Futurity - Part Two: Celtic Dilemma

MomoYome

A/N: One part (Laura, you'll know when you see it!) is taken from my own experience at a sleepover. It's there to lighten the mood. New songs used for this part!! Hikaru Utada - Simple and Clean (on TOSHIBA-Emi Group), and FLY HIGH - Ayumi Hamasaki (on AVEX, still)

A/N-Part 2 Notes: We will finally see Pumpkin's (Lily) background and what her purpose in life is. I did a lot of research on this part (like, loads of reading up on it!!), so if I don't get 20 reviews, no more, and trust me, you'll want more after you finish this part (Sorry people, no Asian stuff in this part, all British with Celtic/Druid influence)

**

The second we stepped back into the castle, people swamped James and me, don't ask me why, people are strange that way. Apparently James told Sirius about ''us' and then the grapevine took affect and everyone knew that Pumpkin (Lily) Tamura had settled down.

"Pumpkin! Why James?!" People shouted. I was consumed with so many questions, I felt like I was someone famous or heck, part of the British royal family.

"Go away!" I yelled to them pushing my way through the crowd with the help of Aya.

"Gees, do you think people could get anymore pushier?" She asked looking back at all the people that were surrounding James asking his questions. I could see him trying to get out of the crowd. Sirius finally came and saved him by shoving people out of the way.

**

"How do you like popularity?" I asked him as we walked alone together (Sirius and Aya went off together to do something).

"I don't understand people not having a life...can't they find someone else to worship?"

"I know! It's not as if we're not the first couple at Hogwarts! Look at Aya and Sirius!" I shook my head.

"I guess everyone has to have someone to look up to," He took my hand and laced his fingers through mine. "I look up to you," That was just so sweet. And so funny at the same time because he was looking down at me.

"Really? Why?"

"Well, you're really clever, and quick with words. You have nice comebacks and you can deal with things. If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be anything like you,"

And then he kissed me in the hallway in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. I heard her mumble something inaudible, but who cares what she thinks about us. She can grumble all she wants to, she can't say she's been in my position so she's in no position to complain.

James touched my face. It was cold, chilling my warm cheek down to the bone. It was a simple gesture that told me he cared. I knew he cared a lot about me, but the little things that reminded me of his love for me, the slightly punk-ish half Japanese bad-turned-good girl.

"James," I pulled my mouth away just a few centimeters to talk to him. He pressed his head to my forehead and prepared to listen. He knew by now if I broke a kiss it was to say something important.

"Yes,"

"I'm really tiered, I think I want to go to bed-"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not, I've been really tiered recently. I think it's from staying up too late. You didn't do anything wrong, i promise," I let go of his hand and went through the portrait hole leaving him alone, his hand still reached out.

When my head hit the pillow of my bed five minutes later, I was asleep. And I slept. I didn't dream all that much, I didn't even wake up when Aya returned (I knew she would be out late with Sirius and return very late as usual).

Not a thought crossed my mind, it was blank of any thought or image that might have come to mind if I was normal.

**

I awoke the next morning (or at least that's what I thought) to bright sunlight and open bed hangings even though I remember closing them. I shrugged it off and looked out the window. It was Thursday. Only three more day and then back to preparation for the stupid tests.

"Pumpkin Tamura!" Aya was in the doorway. "I tried to get you up three hours ago! You wouldn't budge. It was just like you were dead!"

"Must have been really tiered," I scratched the back of my head wondering what had brought on me wanting excess sleep. "Oh well!"

"Oh well...you're a strange one indeed," Aya lifted her eyebrow at me. "You're acting weird. James waited up for my return last night to ask why you went to bed so damn early. He was kind of worried about you,"

"I was just tiered, nothing more, nothing less," I patted her on the back and went into the bathroom for a shower, not caring that it was noon and it was lunch, I wasn't all that hungry.

The shower felt so good. I came out refreshed and put on black jeans and a t-shirt with "And Everyday is the worst day of my life" written in blue on the chest. I saw it in a catalog once and thought it was funny.

I slipped on a pair of Vans sneakers and was ready to go.

