*A/n: well I'm just managing to get this one up before I go on a short
vacation. the bit in the beginning might be a wee bit confusing because its
Ron thinking and remembering up to the present, just so you all know what
Ron was really doing that whole time. yep. thanks for all the nice reviews,
and I'm truly grateful to those who say they can be my beta, but I afraid I
get the chapters up so slow already and that it would be an awful lot of
work for them. Oh and Ill be sure to fix those specific corrections people
mentioned in reviews soon, I just really need to get off and start packing
right now, so enjoy... bye!*
12
A sad coincidence it was, Ron thought. He was in town that day, and decided to go see the Granger's. He didn't plan on staying the night but they were so nice. Evidently Hermione wasn't too bitter with him, or else her parents would know and shoo him out. Ron was pleased with this. Hermione didn't hate him, though he had left her. He left her with him. But he knew Ginny would take care of her for him, though Ginny was furious at him all the same.
But he couldn't stay with Harry. Every time he thought about what had happened his stomach wretched and he felt like throwing up. How could he have assisted in killing that poor man? All he wanted was to... what did he want in going forward with Harry? Did he want to become famous and be better then his brothers? Did he not want to betray his friends? Or was or that he didn't want to look like a wimp in front of Hermione? Little did he know the choice was wimp or murderer.
Ron remembered how it killed him, it still killed him, how he could do such a thing and lie about it to save his own butt. As he sat in his room looking over his bed staring at the comforter as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. He griped the fabric throwing back down on the bed like it had done something wrong, just by existing. It was there and others weren't. Why could things like this happen to people? And why was he still here and Mr. Snape wasn't? Who made that decision? He would have much rather had god decide for him to be a good person and defend the poor man then have the man innocent killed. He would die at least in good favor.
Ron fell face first onto the bed sucking in the stale air inside the comforter now. Nothing he could do now could make up for what he had did. And what was the point, for him to go on suffering forever? In his small worthless life that would have only done the world better if he had not existed. And Ron felt the heavy hand on his soul pulling it down to his feet. Until he realized, he didn't have to live.
That was his choice. No one could affect his decision to live or not, it was entirely up to him. An with a sudden chill down his spin he knew that the lead in his chest had light considerably, replaced with the butterflies in his stomach. It was like a first crush, Ron thought. Because he was free and didn't have to obey the laws of this world, and would instead go to the next if it did exist.
He flipped through the books Hermione always had strewn across the room. Finding what he wanted, a potion which made one die. Or rather cease to exist as the book put it. He would just take the potion and be gone, dead, and free. Now all he had to do was make this stupid potion. Ron grabbed a cauldron out of his trunk, the same one with all his school belongings. He would never have to go back to school then too. He would be the third Weasley to drop out. And he just may be a little more memorable then Fred and George in his creativity of it all. Ron smiled, and they thought no one would top Fred and George's exit.
Of course he was a day into the potion when Hermione walked in on him making it in the closet. His heart could have stopped right then inside of his chest from the fear. But it, just in spite of him, kept a shallow mummer as Hermione looked at the open book on the little stand. And by just the look on her face he felt so ashamed. He was so disappointed with the way his plans had been ruined and how he was never going to finish his potion to compete the plan. And now he had the weight on his chest of that small dropped jaw of Hermione's. Just looking at him like she didn't seem to be comprehending this all.
Hermione had seemed distant from him for the last day anyhow. Of course she was distant though, they had all been distant. But maybe that was because he was being distant from them, shutting himself in the closet. Hermione seemed to be showering all he time or running off to Ginny's room. And Harry... he was giving a little sympathy look on every newspaper on the wizarding world explaining the made up story of what happened. Funny how Harry could go off and tell everyone about it and seem to be suffering the least. Maybe because Harry had gone through allot of shit before.
Hermione had her wand out now and said scorchify in a shaky voice, as if she was afraid of the potion. Or maybe that was fear of Ron. Which if it was she immediately changed her mind about it all and pulled Ron into a long hug, breaking out of tears. Ron held the girl. Hermione pulled her face to looking his, closing her red eyes so not to look at Ron.
"Run," Hermione let out a small sob and weakly continued. "Just run away, do it for me, just don't do that" She vaguely motioned to the cauldron with her head. "Ever again."
