Pairing: HP/LM

Rating: R

Warning: Slash, angst, M/M, Mpreg

Disclaimer: all characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. I'm just an obsessed maniac who is also an insomniac thanks to the voices in her head.

Archived: ask please

Feedback: Desperately needed.

A/N: Hi guys, sorry it's taken me so long to update! First, a great big thanks to my new betas Linda and Lillian!!! Any mistakes are mine alone and not theirs! Also, here's to all the people who reviewed!! To the one0010, sorry but this is gonna be in flashbacks for a couple more chapters till I can get back to the present. Stick it out, you might find it enjoyable. I hope! Megan, Sou, you are getting your wish soon!! Just a few more chapters. Heheh I love being cruel! Ayumi, Caedesdeo, and Dhiana, here you go! Enjoy!!

Flashback, Lucius's POV

Sigh, another meeting with the illustrious He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He should be called He-Who-Hates-His-Name-And-Is-Totally-Insane instead, bloody git. What else does he want from me? I bow and scrape and kiss his feet not to mention lick his boots. My wife warms his bed, my son is to be inducted into his coven of lackeys, what more does he want? That blasted Harry Potter, that's what! Argh!! It was his infatuation with the thought of the heir of Slytherin destroying the heir of Gryffindor that got him into the whole big mess in the first place. I mean someone would think having to spend nearly thirteen years incorporeal and having to squat in the bodies of contemptible beings like that Quirrel a lesson learned but no, oh stubborn one has to come back with a bloody vengeance!

He kept going on and on about how the irritating boy managed to elude his grasp again. For someone who claims to be omnipresent and all knowledgeable as well as infallible, you'd think he'd know about Priori Incantatum wouldn't you? Of course, he goes and blames all of us for his own mistake. We weren't even privy to the plan to kidnap the boy in the first place! Gods, it's just not proper leadership to curse and torture your own minions and take out your frustrations on them. It just cuts down on the number of competent help you have in the interim. Although, I guess it's the whole Dark Lord image that he has to maintain. Merlin knows I have to do the same.

Narcissa has all the elves trained to report to her and Voldemort over anything and everything I do. Thank Merlin I still have Stully though. He's been the only one left to help me here and the only elf I've managed to keep hidden from Narcissa after the whole Dobby incident. Honestly, if that stupid elf had not resorted to punishing himself by throwing himself down the stairs and interrupting Narcissa's beauty sleep, I could have kept him. Sigh...

It makes me wonder though, why I, Lucius Malfoy, am sitting here on the cold floor babbling my thoughts and stroking my pet panther. What is it about you Waz that draws me to you? You can't speak, and that's how I know you will not be repeating this to anyone. But I think mainly its because you remind so much of myself. Neither of us has had a pleasant life but we both refuse to let that drag us down. To the world, we dare not show our weakness. Forever aloof, dignity and pride is everything. I still remember the look in your eyes when I had you stunned and at my mercy. You were terrified, that was obvious and yet you shoved it all down and even stupefied, you managed to project an aura of menace and danger. Ah, yes, you do remind me of myself. You truly are a Malfoy. It figures though, that the only kindred spirit I find in this world turns out to be an animal. Sigh..

After the first week in my care, I finally deemed Waz healed enough to roam around the place. However, something within me refused to allow him to wander without me accompanying him. So, instead I fitted him with an emerald collar, discreet of course but with a special spell that binds him to me and doesn't allow him to roam more then three feet away from me. It also stops him from trying to bite or harm others as I might take him into the muggle world with me. In this instance, the collar also acts as a kind of obscurity charm, making him look like a cat instead. He didn't like it when I placed the collar on him, but gave in once I explained it was for his own protection and how it worked. I swear, that animal can understand every word I say, its uncanny! And yet, this makes him more special to me then my other animals, I love them and care for them but they just don't understand me as Waz does.

What am I saying. listen to myself, the great Lucius Malfoy prosing on about a panther! Not even a magical animal for Merlin's sake. Thank Merlin no one is here to laugh at how the great has fallen. But then again, it is only here that I get a chance to be myself. It is only here with my animals that I can let my guard down and relax. Argh! Enough of all this nonsense! I have errands to run.