The End of Rain
The Third Thread:The Feel of Destiny
by ArchFaith (formerly known as the ArchPrincess of Saturn)
He could still remember the letter. Crisp in a brown envelope, wrapped in string and addressed to him. And he could just tell it was from her, from the writing, the smell of it even. Her.
How could he forget her, the woman he united with? Their bodies caught together, her back arching, his head thrown back-ah, best not to think of these things. But he had learned to forget about her, here in Harmonia, here with Sierra. Darling Sierra. Graceful, bossy Sierra.
And the letter read:
Dear Nash,
Please come back to Budehuc Castle immediately. Your assistance is greatly needed. I am awaiting you.
Chris
So vague...too vague. He should have known something was wrong. He should have known she was in distress. But no; he had bid Sierra goodbye and set out for Budehuc, arriving within two weeks, tired from the tedious walking journey.
And he had learned of it; and he was horrified.
Destiny was cradled inside her.
(-)
In the present time the door was opened, and the two threads met. She stood there, looking plainly at him, wearing a thin, sad smile. How small she looked, and forlorn, and yet under that surface of vision, she was at the same time empowered, and glad. "Good evening, Nash," she greeted, folding her arms. "Please come inside."
He smiled, aware of the sense of irony. "Hey old girl."
He stepped into the dimly lit room, wringing his hands to shake off the water. Pulling his makeshift hood down, he sunk down onto a chair next to the fireplace, warming his fingers. "I'm never sticking around for one of these Budehuc storms again!" he exclaimed lightly, kicking off his boots. His toes stuck out through his Koroku-bitten socks. His gaze turned to the bed, where destiny was resting lightly, unconscious of one of its threads returning. "How is she?" he asked.
"She's fine," she answered. "She's been sleeping all day, thankfully." She crossed the room and went over to the small stove, where a thick iron kettle lay. "Would you like some tea?"
"Sure," he said distantly. He was now sitting on the bed, gently stroking the light hairs of destiny. "She's so beautiful."
A child. He still couldn't believe it, couldn't take it in. A father to a child. A daughter, small, vulnerable, born three weeks before her due date. Such eyes (when they were open) belonged to a world outside this one; one of infinite delight, unending happiness. Where it didn't matter that her mother was a highly respected knight who couldn't announce her birth in public, or that her father was of a rival nation and was happily married to another woman.
She watched as he smoothed the child of destiny's wispy blonde hair, took her tiny hands in his own. Her cracking heart moved inside her as she poured the tea into the cups. Father, child.mother. To be separated, to go in opposite directions. Tonight.
Let it never come.
If she could have poisoned both of them she would have. Then at least she would be comforted by the fact that they had died while they were with her, and not far away from her, together, happy.
"It's ready," she announced, setting the saucers down on the table. He reluctantly tore himself away from her and sat down at the table, taking the cup and drinking slowly.
Studying her, noticing the silence at the table, he realized: how could he forget what this meant to her? Child gone from mother, to another mother, far away-what reason had he himself to be sad, regretful?
Every reason. The knot was being severed from a thread.
(-)
It wasn't that she was afraid of him going back to his wife; it was just that...how? How could he take the roots of destiny from her like this? One night of passion, born of lust and fondness, had produced the one thing that she loved more than life itself. The tiny hands, the sleepy eyes, the protectiveness she felt...oh cruel Goddess, you really have outdone yourself.
Upon his return to Budehuc, he had been promptly ushered into her room by Mio, who, save for Tuta, was the only one who was aware of the pregnancy. She was sitting in bed, pale, sick, her stomach swollen. It was daytime outside; sweet, pungent spring. Children played outside; couples walked hand in hand down the walkways. And she was confined, like a sick cow to a stable, to her bedroom, keeping her secret to herself.
He stared at her as he came in, aware of her red eyes and huge belly. "Hey old girl," he greeted, going to her, kissing her cheek,looking down at her. "How are you?"
He couldn't hide it; the fact that as soon as he had walked into the doorway he knew. Knew that destiny was about to make a call.
She sat up. It was now one month until her due date, and she felt, as always, lonely and ill. "You can see how I am, Nash."
He said nothing. He was unable to open his mouth, unknowing of what he should say. Dumb shock penetrated him, and he stared at her stomach, taking in what had become since their last meeting.
"Oh god," he muttered finally, sinking down next to her in bed, taking her hand. "Chris...I...I..."
"Words cannot do anything for me, Nash," Chris answered, pulling the blankets close about her. "It is natural, the course of a woman to bear a child...I must confess, I did not expect myself to give birth in these circumstances..."
The dignity was wearing thin. She couldn't keep up the chivalry any longer, not in this state. Her thick braided hair swung about her back as she laid a hand on her stomach.
"Chris," he said, just to say something. "Chris..." Please, it was all just a dream. Say it couldn't be real. Nothing could have come out of that one night, that night of suppressed feelings and dreams, nothing!
