*A/N: wow, I'm actualy geting these things up within a week. Go me, lol!
thanks for the reveiws, this chapter should clear up all the rape
questions, oh and at one time did thought Severus and Hermione would kiss
at this chapter, but the plot is much better then that =) if you dont
understand what I mean, its ok I should get anouther chapter up at least
within a week.*
7
Severus handed Hermione the flask. He told her she should do the honors. Hermione didn't see why, but then again how exciting could bottling the finished potion be to a potions master who must have done it a million times. So she took the ladle and carefully poured it in. It was such a finality. And Hermione felt a little saddened in spite of herself as she put the stopper on the flask. She knew she would most likely never see the potions master again like she did the last two days. She was having graduation blues a quarter of the year too early. She watched silently took out a label to write in the scrolling hand writing the name of the potion. Then they would truly be done, and she would have to run up to Gryffindor tower and go off to bed.
"So, Hermione," Severus said it thinking too that it just might be one of the last times he did. And he would have to go back to being her bitter horrible teacher. But that wasn't important because that was the way things should be. That didn't explain why it bothered him though. "What do you suggest we call this potion?"
"It's not named?" Hermione looked at him remembering the fact that he did create it. Then why didn't the just call it Snape-tin or something like that?
"It's just the second time I ever made it. I don't see why I should have named it by now." He looked at her genuinely surprised by her reaction. He thought she would be pleased by the fact he consulted her in the matter. But instead she looked unsure. Maybe it would then be proof through out forever that she had worked with her dumb big bad potions professor. "We don't have to name it with a 'real' name you know."
"Oh, you don't want it to be Professor-Snape's-ticket-to-the-big-bucks potion?" She asked seeing him roll his eyes.
"Not in particular" He said as though appalled by the ideas that a potion name could be so cheesy.
"Just Sevvie then?" She sent him a smirk, and he pretended to rub his temples. Severus was amazed he was playing this game with the girl. What the hell she was going to be gone in a few minuets, what's to loose?
"Why do you think it's a dashing name?" He didn't even bother to look up at her. Though she could hear the thick layer of sarcasm in his voice.
"Yes, all the women will want to know who this Sevvi is and how long till they can get him into bed with them." Hermione's smart remark even surprised herself.
"Oh yes, and I'm the sex god"
"You tell me."
Hermione's heart was pounding in her chest. Severus was like wise. She just had said you tell me. At least it wasn't you show me, or I'll see. Ill see? If she had said that he probably would have fainted then and there. This situation was way out of control. He needed to get it all back on track. He didn't want to though. Was she staring at him?
"Honestly Hermione!" She jumped a bit as he finally responded. Damn, that was a good daydream too. No it wasn't! She had not just pictured herself kissing him. No she pictured her molesting him. NO THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER!
"Fine, Sevi-en... it's a little less suggestive."
"Honestly why does my name have to be a part of it!"
"Because you came up with it!"
"But it could be called Moine, after the famous witch that pushed its creator over the edge."
"Is that a threat?"
A threat of what kind? He wanted to ask her. She was pushing him over the edge in so many different ways right now. He could just Snap her neck at her smart mouthing. Or tenderly kiss it wanting her to respond in a very hormonal driven female way. Wait what was she doing now? She had taken the label tag and scribbled something on it and was now quickly tying it on. Oh God, what had she just written? Don't let it be Snapes-way-to-get-the- ladies or he was going to kill her...
"Bunna?" Severus read it uncertainly. Well it wasn't all that bad did it have some hidden meanig or something? Then he saw she was absent-mindedly stroking the stuffed bunny Dumbledore had sent down. Oh. Well he guessed he could live with that.
"Yeah... is it ok?" She glanced up at his dark eyes, seeing an amused glance. He went over to pat the stuffed bunny too. She had did it to stop the yelling. She needed to get away from this room. Her mind was to... active right now.
"I guess its better then some of the previous ideas." Damn, it was all done and over with now he thought to himself. "Good night, I guess, Hermione."
Hermione felt her heart sink just a bit as she herd it. That might be the last time he said her name. And it was all officially over. And there was still so much unsaid. And so much she needed to say. Bu she couldn't say it. As Godric Gryffindor as her witness she couldn't.
"Good night Severus. Have a good holiday tomorrow, too." She shot one last look at the study, and it occupants before exiting the door. She quickly walked up to the common room, knowing that it would take some explaining if she got caught. Head Girl or not, that stupid potion was supposed to be done by late afternoon. But she had gotten a little off track today. All the explanations and such. And she climbed in her bed seeing Lavender was gone. Probably with her Ravenclaw boyfriend. She just needed sleep now. The comfortable four poster taking her in. But still she found no sleep.
Where was her Gryffindor courage? Why couldn't she just tell Severus the truth that would probably bring closure to him? Because her Gryffindor courage was taken away from her that night. Not tonight, the night they killed that man. The night Harry raped her.
