Chapter Eleven: Selphie's Promise
"That's not even funny, Selphie!"
"I'm not lying, Seifer..."
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"How long have you known?" Seifer finally asked. "What kind of cancer? You're gonna be okay, right?"
How could he have not noticed how horribly sick she was? How could he have blamed it on stress and not given it a second thought?
"I found out shortly after our final fight with Ultemecia. We were all pretty sick afterwards, but everyone else recovered and I never did. They ran a lot of tests on me, and found out I had leukemia. Only Headmaster Cid and the six of us knew, until now. Now you know too."
So that's why Cid wouldn't send Selphie on a mission alone...that's what he meant, in her letter, by 'taking your problem into consideration' or whatever it was he said...
"That's why Irvine broke up with me, or so he claims."
"Well, Irvine's a jackass. So did you take chemotherapy?"
"Yeah, but...it turns out that I'd actually had the cancer since...um...the Sorceress Parade in Deling City. I was already weak, and the chemo seemed to hurt me more then it helped. After about 3 months of the treatments, the doctor told me that if I kept using the chemo, I would have three years to live, but then again, I'd never physically feel good during those three years. If I quit the chemo, I'd have one year."
"You...you kept taking the chemo, right?"
"...Actually, Seifer, I didn't. If I was on a time limit, I wanted to live one happy year instead of three miserable ones."
"Sefie...how much time do you have, then?!"
"...I've just been buying time for the last month. My 'last day' was supposed to be exactly one month ago--the day I found you in the training center. You...were killing yourself, and all I was doing was praying to live longer..."
"Sefie..."
"And when I promised you that I'd show you how great life was, I knew that, no matter what, I had to live at least one more month. Suddenly I had a true and real purpose. But over the last week, I've been..."
He couldn't say anything. He couldn't do anything but squeeze her hand and wait for her to finish her story...
"Is dying the word that I really should use?" she asked quietly, more to herself than anyone. "I've been getting worse...I don't know how much time I have left, but I know it's not long..."
"How were you still able to love life?"
"Actually, it was easier. Everyday I woke up was a good day. I was so much more appreciative of everything. Just knowing that I was still alive filled me with joy. I always loved the gift of life, and was thankful for it, but knowing I had a limited time left to enjoy it only made me love it more. See, Seifer? See why I was afraid you wouldn't still like me?"
"I don't care if you're sick or not, Sefie, I'll always love you just the same."
"I love you too, Seifer. I wish I could have gotten to know you like this long before now. Though it's only been a month, I've enjoyed myself more than ever..."
He didn't understand how she could smile like that when she knew she was going to die. He didn't understand how she could enjoy life so much when it when it was about to end. He didn't understand how she worked so much and was so active when that, too, was killing her.
"Sefie...I don't get it. When you 'ran out of time', how did you not lose hope?"
She smiled.
"Truth be told, I almost did lose hope. But then I saw you trying to kill yourself, and I thought to myself, does he not see how important his life really is? I went over and talked to you, and a piece of hope was born into my heart. That piece of hope that meant so much to me and bought me all this extra time was our friendship."
~//~
He glared at the clock on the wall, not wanting to believe the time it told. How could he still be possibly awake at one in the morning and not be tired the slightest?
There was a quiet knock on his door, so quiet that at first he'd thought he'd only imagined it. He walked over to his door and opened it cautiously.
To his surprise, Selphie was standing there. She turned and walked toward the training center, and he followed her silently.
"I figured you'd be asleep," she smiled.
"I couldn't sleep..."
"Neither could I. Follow me, I wanna show you something."
He took her hand and followed her through the training center, wondering what exactly she wanted to show him.
"Here," she finally smiled, stopping. "Look up."
He did so, a smile that matched hers crossing his face as well.
"Isn't it pretty? It's things like the clear night sky that just make me feel glad I'm alive," Selphie sighed in happiness. "Moments like these make me feel so...alive. I wanted you to be here with me when I felt like this."
She gave another peaceful sigh, staring at the tiny, twinkling white lights scattered carelessly across a sea of velvet darkness. The sky was so clear that he could pick out various constellations and galaxies.
Selphie started singing. The same song she was sting on the train ride to Deling City, Seifer noticed.
"Seikaide ichiban shinjitai monowa,
Sou kimidaketo kokorokera chikouyo
Sono meuro akete yozora miagetara
Mou ichido hikariga mieru, kitto..."
"I've heard that song before," he commented.
"I'm not surprised. It's a very popular song."
"How do the words go, again?"
She sang it for him again, very slowly, and when she started singing it at a normal pace again, he joined in.
"I'll never forget the lyrics to this song..." he said quietly, trying to mentally translate the Japanese phrases. He wasn't very fluent in Japanese, but knew quite a bit...only enough to translate a few of the lines, though.
"I'll never forget it either, no matter what," Selphie sighed, but again, it was a pleased sigh.
"...You won't get mad for asking me this, right, Sefie?"
"Of course not. What is it, Seifer?"
"...you don't still love Irvine, do you?"
She shook her head 'no'.
"I'll promise you right now with all of my heart that the only person I love is you."
He stared into her eyes, trying to ignore the tears forming in hers and hold off the ones forming in his. I hate to see her so upset, he thought to himself as he gently kissed her.
"Even when I die, Seifer...." she paused, then finally continued,
"I'll always be with you."
~//~