When I went down to the common room, no one was around with the exception of James in the corner, yet again reading a book, but with another girl, his sister. I watched as he was talking with her, a book in his hand. Inwardly I wished for a sibling to talk to. I had Hitomi, but c'mon, she didn't count for squat.

James looked particularly close. I mean, he wasn't ripping the hair out her scalp. They must have a good relationship, I concluded.

**

I watched them talking over a book for a good ten minutes, envying James for having a sibling that didn't think he was scum. I coughed lightly, no intentional, and they looked up. James' little sister looked at me with great interest.

"Good Afternoon sleeping beauty,"

"She's the one?" I heard his sister whisper at him. James didn't hear it or ignored it.

"Good afternoon yourself," I said right back.

"Uh, Pumpkin, this is my little sister, Kathie, Kathie, this is Pumpkin," James introduced us and we shook hands.

"So you're the girl James is always talking about for two y-" James stepped on her foot and glared at her and then stood up.

"Ow! That hurt!" She pulled her foot up and rubbed it. "Idiot!" There's the sibling rivalry I knew would pop up eventually.

I giggled as Kathie rubbed her foot with intense concentration. "Well, live with it then," James turned and looked at her. "I'll be right back," James went up the stairs to his dorm room.

"He loves you a lot, you know that?" Kathie spoke moments later.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, he's been talking about you all school term. When I first saw you I thought he wouldn't have a chance in hell, but I guess I was wrong, and I'm glad." Kathie's smile was warm and lit up the room.

"Me too," I nodded.

**

After Kathie and my little chat, James returned with a sweater on. "See you later Kath," He waved to his sister and we left her sitting in a comfy chair, a book in her lap.

"I wish I had a sister," I said dreamily as we slowly walked the hall. "I have Hitomi and I'd willingly sell her to an okiya," An okiya is a sort of house where a young girl is sold off to. The girl will take lessons and help with chores and hopefully become a geisha and earn her okiya money to repay the debt she owes.

"Too bad you can't, no one would want her, she doesn't work at all!" James said. I nodded in agreement. "Pumpkin, is there something wrong?"

"No...."I dragged the no out. "Why?"

"Just wondering. It's just you and sleep. You seem to do a lot of it," James said light heartedly.

"Well, I was tiered. Flying half way across the world doesn't mean I'm immune from jet lag."

**

I thought all day about it. About how tiered I was becoming recently. I just couldn't get enough sleep. It was weird because I was never like this before. "Aya, is there something wrong with me?" I asked Aya that night as I was looking through the new issue of J-Witch.

"Yes," Aya was busy painting her nails for her nightly romp with Sirius.

"No, not mentally, I mean, physical."

"Pumpkin, what is this about?" She turned around and looked at me as she fanned her nails.

"James said that I was sleeping a lot and if I was okay, what do you think?" I crossed my legs waiting for an answer.

"Well, I guess there are many reasons that brought it on. Jet lag could be one, another might me that you lost a lot of sleep..."

"Aya Ueto!" I threw my pillow at her feet. "You know I wouldn't do that anymore, I'm different now!" I pouted on my bed. "And if it was, then how come you aren't sleeping all the time?"

"That's different," She capped her nail polish and turned around, obviously blushing harder than I had. "You know, I think it would be nice for the old maid to get out of her dorm and come and have some fun," Aya winked at me.

"What?"

"Don't play stupid, Pumpkin," Aya said dropping some make-up items into her purse. "You're playing the old maid, you stay in too much, why don't you bring James and come with us,"

"No, I don't think so. James isn't the party type, he's the book type,"

"The old Pumpkin would never miss a chance to get totally smashed," Aya said casually. "I think James is having a good influence on you,"

"Yeah, and what if he is?"

Chailuck came in then and interrupted us. "Pumpkin, James wants to see you. He told me to give this to you," She handed me a piece of paper folded many times over. "Are you going tonight Aya?"

"You bet," She said looking over her reflection in the mirror, brushing stray hair out of her face.

"Pumpkin, you're not going are you?" She said. I snapped. One day and I was loosing my rep. I was the Old Maid Aya said I was.

"Yes, I am," I stood up tall and started going through my trunk, "I'm still the same person I was before,"

"Whatever," The two left.