Hermione's mind tried to go through the night it happened in fast mode, because she knew she couldn't get out of not thinking about it now. But maybe if it went a bit faster it wouldn't be so bad...
Ron had just told the lie, or the 'story', or whatever they wanted to call it. and they had to all go up to the Ministry of Magic after the 2 or so hours that was needed to check their claim on a wizard being murdered. Alone in their rooms, Ron had to go to the scene of the sight to tell the 'story' about five hundred tie to the questioning wizard investigators. It was just her and Harry. Alone in that room. She was in tears of course. Hermione didn't like the lie. She didn't like the fact they did anything at all. God, if she had a time turner, all wizarding laws be damned she would have stopped the situation before it even occurred.
"I'm so sorry Hermione."She saw through her burred and red eyes Harry coming to sit by her. He held her close as she taken to crying into his chest. Harry was softly running his hand through her hair. She could faintly remember him kissing the top of her head saying that everything would work out. That they had figured out how to fix it all. That was what had erked Hermione. He made it seem like that the lie would totally erase what they did. That what had really never happened. That he had never beaten a man to death.
"I'm going to tell them." She sobbed softly into his chest. She had been thinking about it and once she said it she felt as though a great burden had been released off her chest. She felt as Harry had felt when they had came up with the lie. But she noticed his hand had stopped running through her hair. They stopped cold and were now pressing hard into her neck. She instinctively yanked away.
"Hermione," Harry said it in a soft deadly voice. It sounded slightly tired, she could also hear the pain. She knew the pain was fake. He was trying to put her on. Her heart rate about tripled as he let go of her and pined her down on the couch where they had just been sitting. "I've had a very long and trying day, dear." She remembered how she had made some muffled sob, it was so pathetic. And Harry quickly put a silencing charm on her. Somehow getting his wand out while still pinning her down so she couldn't move. He glanced down at her with a frown on his face.
"I just want to relax with someone who understands. You know, you can help me relax," He began to move her robes apart. Hardly kissing all the skin he could find. Tearing away her bra to reach her chest. "I can help you relax too."
Hermione wanted to scream, to tear him off her. But she could only watch as he frantically took off her clothes as well as her own. That was when he told her the threats. The threats of what made Hermione live like she did today. The truths in those threats that kept her from telling Severus the whole and entire truth that morning.
"If you ever tell a single person" Harry's voice lowered to a low growl "I will kill you." Hermione had no doubt that he would. She nodded weakly. The tears still had been silently running down her face.
"And," A smile played on his lips now "if you tell a single person associated with him, I will kill your parents. Slowly, and you will be right there. Maybe then you would understand my pain that made me do this. Only," the wicked smile showing his teeth now, glistening like Hermione's eyes "you know you will be locked up in Azkaban to relive it for all eternity."
'Him' the guy Harry had killed, she could not tell the person associated with him. She knew Severus was the person who as associated with him. Mr. Snape's wife had died. He had little friends, but he did have one son. And that son was Severus.
Hermione then after the kiss remembered exactly how Harry had plunged into her, not only his brutally body but his soul. He left a bit of his bitter soul with Hermione and she was afraid of how that soul affected her in her everyday life.
Hermione mechanically flipped over her wet pillow to the dry side as she thought of how she never even dared to tell Lavender or Ginny. Why had she come so close she came to telling Severus? What if Harry found out what she had told Severus? It wasn't the whole truth. But she didn't think that would matter to Harry at all. The boy in the tower next to hers could be out finding a way to kill her right now, or her family, or quite possibly Severus. It didn't matter to him. He wouldn't play fair anyhow.
She should tell Severus. It would make her no worse off then by that she already had told him. She was dead anyhow. She was fucked from the day it happened. She knew this. And now she fell into a long awaited sleep of overworked thoughts with the knowledge that tomorrow morning she was going to walk down to his office and tell him by whom his father had been murderer.
...
Severus woke up the next morning, like he had woken up most the mornings of his whole life. Nothing really in particular to look forward to. Just another day. Except there was no classes today. It was another stupid holiday. Another day the students would barley think about why there was a day off and instead just went about their lives not caring to think about how thankful they should be.
Today was the birthday of the lady who saved the wizarding world just a few months ago. The birthday of the lady who brought about the 2nd fall of Voldemort. Well actually she was a vampire. Same difference, at least that's what he thought. But no the whole freaking world still had to play favorites. And it was a horrible thing to see the poor good Samaritan get little credit on saving a few hundreds of lives.
It was just a few months ago when Marsha Turn had turned spy for the 'good side.' That was when Dumbledore came up with a plan. She would turn Voldemort into a Vampire and then they could get rid of him the way you would get rid of any old Vampire. So the lady gained his trust, and became his mistress and did the deed,. Following him a few of the other spies then rammed a steak through his heart. And Voldemort was gone.
