Pairing: HP/LM
Rating: R
Warning: Slash, angst, M/M, Mpreg, Character death
Disclaimer: all characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and
Warner Brothers. I'm just an obsessed maniac who is also an insomniac
thanks to the voices in her head.
Archived: ask please
Feedback: Desperately needed.
A/N: New chapter. Please bear with me 'cos this is my first time posting on
any real site other then my groups so it may take a while for the
formatting to be fixed. I'm slowly learning. From here on there will be
lots of flashbacks to show how they first met and all that. Again. some AU
and also OOC, so. hehe enjoy! And please... review!
The Malfoy family walked towards their new rooms, Lucius with his arm around Harry's waist and Harry's right hand resting on Draco's shoulder. " Well, that went well don't you think?" Harry's voice broke the companionable silence.
" Yeah right," snorted Draco, "your Gryffindor optimism continues to astound me Harry, that went almost as well as Quirrel running into the hall on Halloween feast yelling 'TROLL!! TROLL in the dungeons!!' on top of his lungs then fainting! In fact, I think the reaction today rates higher then back in our first year!!"
Bickering lightly, the younger Malfoys trailed Lucius as he led them to their new rooms. Once there, Draco noticed the increasing amount of soulful glances Harry and Lucius had been giving each other. Sniggering quietly to himself, he made his way to his bedroom and said out loud " Just make sure you put up enough silencing charms you guys! I'm dead tired and could do without hearing how Golden Boy sounds like in bed!"
That night, fully sated and wrapped in the arms of his beloved, Harry tried to go to sleep. However, sleep eluded him as his mind whirled in circles trying to figure out how he was going to explain his current circumstances to his best friends. They were the only ones that mattered, them and Sirius and Remus of course. The rest of the wizarding world at large could go fuck themselves for all his cared but Ron and Hermione deserved the truth. Heaving a large sigh, Harry laid back and listened to the soothing beating of Lucius's heart and allowed his mind to wonder back to when it all started.
Flashback sequence- The Summer after fifth year, Harry's POV, (warning, very rambling POV!!)
I hate my life. Sometimes I wonder why I was even born! Maybe it was all some colossal mistake of fate, you know, wrong timing or something, but seriously, why am I even alive?? I wonder what my friends would do if they knew that? Probably lock me up or start pitying me or maybe scold me for being so ungrateful and for not looking at the bright side. Well, forgive me but I don't see a silver lining on the cloud that is my life. I mean, I've been lied to all my life by people who are supposed to be my family, my blood! Not to mention they make me work like their own personal house elf. Top that of with the bullying Dudley puts me through when he feels like he needs a personal punching bag not to mention the physical, emotional and mental abuse that comes from growing up in a household that literally labels your very existence as vile and freakish, well, not much to look forward too there.
Of course, one must not forget the ugly raving lunatic with delusions of grandeur that murdered my parents and is now after me for no bloody reason but for some egoistical nonsense! I mean come on, when I turned eleven; I was introduced into this wonderful magical world where I was thought to be a hero. After the first ten years of my life, who wouldn't jump at the chance of a nice ego massage! But then, no, no one mentioned that if I were to accept this world my life would be on the line and that every year I would have to battle for my life, putting everyone I befriend and care for at risk. Sheesh! I feel like a walking chain letter! Except with chain letters, there is a way to avoid the bad luck, with me, well. no nice provisional get away car there! Unless of course you wanted to subject yourself to bowing and scraping in front of the slimy snakelike bastard and well, be subjected to endless bouts of painful torture all at the same madman's whim and fancy. Now, some one, please, tell me, where is the bloody silver lining in that?? Maybe it would be easier if I were to end it all, no more suffering, no more pain and guilt and most of all, no more fighting! Maybe I will be actually happy for once!
Thoughts like this were running through my head more and more lately, ever since fourth year, when my wonderful luck killed Cedric. It's worse now though, especially after last year, my fifth in my supposed haven, Hogwarts. Dumbledore and all the other teachers became firmer with me. Extra lessons in every aspect of defense and even offense as well. They taught me enough so as to prepare me to throw everything and the kitchen sink at old Voldie when the time came. Of course, with less then a year, not too mention my O.W.L.s, it wasn't exactly the best of experiences. The only comfort I got that year came from wonder of wonders, Severus Snape, the slimy, Slytherin, Death Eater spy. His snarky sarcastic manner helped me through the pain and anguish of getting Cruciatus thrown at me night after night by my loyal 'teachers' who wanted to toughen me up. His straight forwardness helped me get rid of my anger at being lied too or having too many questions evaded. He became my confidant and friend, my mentor. He took over the roles that Ron and Hermione, no matter how much they tried just couldn't fill anymore. They were too young, too removed from the situation to understand. There were to many things I had to hide from them for their own safety as well as that of the whole wizarding world.