**

"Is everything okay?" Chailuck asked from her bed where she was reading Witch Weekly. I had just come back from looking all over the grounds for James.

"Yeah, um, do you know where James is?"

"He should be in his dorm, why?" Aya winked at me. I flushed and put my hands in front of me. That was the one place I didn't want to look.

"No, get your mind out of the gutter!" I left and went to the boys dorm in search of James. I knocked on the door of 5th year boys and opened the door. "James...?"

I pushed the door fully open and looked for the person that has been haunting all of my thoughts. "James?" I said again. I smiled seeing him on his bed, his nose in a book as usual.

"Pumpkin!" He closed his book, not even bothering to put a bookmark in his place (and he hates loosing his place in books!) and gave me a huge hug.

"J-James,"

"Yes," He looked down at me and my little girl form melted from his affectionate stare.

"If you don't let go, I think I'll have to go to the hospital wing,"

"Oh!" And with that he let go of me, but let his hands linger on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you or anything?"

"Calm down sweetie," I stood on my tip toes and patted him on the back. "I'm fine, it's just you would have suffocated me,"

And then he almost did suffocate me with a kiss that really took my breath away. It was so nice because I hadn't felt his lips in a few days and it was like...returning home after a long journey. I think now I compared a lot of our kisses to things that happen in real life or food. But I was young, and definitely stupid.

**

"I'll be fine, go have some fun!" I said as Aya and Chailuck were at the dorm door.

"Are you sure?" Aya asked, uncertain if she was doing the right thing.

"Positive," And I closed the door. They were off to who knows where to do who knows what with who knows who. What a mouth full. "Finally!" I said jumping up and down. I was waiting for them to leave for ten minutes and they wouldn't.

I always wanted to do this, and now I could.

I opened the hangings on all the beds and went through my trunk looking for a book of CD's I brought with me.

"Aha," I took one out and checked to make sure it was the one that I wanted and put in my CD player. I jumped onto my bed with my hair brush and jumped up and down

'You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said,

Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
what I meant when I said, 'No
I don't think life is quite that simple'

I started jumping harder and jumped to Aya's bed.

'When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you've making me fell tonight
It's hard to let it go'

I was never aloud to jump on beds when I was little and I always had that urge to do it, just like how little kids kick the backs of seats at movies.

"Pumpkin?" James was in the doorway with the weirdest look on his face. "What're you doing?" I jumped off of Aya's bed and turned my CD player off.

"James, I'm being fifteen years old!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Because I can, I can be fifteen and I'm taking advantage of it!"

"Pumpkin, you're scaring me," He raised both of his eyebrows at my stupid behavior. "Are you sick or something?" He felt my forehead. "You don't have a fever..."

"James, I said it," I took his wrists. "I'm being fifteen. How many times can you be fifteen? Not a lot. Who knows what tomorrow will be, so say Shine we are, and have it make sense!"

" 'Shine we are'?" James shook his head. "That's not grammatically correct, did you hit your head," He felt my head for any bumps, but no I hadn't hit my head, I don't know what I did to make me act this way. The only explanation was me wanting to be fifteen. As if I had to say it one more time.

"So what, take a chance, like how you took a chance on me,"

"Time for you to go to bed..." He picked me up. "Did someone spike the Pumpkin Juice tonight?" He shook his head as he picked me up and dragged me to my bed where he laid me down.

"No, don't think so...James," I pulled on his collar of his shirt. "Don't be so serious all the time, lighten up," What had come over me, I don't know but, damn, I must have been high on something.

"What?"

"Am I annoying?"

"A little childish at some times, but that's what makes you so damn unique.

I laced our fingers together as we giggled together. I was so lucky to have James to get me sober when I was a little knocked up...

**

"Remind me why I have perfect marks," I moaned to Aya as we went to the Great Hall for Breakfast.

"Because you study," She said falling into a chair. "When's Easter Holidays?"

"Aya, we just had Christmas Holidays," Sirius said coming up behind Aya and placing his hands onto her shoulders and rubbed them.

"Hey Sirius," Aya yawned as the words came out of her small mouth making her giggle. We sure did a lot of that lately.