As easy as that. And it was not the story the wizarding public wanted to hear. They wanted their savior to be a boy who saved them when he was a baby *It was really just his mother though* and they didn't want to tell their grandchildren how they had been saved by a vampire and people they hated who were spies even though they were still working with the other side.
How fricken dumb can a society be?
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts though.
"Come in!"
Hermione shyly responded to his order. And step through the door. She had come up with so many reasons not to do this while walking down this morning. She had mechanically gotten on her school robes as she thought of how Severus might react. He could get angry. He could get brutally angry. She didn't know if that he would end up becoming abusive but she had a feeling their agreement from yesterday to not tell would probably not stand after this.
But it really didn't matter she told herself. Harry was going to just kill her randomly some day because he didn't trust her anymore. And the truth should get out before then. So she stood her with there, heart in her throat.
Severus looked up to see the girl. He was kind of glad it was her. Anyone else he doubted he could really have a conversation with. Dumbledore would just get him angry saying he was making assumptions about the whole world. And the stupid teachers staff wasn't worth a knut. Does Hermione look different?
"You should stay sitting Severus" Hermione said walking over to him. She sat down on the rug in front of the fire looking closely at it. She had a horrible feeling of dread. She was making a death wish. She was still tired. Why couldn't this be a normal school day? She would be in transfiguration right now, bored out of her mind and all, but not bhere/b.
"What's the matter?" Severus said studying her. Something was evidently wrong, her lip looked like it had been in the bitten for the last 2 hours and she was constantly running her fingers through her hair, brow creased. She was coming to him with a problem. He thought he wouldn't have seen her till their next lesson and then pretend like nothing had happened. Well actually nothing had happened, really.
"Promise you won't kill me." She felt her stomach plunge as he nodded. If he said no she could have left. What would have made him say no is beyond her. She could have still hoped. Shut up, Hermione, she told herself. Just say it, the faster it comes out the sooner it will be over.
"You know that story about Harry and Ron and me," Severus nodded again, he saw her momentarily look up into her eyes. She looked utterly terrified. Maybe she had lied yesterday. That would actually be a good thing. He had no Idea why she would have lied, but he certainly wouldn't kill her for it. "Well that wasn't the whole thing. I never told you whom they killed." She leaned sideways to find his hand and held it tightly. He held it tightly back, tiring to be of some help.
"You don't need to tell me Hermione." Severus said it because it was already killing him knowing any of this story at all. She shrugged.
"I have to tell you Severus, because the person was a man named Mr. Vandermar Snape."
"Vandermar Snape?" Snape felt his whole body stiffen and release. It was more like the pure astonishment had taken it over it. "My dad?"
"I supposed so." Hermione felt he lip start to bled under her bite. She watched the professor who always showed so little emotion now take what seemed to be to her an out of body experience. She was surprised when she herself took Severus and pulled him nearer to her. She found they had somehow collaboratively taken the position where his head was resting in her lap. She gently began to run her fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry."
"I was told my father died of an attack by a muggle under the imperius curse by the dark lord. I didn't even make the connection when you told your story. I mean it was the same time, it was the same type of house, the same sceanery" Hermione looked down at the man lying on her. He was so detached. She couldn't tell any expression but the astonishment. And his low whisper told her almost nothing other then... well he didn't seem like he was going to kill her. "Why didn't I make the connection?"
"Because you weren't thinking about your father... It would be a random connection, not the first thing you would think of..." Hermione tenderly whispered the words.
"How could I be so fucking stupid, I should have expected this, God."
"No its nothing of you fault."
"Its not your fault either Hermione." She looked down to see tears glaze eyes and she felt her own begin to immerse. She brought her finger down to his lips in a way to imply him to be quite. She had no idea why he was sticking up for her.
"Yes it is." She tried to quickly wipe her tears away, before they began to fall.
"No" His own detached voice seemed to clear and more adult then her own wavering tearful one. it was not her father who had not been killed, she was not lying helplessly on the one who had taken part in his murder.
"I'll understand if you will tell the ministry." She shushed him as he opened his mouth to say something "I'm going to be killed anyhow."
"Hermione, no." She found his hand again and began to clasp it like it was her only route of escape.
"Severus,"
"No, let me tell you something about my dad..." She nodded as he griped her hand back "He was a good person. I hated him most of my life."Hermione saw a pain flicker in Severus's eyes as he said, this she was kind of glad his firm composure was softening. Oh course this was more then she could ever hoped for considering she thought he would have immediately killed her the moment she opened her mouth. She saw him finally find words. Severus swallowing. "But that was the type of hate a son goes through with his father, its sometimes necessary. Ill tell you my dad was a good hard working guy, but he really didn't see the world but in colors of black and white. But I didn't agree with him on this. It was our constant battleground. Who was good and who was evil? What was right and wrong? And Hermione I'm sad to say he would defiantly think you were evil."
