Corrupt Beauty
By- Zell's Girl

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Time and place seems irrelevant when you sleep. It feels the same when you are twelve or seventy; it's just a tranquil void of nothingness. In dreamless sleep there is no more pain and thus no more happiness. There is nothing but a content, emotionless peace.

I never woke up the next morning; I just slept until the middle of the afternoon.

I slunk over to the same mirror that I always walked over to when I awoke. I checked my appearance. Though I looked completely ravaged and hadn't had a bath in several days, I couldn't bring myself to care enough to do anything about it. I changed into a similar dress with the same armor covering my torso. I couldn't get my hair to look any better so I resigned to slipping it into an uneven bun.

Riddel always told me 'appearance matters, even when no one is there to notice'. Riddel was rather materialistic, though her heart was usually in the right place. Sometimes I envied her. She has the good life with no effort at all. She didn't need to hurt or fight, she just needed to live.

I felt weak at that moment. My limbs just wanted to collapse. I stumbled to the windowsill to watch the sun move effortlessly across the horizon. Window let multitudes of light slip through which was usually what summoned me to wake. I gazed down at the Garai Memorial Garden. Van was sitting there, painting.

Van took to the Garai Memorial Garden most likely because he designed it. It was originally a painting in his gallery. I dragged Karsh and Glenn with me to see Van's works. Though Glenn was about making merriment, Karsh was rather bored by the whole matter. As Van and I discussed the matters of where our next date should be, Karsh picked up the painting. He showed it to Glenn and they agreed. This was what Riddel was looking for in the renovasion of the manor's grounds.

Van's assistance in the construction of the garden made it less odd that he was about the manor grounds. That made our relationship a great deal easier. Van advised during the day, ate dinner with me and the Devas, and gave us nights to socialize.

I watched as each stroke of Van's brush on the thick canvas. It was ever changing and precise. Art must have taken Van a lot of patience, which proved to me it was good that I never tried. My eyes strayed from Van to the sky. The sun was going down. It must have been around fifteen minutes to eight o'clock. In a few minutes, the barracks curfew would stop any soldiers from leaving or entering Viper Manor for the evening.

I curled back into my bed. I thought that maybe some sleep would help me, thought it hadn't before. At least I didn't have to think, I rationalized. When I awoke once more I walked back to the window. It was past dark and Van was nowhere to be seen.

I crossed my arms over my stomach. My whole body ached. I felt like crying, but no tears were able to fall from my red eyes. Reality slipped away as my pain grew greater. It felt as if millions of needles pierced my skin with the slightest motion.

Maybe it feels like this before you die. Maybe this is how it feels as the last pieces of your existence depart the flesh? No, I suppose the pain would ease into a cold numbness. It wouldn't throb with my pulse. Also, if it did, I guess my pulse would slow. Each thought plagued me. I tried my best to push them away. My attempts were futile.

Maybe this is the world's revenge? All the people I killed striking on me like I did to them? Tortures for my torture; that's what I am facing. Painful, bitter, tortures.

Several hours passed in such a manner. I tried to calm myself. As Luccia always told me, 'you can battle the strongest pains with logic'. I began to think in my foggy mind of what could cause such pain.

It was obvious, dehydration. It was much more severe on me than anyone else, considering I am half mermaid. I needed water. My body yearned for it at times. I needed to just dive into the water some nights and let it all consume me. I guessed the need for water is more tolerable than having scales or webbed toes.

I opened my door cautiously. Luckily, no one was waiting for me since it was so late. I slipped past other guards unnoticed and entered the kitchen. I turned on the faucet. Not many places have indoor plumbing. Luccia brought the technology from Zenan, as well as the concept of several other useful machines about the manor.

The water ran down into the empty sink. I cupped my hands and splashed the water onto my burning face. I grabbed one of the many glasses and drank. I consumed a great deal. But it didn't fill my need. I required to go to the water. I needed to leave the manor.

Leaving was easy enough. The only guard was fast asleep. I just walked by, without taking any stealthy measures. I climbed a tree and lowered myself over the gate. I was free for the night. I walked towards Termina. I parted through several trees until I found the shoreline.

I kicked off my steel-toed boots and dove in. I submerge myself completely in the cold water. I have taken in water, why didn't all the pain dissipate?

I floated around for several minutes. I didn't actually spend too long in the water. I decided to head back to the manor, so I was not to upset anyone who if they searched for me. I parted easily through the familiar trees, even in the darkest of night.

Not everything can be solved so easily, Marcy. There are things out of your hands. You can't control anything, not even yourself. You have to live with this. You are a killer. You are a murderer. Plain and simple as a sky without moonlight.