"Hey James," I mumbled as he sat across from me.

"Hello," He yawned. The both of us stayed up really late last night having an exhausting pillow fight. I had loads of fun beating the crap out of him. James was just so helpless when it came to pillow fights.

"I'm so tiered," I yawned. I put some pancakes on my plate, and then reached for the syrup. I piled it onto my pancakes like it wasn't anything. I like syrup, what can I say!

James just looked at me, a confused look on his face. I hope he didn't think something was wrong because there was definitely nothing wrong with me.

**

"I think teachers enjoy thoroughly dowsing us with homework and find it amusing watching us squirm as we struggle to complete assignments."

"I second that," I said flipping through a book. "I think this is one of my downfalls: being a perfectionist."

"Pumpkin, you don't look very good," James told me. I thought it was extremely random. His face was very stern in appearance. I had never seen him like this before.

"I'm fine," Not. I knew I looked like hell in converse sneakers. My sneakers even looked like hell with orange and red flames and painted on one day when I had nothing better to do.

"No your not," And he left. He picked up his stuff off of the table in the common room and just left.

"James..." I whispered as he shut his door to his dorm room.

**

I was lost. I didn't know what to do or think. After such bliss, it all fell apart around me. It crumbled and I fell apart and cried. I set my head in my hands and cried openly in the common room as the fire in the fireplace slowly went out.

"Pumpkin," Aya put her hand on my shoulder. I knew her touch, so soft and caring. "Are you okay," She kneeled in front of me with her hand still pressed to my shoulder.

"No," I shook my head and brushed away the shameful tears from my eyes. "All I wanted was to be happy, but I don't even deserve that," I answered. I felt that it was the truth, that someone was after me and didn't want me happy.

"Pumpkin, it's just a fight, you can't just fall apart over one disagreement, it happens, it'll blow over tomorrow...They say that no one ever wins fights, couples just agree to disagree." She grinned as she patted my shoulder. "C'mon, all this studying is getting to you, come have some fun with all of us,"

"I don't want to go to a party or anything, I don't feel very good,"

"No, it's nothing like that. We all noticed how you were lately..." Aya and I had climbed the stairs and now were at the door to our dorm room. Aya opened the door and there was Kathie and Chailuck on one bed playing what looked like war. Chailuck looked to have most of the deck. "So we want to cheer you up,"

**

"So, who's your sexy bitch?" We were all on one bed, each of us with some cards in our hands and a deck in the center of us.

"What!?" I laughed as I sucked on the lollipop in my mouth. I took it out so I could be heard more clearly. "She's got virgin ears!" I covered Kathie's ears with my hands after I set all of my cards face down on the bed.

"Hey, I do have a brother," She said removing my hands from her ears.

"You haven't answered my question, Pumpkin," Aya taunted.

"I don't have one, I have James, and we're each others sexy bitches," I sighed. Who was I fooling, I wasn't sexy, or at least that was what I thought.

"Ewww!! Mental image!" Kathie flayed her arms and squinted her eyes. "Yuck," She said after regaining composure.

"What about you Chailuck?" I asked. Chailuck blushed deep crisom.

"Well, I think...Remus, he's hot in that mysterious kind of way..."

"Ahh! You've got a crush on him!" Aya giggled, hiding her face behind her cards. "What about you Kathie, anyone who you find hot enough to be your SB?"

"SB?" I questioned.

"Yeah, sexy bitch," Aya said casually.

"No one, not yet. I have James and he won't let a guy come within ten feet of me with the motive to ask me out," Kathie sighed.

"Then we have to find one for you!" Chailuck said. I noticed that our game of five card stud was now over. I left my cards to the side.

We brainstormed and thought that some third year in our house would be for her.

"SB's forever?" Aya asked. We all nodded. "No mention of this to anyone, our secret," We all nodded.

**

I wondered around the next day until I found James. He was in a room all alone with a book. It didn't surprise me that he had a book with him. He thought that anything could be solved by reading. I couldn't make out the cover when I first opened the door and saw him sitting there on the window sill in the corner.

