***
Lily didn't quite know how she had made it to bed that night. The last thing she remembered was Severus calling her a whore. She still had no idea what had brought it on.
The next morning though, she got her answers. James pulled her aside, and told her what had happened the night before. Her reaction surprised both herself, and James.
"Why are you telling me this, James?" she asked in amazement, and James stared.
"I just… I thought," he started.
"You thought what?" Lily asked.
"I thought you and Severus were… well, you know…"
"Together?" Lily laughed. "Really James, would I stoop that low?"
Just as she said this, Lucius Malfoy passed them and gave James a pleased smirk.
"That's right, Potter. She could do much better," he said, smiling suggestively at Lily. "Even if she is a mudblood."
He hardly had time to finish the sentence before James' fist flung at him. Lucius failed to duck, and James hit him hard on the jaw. Lucius staggered backwards, his hand instinctively reaching for his mouth. He was bleeding. Lily was about to say something when a loud voice stopped her;
"James Potter, what in Merlin's name are you doing?"
The tree of them turned, only to see Professor McGonagall coming down the stairs, her lips pursed.
"I demand an explanation this instant," she said, looking at James.
"I'm sorry Professor," James said, "but he called her a mudblood. I couldn't help it." McGonagall turned to Lucius.
"Is this true, Mr. Malfoy," she said.
Lucius tried to smirk, but clearly found it to painful and ended up nodding carefully.
"Well, none the less, it gives you no right to hit him, James. Ten points from both your houses, and I assure you, you will find yourselves in detention. Now clear off."
Lily grabbed James' arm, dragging him away before he did more damage.
*
Severus woke in a terrible mood that morning. Not only had he hardly slept at all that night, but he was still kicking himself for having been so foolish as to fall for Sirius' trick. He dreaded what would happen when people found out about it. As if the whole school wasn't laughing at him as it was…
On his way to the Great Hall for breakfast, he ran into Professor Avery.
"Ah, Severus," he smirked. "The headmaster wants to see you. I understand you were out a bit late last night?"
Severus sighed. He knew what was coming.
"Where and when?" he asked wearily.
"I think it's wise if we keep this incident quiet," Avery said, lowering his voice. "I mean, we can hardly afford to loose any more points to Gryffindor, can we?"
Severus couldn't believe his luck, and watched Avery in amazement as the professor disappeared down the hall.
'The spirit of a true Slytherin,' he thought.
He turned to go see Dumbledore when he heard the voices of the last two people he wanted anything to do with right now. Lily and James. Severus slipped into an empty classroom, and just in time as the two came around the corner.
"I wish you hadn't done that," Lily said. "He's not worth it, and it's not like it's the first time he's said it."
"Maybe he'll consider making this his last," James said, rubbing his knuckles. "Listen, I'm sorry if I insulted you about Severus. You've just seemed… well, you know."
Lily smiled.
"I'm helping him with Transfiguration," she said. "Nothing more, nothing less. I doubt Severus Snape is capable of having a decent relationship, and if he was I assure you I would be the last person who would want to be in it with him."
The two passed the classroom, and disappeared down the hall. Severus leaned against the wall. Minutes ago he had been furious with Lily, but hearing what she had just said had turned him around completely. He had no idea a few simple words could hurt so much. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out and stepped on it. It would have been better if she had said that she hated him. Hate was a word he could live with. It was a word he was used to. Or, at least he thought he was. He hoped he never got to hear Lily say she hated him.
*
Severus had never been inside Dumbledore's office before, and looking around he kind of wished he had. The bookshelves were crammed full of books, and strange devises stood everywhere. A large, red phoenix sat on a perch behind the desk. Dumbledore was reading The Daily Prophet, but looked up when Severus entered.
"Ah, Severus," he said, smiling. "Have a seat."
Severus sat down nervously in the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"Now," the headmaster said, "tell me what happened last night. Your version."
Severus hesitated. When he had awoken that morning, he had been ready to do just about anything to get back at Sirius. But after hearing what Lily had said, he suddenly found that he didn't really care anymore. He didn't want to get Lily into trouble. He knew she deserved it, the prank had been terrible. He could have been killed. But something inside him refused to let him blame her.
"Perhaps," said Dumbledore, breaking his chain of thoughts, "this has something to do with Miss. Evans?"
Severus looked up, surprised, and Dumbledore smiled.
"I know more about what goes on in this school than you can imagine, Severus," he said. "Now, this does have something to do with Lily, am I right?"
Severus nodded slowly. Then he started telling Dumbledore what had happened the night before. Dumbledore listened attentively, nodding now and then. When Severus finished, he was silent for a while.