They sat in silence for a long while, unable to think of speech for the occasion.
Finally, he ventured, "...What...what are we going to do?"
We. At least it hadn't been just you. That would have been unacceptable.
"Nash, you understand that I cannot keep this child; when I discovered I was pregnant I immediately sought to conceal it, but it only works for so long; I have had to take a leave of absence from my duties, and the knightsgrow more suspicious each day. Tuta and Mio have told them that I have a long-wearing virus, but this charade will not last for much longer..."
"I understand," he answered, staring down at her belly. "Only Tuta and Mio know, then?"
"Master Thomas," she answered. "He wandered in one day, looking for something...and he learned of it."
He nodded dully, the shock of his questions almost causing him to go into a fit. "How...how long til...?"
"One month. But...Tuta tells me that it may arrive sooner. The pains are not too great, but it's best for me to rest in bed...moving around too much, I've discovered, can cause me to become terribly ill."
"Ah," he acknowledged. His hand wandered to her stomach, clothed with a pale silk nightgown. A child was curled up inside, waiting, wondering. His child.
But not Sierra's.
He was having a child with another woman. It had fully sunken in.
He shook his head. "Don't worry, Chris, we'll find a way, I promise...I'm not going to leave you like this..."
Even though it might have been an empty promise, she let herself be comforted by it; after all, what else could she hold on to?
"Now...the question is...what are we going to do...?"
(-)
Back in the present, he set the cup of tea down, stood up and stretched. She set hers down and immediately went to the bed, where destiny was sounding a call for alarm. "Shhhh," she hushed. "Don't cry, my love. Don't cry..."
She sat down on the bed and rocked the child in her arms, whispering softly to her. Dreamily enchanted, he went over to them, sat next to her, rested his head on her shoulder and eyed the baby softly.
Sad, beautiful destiny.
(-)
He could still remember the letter he penned to Sierra.
Dear Sierra,
Things are heating up here at Budehuc. A couple of bandits have been looting the town, and Lady Chris organized a force to stop them. I'm part of it, naturally. Soon we'll have all of them and I can come back home.
But I also want to ask you something...here at Budehuc, I met two teenagers who are in a bit of trouble. Their names are Darcyn and Maera, and they're both 15 years old. Trouble is, they weren't careful and now Meara's pregnant...yeah, it's pretty bad. They've been disowned and are living in this shack at the edge of town, and their families won't take them back unless they rid of their kid. So the thing is...what would you say about adopting the baby? I mean, you've wanted to have kids for years, just we never really got around to it...and why would you wanna get fat and sick when someone else can do it for you? But seriously...we've always wanted a baby and never had one, and these kids are in serious trouble.
What say we help them out? The baby will be born in about a month or less, and I can bring it back with me when I leave Budehuc. Best of all, the father's got silver hair and blue eyes, and the mother's got blonde hair and purple eyes...so it has a good chance of coming out to look like us! Send me an answer soon!
Nash
He had Dominguez Jr. bring it to her. What a stupid lie. But it was worth a try.
The answer came back five days later.
Dear Nash,
Your letter surprised me! Of all the things you could have told me, that was least expected. It is sudden, but I am open to it, I suppose...I guess beingeight hundred years old would not make me an ideal candidate to give birth, would it? So...bring the child home with you...I'll be looking forward to it. I just cannot believe it is happening...it's sad about the children, but...I amvery glad I shall be getting a chance to be a mother. I'm very happy about it.
Sierra
And it was settled. She could keep her knightship, and Sierra would get her baby.
She had been drinking some milk when he informed her of it. "My Sierra's a bit strange now and then, but she's pretty understanding, and she's always wanted kids. So...we're safe. Both of us. I can take the baby back with me a few weeks after it's born."
She nearly spit the milk out of her mouth. "Th-that's perfect," she answered. No it wasn't. It definitely wasn't. As much as she wanted to be rid of it, as much as she despised it...
She loved it.
And sending her off to live with her father, gone from her permanently.was just too much to take in.
He sensed her distress; lived it, felt it. "Chris...are you alright?"
"Yes," she answered. "Just fine."
She sat back and closed her eyes as he stroked her hair, aware of the tears that were starting to form.
(-)
Destiny having been momentarily calmed, and with him watching over her, she moved about the cabin, collecting the various articles that the child needed. Bottles full of milk, blankets, a tiny toy Thomas had presented her with.
Thomas had been more than a friend to her; he had ordered the construction of the cabin for her use when the time came. And it came sooner than expected. Three weeks before her due date she had gone into labor, and had to be guided out into the cabin in the midst of night, supported by Tuta and Mio, the lantern held by Thomas.
Of course, he had been there-the others who knew about her pregnancy guessed that he was the father. They didn't dare ask about it, though; it was something mysterious, something that shouldn't be known.
He had been there to hold her hand when she passed out.