He didn't notice me as I walked slowly over to him. I caught site of today's book: Slander. It's cover had a very pretty lady on it with golden blonde hair. Her name was Ann Coulter, I noticed on the bottom. She was reading a newspaper, she didn't look English.

"Hello Lily," He said over the cover of the book. He was so cold. "Nice to see you," He said slightly warmer.

"What're you reading?" I said knowing the answer.

"Slander, Liberal Lies of the American Right," He said flatly.

"What?" I asked totally confused.

"It's about American Politics," He said as if I was stupid. I did nothing wrong. Nothing! I wasn't going to take this.

"James, cut the crap, I didn't do a single damn thing and now you're all fucking pissed at me for who knows why!"

"Lets see how many dirty words Pumpkin can use in a sentence,"

"Shut the hell up,"

James placed his bookmark in his book and stood up.

"Pumpkin, listen to yourself talk," He said hovering over me. "You sound as if you've come from the ghetto when really you belong in Shibuya Shopping District (*Kind of like Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles),"

"With all the preppy assholes, sure," I muttered under my breath.

"You cut the crap, Lily,"

"I hate you," I crossed my arms and turned away from him. I admit it was kind of childish. I had thrown a hissy fit! At fifteen. I was fifteen going on seven!

"Well I love you," He hugged me, even with my back to him. "And I'm sorry, I've been acting kind of like an ass lately." That was the answer I wanted. I had to be right and he had to be wrong. I always wanted my way. I eventually grew out of it, thank God!

"I wuv you too," I said pecking him on the cheek. I know, so grammar school, but the opportunity was there so I took it. And then the peck on the cheek turned into a whole lot more...

**

"James, stop," I was now on the windowsill, James on top of me, his face pressed against my neck. "Did you hear that?"

"What," He lifted his head from my neck and looked at me with his perfect eyes. I felt like that ice cream cone again. I could feel the stickiness of the soft material after it dribbled all over your hand and you don't have a napkin to get it off.

"I think I heard someone," I pushed myself up and sat myself and straightened my clothes. "Lets go..."

I took his hand and lead him out the door before. But before I closed the door I took a look around the room and then shut the ancient door.

"What was that all about?" James said regaining his composer. "Ah, I forgot my book, I'll be right back," He mentioned. He let go of my hand and ran down the hall.

"Okay!" I yelled at him. I leaned against the wall and noticed the pretty pattern on the wall. It was really pretty, it just went on and on....just like a pattern...no, it was a pattern, and a pretty one at that.

**

"Pumpkin, what else are you?" James asked as we walked back to the common room for a game of Wizards' chess.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're half Japanese, I know that, but what else are you?" I thought and then it hit me at what he meant by that.

"Well, from what my mom has slipped when talking to me, I think my dad was British/Irish. I used to think he was all British, but it turns out he was half and half. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Kathy and her big mouth mentioned how 'serious' things where between us and that you weren't British. They want me to marry some Brit that is just like them. Someone who is from a good family. Well, I know that your Great-Grandfather or something like that was a Baron, but they don't like people who aren't British."

"Oh, so?"

"They want to meet you," He winced.

"What's bad about that," I didn't see a problem with any of this. I mean, he met mine, why shouldn't I meet his? It seemed only fair.

"They're going to try and make you look like someone you're not. Trust me. My mum is going to put you in an evening dress and I know how hard it was for you in that really pretty kimono you wore that one time-"

"Chill, take a deep breath! I love you, all you have to do is ask and I'll be there for you," I patted him on the back. "You don't need lamas class do you?" We laughed and continued our way back, our arm joined, our hands in each others' back pockets.

**

I lost at Wizards' chest once again. I was no shakes at it. James was just to damn smart anyway. Too smart for his damn good. Even if he he played easy, I couldn't win. I wasn't cut out for bored games, I was the physical, hockey-type girl so to speak. Just hockey is for girls that aren't fair and delicate and break easy...good thing I never perused hockey.

"Pumpkin, you suck," I stuck my tongue out at him. Who was he to tell me I sucked? I was.

:"Yeah, I think you're kind of right," I said cleaning off all my chess pieces. They were swearing obscenities at me for not 'following orders'. Since when did I 'Follow the rules' in this lifetime? Never, thank you very much. "Shut up," I yelled at the little figures once I had collected them into a little sack I carried them in.