And now, ah, the year finally came to an end. Shipped back to the Dursley's for my own safety apparently. Of course, no one knew that I would probably be safer with a wizard then with the bloody muggles. They didn't understand that muggles didn't let a simple matter of blood stop them from hurting a child. No, blood was something so important and precious to wizards, what with their fascination with pureblood and ancestry and all that they didn't understand. They just didn't get it. Oh well, no matter, something I was used to I guess. At least that's what I thought until I actually enter Number 4 Privet Drive that summer. No one had mentioned that Grunnings, the drill company Vernon worked at was close to filing bankruptcy. No one cared to let me know that he had started drinking and was drunk all the time now. Dudley refused to come home that summer, insisting on staying over at his friend's house. Again, no one told me that of course, why would the freak even need to know these things. He was the one who was causing all the trouble wasn't he? With his unnaturalness and freakish behavior, it was all his fault. At least that was Vernon and Petunia's justification for upping the level of abuse. Though, I really couldn't blame Petunia, her reasoning was that if Vernon focused on my, she would be spared. All too true. Luckily, I loaned Hedwig to Hermione for the summer, as I didn't want to put her through all this again. Of course, after a while, Vernon started going to far. Way, way to far. The whole ministry decree of no magic did not help matters, especially when they still refused to believe that Voldie's back. I was afraid of doing anything too drastic to rebel also, didn't want to lose the only place Dumbledore thought would be safe enough for me to spend the summer.
The only reason I was in the streets of Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley in my animagus form that fateful night was because Petunia finally kicked me out of the house. She couldn't stand it anymore and decided to leave Vernon but I guess she must have had some shred of human decency left in her and her final act was to throw me out. Unable to carry anything with me other then the ever present wand, invisibility cloak and the marauder's map, All hidden on my person as was ingrained into me after all the intense training I had to go through I decided that traveling as a black panther would be safer and more agreeable in the long run then wandering the streets as Harry Potter. The decision was further compounded by the fact that it hurt less to lope along as a black jaguar then to stumble blindly as a human. It would make hiding in the shadows easier as well. And so, skulking in the dark alleyways and shaded walkways, I made my way from Surrey to London, intent to getting to Diagon Alley and letting Dumbledore know of my new circumstances.
Just my dumb luck though, plain dumb Harry Potter's luck that when I snuck by some wizard entering the Alley, it was just the wrong time and place for me to be. Death Eaters swarmed out of Knockturn Alley and proceeded to wreck havoc on the whole place. Flourish and Blotts, the Apothecary, the only place they didn't dare attack was Gringotts, the wards there was of Hogwarts caliber, only goblin style instead. And so, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible and dodging hexes and curses, I made my way there, hoping to be able to take shelter till the Aurors arrived. Unfortunately, did I mention I had the worst luck in the world? Right on the steps of the bank, I bumped into a black clad wizard's legs while trying to jump out of the way of a hex. In my tired, bruised and worn out shape, the knock sent me into blessed darkness, just as I felt strong arms wrap around me and then the disconcerting feeling of being apparated.
The Malfoy family walked towards their new rooms, Lucius with his arm around Harry's waist and Harry's right hand resting on Draco's shoulder. " Well, that went well don't you think?" Harry's voice broke the companionable silence.
" Yeah right," snorted Draco, "your Gryffindor optimism continues to astound me Harry, that went almost as well as Quirrel running into the hall on Halloween feast yelling 'TROLL!! TROLL in the dungeons!!' on top of his lungs then fainting! In fact, I think the reaction today rates higher then back in our first year!!"
Bickering lightly, the younger Malfoys trailed Lucius as he led them to their new rooms. Once there, Draco noticed the increasing amount of soulful glances Harry and Lucius had been giving each other. Sniggering quietly to himself, he made his way to his bedroom and said out loud " Just make sure you put up enough silencing charms you guys! I'm dead tired and could do without hearing how Golden Boy sounds like in bed!"
That night, fully sated and wrapped in the arms of his beloved, Harry tried to go to sleep. However, sleep eluded him as his mind whirled in circles trying to figure out how he was going to explain his current circumstances to his best friends. They were the only ones that mattered, them and Sirius and Remus of course. The rest of the wizarding world at large could go fuck themselves for all his cared but Ron and Hermione deserved the truth. Heaving a large sigh, Harry laid back and listened to the soothing beating of Lucius's heart and allowed his mind to wonder back to when it all started.
Flashback sequence- The Summer after fifth year, Harry's POV, (warning, very rambling POV!!)
I hate my life. Sometimes I wonder why I was even born! Maybe it was all some colossal mistake of fate, you know, wrong timing or something, but seriously, why am I even alive?? I wonder what my friends would do if they knew that? Probably lock me up or start pitying me or maybe scold me for being so ungrateful and for not looking at the bright side. Well, forgive me but I don't see a silver lining on the cloud that is my life. I mean, I've been lied to all my life by people who are supposed to be my family, my blood! Not to mention they make me work like their own personal house elf. Top that of with the bullying Dudley puts me through when he feels like he needs a personal punching bag not to mention the physical, emotional and mental abuse that comes from growing up in a household that literally labels your very existence as vile and freakish, well, not much to look forward too there.
