and so has the yuurei - no, not yuurei; something else, but very dead nonetheless. I can still feel her eyes burning in my mind, but thank every higher power there is she didn't get to touch me. With all that hatred in her eyes alone, the flood of her feelings could've killed me. I feel a shiver go down my spine, and I hug myself to keep the cold fear away. There's no way we can go back now, hell, we're lucky if Harvey doesn't send the police after us. I'm too tired to concern myself with the matter. We screwed up, totally, but at least I managed to... at least we're here now.
My fingers are shaking when I fish coins from my pocket. Now to inform the office - they'll send someone to deal with that ghost woman. They'd also better send someone who knows what to do about Tsuzuki, because I have no idea. He's cold all over and hardly breathing, and I can't make his eyes stay closed. It looks creepy, and I try to avoid looking at his face. I'm not shaking because I'm scared. It's because I'm hungry, and worried, and have had to practically carry Tsuzuki at least three blocks from Harvey's house.
A hundred yen. This'll do. I leave Tsuzuki in his slumped position and go to the box to make the call.
I listen to the dialing tone for what seems like ages. Seconds creep by like hours, and it must be minutes before I finally convince myself that no one is going to answer and hang up, not bothering to take my money back. There must be some emergency situation, and everyone's out taking care of it, thinking that we won't have any trouble with our ridiculously easy assignment. Great. Just great...
I let myself fall down on the bench next to Tsuzuki. I'll just rest a minute and then... haul him up and to a hotel somewhere, at least I'll get him inside and somewhere where it's warm. Maybe this'll just pass, and he'll wake up and ask for shortcake like nothing's happened. I must hope so. Hope is one of the few things I have at the moment.
My musings are interrupted when Tsuzuki suddenly falls down from his sitting position and slumps sideways, his head landing first on my shoulder and then sliding down to rest on my thigh. I jump a little at the contact, and gasp at the sudden flash of confusion and fear that echoes from Tsuzuki's mind to mine, threatening to flood over my own thoughts. He's fighting inner ghosts now, and his body feels like it's frozen stiff. Luckily he's facing away from me, so that I don't have to see those staring cold eyes. And Tsuzuki's eyes are usually so *warm*...
"Okay," I say aloud, to focus my thoughts back on the situation at hand. "Let's move out. Come on – "
I sneak my hands under his arms and pull him up, then throw his other arm over my shoulders. He's still heavy, but I can manage. The bus stop I saw on our way here - it was not far away. We'll make it.
On the bus I go through Tsuzuki's pockets to find the office credit card. It's for emergency cases, and this one really counts as one. Near the stop where I decide to get off I find a phone box with a phonebook and go through the nearby hotels and motels. Tatsumi-san will never let me hear the end of it if I choose even a moderately expensive place, so I settle on a cheap guest house that's located not far away. The neighbourhood looks a little shady, but at least no one looks at me funny when I half carry Tsuzuki through the darkening streets.
The man behind the desk doesn't ask me anything when I ask for a room for two. I specify that I want a room with two beds and he quickly swipes the key he offered to me from my hand and gives me another with a weird look I don't particularly like.
"Do you want me to call a doctor?" he asks, pointing meaningfully at the still unconscious Tsuzuki.
"That's not necessary," I stammer, forcing my exhausted brain to think up something. "M-my cousin drank too much, he'll be alright in a minute."
"I see," the man slowly nods, not believing a word I say. "Well, I wish you a good night, then. Please keep in mind that the room should be empty at 10."
"Where is the phone?" I ask, straining my muscles to keep Tsuzuki from crumbling to the floor. "I must order some food."
"The phone is over there round the corner, but I can make the order for you while you settle in," the man says, and suddenly he doesn't seem all that bad. Actually that offer just made him one of my best friends.
"Thank you," I say wholeheartedly, and give him my last yen coins. They won't buy me a feast, but anything warm will do at this point.
The room is small but clean, with two futon beds placed on either side of it and a nightstand between them. On the other side of the room there's a small shelf; nothing else fits in the room. I let Tsuzuki fall down on the other futon and practically fall right on my butt on the floor, exhausted. Finally, quiet. He must be having some ugly dreams. The same hazy visions over and over again...
I throw my denim jacket somewhere and flop down on the other futon, resting my eyes for a bit. When did I last have a good night's sleep? Feels like it was ages ago. I could sleep for a year... no, no I couldn't. Food, first. And Tsuzuki. I open my eyes and turn my head to get a look at his unmoving form, slumped there on his back in the exact same position I left him. What kind of partner am I? He's hardly breathing and I'm worrying about my lack of sleep. It's a matter of work ethics, for one thing; he watches my back and I watch his. When it fails, it's up to the one who's left standing. Which is mostly Tsuzuki, now that I come to think of it. I get up on my hands and knees and crawl over to him.
That haunted look is heart-wrenching. Tsuzuki never looks like that; he's always hopeful, always has a glint in his eye, no matter what. It used to puzzle me before I understood it wasn't just a way of blocking off the evils of this world but also something that came naturally for him. That he never smiles a fake smile, or feigns optimism. It's become a slogan for him: he's always serious. To the point of being obsessed, sometimes, but no one's perfect. That, and he's also a terrible tease sometimes. I think he'd like to be sort of a big brother to me. Yeah right. One naive, slack-off big brother who could just sit around gobbling cakes all day...