Hermione ran her index finger down his temple. She was surprised by the small shiver he gave. Closing his eyes. She was astounded as he continued talking his eyes still closed as if embracing her touch...
"But I don't think your evil Hermione. I think you have been put in a situation where there is no good decision. It's not your fault. But since you did tell me that says a lot. Like you do care."
His voice faltered there and she watched his Adams apple bob. If only he knew how much she cared. She found herself murmuring softly and Severus sat there in so much pain. He had suffered so much already it tore her up. And he was so forgiving. Maybe he wanted to be forgiven. She was surprised to see he had gotten up and was now pulling her into a hug. She finally listened to her own unconscious murmurings.
'Let me take all the pain away... let me take it all away.'
She was whispering it into his ear now as he held her close. Severus didn't understand. His own body had been so tight and ridge forty seconds ago, but it seemed as though she was bring him to come to terms with himself.
"I liked the old basterd"She pulled him close as she felt a single tear fall onto her. She couldn't help but feel pained herself.
"He did too Severus." She said it remembering the old man's last words. It was to send good words to his son.
"Thank you Hermione" He whispered into her ear. Though she wondered if it was really right that he was thanking her, she didn't say it though. She could just shut up now.
...
After they had gotten up Severus said it would be rather rude to end her strait up to her rooms, and quickly brewed up some tea. Hermione accepted thinking that it would be rude to leave the guy here all alone. So they talked of the holiday and how people really should be more open minded towards magic that is other then witch and wizard types.
"But you were really one of the people who drove the steak through Voldemort?" Hermione asked astounded by the acts of her professor to say the least.
"Yeah. It wasn't really as that impressive, we got him while he was sleeping and one of the spies was on guard."
"But didn't you get some sort of award for it?" He was rather happy that someone found all this was impressive. Nobody else really thought about it. After all, it was just his duty.
"Order of Merlin 2nd class." Severus said it off handedly like it didn't matter. Hermione thought quite the contrast it was a huge deal. The order of Merlin wasn't given out to everyone. Unless if their trying to help grieving relatives. But that was a totally different story.
"I couldn't see it, could I?" Severus couldn't help but smirk at the girl's interest. It was like he was a stranger with really good candy. He quickly hoped off the desk that they had been sitting on and shuffled through one of the drawers.
"Here." He handed it to her, getting back on the desk. She was concentrating hard on it. He hated to admit it but he felt very young at the moment. He was surprised when bursts like this came. Some days he just felt like he needed to go on a jog around the castle, of course that wouldn't do at all, but it was all very nice. He wondered if Hermione had noticed a different when he took the potion a while ago...
He was up at Dumbledore's office, the place felt like it was crawling with viruses with Dumbledore's nasty habit of leaving tissues in random places. But none the less he was still lecturing Severus.
"My gosh boy, you could have killed yourself! Why did you try it on yourself?" Dumbledore was pacing around the room fawns trying to follow him though looked to be rather dizzy with the way Dumbledore was taking things.
"Well I couldn't just give it to the most respected wizard in the castle," Severus began
"Severus don't doubt the respect you get from those young people, you could get them to become house elves long before I could even convince them I wasn't joking."Severus rolled his eyes at the man.
"Anyhow, I'm fine." Severus said reaching for a tissue to blow his nose on.
"Except your 20 and you got a rather nasty cold just like the rest of the castle." Severus could see the glint in the old man's eyes "Oh and I really do expect you start acting your age soon Severus."
"Oh yes, I'll just be sneaking girls into the castle and going on all night drinking binges, yes that is sure what I did when I was twenty." His voice was filled with the brim to the sarcasm that Dumbledore knew as the man's way of showing his fear. Well the young man's way now.
"Don't you tell that you didn't find time between becoming potions master, joining the dark side, and being a spy, not to mention the None." Severus let out a scoff as he saw the man finally sit down across from him at the desk. "Anyhow I think this is an opportune time to restart on your dental health." The headmaster received a well-deserved glare from Severus
"Oh yes, it was really my fault I was stuck out in the woods all the time with no way in hell of getting 1 good meal a day, but Voldemort did provide us with all our dental needs."
"I didn't say it was your fault, but you can start over. And stop wearing that damned mousse." Severus couldn't take it anymore he was getting beauty tips from a man that could be his great grandfather. He lifted up his hands and left the room flabbergasted at his current state of affairs.
...Of course he did brush his teeth and he did get rid of the hair product. But he did not listen to Dumbledore. He did it on his own accord. Anyhow, it made it so the students thought his change in appearance was just do to lack of hair product and not some age reduction. He looked over at Hermione who randomly shrieked with delight.
"It does look like Lockhart with a huge mole if you hold it this way!" Severus grabbed the metal looking at it as Hermione had shown.