"I think you're so cute when you're mad," This made me blush uncontrollably. He thought I was cute. I thought at that moment, I still remember it clearly that stupid thought: It felt like I was some Atlantis Princess. Fictionally beautiful, yet in real life, there wasn't such a thing. Do you make the connection? It was kind of hard to put it directly into words, but think about. I did for the rest of the day.

**

"So, spill Lily Tamura, when are you and James going to get 'physical'?" Blush. Red. Pink. Loosing air so pink. How could she ask such a question?! It was like asking a chicken if he fertilized the egg, if a chicken could talk and that only happened in my dreams...don't even ask.

"Aya, shut-up, it's not like anything before. I'm gonna take it slow. He's still a virgin. I mean, if we did and someone found out, it would ruin his reputation as being nice," I said hiding my face behind an old issue of 'Asian Witch Weekly' a subscribed to.

"Honey, he's already ruined his good rep by being with you," Aya jumped on my bed. and pulled the magazine down so she could see my flushed complexion.

"Yeah, but the teachers would certainly find out and there goes his good grades!"

"Pumpkin,"

"Yes?"

"Look at your grades over the past couple years. Everyone knew about your sex life, I'm sure even the teachers had a little clue about it and you still got perfect marks,"

"So?" I flipped my magazine up again so I didn't have to see her face. "True love waits,"

"I wish you had said that before your prior life as Gryffindor's steamy Temptress!" Aya giggled at her own stupid comment. She had made me laugh, which was good because I really needed one after reading a really sad story in Asian Witch Weekly.

**

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Damn clock. It should be damned to...to...wherever annoying clocks go after they met my foot. I looked at the doomed clock in the library and watched as the second hand made it's way around the clock clockwise. What do you expect? Counter-clockwise?

I needed to finish this Transfiguration essay. No questions asked, it needed to get done. I had told James to leave me alone for the day so I could work on it. I felt kind of guilty about it since I had promised all of today, Sunday, that it would be me and him.

His eyes looked so hurt. I couldn't concentrate, all I thought about how much he meant to me. How did I get by without a significant other? I wish that clock on the wall's second and minute hand would go the other way for a change. Change all the crap I did before I noticed James was alive in another way other than the other person who seemed to always share my knack for good grades.

So this was love. I rested my head in the palms of my hands. This is what it felt like to be in love. It seemed as if there should be some other word for it. Like how many ways can you say that you've done it? Dozens it seems. I just don't understand how come the word love isn't like that. I thought that they were the same thing. Up until then.

I think.

As I said countless times before, I was stupid. I was an ass. But back (kind of) to the point of the moment. I hated the English language. There was only one ward for love. Oh well for the most widely used language on planet Earth. Maybe on my home planet there are more words for the word love. If I had a home planet. Too friggin bad.

**

"James, how can I say this, I want mo- no, to cliché," I was playing with the teddy bear James that the real James gave to me. I had each arm in my hands and I was fiddling with him. I was thinking of the perfect line to use. Aya's conversation with me had gotten me thinking about...things.

It had been almost thirteen weeks since we got together. Next week was Easter Holiday and I was going with James to his home. I had mixed feelings about meeting the people who created the love of my (sometimes pointless) life.

"James, when two people are in love-Ahh! Has every line been used before?" I asked the inanimate object I had grown accustomed to snuggling close with at night. "I wonder what Aya would do?"

"She'd probably not use words, but actions,"

"Aya?" I didn't even know she was in here. Crap, I was busted.

"Who'd you expect, the Tooth Fairy?"

"I don't know. It seemed much easier when you're not in love and all you want is a nice piece of ass and nothing more...just a physical attraction," I said setting the teddy bear sweetly next to my bed. I smiled at the stuff animal. It sat there, smiling. So simple as if nothing could affect it. "Aya, what's it like loosing someone you love?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked as if she didn't know good and well what I was talking about.

"You know, when Ayumi died, what was it like?" Ayumi was Aya's sister, very close sister.