Of course, one must not forget the ugly raving lunatic with delusions of grandeur that murdered my parents and is now after me for no bloody reason but for some egoistical nonsense! I mean come on, when I turned eleven; I was introduced into this wonderful magical world where I was thought to be a hero. After the first ten years of my life, who wouldn't jump at the chance of a nice ego massage! But then, no, no one mentioned that if I were to accept this world my life would be on the line and that every year I would have to battle for my life, putting everyone I befriend and care for at risk. Sheesh! I feel like a walking chain letter! Except with chain letters, there is a way to avoid the bad luck, with me, well. no nice provisional get away car there! Unless of course you wanted to subject yourself to bowing and scraping in front of the slimy snakelike bastard and well, be subjected to endless bouts of painful torture all at the same madman's whim and fancy. Now, some one, please, tell me, where is the bloody silver lining in that?? Maybe it would be easier if I were to end it all, no more suffering, no more pain and guilt and most of all, no more fighting! Maybe I will be actually happy for once!
Thoughts like this were running through my head more and more lately, ever since fourth year, when my wonderful luck killed Cedric. It's worse now though, especially after last year, my fifth in my supposed haven, Hogwarts. Dumbledore and all the other teachers became firmer with me. Extra lessons in every aspect of defense and even offense as well. They taught me enough so as to prepare me to throw everything and the kitchen sink at old Voldie when the time came. Of course, with less then a year, not too mention my O.W.L.s, it wasn't exactly the best of experiences. The only comfort I got that year came from wonder of wonders, Severus Snape, the slimy, Slytherin, Death Eater spy. His snarky sarcastic manner helped me through the pain and anguish of getting Cruciatus thrown at me night after night by my loyal 'teachers' who wanted to toughen me up. His straight forwardness helped me get rid of my anger at being lied too or having too many questions evaded. He became my confidant and friend, my mentor. He took over the roles that Ron and Hermione, no matter how much they tried just couldn't fill anymore. They were too young, too removed from the situation to understand. There were to many things I had to hide from them for their own safety as well as that of the whole wizarding world.
And now, ah, the year finally came to an end. Shipped back to the Dursley's for my own safety apparently. Of course, no one knew that I would probably be safer with a wizard then with the bloody muggles. They didn't understand that muggles didn't let a simple matter of blood stop them from hurting a child. No, blood was something so important and precious to wizards, what with their fascination with pureblood and ancestry and all that they didn't understand. They just didn't get it. Oh well, no matter, something I was used to I guess. At least that's what I thought until I actually enter Number 4 Privet Drive that summer. No one had mentioned that Grunnings, the drill company Vernon worked at was close to filing bankruptcy. No one cared to let me know that he had started drinking and was drunk all the time now. Dudley refused to come home that summer, insisting on staying over at his friend's house. Again, no one told me that of course, why would the freak even need to know these things. He was the one who was causing all the trouble wasn't he? With his unnaturalness and freakish behavior, it was all his fault. At least that was Vernon and Petunia's justification for upping the level of abuse. Though, I really couldn't blame Petunia, her reasoning was that if Vernon focused on my, she would be spared. All too true. Luckily, I loaned Hedwig to Hermione for the summer, as I didn't want to put her through all this again. Of course, after a while, Vernon started going to far. Way, way to far. The whole ministry decree of no magic did not help matters, especially when they still refused to believe that Voldie's back. I was afraid of doing anything too drastic to rebel also, didn't want to lose the only place Dumbledore thought would be safe enough for me to spend the summer.
The only reason I was in the streets of Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley in my animagus form that fateful night was because Petunia finally kicked me out of the house. She couldn't stand it anymore and decided to leave Vernon but I guess she must have had some shred of human decency left in her and her final act was to throw me out. Unable to carry anything with me other then the ever present wand, invisibility cloak and the marauder's map, All hidden on my person as was ingrained into me after all the intense training I had to go through I decided that traveling as a black panther would be safer and more agreeable in the long run then wandering the streets as Harry Potter. The decision was further compounded by the fact that it hurt less to lope along as a black jaguar then to stumble blindly as a human. It would make hiding in the shadows easier as well. And so, skulking in the dark alleyways and shaded walkways, I made my way from Surrey to London, intent to getting to Diagon Alley and letting Dumbledore know of my new circumstances.
Just my dumb luck though, plain dumb Harry Potter's luck that when I snuck by some wizard entering the Alley, it was just the wrong time and place for me to be. Death Eaters swarmed out of Knockturn Alley and proceeded to wreck havoc on the whole place. Flourish and Blotts, the Apothecary, the only place they didn't dare attack was Gringotts, the wards there was of Hogwarts caliber, only goblin style instead. And so, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible and dodging hexes and curses, I made my way there, hoping to be able to take shelter till the Aurors arrived. Unfortunately, did I mention I had the worst luck in the world? Right on the steps of the bank, I bumped into a black clad wizard's legs while trying to jump out of the way of a hex. In my tired, bruised and worn out shape, the knock sent me into blessed darkness, just as I felt strong arms wrap around me and then the disconcerting feeling of being apparated.