"Well I'll be damned" He muttered Hermione looking over to him seeing the smile escaping form his lips. She didn't know what had happened this morning but it had went a hell of a lot better then she thought. And that's all one can ask for, right?
7
Severus handed Hermione the flask. He told her she should do the honors. Hermione didn't see why, but then again how exciting could bottling the finished potion be to a potions master who must have done it a million times. So she took the ladle and carefully poured it in. It was such a finality. And Hermione felt a little saddened in spite of herself as she put the stopper on the flask. She knew she would most likely never see the potions master again like she did the last two days. She was having graduation blues a quarter of the year too early. She watched silently took out a label to write in the scrolling hand writing the name of the potion. Then they would truly be done, and she would have to run up to Gryffindor tower and go off to bed.
"So, Hermione," Severus said it thinking too that it just might be one of the last times he did. And he would have to go back to being her bitter horrible teacher. But that wasn't important because that was the way things should be. That didn't explain why it bothered him though. "What do you suggest we call this potion?"
"It's not named?" Hermione looked at him remembering the fact that he did create it. Then why didn't the just call it Snape-tin or something like that?
"It's just the second time I ever made it. I don't see why I should have named it by now." He looked at her genuinely surprised by her reaction. He thought she would be pleased by the fact he consulted her in the matter. But instead she looked unsure. Maybe it would then be proof through out forever that she had worked with her dumb big bad potions professor. "We don't have to name it with a 'real' name you know."
"Oh, you don't want it to be Professor-Snape's-ticket-to-the-big-bucks potion?" She asked seeing him roll his eyes.
"Not in particular" He said as though appalled by the ideas that a potion name could be so cheesy.
"Just Sevvie then?" She sent him a smirk, and he pretended to rub his temples. Severus was amazed he was playing this game with the girl. What the hell she was going to be gone in a few minuets, what's to loose?
"Why do you think it's a dashing name?" He didn't even bother to look up at her. Though she could hear the thick layer of sarcasm in his voice.
"Yes, all the women will want to know who this Sevvi is and how long till they can get him into bed with them." Hermione's smart remark even surprised herself.
"Oh yes, and I'm the sex god"
"You tell me."
Hermione's heart was pounding in her chest. Severus was like wise. She just had said you tell me. At least it wasn't you show me, or I'll see. Ill see? If she had said that he probably would have fainted then and there. This situation was way out of control. He needed to get it all back on track. He didn't want to though. Was she staring at him?
"Honestly Hermione!" She jumped a bit as he finally responded. Damn, that was a good daydream too. No it wasn't! She had not just pictured herself kissing him. No she pictured her molesting him. NO THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER!
"Fine, Sevi-en... it's a little less suggestive."
"Honestly why does my name have to be a part of it!"
"Because you came up with it!"
"But it could be called Moine, after the famous witch that pushed its creator over the edge."
"Is that a threat?"
A threat of what kind? He wanted to ask her. She was pushing him over the edge in so many different ways right now. He could just Snap her neck at her smart mouthing. Or tenderly kiss it wanting her to respond in a very hormonal driven female way. Wait what was she doing now? She had taken the label tag and scribbled something on it and was now quickly tying it on. Oh God, what had she just written? Don't let it be Snapes-way-to-get-the- ladies or he was going to kill her...
"Bunna?" Severus read it uncertainly. Well it wasn't all that bad did it have some hidden meanig or something? Then he saw she was absent-mindedly stroking the stuffed bunny Dumbledore had sent down. Oh. Well he guessed he could live with that.
"Yeah... is it ok?" She glanced up at his dark eyes, seeing an amused glance. He went over to pat the stuffed bunny too. She had did it to stop the yelling. She needed to get away from this room. Her mind was to... active right now.
"I guess its better then some of the previous ideas." Damn, it was all done and over with now he thought to himself. "Good night, I guess, Hermione."
Hermione felt her heart sink just a bit as she herd it. That might be the last time he said her name. And it was all officially over. And there was still so much unsaid. And so much she needed to say. Bu she couldn't say it. As Godric Gryffindor as her witness she couldn't.
"Good night Severus. Have a good holiday tomorrow, too." She shot one last look at the study, and it occupants before exiting the door. She quickly walked up to the common room, knowing that it would take some explaining if she got caught. Head Girl or not, that stupid potion was supposed to be done by late afternoon. But she had gotten a little off track today. All the explanations and such. And she climbed in her bed seeing Lavender was gone. Probably with her Ravenclaw boyfriend. She just needed sleep now. The comfortable four poster taking her in. But still she found no sleep.
Where was her Gryffindor courage? Why couldn't she just tell Severus the truth that would probably bring closure to him? Because her Gryffindor courage was taken away from her that night. Not tonight, the night they killed that man. The night Harry raped her.
Hermione's mind tried to go through the night it happened in fast mode, because she knew she couldn't get out of not thinking about it now. But maybe if it went a bit faster it wouldn't be so bad...