"I think you understand," Dumbledore said at last, "that what you saw last night is to be kept a complete secret."
Severus only nodded slightly.
"Remus is a good student," Dumbledore went on. "And we have never had any problems with this arrangement. It would be terrible to ruin it for him so close to graduation."
"Of course," Severus agreed, half-heartedly.
"And as for Miss. Evans," Dumbledore said, a slight smile crossing his lips, "I cannot believe that she has anything to do with this, but I will of course talk to her. Now, you must be starving. Off you go."
*
Lily sat on her bed, staring blankly into the air. No wonder Severus was angry. She would have been furious herself. She was furious, with Sirius. How dare he use her like that? The only reason she was not down in the common room yelling at him was that the last thing she needed on top of all this was Sirius finding out about her and Severus.
Severus. She still couldn't believe he had called her a whore. Sure, he had every reason to be angry, but shouldn't he trust her? Had she not told him he could trust her? But then again, what was her word to him? A Gryffindor, friends with his archenemies. He didn't even trust the people in his own house, why on earth should he trust her?
"Lily, why are you crying?"
Marianne was standing in the doorway.
"I am?" Lily asked, feeling her cheeks. She was. She hadn't noticed.
"Oh, nothing," she said, wiping the tears away. "Just one of those days, you know."
Marianne sat down on the bed.
"I'm your best friend, Lily," she said, touching Lily's arm. "You know you can trust me. Tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," Lily said quietly. "You'd never understand."
"Try me," Marianne urged. "You haven't been yourself lately. You've been so secretive, acting like you're walking on clouds. And now all of a sudden you're crying. Tell me what's wrong."
Lily remained silent.
"I know it's a boy, Lily," Marianne said. "And if you think I won't approve of who it is, you clearly don't know me at all."
Lily smiled slightly.
"I wish I could tell you, Marianne," she said. "I really do. But I need to sort some things out first. I'll tell you when I'm ready."
Marianne nodded.
"I understand," she said. "But you know I'm here for you, no matter. I always will be."
"I know," Lily nodded, hugging her.
*
Christmas came faster than Severus had expected that year. Before he knew it, he was packed and on the train home. Christmas had always been his favourite time of year, but not for the presents and celebration. It was his getaway from Hogwarts, Lucius and this year also Lily. He had spent the past month doing his best to avoid her, with a surprising amount of success. She was probably avoiding him too, he decided. And who could blame her? Now that he'd had time to calm down, he was starting to realise what an idiot he had been. Dumbledore had told him a few weeks ago that he had talked to Lily, and that she denied knowing anything about Sirius' prank. Severus believed it. Hating to admit it, he had started trusting Lily. In fact he still did. The paranoid voice in the back of his head was warning him about not falling back into the same trap, but he was starting to ignore it again. He missed Lily. But his chances of getting her back were non-existing. He had called her whore. A whore. How could she ever forgive him? He couldn't even forgive himself.
*
Christmas was the only time of year when the Snape mansion didn't look and feel like an abandoned ghost house. His mother lived there alone all year while he was in school, and during the summer it was usually just the two of them, save the occasional visit from relatives. But during Christmas, the house was full of family from all over. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents. Severus didn't mind though. He liked his family, for the most part. Some of his uncles were rather unpleasant people, but he got along with his cousins. They all went to Durmstrang, and that was initially the plan for Severus too. But after his father had died, his mother couldn't stand the thought of him going to school that far away. To Severus it didn't make much difference, he doubted he would fit in any better there than at Hogwarts.
The days passed like they always did. Listen to his cousins brag about all the cool dark arts they learned at Durmstrang, listening to his uncle Hector lecturing him on the importance of being a pureblood ("I trust you are keeping with the right kind at school, Severus"), listening to his aunts and grandmothers fuss over how thin he was ("Do they feed you at all at that school?"). He was used to it. He'd just nod politely, and smile at his grandmothers. Just one big, happy family.
*
On Christmas Day, Severus woke to the sound of voices from downstairs. He found everyone in the kitchen, talking excitedly.
"He told me something big was going to take place," Uncle Hector was saying. "But I didn't know he meant something this big. The man knows how to pick 'em."
"What's going on?" Severus asked, stifling a yawn.
His mother, who unlike the rest of the family looked rather shaken, handed him the Daily Prophet. The headline flashed at him:
"FAMILY ATTACKED! NO SURVIVORS!"
Severus' heart stopped for a second as he scanned the page.
On Christmas Eve, the family of Ministry Auror Jonathan Flemming were attacked. Eyewitnesses who arrived at the scene later told the police that a symbol of a skull and a snake was hovering above the house. Inside, Mr. Flemming, his wife and their teenage daughter were found dead. "We have no leads yet," says Ministry spokesman Cornelius Fudge. "The ministry would like to encourage the public to come forward with any information they think will prove helpful to the investigation."