"Wh-what brought that up?" She asked. I couldn't help it. I just wanted to know because it would be unbearable if James died or something of the like.

"I'm just worried that I'm going to loose James, that's all, I want to know what to expect if it ever happens,"

"Well, when Ayu died, I didn't believe it. I didn't. I kept on thinking, 'She's still alive, she's going to turn up any minute now,' But she never did. After a week at the wake when I saw her there, with all the make-up smeared across her face, I accepted it, it was hard, I didn't say it was easy. I think it took me almost a year to go a day without crying.

"But then one day when I was ten, I discovered cutting. I think that was when I really stopped crying...I shouldn't have done that. I regret it everyday, but you can't turn back the clock, you have to work with what you're dealt. And I'm dealt scared wrists, but along with someone who loves me. I work with it and my life has been a lot better, probably because of it,"

**

Aya was right. You can't turn back time, but you can always work with what you've got. I've got about 100,000 yen to my name (around 10,000 US dollars), a vast shoe collection and a reputation on being one of the easiest girls at Hogwarts. But I've also got the support of the one who loves me. And with that, I think I can do anything.

**

The step that is unable to be taken because of cowardice
As time goes by
Unconsciously it becomes a long road
It feels like everything is too late
Slowly, I realize that the place I am in now is not too bad either
I found myself a few good excuses

To tell the truth, I never understood
But I acted like I new everything

**

"James, lets spend the rest of our lives together, I never want to leave your side,"

"Pumpkin, are you feeling alright?" James asked softly. My comment was so out of nowhere, it was just so incredibly...random.

"I'm fine, I just don't want to loose you," I hugged him harder as we laid on my bed. In two days I was to meet his parents. I was so damn worried if they would like me. I come from a good family, and I'm good looking. Or at least that's what every man I've slept with has told me.

"I'm right here, I won't get lost, I promise," He took my face with his free hand and held my chin. "Okay?" I nodded.

"Okay," I loosened my grip on him and continued to rest my head on his shoulder.

"I don't think I told you I love you, today,"

"No, you did, twice, once at Breakfast, and the other in the broom closet in-between Care of Magical Creatures and Potions," I giggled remembering the few minutes of passion we shared. James blushed. I think I blushed too, but it didn't matter to me because it really didn't matter to me.

"Do you think they put those broom closets all over the place for that purpose?" He asked me. "Because it seems that every time we are in one, it's a different one,"

"Good question, but I don't think I want to ask Filch because I don't want him to find out about our broom-closet escapades!"

There was silence as we laid quietly looking up at the ceiling. "I wonder what's going to happen when we grow up..." James asked.

"I don't think I'm ever going to grow up, I want to be fifteen forever,"

"Pumpkin, you turn sixteen in July, you can't stop time," It seemed as if everyone had told me this lately, or told me I couldn't turn back time.

"I'm going to stay fifteen here," I put my hand over his heart. I pushed myself up. "because the last few months have been incredible," I leaned over and kissed his lips affectionately.

"I know what you mean. It seems as if more stuff has happened since December than in the almost sixteen years of my life," James sighed as he stroked my back. He pulled me down again and put both of his hands onto my face and this time he kissed me.

**

I looked at myself in the full length mirror and straightened my skirt. "James can you hand me that brush over there?" I asked him while pointing to the side of my bed. I started finger combing the knots out of my shoulder length hair.

"Here you go," He said handing it to me looking at my reflection in the full-length mirror. "You're so beautiful," He said hugging me. I lifted my hands to touch his that were around my shoulders and smiled. This was what it was like to be content

**

I never really told you why the day I met James Potter changed my life. Well, he really started changing it in the coming week that was so bitter-sweet...

**

Review or else I'll leave you stranded here and you won't know why James is so important to the whole mix. PLEASE! I'M ON MY HANDS A KNEES HERE, REVIEW, PLEASE! IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I DON'T WANT TO SOUND CONCEITED, BUT I KNOW THIS STORY IS GOOD, SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME? Five more reviews to next part....

Started: April 22, 2003 Finished: June 10, 2003

P/S: This isn't AU, don't get me started about it because really, how much do we know about her? Two things (I think) - She has red hair and green eyes.