Week 3 – One Paragraph
I'm sitting in Dr. Barnett's office looking patiently around as she looks softly at me. Kendall insisted that I talk to her again, so here I am, but there's not too much talking going on. She's just sitting there, looking at me. For once, I just wish she would speak. She's been looking at me for several minutes, and it's starting to drive me nuts.
Pun not intended.
"So Sydney, how have you been?"
Finally.
"Fine," I say.
She nods but she just continues to look at me.
"Really, I'm fine. It's been three weeks; I'm fully recovered and ready to get back into the full swing of things. SD-6 already has me back on the job. After all, it's not like I was actually tortured or anything. The entire experience could have been a lot worse."
She nods again and smiles. "I suppose, but you know, sensory deprivation is a form of torture in itself. Though some people use it to achieve a meditative state, living in it for three weeks is something else entirely. Are you sleeping well at night?"
No. Last night I woke up in a cold sweat for no apparent reason. Two nights ago, I woke up Francie with a blood curdling scream. I have nightmares regularly, and that's when I can get to sleep at all.
"More or less," I say. "It's nothing I can't handle."
She nods and writes something down on her pad of paper. "Sydney I'll be honest. There are two things that I am worried about with you. The first is fact that, though you are not openly admitting it, I think you must be feeling a certain amount of disconnectedness from you life. You spent three weeks in the dark, in an enclosed sea container. Now you are thrust back into your life and I'm certain that most people expect you to carry on as if nothing has happened. But something has happened. You spent three weeks probably re-examining your life because there was nothing much to distract you from it. You are going to have changed a little as a result of all that introspection. The second thing is—"
"Please" I hold my hand up to stop her. "I don't want to hear anymore about the change in my attitude towards Mr. Sark."
She looks at me peculiarly, "No, that's not what I was going to say." She pauses as she considers my words though. "I was reading over your debriefing report and something struck me as a little strange. You mention that the guards came and got you and brought you to…" she looks down at her pad, "Jian Xie. But then all you say is that you managed to disarm him and the guard that was with him. You then headed to the engine room where you rigged an explosive, rescued Sark and then swam to shore."
"And…? What's the problem with that?"
"Your entire report is ten pages long and your escape takes up one paragraph." She puts her pad down on her table and leans back. "Sydney, I know that you are self reliant and that you see me as more of a threat to you then a man with a gun, but I just want you to know something. My job is to help you do yours better. I am not looking for reasons to pull you out of the field and especially in your case, since I know you just can't leave, but rather I am here to help you. Sometimes there are things that are just too difficult to handle on your own."
"I'm fine."
"I know. That's what you keep telling me. But just in case, I want you to know that if there are things that you need to talk about, that maybe I can help."
"Really, I'm fine."
"I know."
"Are we done?"
She nods. I quickly get up and move towards the door.
As I reach for the doorknob, my vision shifts slightly, and for a second all I can see is my hand covered in blood. I jerk my hand back and shake my head, but when I look back down at my hand it is normal.
"Sydney, are you ok?" I hear Dr. Barnett's voice behind me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just a bug on my hand."
This time I reach for the door, yank it open and walk out.
I am fine. Really.
More or less. It's nothing I can't handle.
Some things are just my own business, that's all.