And Ron taking in the pretty wet face of Hermione, let go of her and grabbed his things. Lightening his trunk, he grabbed his broom and flew out the window, not knowing what he was going to be doing. Or where for that matter. Just that Hermione told him not to kill himself. So he was listening to her, because she was the sensible one. He was just Ron, but Hermione cared enough to not want him gone. Ron glanced up to Hermione who was blinking back tears, lip bitten looking at him.
"Love you Hermione." Ron whispered. Hermione nodded her head breaking down into tears again and Ron flew put the window feeling the guilt of having no power to comfort her. He just wasn't strong enough to.
Ron had flown to the Americas. He decided they were far enough away that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew. To start all over again. Of course it wouldn't be so easy with out friends and family to start him off as a small boy. Now he was a young man, with no one.
Some times Ron wondered if he made the right decision, in listening to Hermione. He knew he loved her and wanted to make her happy, but was it the right choice? It was no different being this disconnected from her than being dead. Hell, he could kill himself now and no one would know the difference. Life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he was barley eating everyday, and owned a tiny studio in a terrible neighborhood. No furniture, no food, no magic.
So Ron would lie on the old carpet that you could still the cat piss of old owners if you were long there long enough. He would lie and look up at the ceiling, wondering why. For the love of god why me? His stomach would clench in a painful scream for nutrition and he would ignore it continue to wallow in his guilt and deep self-pity. Wondering if and how Hermione would ever hear about the young poor boy that slit himself in the wrists with some glass in a trash can outside his apartment because he was too fucking broke to even afford a razor. Too fucking broke to have some of his own damn trash to slash himself with.
And now, a half a year latter, he had nothing. His stint as a street magician had gone nowhere. He was but dead even to himself, though sadly still breathing. But somehow he found himself going back. Back to where he belonged, in England. And somehow found himself at Hermione's parents' door. Seeking refuge with the blissfully naive parents of his ex- girlfriend. Because that was what he always told himself she was, though he could still feel the fickle hope fill him every so often.
Hope that maybe Hermione might be lying somewhere thinking about him. Wondering if he considered her his ex-girlfriend. Or that maybe he still loved her. That she might want to still be his girlfriend and not ex. Wondering if that one day they might meet up again and fall into each other's arms with the knowledge that what they had was strong enough to come back around a second time.
Of course he then heard something down the hall. It sounded like someone was a having seizure. And his breath caught in his chest when he saw Harry standing over Mrs. Granger smiling as her last breath escaped her and the green light out of his wand faded out. It disgusted Ron so much. Because he hated him now. He hated Harry Potter, he who was now tackling him and disapparating them to some other place.
...
Severus woke with a start as a loud bang filled the room. Hermione like wise and they lifted themselves up looking over towards the noise of the two blurs in front of their bed. The red hair and black clashed a terrible bit with the grunts of the two figures removing one from another. What the hell was going on here? Who are they? Why were they here?
"Ron?" Severus heard Hermione say. He looked over to see Hermione's face show a confused daze cross over her face in the moonlight. Severus shocked as her muttered a lumos spell lighting the room with his wand and causing Ron and Harry to look up seeming like some possums caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle.
"Take a look at poor Hermione now, Ron. So sad and lonely next to her potions professor." Harry said wickedly to the boy now standing and walking a step slowly away from him. Ron really did look like he was about to get ran over, his face scrunched up looking from Hermione to Severus as if trying to take it all in.
Ron was pretty sure his heart had stopped. Or was it more that he was so stuck in one moment so that not enough time had elapsed for his heart to take another beat? It was just, there was Hermione, as beautiful as ever. More beautiful in fact. Maybe his heart had grown fonder in the absence, or maybe it was the tousled hair from just waking up from her slumber that made her so beautiful. Or was it the slender white cotton dressing gown that accented her body that was beautiful. Or maybe it was that because she was looking at him, maybe thinking that he had finally come back and she was too awe stricken to look away from him.
But then there was a slender arm wrapped possessively around her waist. A pale, pasty arm that belonged to the man he had grown to hate most in his Hogwarts education. It made him want to throw up. How could Hermione ever find herself sleeping in a bed with this man? Why for the love of god would she do it? It was fucking hypocrisy against the devil to sleep with him. This had to be a mistake, an error in the plot somewhere.