You can't offer anyone love, can you? You are a source of pain to all those around you. You worry the other devas. You leave Van alone to suffer. You should let him go off on his own. If you can feel anything at all, you should want him to be happy. You can't offer him anytihng, god for bid yourself.

I was rather careless as I re-entered the manor. I opened the gate quietly and strolled past the same guard. I passed the door to the manor and wandered back to the main hall on the third floor. A shadow sat outside my doorway.

Damn! I cursed to myself. The form rose to it's feet at the sight of me. My mind searched for the best course of action. To hell with all this thinking!, I immediately started running down the hall.

I ran down several staircases with catlike ease. I started so slow down as I reached the first floor. I came to a stop. Without eating in two days and having downed so much water, I wasn't much for mobility at that moment.

"Why are you running from me, Marcy?" Van asked soothingly. I turned around slowly to meet his gaze. He stared piercingly into my eyes. Though only by the light of dimming lanterns, I could see the pain in Van's gaze. I couldn't stand to hurt him, but that's all I could do. He encroached upon my position. I wanted to move but I couldn't bring myself to budge at all.

I couldn't stand that he's looking at me. Hurting him made me squirm. "Don't look at me… please… don't…"

"Marcella…" His voice seemed to be upset. It hurt though I knew I upsetted him quite often. How could he stand me?

I turned. I started to move away from him. He grasped my shoulder gently, but I easily shook off his hold. I took a few steps and he grabbed my shoulder again, this time swinging me around. He held onto my other shoulder as well. I started to absorb his heat. I looked down shamefully and clenched my eyes shut.

"Look at me," he pleaded. "Please just look at me."

I shook my head. I knew I was able to break free from his clutches, but I didn't want to. He's just so… warm. A source of heat, something necessary to make my ice-filled veins melt, was something hard to find.

"Look at me. Please, Marcy, look at me!" He yelled. I raised my gaze to his eyes. The faint purple glow captured me. I couldn't even consider leaving anymore, feeling so safe within his arms.

"What's been wrong?" he questioned. He didn't understand how hard it was, I suppose, how hard it was to care at all for me. It was hard for him to watch things just fall apart within me. It was just hard to breathe without thinking someone else out there needs each breath more then I do.

"You should go. Leave for good." I stated to him in such an illogical manner. He looked at me puzzled. I knew each of these comments hurt him. I didn't want to cause him any further pain. I truly cared more for him than myself.

You aren't so selfless. If it came down to your life or his, who would it be? If you were ordered to you'd kill him, wouldn't you. I cancelled such thoughts. I wouldn't. I would rather die then inflict a single scratch upon him.

My drenched clothes drip water down onto the hardwood floor. The sound was so familiar. It was so similar to the blood on the catwalk, but much more… peaceful.

"You don't want me to leave you. Not to mention I wouldn't part with you like this. Tell me what's wrong. Please. I'm here."

"I'm a killer, Van, or did you forget? I kill people for money. I kill people for food and a home and for my twisted little manor 'family'. All I can do is hurt you. I can't give you any happiness, I just can't love anyone!" I shook my head and once again avoid his glance.

"You wouldn't hurt me. And I know, I'm absolutely sure that you love me. I know you better than all this."

"I killed someone like you. Someone who looked like you and acted like you. He was someone who was like a mirror projection of you, Van! What makes you so sure I couldn't slay you?" The response I gave even struck me as odd.

You don't want to hurt him. Let him go. Let him leave. Let him be convinced you'd do something to harm him. "I am just a monster."

"You are not!" His protest was firm. His faith in me was just so surprising. Where did he find a source in such a belief? He knew what I did but he can tell I'd never hurt him.

"I commit evil deeds day to day. Where do you get off saying I wouldn't?"

"You are not a bad person, Marcella, you defend El Nido and its people! You make sure that all of us live to see tomorrow! Can't you see that?"

I clenched my jaws. His grip was still firm. His hands feel so gentle despite the firm grasp. "I can't see anything through the blood."

"Marcy, not everything is black and white. There are many shades of gray in this world! You are entitled to protect your people. You are fighting the noble fight."

There are seas of gray. Miles and miles, oceans of just slight variances out there. Not everything can be determined where it is in such a large area. All you can do is hope you are at the right side.

I started to cry. I brought myself into his welcoming arms and sobbed relentlessly. His fingers enlaced behind me holding me close to him. He was so warm and I was freezing. The whole manor was quiet and peaceful, like we were the only people with the building. The only sound was the falling water from my clothes hitting the floor and the soft crackling of the lit torches.