Ron had just told the lie, or the 'story', or whatever they wanted to call it. and they had to all go up to the Ministry of Magic after the 2 or so hours that was needed to check their claim on a wizard being murdered. Alone in their rooms, Ron had to go to the scene of the sight to tell the 'story' about five hundred tie to the questioning wizard investigators. It was just her and Harry. Alone in that room. She was in tears of course. Hermione didn't like the lie. She didn't like the fact they did anything at all. God, if she had a time turner, all wizarding laws be damned she would have stopped the situation before it even occurred.
"I'm so sorry Hermione."She saw through her burred and red eyes Harry coming to sit by her. He held her close as she taken to crying into his chest. Harry was softly running his hand through her hair. She could faintly remember him kissing the top of her head saying that everything would work out. That they had figured out how to fix it all. That was what had erked Hermione. He made it seem like that the lie would totally erase what they did. That what had really never happened. That he had never beaten a man to death.
"I'm going to tell them." She sobbed softly into his chest. She had been thinking about it and once she said it she felt as though a great burden had been released off her chest. She felt as Harry had felt when they had came up with the lie. But she noticed his hand had stopped running through her hair. They stopped cold and were now pressing hard into her neck. She instinctively yanked away.
"Hermione," Harry said it in a soft deadly voice. It sounded slightly tired, she could also hear the pain. She knew the pain was fake. He was trying to put her on. Her heart rate about tripled as he let go of her and pined her down on the couch where they had just been sitting. "I've had a very long and trying day, dear." She remembered how she had made some muffled sob, it was so pathetic. And Harry quickly put a silencing charm on her. Somehow getting his wand out while still pinning her down so she couldn't move. He glanced down at her with a frown on his face.
"I just want to relax with someone who understands. You know, you can help me relax," He began to move her robes apart. Hardly kissing all the skin he could find. Tearing away her bra to reach her chest. "I can help you relax too."
Hermione wanted to scream, to tear him off her. But she could only watch as he frantically took off her clothes as well as her own. That was when he told her the threats. The threats of what made Hermione live like she did today. The truths in those threats that kept her from telling Severus the whole and entire truth that morning.
"If you ever tell a single person" Harry's voice lowered to a low growl "I will kill you." Hermione had no doubt that he would. She nodded weakly. The tears still had been silently running down her face.
"And," A smile played on his lips now "if you tell a single person associated with him, I will kill your parents. Slowly, and you will be right there. Maybe then you would understand my pain that made me do this. Only," the wicked smile showing his teeth now, glistening like Hermione's eyes "you know you will be locked up in Azkaban to relive it for all eternity."
'Him' the guy Harry had killed, she could not tell the person associated with him. She knew Severus was the person who as associated with him. Mr. Snape's wife had died. He had little friends, but he did have one son. And that son was Severus.
Hermione then after the kiss remembered exactly how Harry had plunged into her, not only his brutally body but his soul. He left a bit of his bitter soul with Hermione and she was afraid of how that soul affected her in her everyday life.
Hermione mechanically flipped over her wet pillow to the dry side as she thought of how she never even dared to tell Lavender or Ginny. Why had she come so close she came to telling Severus? What if Harry found out what she had told Severus? It wasn't the whole truth. But she didn't think that would matter to Harry at all. The boy in the tower next to hers could be out finding a way to kill her right now, or her family, or quite possibly Severus. It didn't matter to him. He wouldn't play fair anyhow.
She should tell Severus. It would make her no worse off then by that she already had told him. She was dead anyhow. She was fucked from the day it happened. She knew this. And now she fell into a long awaited sleep of overworked thoughts with the knowledge that tomorrow morning she was going to walk down to his office and tell him by whom his father had been murderer.
...
Severus woke up the next morning, like he had woken up most the mornings of his whole life. Nothing really in particular to look forward to. Just another day. Except there was no classes today. It was another stupid holiday. Another day the students would barley think about why there was a day off and instead just went about their lives not caring to think about how thankful they should be.
Today was the birthday of the lady who saved the wizarding world just a few months ago. The birthday of the lady who brought about the 2nd fall of Voldemort. Well actually she was a vampire. Same difference, at least that's what he thought. But no the whole freaking world still had to play favorites. And it was a horrible thing to see the poor good Samaritan get little credit on saving a few hundreds of lives.
It was just a few months ago when Marsha Turn had turned spy for the 'good side.' That was when Dumbledore came up with a plan. She would turn Voldemort into a Vampire and then they could get rid of him the way you would get rid of any old Vampire. So the lady gained his trust, and became his mistress and did the deed,. Following him a few of the other spies then rammed a steak through his heart. And Voldemort was gone.