I should get the trenchcoat off, at least. I mean, I can't just let him lie there, practically frozen, and do nothing. I wince at the thought of having to touch him and be attacked by the fear and visions, but it can't be helped. Surprisingly, when I lay one tentative hand on his shoulder, I sense nothing. Finally there's peace in his mind, or so I hope, at least. I lift him up enough to slip the trenchcoat off his shoulders and take it off, tossing it somewhere. After a bit of hesitation, I do the same to the suit jacket. It feels kind of awkward doing this while he's unconscious - not that it wouldn't if he was *awake*! - but he can't very well sleep in his jacket, can he, and besides, it'd be all wrinkled when he woke up...
I'm making excuses, for who? No one would question me here, there's only Tsuzuki and it takes some effort to get him angry. Only Tsuzuki. I hastily turn my eyes away - what's all this willy-nilly about? - and take off his shoes, then pull the covers over him. He would do the same for me. Actually he would do everything he could, he always does. I suppose if it was me lying on my back, frozen and staring into space, he would've already called every damn division of Enma-Chou and managed to get us home somehow. He takes everything so seriously.
My fingers find his and lace through them, painfully aware of the cold that radiates from them. Tsuzuki takes care of me. No one's ever done so much. And he does it without asking for anything in return. That's one of his finer qualities, one that even sometimes makes me forget he's such a glutton and foolishly reckless.
Suddenly I feel my cheeks starting to grow hot. What is this? Why am I embarrassed, as if caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing? It was all true. And yet... those are truths I've never told anyone, not me or anyone else. Tsuzuki's hand feels so cold in mine, and I squeeze it hard, to feel the blood still flowing in his veins. Maybe I should tell him sometimes that I appreciate what he does, for me and for everyone around him. I never give him any credit. It's the least I could do...
A soft knock on the door. I jump up on my feet and go open it. The man - seemingly the owner and only employee - is standing at the door.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I just wanted you to know that I ordered some gyuudon for you, they'll be here in a moment. Would you like to have a cup of tea while you're waiting? Some other guests just boiled some water in the kitchen, and they say there's plenty of it."
"That would be great, thanks," I nod my head and try to pull the sides of my mouth up for a smile. Tea, that's a good idea. That'll warm Tsuzuki up when he wakes up. He'll wake up soon. I know it. I bite my lower lip, but stop at the kitchen door when I realise it'll start bleeding if I continue. Tsuzuki will wake up soon, and that's the end of it!
When I return to the room, and look at Tsuzuki lying there, still not having moved an inch, something very unusual happens. My chest tightens and I realise it's pity that seems to momentarily stop my heart from beating, raw sympathy I don't remember feeling for so long. I'm afraid. I've never seen anything like this happen to anyone. Who knows what those Western ghosts might do to a shinigami? It hurts to know so clearly that there is very little I can do, no, nothing at all. To be unable to help someone who's always been able to help me.
I gulp down a lump in my throat and go to put the steaming mug on the nightstand. Maybe I could try making him gulp down the hot liquid, even if he's not awake. There must be something I can do. Must be. And yet, I feel so useless and wretched right now that I can't think up what it might be, so I just clutch his hand in mine again. It's all I dare to do. Actually, what I'd really like to do would be to crawl next to him and lend him some of my own body heat. Not that it might work, but there's nothing else I can give him.
For long moments, I just sit there, head hung and fingers shakily stroking Tsuzuki's cold hand. I must look like I'm mourning. Tsuzuki certainly would pass for a corpse. He hasn't warmed up at all, despite the comfortable room and the thick blanket covering him. I bit my poor lip again when a wave of despair washes over me, and suddenly my eyes mist over. I'm so useless! So *fucking* useless! I can't even keep my partner alive, but he gives me a *life*, keeps me from slipping into the dark memories of the past. I let his hand fall to the floor and rub my eyes before a tear manages to escape. Tsuzuki doesn't need my tears, I have to keep my head clear, think of something, something...
Then I suddenly notice it. Tsuzuki is still lying there on his back, but his head has turned to one side, and his eyes are closed. His whole expression has changed; he now appears to be in deep sleep. Hope flutters in my chest at the sight. Now he looks like Tsuzuki again, and his eyes aren't staring at some horrors unseen. His hair is sticking to his sweaty brow, and I get the strangest thought that he's *melting*. My hand flies to touch his face on its own accord, and yes, his cheek feels warmer. I brush the hair off his face and watch him for a moment, a secret smile spreading on my face. The relief allows my own sleepiness to crawl back in, and I stifle a yawn. I better get ready for bed before that food arrives, so that I can just eat and then go straight to sleep. I take off my blue jeans and socks, and for a while consider leaving the t-shirt on, but then decide against it - it's warm enough in the room, and I have to wear this shirt tomorrow as well. I hazard a glance at Tsuzuki, who looks exactly the same as a second ago, but I feel oddly self-conscious nevertheless. When I turn away, I can just barely hear a soft sigh. He's starting to breathe normally.
The owner stops by to give me my change and food, and I attack it like I've never seen food before. It would be pointless to leave any for Tsuzuki, since it'll be cold if I don't eat it now, so I gobble it all down and then retreat to my own futon, somehow unable to get my eyes off Tsuzuki, waiting for further signs of awakening. Seeing none, I finally let my eyes slip shut, and before I know it, I'm sleeping more soundly than I've slept for years.
~ ~ ~