"Harry Potter?" Snape said making the time continue inside the room. Harry looked away from Ron to his professor now. He looked at him with a look of utter contempt. Snape's voice was full of the unfiltered rage that one might see a preview in the potions classroom. Only that was the preview. This on the other hand was the feature presentation. "You're a sick little boy, are you not? You know what Potter? I always wanted to say this, but never had a good enough reason to come out with it. Potter, I hate you. Just the fact you think you so great, it always got me. But now," Severus paused for a brief breath, letting a smile form on his lips. To say he wasn't enjoying this immensely would be a lie. It only pleased him more that Harry seemed to still quake a bit under his pressuring.
"Now, "Severus continued forward full throttle "I cant even grasp at how you can believe your good enough that people could put you murdering a person behind you back. You're 'friends' cant even put it behind them. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it Potter? your father was a little basterd too. but then again most of his friends could put up with him."
"Don't insult my family!" Harry yelped out with his fist clenched and white hitting the bed, sending a shockwave of force all through out it. Hermione looking afraid at the way things were going around, backed up into a far corner of the bed looking around at the men surrounding her. How could this be, how could she have three different males standing around her fighting like wolves for the right? She was never the type of person to fight over. Why were they all doing this?
"No, I take that back, you do things because of that premonition of yours, not your family. The premonition that said to kill that man sitting on the porch?" Severus bit out
"My scar has always been right..." Harry thought that Snape was angry because he had always been so jealous. Harry unclenched his fist to gingerly trace his scar. Slowly as he traced it he took a deep breath. Why should all the attention ualways/u be on him? Oh, no, not this time Professor.
"So, sick, well I'm not exactly the one sleeping with their students. Oh wait that wasn't you sleeping with her, it was her sleeping with you. Yes because I know she was the one who kissed you. She was the one who saw me in the corner and decided to kiss you to piss me off." Harry let out a slow hum shaking his head acting as though he couldn't believe it himself. He bally breathed out the words that came next. "She was the one looking into my eyes as she kissed you, wanting to make me angry for her disobedience."
"What?" Severus said off guard, caught off hand by this new piece of information.
"Did you think kissing Snape here would make me angry Hermione? You think it would kill me, and my dreams of us being together because you went out of your way to make out with this disgusting excuse for a man? Well 'Moine, I hate to admit it, but your plan worked. It did, I was furious."
Severus looked over to Hermione now sitting in an almost fetal position on the bed staring at him, the tears in her eyes. Did she really? No, she wouldn't do something like that. But if Harry was so horrible would revenge be more the their friendship. Did they even ever have that? Was this all just a big plot to piss Harry off? He was beginning to wonder. He watched her bite her lip and choke back a sob.
"Oh my god." Ron said in a low voice resting his head against the wall staring up at the ceiling. "I mean, wow Hermione. It makes me wish I never left you. I thought I was going through hell. I had no idea what hell was. I mean Harry, he fucking raped you, and Snape? Just the fact you had to look at him too spite Harry there is just... I'm sorry. I was so self centered."
Ron got up and walked over to Hermione pulling her up onto his arms, finally she started sobbing into him. Both Harry and Severus watched feeling as though they should have been the one holding Hermione. Though both knowing in the bottom of there hearts that maybe it was right Ron was holding her. Harry knew somewhere in there that he was not at all a gentleman, and Severus mean while just wondered weather he had been played the whole time.
Maybe he wasn't right for Hermione because she had never wanted him at all. This stung through him like a poisoned spear. So what if he had only had her for less then a day, she was his. Oh, god knew she wasn't the type of person who would just use him. Was she? Maybe he wasn't meant for her because he needed to so much as ask if it was right. He should know shouldn't he? If he loved her, he would know. But maybe since all the signs pointed the other way.
The way that he should just leave her with Ron. Signs like she's a student, she was younger then him, she needed an incentive to kiss him, and that she was looking pretty damned comfortable in Wesley's arms right now. It was like a tear in him, but he inhaled.
So, she didn't want him. iNo she doesn't/i He repeated to himself.
"Potter we are going to the ministry." He grabbed the boy and disapparated him there.
...
Hermione found Ron comforting and in spite of herself she couldn't help think she would find Severus comforting too. And he thought she was only using him now. Oh god, he had looked so angry. It was not that she didn't like him, it just wasn't exactly true that she might have gone through with kissing him if Harry wasn't there.