The article went on listing a few theories, mostly far out ones the paper had come up with.
"I could tell them a thing or two," Uncle Hector was saying. "But they will find out soon enough."
Severus was only half listening. He had been relieved to see the name Flemming at first, but now it was starting to ring a bell far back in his mind. Didn't he know a Flemming? Then it suddenly hit him. Marianne Flemming, Lily's best friend. He grabbed the table, slipping himself onto a chair.
"What's the matter, dear?" his mother asked. "Did you know her?"
"Er… no," Severus managed. "Friend of a friend."
"I hope you're not keeping with that kind," Uncle Hector snorted. "From what I hear, his wife was a muggle. He got what he deserved. And so will many more, mark my word."
Severus suddenly felt sick. He got up from the table, still feeling slightly dizzy.
"Are you sure you're all right, dear?" his mother asked.
"Yeah, no problem," he muttered. "My stomach just feels a bit upset, that's all. I think I'll go lie down."
He left the kitchen, well aware none of them had believed a word.
"Shouldn't you have some breakfast?" his mother called after him, but he didn't answer.
"I'm telling you, Alexandra," he could hear his uncle say, "That school is bad for him. You should have sent him to Durmstrang while…"
He closed his bedroom door, shutting out uncle Hector's voice.
Lily. He had managed not to think of her for the past couple of days, but now he was worried sick. Did she know? He wasn't even sure she got the Daily Prophet. What if no one had told her? What if she came to school after New Years, expecting to find Marianne there? He got up to owl her when he remembered he was probably the last person she wanted to hear from right now. He sat back down on his bed, feeling utterly helpless.
Someone knocked on the door, and he jumped. His mother looked in.
"Are you sure you're alright, Severus?" she asked, closing the door.
"I'm fine," he said, well aware he neither looked nor sounded fine.
"I didn't want to ask you in front of Hector," she said, sitting down on the chair next to his desk. "This Flemming girl… I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to about this, but… Was she your girlfriend?"
Severus had to smile at the uncertainty in his mother's voice.
"No," he assured her. "She was a friend of a friend… Or more of a acquaintance."
"Severus, you can tell me the truth," Alexandra said. "I may share some of your uncle's views, but in the end I just want you to be happy. Pureblood or halfblood. I'm not bothered."
'What about a mudblood?' Severus thought.
"I am telling you the truth, mother," he said. "It was just a shock, that's all. I'll be fine."
"Well, you needn't worry," she said, laying her hand on his shoulder. "From what Hector says, the mubloods and halfbloods are the ones at risk. We're as pure as they come. Are you sure you don't want to come down for some breakfast?"
"Yes, I'll just stay up here for a while," Severus nodded.
"I'll bring your presents up," Alexandra smiled. She left the room, and Severus lay back in bed.
He had heard his mother use the term mudblood all his life, and it had never bothered him. He had never even thought twice about it. But when she had said it just now, it had made him furious.
"Mudbloods and halfbloods are the ones at risk."
That meant Lily was at risk. But at risk of what? Who was it his uncle was talking about? He knew a lot of wizards grumbled about the halfbloods and muggleborns, but who would go as far as to actually kill them? For the first time in 6 years, he wished he was back at Hogwarts. He had to see Lily.
*
The rest of his holiday passed all to slowly. Severus remained quiet, and his mother silently noted that he looked paler than usually. She pointed it out to him when they said goodbye at the train station, but he assured her he was fine.
"Give your friend my condolenses," she said, hugging him.
"I will," he lied.
*
He wasn't surprised to find her there. She sat curled up on the sofa, staring absent-mindedly into the empty fireplace. She had wrapped a blanket around her, but still looked cold.
"Lily?" he said softly, and she startled, turning her head to look at him. She wasn't crying, he noted, but her red eyes told him she had not too long ago. He lit the fireplace, and joined her on the sofa.
"Marianne," Lily began, her voice only a hoarse whisper.
"I know," he said silently. "I realize I'm probably the last person."
Lily rested her head against his chest, and he stopped, amazed. Hesitating a little, he put his arms around her.
"If you want to talk," he whispered, but she just shook her head.
"Just stay with me, please," she whispered into his sweater, and he nodded, kissing her brow.
"I've missed you, Severus," she whispered, looking up at him.
"And I've missed you," he said softly, stroking her cheek.
***
There we go then. Thanks for the lovely reviews, you guys keep me going (however few you are). Keep 'em coming!
Next chapter? The usual complications, and Lily makes a little discovery.