A/N:
Sharon: I don't want to talk first.
Mel: Mmm.
Sharon: Good supper by the way.
Mel: Right. That's not going in the author notes.
Sharon: Yes it is.
Mel: Fine. You write then.
Sharon: Fine…Sraida.
Mel: What's that mean?
Sharon: 'Finished'. What should we say this time?
Mel: Right, first of all: much as we would like to, we still don't own anything.
Sharon: I own Snape! My dog just kissed my nose.
Mel: You bloody well do not, and it doesn't matter!
Sharon: *laughs**looks highly affronted* Do and does! You write now, so I can actually eat. *Mutters pointlessly to self*
Mel: I pity the poor fool who owns the song we used.
Sharon: It's not pointless muttering! Oi, you're not supposed to write that. Should we put in that we call this song the Dread Song?
Mel: Yes: We call this song "The Dread Song".
Sharon: I just said that.
Mel: No, you didn't. You asked if we should say it.
Sharon: Mmm. Good stuffing.
Mel: Yecch.
Sharon: It is! I love stuffing.
Mel: You also love
Snape.
Sharon: *Tigger purr sound* I can't wait until I meet him in your fic.
Mel: Now what?
Sharon: I dunno. Should we start the fic? Hey, what was that?
Mel: Old story beginning. Horrible. I spelled 'phoenix' wrong. Had to start again.
Sharon: Let me see. You dire disgrace. Ah. *Chokes over laughter* Experimenting with ways to say 'Squawk', eh? Stop hovering.
Mel: Huh?
Sharon: You're hovering.
Mel: No, I'm not.
Sharon: You were. You're doing it again. *Looks over, sees Mel's head bobbling* What got into –your- drugs? Continue... without the bobbling.
Mel: But the song thing happened again.
Both: *hear people saying goodbye upstairs*
Stephanie: Hi!
Sharon: Hi. Hold on, I can't write that fast.
Stephanie: Are you writing down our argument?
Sharon: Yes.
Mel: Go away.
Stephanie: *laughs*
Mel: Mother dearest, my little sister is bugging me!
Stephanie: Are you still writing?
Mel: *tries to whisper so the Scribe can't hear her* Go away!
Sharon: I heard that.
Mel: You want me to write so you can eat?
Sharon: Nah, you can't remember it. Besides, I'm casting you in an unfavorable light.
Mel: *glares and tries to see what's written*
Sharon: You're doing it again.
Stephanie: *collapses on the floor in silent laughter*
Mel: *hovers again, then ducks a swing from Sharon* Just trying to see where you were.
Sharon: Done writing. You take over.
Mel: Yeah. Just going to do that.
Sharon: Now write it ALL: scribe everything. *Hands over paper* Merry Christmas.
Stephanie: What are you writing?
Sharon: Because we must.
Stephanie: No, WHAT?
Sharon: Mindless drivel.
Mel: Two 'v's or one?
Sharon: What?
Mel: Drivel. Two or one?
Sharon: One. Ah, music! You may want to back off. I'll be singing. *To CD player* Go, back, back, back, back, back, back. You don't have to scribe me singing, actually I wouldn't recommend it. *Begins singing horribly off-key*
Stephanie: I'm not doing anything; therefore I don't have to leave.
Sharon: Actually, I agree with Steph. *Listening to music* What fantasy world is THIS in?
Stephanie: What?
Sharon: *mindless singing and babbling*
Stephanie: Eeww!
Mel: We should REALLY get to the fics.
Sharon: *laughing* Yeah.
We apologize for the excessively long authors note. Those responsible have been sacked.
Sharon: I have not!
Mel: Shh!
We apologize again for the mistake in the sacking. Those responsible for sacking those who were sacked have been sacked.
Random Passers-by: Ooh, I haven't!
Since the problem cannot seem to be remedied, we have decided to keep Sharon away from the keyboard and move onto the fic.
Sharon: NOOO!!!
Readers: Shut it!
Sharon: *muttering under breath* Ooh, like that'll ever happen.
Chapter 2
The screen flickered for a moment and Dumbledore's office appeared, larger than life, and wholly due to the sparkly magic of CGI.
"Hello, Fawkes," the aged Headmaster greeted his phoenix over-jubilantly. The firebird regarded him coolly, and then turned its back. After all, Fawkes recognized a barmy codger when he saw one, and he didn't think it quite in keeping with the image he wanted to project to be seen with one. Oblivious to the cold shoulder he was receiving, Dumbledore pulled out a lemon drop and proceeded to tell Fawkes all about his day.
"…And Minerva kept looking at me oddly during lunch. Every time I caught her eye and smiled at her, she turned red as a cherry blaster and choked over her pumpkin juice."
Fawkes fled his perch, looking quite green. He had no interest in hearing the pathetic, aphroditical attempts of a pair of wrinkled old sticks well past their prime. Dumbledore pondered this unusual act on the part of his pet for a moment, and then realized that the phoenix must have an important duty to attend, likely portending to the Order of the Phoenix. He then remembered that he was the HEAD of the Order, and would have known if it related to that. Dumbledore shrugged and held aloft a lemon drop until it sparkled in the sunlight coming through his window.
"Ah, Lemon Drop, my one true friend. Ooohh…" Dumbledore began to sing.
"If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops
Oh, what a rain that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah.
If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops
Oh, what a rain that would be.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes
Oh, what a snow that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes
Oh, what a snow that would be.
If all the sunbeams were bubblegum and ice cream
Oh, what a sun that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide
Ah ah ah ah - - ACK!"
Dumbledore finished ungracefully as the lemon drop slipped from his fingers, bounced off his extended tongue, and slid into his throat. The camera zoomed in on his face, which was becoming rather blue.
"ALBUS!" cried Minerva McGonagall as she burst through the door. It was rather apparent to the viewers in the Great Hall that she had been peeping in through his keyhole. She ran to his side, and proceeded to perform the Heimlich maneuver. The lemon drop shot out of his esophagus and through the window, leaving a small hole in the glass.
McGonagall heaved Dumbledore up onto his desk, and started administering mouth-to-mouth. There was a buzzing, keening sound that made the audience cringe and the screen was filled with static.
"I remember that one," Goerge whipered sadly to Fred. "The circuits were fried."
Many of the students were shocked and appalled. Minerva appeared shocked, and more than slightly embarrassed. Albus Dumbledore was busily admiring a lemon drop, which he then popped into his mouth. He appeared to be completely oblivious to the entire occurrence. After a moment of silence, there were a few claps fromthose who were in more control of their guts. Fred flicked his wand at the screen, and CGI magic took control once more.
Mel- We have decided that we will do the end notes for each other's chapters, thus making it easier to haggle one another. I have no idea what the hell she was thinking. Sharon has an obvious obsession with CGI (please do NOT ask. It will only lower your IQ by 100 or so points), and making Dumbledore oblivious to everything. Neither of us likes this song, and it was only chosen because it contained the words "lemon drop". Please flame Sharon about the nastiness of MM/AD romances. She won't listen to me!
Thanks to our reviewers (Yes, all THREE of you!):
Polegara- We WOULD have hurried up with it, if SOMEONE *coughsharoncough* hadn't taken so long in writing it. Glad you like it so far!
Itnikki- Once again, this would have been up if I were writing this chapter, but I wasn't so you can blame Sharon for it.
C Jazz- INTERESTING ramblings???? I'm sorry if this is personal, but I have to ask: What are you ON???? And we stopped there because we like to annoy readers with horrible cliffys. Hehehe. It is NOT false advertising, and remember: If you try and sue us, you will get nothing. Our friend is an aspiring lawyer, and also very forceful with a fist.