"I'm sorry Hermione." Ron whispered onto her ear, Hermione let out a breath, she imagined it was Severus's voice telling her that and she let out a slight shiver. Oh if it was Severus telling her that she would look up at him and he might carefully wipe the tears out of her eyes with his long elegant hands. But instead she just continued sobbing into Ron
She was just crying n the first place because she didn't know how to react to this all. So she just reacted. If only that reaction would have been anger instead of this. It made her furious at herself. Why was she acting like a fucking baby? She was a big girl who could work out her own problems. Hell if Severus didn't hate her then he would after he saw the way she was such a wimp. He would think he needed someone more mature then that, to break down just because two people were fighting.
She could normally stand a tense atmosphere. She was just too high on emotions right now. She felt Ron lying her down on the bed again, him crawling up next to her. It only made her want to cry more.
If only he wasn't so damned sweet she could get over him. If only Ron wasn't the perfect guy then she could just throw him out the window and say she was going to go be with Severus. But here he was lying looking concerned at her, saying apologies for leaving. For doing nothing wrong. Ron look up at her and leaned in for a kiss.
He pressed his mouth against hers and unlike the passion filled kiss she had gotten form Severus earlier this one was different. Hermione didn't think of a way of put it other then different. But she allowed herself to be taken by Ron continued. She was just too tired to want to make him stop.
She didn't have a good reason to make him stop either. It wasn't that it wasn't nice, it was just Ron. And for lack of a better word she would mark it in her memory burned as a pure Ron kiss. Because she couldn't push him back and say, "You know Ron, I like you and all, but frankly when Severus kisses me it just so much better." Because her heart was already aching so much that she needed something for it to cling onto. Because Ron was a friend of hers that she was afraid that if she pushed him away he might do something rash.
Hermione could barely believe that Ron had tried to kill himself once. It just didn't seem possible. There was Ron the happy go lucky guy she knew. How did he all of a sudden decide that death was the answer? Harry, that was why. He fucked them all up so much it was scary. Take a look at what fiends can do to you, Hermione remembered herself thinking once. So when she saw Ron trying to get rid of himself she didn't know what to do.
So told him to leave. Was that really the smart idea, she would ask herself. To leave him to his own devices, really shouldn't she be keeping a closer eye on him? But it seemed right at the moment, he wanted to leave, but instead of leaving permanently, leave temporarily. That way someday he could come back. Because Ron didn't deserve to leave forever. Because Ron was a good guy. Funny how after he left she began to deny that fact.
And as it hurt her so to admit it, maybe, just maybe this was the right thing for Hermione to be doing. To be with Ron, because she didn't want him to go. At least she didn't originally. But now, did she want him to stay?
*A/n: hypocrisy against the devil -that's my favorite phrase from Othello by William Shakespeare, just a note*
12
A sad coincidence it was, Ron thought. He was in town that day, and decided to go see the Granger's. He didn't plan on staying the night but they were so nice. Evidently Hermione wasn't too bitter with him, or else her parents would know and shoo him out. Ron was pleased with this. Hermione didn't hate him, though he had left her. He left her with him. But he knew Ginny would take care of her for him, though Ginny was furious at him all the same.
But he couldn't stay with Harry. Every time he thought about what had happened his stomach wretched and he felt like throwing up. How could he have assisted in killing that poor man? All he wanted was to... what did he want in going forward with Harry? Did he want to become famous and be better then his brothers? Did he not want to betray his friends? Or was or that he didn't want to look like a wimp in front of Hermione? Little did he know the choice was wimp or murderer.
Ron remembered how it killed him, it still killed him, how he could do such a thing and lie about it to save his own butt. As he sat in his room looking over his bed staring at the comforter as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. He griped the fabric throwing back down on the bed like it had done something wrong, just by existing. It was there and others weren't. Why could things like this happen to people? And why was he still here and Mr. Snape wasn't? Who made that decision? He would have much rather had god decide for him to be a good person and defend the poor man then have the man innocent killed. He would die at least in good favor.
Ron fell face first onto the bed sucking in the stale air inside the comforter now. Nothing he could do now could make up for what he had did. And what was the point, for him to go on suffering forever? In his small worthless life that would have only done the world better if he had not existed. And Ron felt the heavy hand on his soul pulling it down to his feet. Until he realized, he didn't have to live.
That was his choice. No one could affect his decision to live or not, it was entirely up to him. An with a sudden chill down his spin he knew that the lead in his chest had light considerably, replaced with the butterflies in his stomach. It was like a first crush, Ron thought. Because he was free and didn't have to obey the laws of this world, and would instead go to the next if it did exist.