As easy as that. And it was not the story the wizarding public wanted to hear. They wanted their savior to be a boy who saved them when he was a baby *It was really just his mother though* and they didn't want to tell their grandchildren how they had been saved by a vampire and people they hated who were spies even though they were still working with the other side.
How fricken dumb can a society be?
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts though.
"Come in!"
Hermione shyly responded to his order. And step through the door. She had come up with so many reasons not to do this while walking down this morning. She had mechanically gotten on her school robes as she thought of how Severus might react. He could get angry. He could get brutally angry. She didn't know if that he would end up becoming abusive but she had a feeling their agreement from yesterday to not tell would probably not stand after this.
But it really didn't matter she told herself. Harry was going to just kill her randomly some day because he didn't trust her anymore. And the truth should get out before then. So she stood her with there, heart in her throat.
Severus looked up to see the girl. He was kind of glad it was her. Anyone else he doubted he could really have a conversation with. Dumbledore would just get him angry saying he was making assumptions about the whole world. And the stupid teachers staff wasn't worth a knut. Does Hermione look different?
"You should stay sitting Severus" Hermione said walking over to him. She sat down on the rug in front of the fire looking closely at it. She had a horrible feeling of dread. She was making a death wish. She was still tired. Why couldn't this be a normal school day? She would be in transfiguration right now, bored out of her mind and all, but not bhere/b.
"What's the matter?" Severus said studying her. Something was evidently wrong, her lip looked like it had been in the bitten for the last 2 hours and she was constantly running her fingers through her hair, brow creased. She was coming to him with a problem. He thought he wouldn't have seen her till their next lesson and then pretend like nothing had happened. Well actually nothing had happened, really.
"Promise you won't kill me." She felt her stomach plunge as he nodded. If he said no she could have left. What would have made him say no is beyond her. She could have still hoped. Shut up, Hermione, she told herself. Just say it, the faster it comes out the sooner it will be over.
"You know that story about Harry and Ron and me," Severus nodded again, he saw her momentarily look up into her eyes. She looked utterly terrified. Maybe she had lied yesterday. That would actually be a good thing. He had no Idea why she would have lied, but he certainly wouldn't kill her for it. "Well that wasn't the whole thing. I never told you whom they killed." She leaned sideways to find his hand and held it tightly. He held it tightly back, tiring to be of some help.
"You don't need to tell me Hermione." Severus said it because it was already killing him knowing any of this story at all. She shrugged.
"I have to tell you Severus, because the person was a man named Mr. Vandermar Snape."
"Vandermar Snape?" Snape felt his whole body stiffen and release. It was more like the pure astonishment had taken it over it. "My dad?"
"I supposed so." Hermione felt he lip start to bled under her bite. She watched the professor who always showed so little emotion now take what seemed to be to her an out of body experience. She was surprised when she herself took Severus and pulled him nearer to her. She found they had somehow collaboratively taken the position where his head was resting in her lap. She gently began to run her fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry."
"I was told my father died of an attack by a muggle under the imperius curse by the dark lord. I didn't even make the connection when you told your story. I mean it was the same time, it was the same type of house, the same sceanery" Hermione looked down at the man lying on her. He was so detached. She couldn't tell any expression but the astonishment. And his low whisper told her almost nothing other then... well he didn't seem like he was going to kill her. "Why didn't I make the connection?"
"Because you weren't thinking about your father... It would be a random connection, not the first thing you would think of..." Hermione tenderly whispered the words.
"How could I be so fucking stupid, I should have expected this, God."
"No its nothing of you fault."
"Its not your fault either Hermione." She looked down to see tears glaze eyes and she felt her own begin to immerse. She brought her finger down to his lips in a way to imply him to be quite. She had no idea why he was sticking up for her.
"Yes it is." She tried to quickly wipe her tears away, before they began to fall.
"No" His own detached voice seemed to clear and more adult then her own wavering tearful one. it was not her father who had not been killed, she was not lying helplessly on the one who had taken part in his murder.
"I'll understand if you will tell the ministry." She shushed him as he opened his mouth to say something "I'm going to be killed anyhow."
"Hermione, no." She found his hand again and began to clasp it like it was her only route of escape.
"Severus,"
"No, let me tell you something about my dad..." She nodded as he griped her hand back "He was a good person. I hated him most of my life."Hermione saw a pain flicker in Severus's eyes as he said, this she was kind of glad his firm composure was softening. Oh course this was more then she could ever hoped for considering she thought he would have immediately killed her the moment she opened her mouth. She saw him finally find words. Severus swallowing. "But that was the type of hate a son goes through with his father, its sometimes necessary. Ill tell you my dad was a good hard working guy, but he really didn't see the world but in colors of black and white. But I didn't agree with him on this. It was our constant battleground. Who was good and who was evil? What was right and wrong? And Hermione I'm sad to say he would defiantly think you were evil."
Hermione ran her index finger down his temple. She was surprised by the small shiver he gave. Closing his eyes. She was astounded as he continued talking his eyes still closed as if embracing her touch...
