***
II. you're only going to walk all over me
***
"I'll let you know as soon as possible. Yes. Thank you, Alain." Arvin hung up the phone and willed his face into pleasant blankness.
"What did Alain want?" Emily looked up from her crossword puzzle.
"It was a job offer, actually." What had the cover been? "Some sort of executive banking work."
"Leave the CIA?"
"Yes." More than she knew. "I can hardly imagine it."
"Are you considering it?"
Something about her voice caught his attention. "Do you think I should?"
She looked down at the pen in her hands. "The CIA is very...demanding," she said carefully. "I don't have to know any top-secret details to see that you're tired and angry when you come home."
"I'm sorry, Emily. I should have tried harder to--"
She took his hand. "Don't be silly. I'm your wife. I'm supposed to worry about you."
Arvin smiled over at her. He was never quite sure what he'd done to deserve Emily in his life, but it must have been something very worthy. He sobered at the thought. "I'm not sure that this job will make things better. And I'm not--I think I'm not quite ready to cut my ties to the CIA yet."
"I can understand that."
"I should discuss it with Jack first, though. Alain is probably on the phone with him right now."
"Today? He wouldn't."
"Today?" Arvin echoed.
Emily gave him the long-suffering wife look. "You are so bad with dates."
It was true. He could remember cover stories, foreign languages, and access codes, but he'd been known to forget his own birthday. "What's today?"
"Sydney's birthday."
He went cold. "My God."
"She would have been seventeen today."
"I have to go. I--" He was halfway out the door. "Jack will--"
"Yes. Go."
***
He found Jack still sitting next to his phone. Sydney's favorite stuffed bunny was propped on the sofa next to him.
"Jack. Did Alain--"
"Yes."
"Son of a *bitch.* He had no right to call you today of all days."
"Ten years, Arvin." Jack picked up the bunny, which stared back at him solemnly. "Ten years. She wouldn't even want this any more. She probably got a gun instead of a car for her birthday."
"We'll find her." He'd lost count of the times he'd made that promise.
"You and I both know the CIA lost interest years ago. Alain has promised me all the resources I need to track Derevko down."
"If you betray your country."
"What's the greater betrayal? Selling your skills to the highest bidder or letting a man lose his child and telling the world she's dead? God, Arvin, what if Sydney finds out? She'll think I've given up."
They'd had this conversation countless times too. "She would never think that. You were the world's best father for the first seven years of her life. Nothing Derevko does can change that. Stop doing this to yourself, Jack." It sounded hollow even as he said it.
"I have to find her. This is the only way."
"I don't believe that."
Jack stood. "I do." His eyes dropped back to the bunny. "It's ironic. He wants to call it *Section Disparu.*"
"The section that doesn't exist."
"Like everything else in my life. Help me do this, Arvin. Help me find my daughter."
Emily was right, the CIA was demanding, Arvin thought as he searched for a response. But it was nothing compared to friendship.
***
II. you're only going to walk all over me
***
"I'll let you know as soon as possible. Yes. Thank you, Alain." Arvin hung up the phone and willed his face into pleasant blankness.
"What did Alain want?" Emily looked up from her crossword puzzle.
"It was a job offer, actually." What had the cover been? "Some sort of executive banking work."
"Leave the CIA?"
"Yes." More than she knew. "I can hardly imagine it."
"Are you considering it?"
Something about her voice caught his attention. "Do you think I should?"
She looked down at the pen in her hands. "The CIA is very...demanding," she said carefully. "I don't have to know any top-secret details to see that you're tired and angry when you come home."
"I'm sorry, Emily. I should have tried harder to--"
She took his hand. "Don't be silly. I'm your wife. I'm supposed to worry about you."
Arvin smiled over at her. He was never quite sure what he'd done to deserve Emily in his life, but it must have been something very worthy. He sobered at the thought. "I'm not sure that this job will make things better. And I'm not--I think I'm not quite ready to cut my ties to the CIA yet."
"I can understand that."
"I should discuss it with Jack first, though. Alain is probably on the phone with him right now."
"Today? He wouldn't."
"Today?" Arvin echoed.
Emily gave him the long-suffering wife look. "You are so bad with dates."
It was true. He could remember cover stories, foreign languages, and access codes, but he'd been known to forget his own birthday. "What's today?"
"Sydney's birthday."
He went cold. "My God."
"She would have been seventeen today."
"I have to go. I--" He was halfway out the door. "Jack will--"
"Yes. Go."
***
He found Jack still sitting next to his phone. Sydney's favorite stuffed bunny was propped on the sofa next to him.
"Jack. Did Alain--"
"Yes."
"Son of a *bitch.* He had no right to call you today of all days."
"Ten years, Arvin." Jack picked up the bunny, which stared back at him solemnly. "Ten years. She wouldn't even want this any more. She probably got a gun instead of a car for her birthday."
"We'll find her." He'd lost count of the times he'd made that promise.
"You and I both know the CIA lost interest years ago. Alain has promised me all the resources I need to track Derevko down."
"If you betray your country."
"What's the greater betrayal? Selling your skills to the highest bidder or letting a man lose his child and telling the world she's dead? God, Arvin, what if Sydney finds out? She'll think I've given up."
They'd had this conversation countless times too. "She would never think that. You were the world's best father for the first seven years of her life. Nothing Derevko does can change that. Stop doing this to yourself, Jack." It sounded hollow even as he said it.
"I have to find her. This is the only way."
"I don't believe that."
Jack stood. "I do." His eyes dropped back to the bunny. "It's ironic. He wants to call it *Section Disparu.*"
"The section that doesn't exist."
"Like everything else in my life. Help me do this, Arvin. Help me find my daughter."
Emily was right, the CIA was demanding, Arvin thought as he searched for a response. But it was nothing compared to friendship.
***