He flipped through the books Hermione always had strewn across the room. Finding what he wanted, a potion which made one die. Or rather cease to exist as the book put it. He would just take the potion and be gone, dead, and free. Now all he had to do was make this stupid potion. Ron grabbed a cauldron out of his trunk, the same one with all his school belongings. He would never have to go back to school then too. He would be the third Weasley to drop out. And he just may be a little more memorable then Fred and George in his creativity of it all. Ron smiled, and they thought no one would top Fred and George's exit.
Of course he was a day into the potion when Hermione walked in on him making it in the closet. His heart could have stopped right then inside of his chest from the fear. But it, just in spite of him, kept a shallow mummer as Hermione looked at the open book on the little stand. And by just the look on her face he felt so ashamed. He was so disappointed with the way his plans had been ruined and how he was never going to finish his potion to compete the plan. And now he had the weight on his chest of that small dropped jaw of Hermione's. Just looking at him like she didn't seem to be comprehending this all.
Hermione had seemed distant from him for the last day anyhow. Of course she was distant though, they had all been distant. But maybe that was because he was being distant from them, shutting himself in the closet. Hermione seemed to be showering all he time or running off to Ginny's room. And Harry... he was giving a little sympathy look on every newspaper on the wizarding world explaining the made up story of what happened. Funny how Harry could go off and tell everyone about it and seem to be suffering the least. Maybe because Harry had gone through allot of shit before.
Hermione had her wand out now and said scorchify in a shaky voice, as if she was afraid of the potion. Or maybe that was fear of Ron. Which if it was she immediately changed her mind about it all and pulled Ron into a long hug, breaking out of tears. Ron held the girl. Hermione pulled her face to looking his, closing her red eyes so not to look at Ron.
"Run," Hermione let out a small sob and weakly continued. "Just run away, do it for me, just don't do that" She vaguely motioned to the cauldron with her head. "Ever again."
And Ron taking in the pretty wet face of Hermione, let go of her and grabbed his things. Lightening his trunk, he grabbed his broom and flew out the window, not knowing what he was going to be doing. Or where for that matter. Just that Hermione told him not to kill himself. So he was listening to her, because she was the sensible one. He was just Ron, but Hermione cared enough to not want him gone. Ron glanced up to Hermione who was blinking back tears, lip bitten looking at him.
"Love you Hermione." Ron whispered. Hermione nodded her head breaking down into tears again and Ron flew put the window feeling the guilt of having no power to comfort her. He just wasn't strong enough to.
Ron had flown to the Americas. He decided they were far enough away that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew. To start all over again. Of course it wouldn't be so easy with out friends and family to start him off as a small boy. Now he was a young man, with no one.
Some times Ron wondered if he made the right decision, in listening to Hermione. He knew he loved her and wanted to make her happy, but was it the right choice? It was no different being this disconnected from her than being dead. Hell, he could kill himself now and no one would know the difference. Life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he was barley eating everyday, and owned a tiny studio in a terrible neighborhood. No furniture, no food, no magic.
So Ron would lie on the old carpet that you could still the cat piss of old owners if you were long there long enough. He would lie and look up at the ceiling, wondering why. For the love of god why me? His stomach would clench in a painful scream for nutrition and he would ignore it continue to wallow in his guilt and deep self-pity. Wondering if and how Hermione would ever hear about the young poor boy that slit himself in the wrists with some glass in a trash can outside his apartment because he was too fucking broke to even afford a razor. Too fucking broke to have some of his own damn trash to slash himself with.
And now, a half a year latter, he had nothing. His stint as a street magician had gone nowhere. He was but dead even to himself, though sadly still breathing. But somehow he found himself going back. Back to where he belonged, in England. And somehow found himself at Hermione's parents' door. Seeking refuge with the blissfully naive parents of his ex- girlfriend. Because that was what he always told himself she was, though he could still feel the fickle hope fill him every so often.
Hope that maybe Hermione might be lying somewhere thinking about him. Wondering if he considered her his ex-girlfriend. Or that maybe he still loved her. That she might want to still be his girlfriend and not ex. Wondering if that one day they might meet up again and fall into each other's arms with the knowledge that what they had was strong enough to come back around a second time.
Of course he then heard something down the hall. It sounded like someone was a having seizure. And his breath caught in his chest when he saw Harry standing over Mrs. Granger smiling as her last breath escaped her and the green light out of his wand faded out. It disgusted Ron so much. Because he hated him now. He hated Harry Potter, he who was now tackling him and disapparating them to some other place.