When she awoke, the room was silent and clean. Her bloody blankets had been changed, and her stomach felt drained but relieved. He was sitting next to her, on the bed, cradling a tiny bundle. "Hello again my lady," he greeted genially, but not without slight depression. "We have a little girl now."
Oh, Goddess of wonders! How soft, how beautiful, how yellow the wispy hair, how violet the sleepy eyes. They had lain there, stroking the child's face and back, until Mio had instructed them that both mother and child needed rest. Reluctantly he left him, staring at the two on the bed, guided by Mio, a vision of perfection. Almost.
(-)
And now it was time.
Back in the present, he stood outside with her, in the rain. His scarf was folded back into a hood, and child lay against his chest, aware and awake, wondering what on earth was about to happen. She was wrapped in a thick green shawl and robed well for the journey. No way she would fall ill during the long trip to Harmonia.
She appeared with a bag in the doorway, full of all the things destiny would need for journey. This she slung over his shoulder, as she incredulously looked them over.
"Chris...what's her name..."
Oh, of all things! She hadn't even named the child, the thought had never crossed her mind. But one name sprang up, amongst all the other possible combinations she could have imagined.
"Anna."
He nodded. "Gracious Anna," he repeated. So, he knew what it meant. Funny, how he knew such things, that were not meant to be known, meant to be looked up in a book of some sort.
He shifted the child, getting a tighter grip on her, noting the tears that were beginning to gather on her mother's face. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her, to be ripped from the one she had carried for nine months, to only imagine what Anna's life would be like without her.
But isn't this what you want, Chris? To be a knight, unbound by family?
She smoothed back her hair, brushing it out of her eyes. "You had better set out," she whispered, leaning on the door frame, struggling for support, both physical and mental.
He couldn't bear to see her like this, to tear the threads of destiny from her arms. But then how...? What else could possibly be done?
"Alright then...I guess...we'd better." He was unable to articulate. He looked up at the woman in the doorway, her eyes straining, her body positioned against the frame.
I'm sorry...for all this...
"Say goodbye to your mother, Anna."
She descended the steps as he held the tucked the hood back from the baby's face. She leaned down and kissed the child, slowly, lovingly.
"Good...goodbye, Anna...I love you."
She took the child's tiny hands in her own and smiled miserably. "You'll be going to a new home...a much better place for you...and to a mother more able than I."
Anna blinked. What was happening? Why were there drops of water splashing on her?
She stepped back. He put the child's hood back on, and looked up at her mother. What could he possibly say to her?
"Chris, when she's older I'll take her back here, and you can see her-"
"No." The voice was firm and unyielding. "Nash, I never want to see you or her again. You will be leading vastly different lives than me, and there is no reason you or her should have to interfere with my life."
"...touche." Harsh words. Anna whimpered slightly, and he started rocking her gently. "I understand, Chris. If you ever change your mind, you know how to contact me."
She nodded stoically. But he had one final word. "Chris...I just want to tell you...I'll always..." Utter the word. Tell her, comfort her...
Again she shook her head. "You don't love me, Nash. You onlycare forme...if you loved me you would stay here with me."
So he could not possibly say the word without her disapproval-and without his own as well. "Even though that might be the case, I still care about what happens to you," he said softly, his eyes growing smaller.
She nodded. "As I care for you."
The moments between them-the sound of the rain, the distant fires of Budehuc in the distance, the restrained emotions, the feel of the water on his jacket, her dress, the baby's hair, were eternal. For hours, it seemed, they stared into each others' eyes, remembering-the first time they had met, the feel of the sun on their faces as they gazed out over the wheat fields. To that moonlit night when a fake consummation had occurred, the seed of lust. To the first calls of destiny. And finally to this night, when destiny would make her exit. And they would both exit out of each other's lives. For good.
"Give me a kiss, my lady."
"No. You give me one."
He went up to her and kissed her softly on the lips. Supple, gentle lips. You must not forget me, and I will not forget you.
"Goodbye, my Chris."
"Goodbye, Sir Nash. Goodbye, Anna."
He held the child close to him as he turned away from her and ambled steadily down the path, mud dirtying his boots. She watched them until they disappeared from her view.
For a moment she stood there in dull shock, wishing to cradle the soft bundle once more. Oh, what had she done? What in the name of Loa had she done!
But it had stopped raining now.
He unconsciously smoothed Anna's silvery hair as he continued out of the Lake Territory, down the slippery path. "We have a long journey ahead of us, Anna. But don't worry...at least you won't remember what I remember...you won't remember your mother's face."
He had reached Yaza Plain.
And it had stopped raining now.
Destiny's End
Note: Hope it was OK.I wasn't really sure how to end it. As for the title, "The End of Rain", that refers to the new dawn in their lives-Chris giving up Anna, and Nash taking Anna away. Hence, even after all the hardships they have to endure, they still must continue on. Soooooo please review and either encourage or critique me! See ya later!