"But I don't think your evil Hermione. I think you have been put in a situation where there is no good decision. It's not your fault. But since you did tell me that says a lot. Like you do care."
His voice faltered there and she watched his Adams apple bob. If only he knew how much she cared. She found herself murmuring softly and Severus sat there in so much pain. He had suffered so much already it tore her up. And he was so forgiving. Maybe he wanted to be forgiven. She was surprised to see he had gotten up and was now pulling her into a hug. She finally listened to her own unconscious murmurings.
'Let me take all the pain away... let me take it all away.'
She was whispering it into his ear now as he held her close. Severus didn't understand. His own body had been so tight and ridge forty seconds ago, but it seemed as though she was bring him to come to terms with himself.
"I liked the old basterd"She pulled him close as she felt a single tear fall onto her. She couldn't help but feel pained herself.
"He did too Severus." She said it remembering the old man's last words. It was to send good words to his son.
"Thank you Hermione" He whispered into her ear. Though she wondered if it was really right that he was thanking her, she didn't say it though. She could just shut up now.
...
After they had gotten up Severus said it would be rather rude to end her strait up to her rooms, and quickly brewed up some tea. Hermione accepted thinking that it would be rude to leave the guy here all alone. So they talked of the holiday and how people really should be more open minded towards magic that is other then witch and wizard types.
"But you were really one of the people who drove the steak through Voldemort?" Hermione asked astounded by the acts of her professor to say the least.
"Yeah. It wasn't really as that impressive, we got him while he was sleeping and one of the spies was on guard."
"But didn't you get some sort of award for it?" He was rather happy that someone found all this was impressive. Nobody else really thought about it. After all, it was just his duty.
"Order of Merlin 2nd class." Severus said it off handedly like it didn't matter. Hermione thought quite the contrast it was a huge deal. The order of Merlin wasn't given out to everyone. Unless if their trying to help grieving relatives. But that was a totally different story.
"I couldn't see it, could I?" Severus couldn't help but smirk at the girl's interest. It was like he was a stranger with really good candy. He quickly hoped off the desk that they had been sitting on and shuffled through one of the drawers.
"Here." He handed it to her, getting back on the desk. She was concentrating hard on it. He hated to admit it but he felt very young at the moment. He was surprised when bursts like this came. Some days he just felt like he needed to go on a jog around the castle, of course that wouldn't do at all, but it was all very nice. He wondered if Hermione had noticed a different when he took the potion a while ago...
He was up at Dumbledore's office, the place felt like it was crawling with viruses with Dumbledore's nasty habit of leaving tissues in random places. But none the less he was still lecturing Severus.
"My gosh boy, you could have killed yourself! Why did you try it on yourself?" Dumbledore was pacing around the room fawns trying to follow him though looked to be rather dizzy with the way Dumbledore was taking things.
"Well I couldn't just give it to the most respected wizard in the castle," Severus began
"Severus don't doubt the respect you get from those young people, you could get them to become house elves long before I could even convince them I wasn't joking."Severus rolled his eyes at the man.
"Anyhow, I'm fine." Severus said reaching for a tissue to blow his nose on.
"Except your 20 and you got a rather nasty cold just like the rest of the castle." Severus could see the glint in the old man's eyes "Oh and I really do expect you start acting your age soon Severus."
"Oh yes, I'll just be sneaking girls into the castle and going on all night drinking binges, yes that is sure what I did when I was twenty." His voice was filled with the brim to the sarcasm that Dumbledore knew as the man's way of showing his fear. Well the young man's way now.
"Don't you tell that you didn't find time between becoming potions master, joining the dark side, and being a spy, not to mention the None." Severus let out a scoff as he saw the man finally sit down across from him at the desk. "Anyhow I think this is an opportune time to restart on your dental health." The headmaster received a well-deserved glare from Severus
"Oh yes, it was really my fault I was stuck out in the woods all the time with no way in hell of getting 1 good meal a day, but Voldemort did provide us with all our dental needs."
"I didn't say it was your fault, but you can start over. And stop wearing that damned mousse." Severus couldn't take it anymore he was getting beauty tips from a man that could be his great grandfather. He lifted up his hands and left the room flabbergasted at his current state of affairs.
...Of course he did brush his teeth and he did get rid of the hair product. But he did not listen to Dumbledore. He did it on his own accord. Anyhow, it made it so the students thought his change in appearance was just do to lack of hair product and not some age reduction. He looked over at Hermione who randomly shrieked with delight.
"It does look like Lockhart with a huge mole if you hold it this way!" Severus grabbed the metal looking at it as Hermione had shown.
"Well I'll be damned" He muttered Hermione looking over to him seeing the smile escaping form his lips. She didn't know what had happened this morning but it had went a hell of a lot better then she thought. And that's all one can ask for, right?