Talk About Books

Chapter 4 – Courage to call

Disclaimer: I don't own: GG, any books, movies, colleges, etc.

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews! I'm sorry this has taken so long…I've written tons of "Run to the Bridge" too, and I have no time to type it…(That's actually my favorite of the fics I'm working on right now.) I hope you like this! So, on with the chapter!  ~Arianna

Eventually, I said goodbye to Jess and walked home.

What can I do? I kept thinking. I didn't see how I could explain to Dean and get him to listen. But it was nothing, right? I had just been hugging a friend. A friend who happened to be another guy…

Jess had been so cool about it all. He'd comforted me and everything. And he'd let me cry, and he'd gotten me coffee. And he had known I wanted coffee. Who else would have known that? Besides my mom, of course…well, he did work in the diner…

He was a great guy who loved to read…Stop! You have a boyfriend! A boyfriend who was furious with me. I had to apologize…for what? I had to say something. I felt bad about what had happened. But I didn't regret it. Not really.

Mom still wasn't home. I sat on the couch and grabbed Eudora Welty's short stories from the side table. But I kept feeling guilty.

Finally, I picked up the book and found the telephone.

I can do this. I started dialing Dean's number. And then hung up. What if Dean actually answered it? Truthfully, I didn't want to talk to him right now. But I could leave a message, I guess…

He was probably working now. And if he wasn't…I didn't think I deserved to be yelled at. Had I really done anything wrong? Dean just hated Jess…I could deal with it, though. I think. I picked up the phone, and this time I dialed the whole number.

It was the message machine, luckily.

"Um, hi, Dean," I said nervously. "It's Rory…I just…wanted to say—it wasn't what you thought, really. I'd like a chance to explain…I'm sorry you're mad. But don't jump to conclusions, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry because I know I did but…" I was rambling now. "Please call me back? It wasn't anything, he's my friend, you didn't—" I sighed. "I hope you'll understand. I…I don't know what else to say…Just call back?"

That was pathetic, I thought. Really pathetic. But what I said was true…it was what I thought, mostly… I would just have to see if he was still mad. If he actually would let me explain at all. And I'd see what would happen.

I couldn't go out again now. Because if I ran into Jess… So I stayed home, reading.

The phone rang a few hours later.

Ring! He'd be off work by now, wouldn't he?

Ring! But it could be Lane, or my mom.

Ring! I wasn't sure if I could deal with talking to him…but I had asked him to call me back, hadn't I?

Ring! I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Rory?"

"Dean…"

"Jumping to conclusions?! What the hell do you mean it wasn't what I thought?"

"I—"

"It wasn't anything? Rory, I saw you hugging Jess! That's enough!"

"He's my friend…" I knew instantly that this was not the right thing to say if my objective was apologizing to Dean. But I wasn't going to lie about that.

"That's not what it looked like," Dean said in a low voice.

"I know, but…just let me explain?"

"I'm listening," he said impatiently.

"Okay, um…we…"

"You and Jess?" Dean didn't sound happy putting those words in the same sentence.

"Uh, yeah. We kind of had a fight before…when we both happened to be in the bookstore. And I was there and he came in and he apologized and we were talking."

"I'm not seeing what this has to do with what I saw."

"Just let me finish!" I said, anxiously. "We were talking and I know I…I just wanted to say I was sorry—"

"But the words 'I'm sorry' were out of the question, right?"

"Dean…" I pleaded.

"You know I hate him!"

"Yeah, I do," I said hesitantly. "I'm sorry for what you thought, I'm sorry… But I don't hate him. I can't. I'm not going to."

"Should have known," he muttered.

"No, listen! You just don't know him."

"I don't want to!"

"Look, he's had a really tough time—"

"And I'm starting to think he deserves it."

"That's not fair," I said angrily.

"What's not fair? That's what I think. I really don't like him, Rory."

"I do," I said softly.

"Fine." Dean hung up. I stared at the phone for a minute, trying not to cry. Where did this leave us? I wasn't sure what had just happened…I wanted to know how mad at me he was…but what he'd said about Jess—it had been mean. And my boyfriend…didn't people always say that friends come first? Why did this have to be so different?

But I knew. It was Dean. And it was Jess.

I called Lane, but she was at band practice. Of course, that's not what her mother told me, but I knew she wasn't at an extracurricular church group. She seemed to have come up with yet another good lie.

Then I called my mom's cell phone, but her message involved something about being prone to losing the phone, and I didn't want to leave a message then.

Giving up, I set the phone down and began reading again.

I couldn't do it. I lay back on the couch for a while, thinking.

And then I reached for the phone and dialed Luke's Diner.

"Hello?"

"Jess?"

He sounded surprised. "Rory?"

"Um, hi."

"Hey," he replied, mildly amused.

"I just called because…nobody was there and I didn't wanna leave a message and—"

"You okay?"

I sighed. "Not really. Maybe. I don't know."

"What happened?"

"I called…I called Dean."

"So—are you guys…"

"No. We're not." For a second, I felt like saying, 'It's because of you! You came here and you were mean and you were nice and you made me like you…' But I didn't. It was stupid. It was a bad idea, it wasn't true…I couldn't. I told him the truth. "I…what he said wasn't fair and—I'm sorry. I say hi and then I start complaining."

"Hey, I'm glad you called."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Always good to have someone to talk to besides Luke." Jess paused. "Uh…you wanna…tell me what happened?"

"I called…and I meant to apologize. But I—we didn't do anything wrong! So…"

"I'm sorry," Jess said in a low voice.

"It isn't your fault! I just…he got mad all over again."

"Rory, I—"

"It's okay!"

"Look, Rory, Luke's yelling at me to get downstairs…"

"Okay. So see you later?"

"Yeah. See ya." I hung up; Jess did too. I didn't know what to think, yet again. And I hated being so confused.

I'd go crazy if I stayed in the house forever. I scribbled a note for my mom, and left, to wander around town.

I passed Doose's Market. I immediately ran directly into Dean.

"Uh, sorry, I—" I said quickly, and started to hurry away, fighting to control myself.

"No, wait—" he said. I looked up, surprised.

"What?" I wasn't about to take back what I'd said. About liking Jess. I'd meant it.

"Rory…I was thinking about what you said." Now, is that good or bad…? "And I know—I know you don't lie," Dean continued. "I mean, that was true, right?"

"It was true," I confirmed, nodding. "Yeah, of course."

"Okay, I guess. I…I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," I whispered, saying it more for—for formality, I guess, than really meaning it. I hadn't been wrong.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you." Dean walked off, and I stared after him. I did feel better.

But before I fell asleep that night, I kept hearing it in my mind: "Hey, I'm glad you called."