That night once we reached my chambers I explained the whole ordeal to Van. He assured me that what I did wasn't wrong. I was protecting Karsh. He convinced me I wasn't a monster. I learned that night that Van would always be there for me.

I know that what I do seems wrong. I knew how I was hurting people with each move I made but still... I needed to take this burden. I needed to defend everyone. I needed to make sure nothing ever happened to the better people, those like Van. Those sweet, innocent souls were always clinging to me, depending upon my protection.

With so much more understanding than before, I eased into a peaceful sleep safely within the loving grasp of the one person who understood me better than I understood myself.

As the sun rose above the trees outside the manor, I awakened with a smile on my face. I slowly slid out of Van's arms and walked to the window to watch the colors arrange in the sky.

Light can always shines through, even when the world seems dark and empty. No matter how long the night seems, the sun will still rise.

There will always be tomorrow.

There is always hope, and always redemption as long as there is still tomorrow.

The lights reflected off the dew on the iris blossoms as it did every morning. Beauty is everywhere. It may seem hard to find, but it's there. Within each person there is some lingering goodness. Whether they live by the sword or the quill, there is something to be said about existing in this world. That is the gift each life possesses. Goodness.


Four years later...


I slid the stone on my ring back and forth, just to occupy my time. I paced a little on the deck of the boat. The light reflected of the amethyst in many directions. The rays scattered and faded into the sky. I let out a sigh.

I looked over at Karsh, who was leaning off the front of the boat with Riddel beside him. They were laughing and talking and such, but I couldn't help but think poor Karsh to myself. His love was completely disregarded by Riddel. I watched him hurt each day silently, his destroyed emotions tearing a hole in what was left of him.

Glenn walks about humming a merry tune to himself. His smile hadn't faltered in the past 4 years. Sometimes I wondered what he had to smile about. He's 33, single, and has never had a good relationship with a woman. He started dating Leena's best friend, Lisa, a few months prior to our trip. I hope it works out for him.

Zoah's relationship with Janice, though, had really blossomed. It may sound odd, but they really make each other happy. They hit it off at the reunion three years ago, and are engaged now, just like Van and I.

Engaged. As I said it, it seemed harder to believe. I, Marcy Zane, Youngest of the Acacian Devas, was going to marry Van Rudalya, a Terminian painter.

We dated for a little over five years before he proposed, right in the middle of a training session at the manor. I was drinking some water after sparing with Karsh, and he walked in. He proposed in front of the other Devas and half the dragoon cadets.

But, that was about four months ago. Back to the time at hand.

With Van on my mind, I scan the area. I spotted him across the deck, peering down at the shining ocean. I snuck up behind him as he continued to stare down. I kissed him gently on cheek and snuggled up next to him. He put one of his arms around my waist.

"Zenan's not far now. It's great we finally get a vacation," Van stated, smiling at me. He looked rather pleased. "Since the Porre Peace Treaty, they can't very well keep me away!" Van laughed. I smirked a little.

"We need to stop at this arcade there, okay? I went there with Glenn once. They have this really nifty game called 'pinball'. Oh, and pool. You'd like it, Van!"

"I bet!" We exchanged gazes for a few seconds, and then watch Zenan grow on the horizon.

I peered once again at Van. "When we get to the mainland, I want to stop somewhere first, all right?"

"Sure."

We docked at Porre, and I decided to go head out without telling the other Devas. I stopped at a vendor and bought some bellflowers. I started to walk the path to the silo with Van close behind me. I must admit that the path was forever plastered in my head.

I didn't really understand Van's silence. When we got to the silo, I spotted someone by a makeshift memorial. In the center was a picture of Trip in the middle. It was old and untended, but several live flowers were scattered about. I knelt and said a little prayer, and place the bellflowers down onto the cold earth.

I hoist myself up and walked next to Van. As we headed back down the path I took one last look at the silo. The sunlight beamed down on it, offering some contentment to me at this place that held so much misery.

Rest in Peace, 'Trip'. I hope you can, and I am glad I finally had a chance to say I'm sorry.

~Fin


Well, Look at this! I was re-reading this story not too long ago, so I thought I'd touch up all the grammar, and fix some more of my spelling goofs... all that good stuff. I hope you like the new revamped version!
I just want to leave one last little note. I really loved when I wrote this fic last year, in the middle of the summer when I was thirteen. I really love it now, too, with all the touch ups and special care. For all of you who write, I hope you love writing and what you turn out too! Never let anyone ruin the literary experience for you.
Kate