...
Severus woke with a start as a loud bang filled the room. Hermione like wise and they lifted themselves up looking over towards the noise of the two blurs in front of their bed. The red hair and black clashed a terrible bit with the grunts of the two figures removing one from another. What the hell was going on here? Who are they? Why were they here?
"Ron?" Severus heard Hermione say. He looked over to see Hermione's face show a confused daze cross over her face in the moonlight. Severus shocked as her muttered a lumos spell lighting the room with his wand and causing Ron and Harry to look up seeming like some possums caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle.
"Take a look at poor Hermione now, Ron. So sad and lonely next to her potions professor." Harry said wickedly to the boy now standing and walking a step slowly away from him. Ron really did look like he was about to get ran over, his face scrunched up looking from Hermione to Severus as if trying to take it all in.
Ron was pretty sure his heart had stopped. Or was it more that he was so stuck in one moment so that not enough time had elapsed for his heart to take another beat? It was just, there was Hermione, as beautiful as ever. More beautiful in fact. Maybe his heart had grown fonder in the absence, or maybe it was the tousled hair from just waking up from her slumber that made her so beautiful. Or was it the slender white cotton dressing gown that accented her body that was beautiful. Or maybe it was that because she was looking at him, maybe thinking that he had finally come back and she was too awe stricken to look away from him.
But then there was a slender arm wrapped possessively around her waist. A pale, pasty arm that belonged to the man he had grown to hate most in his Hogwarts education. It made him want to throw up. How could Hermione ever find herself sleeping in a bed with this man? Why for the love of god would she do it? It was fucking hypocrisy against the devil to sleep with him. This had to be a mistake, an error in the plot somewhere.
"Harry Potter?" Snape said making the time continue inside the room. Harry looked away from Ron to his professor now. He looked at him with a look of utter contempt. Snape's voice was full of the unfiltered rage that one might see a preview in the potions classroom. Only that was the preview. This on the other hand was the feature presentation. "You're a sick little boy, are you not? You know what Potter? I always wanted to say this, but never had a good enough reason to come out with it. Potter, I hate you. Just the fact you think you so great, it always got me. But now," Severus paused for a brief breath, letting a smile form on his lips. To say he wasn't enjoying this immensely would be a lie. It only pleased him more that Harry seemed to still quake a bit under his pressuring.
"Now, "Severus continued forward full throttle "I cant even grasp at how you can believe your good enough that people could put you murdering a person behind you back. You're 'friends' cant even put it behind them. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it Potter? your father was a little basterd too. but then again most of his friends could put up with him."
"Don't insult my family!" Harry yelped out with his fist clenched and white hitting the bed, sending a shockwave of force all through out it. Hermione looking afraid at the way things were going around, backed up into a far corner of the bed looking around at the men surrounding her. How could this be, how could she have three different males standing around her fighting like wolves for the right? She was never the type of person to fight over. Why were they all doing this?
"No, I take that back, you do things because of that premonition of yours, not your family. The premonition that said to kill that man sitting on the porch?" Severus bit out
"My scar has always been right..." Harry thought that Snape was angry because he had always been so jealous. Harry unclenched his fist to gingerly trace his scar. Slowly as he traced it he took a deep breath. Why should all the attention ualways/u be on him? Oh, no, not this time Professor.
"So, sick, well I'm not exactly the one sleeping with their students. Oh wait that wasn't you sleeping with her, it was her sleeping with you. Yes because I know she was the one who kissed you. She was the one who saw me in the corner and decided to kiss you to piss me off." Harry let out a slow hum shaking his head acting as though he couldn't believe it himself. He bally breathed out the words that came next. "She was the one looking into my eyes as she kissed you, wanting to make me angry for her disobedience."
"What?" Severus said off guard, caught off hand by this new piece of information.
"Did you think kissing Snape here would make me angry Hermione? You think it would kill me, and my dreams of us being together because you went out of your way to make out with this disgusting excuse for a man? Well 'Moine, I hate to admit it, but your plan worked. It did, I was furious."
Severus looked over to Hermione now sitting in an almost fetal position on the bed staring at him, the tears in her eyes. Did she really? No, she wouldn't do something like that. But if Harry was so horrible would revenge be more the their friendship. Did they even ever have that? Was this all just a big plot to piss Harry off? He was beginning to wonder. He watched her bite her lip and choke back a sob.
"Oh my god." Ron said in a low voice resting his head against the wall staring up at the ceiling. "I mean, wow Hermione. It makes me wish I never left you. I thought I was going through hell. I had no idea what hell was. I mean Harry, he fucking raped you, and Snape? Just the fact you had to look at him too spite Harry there is just... I'm sorry. I was so self centered."
Ron got up and walked over to Hermione pulling her up onto his arms, finally she started sobbing into him. Both Harry and Severus watched feeling as though they should have been the one holding Hermione. Though both knowing in the bottom of there hearts that maybe it was right Ron was holding her. Harry knew somewhere in there that he was not at all a gentleman, and Severus mean while just wondered weather he had been played the whole time.
Maybe he wasn't right for Hermione because she had never wanted him at all. This stung through him like a poisoned spear. So what if he had only had her for less then a day, she was his. Oh, god knew she wasn't the type of person who would just use him. Was she? Maybe he wasn't meant for her because he needed to so much as ask if it was right. He should know shouldn't he? If he loved her, he would know. But maybe since all the signs pointed the other way.
The way that he should just leave her with Ron. Signs like she's a student, she was younger then him, she needed an incentive to kiss him, and that she was looking pretty damned comfortable in Wesley's arms right now. It was like a tear in him, but he inhaled.
So, she didn't want him. iNo she doesn't/i He repeated to himself.
"Potter we are going to the ministry." He grabbed the boy and disapparated him there.
...
Hermione found Ron comforting and in spite of herself she couldn't help think she would find Severus comforting too. And he thought she was only using him now. Oh god, he had looked so angry. It was not that she didn't like him, it just wasn't exactly true that she might have gone through with kissing him if Harry wasn't there.
"I'm sorry Hermione." Ron whispered onto her ear, Hermione let out a breath, she imagined it was Severus's voice telling her that and she let out a slight shiver. Oh if it was Severus telling her that she would look up at him and he might carefully wipe the tears out of her eyes with his long elegant hands. But instead she just continued sobbing into Ron
She was just crying n the first place because she didn't know how to react to this all. So she just reacted. If only that reaction would have been anger instead of this. It made her furious at herself. Why was she acting like a fucking baby? She was a big girl who could work out her own problems. Hell if Severus didn't hate her then he would after he saw the way she was such a wimp. He would think he needed someone more mature then that, to break down just because two people were fighting.
She could normally stand a tense atmosphere. She was just too high on emotions right now. She felt Ron lying her down on the bed again, him crawling up next to her. It only made her want to cry more.
If only he wasn't so damned sweet she could get over him. If only Ron wasn't the perfect guy then she could just throw him out the window and say she was going to go be with Severus. But here he was lying looking concerned at her, saying apologies for leaving. For doing nothing wrong. Ron look up at her and leaned in for a kiss.
He pressed his mouth against hers and unlike the passion filled kiss she had gotten form Severus earlier this one was different. Hermione didn't think of a way of put it other then different. But she allowed herself to be taken by Ron continued. She was just too tired to want to make him stop.
She didn't have a good reason to make him stop either. It wasn't that it wasn't nice, it was just Ron. And for lack of a better word she would mark it in her memory burned as a pure Ron kiss. Because she couldn't push him back and say, "You know Ron, I like you and all, but frankly when Severus kisses me it just so much better." Because her heart was already aching so much that she needed something for it to cling onto. Because Ron was a friend of hers that she was afraid that if she pushed him away he might do something rash.
Hermione could barely believe that Ron had tried to kill himself once. It just didn't seem possible. There was Ron the happy go lucky guy she knew. How did he all of a sudden decide that death was the answer? Harry, that was why. He fucked them all up so much it was scary. Take a look at what fiends can do to you, Hermione remembered herself thinking once. So when she saw Ron trying to get rid of himself she didn't know what to do.
So told him to leave. Was that really the smart idea, she would ask herself. To leave him to his own devices, really shouldn't she be keeping a closer eye on him? But it seemed right at the moment, he wanted to leave, but instead of leaving permanently, leave temporarily. That way someday he could come back. Because Ron didn't deserve to leave forever. Because Ron was a good guy. Funny how after he left she began to deny that fact.
And as it hurt her so to admit it, maybe, just maybe this was the right thing for Hermione to be doing. To be with Ron, because she didn't want him to go. At least she didn't originally. But now, did she want him to stay?
*A/n: hypocrisy against the devil -that's my favorite phrase from Othello by William Shakespeare, just a note*