John stared at his hands and was even afraid to look up to Rose who was quietly sobbing opposite him.

He felt ashamed doubting Rose.

Ever since he noticed something weird going on with Rose, he started wondering what it could be.

Never had he even thought about anything like this.

But now he knew the truth, everything became very clear to him.

Rose did appear a few days after the Carpathia had arrived.

She never seemed interested in the newspapers covering the event and whenever he started talking about Titanic, she always ran away with some lame excuse having a lot of work but incapable of hiding the sadness and grief in her eyes.

'I should have known.' is all he could think about.

'It's my fault she feels so awful again. She experienced it all again because of me!' blew his mind to pieces.

Also the story and truth of Titanic that Rose had shared with him grabbed his throat and it didn't seem to let go of it.

"I'm so sorry." was all he could force out his mouth.

Even he didn't know rather he was sorry for bringing the memories back to surface or because of what she had been through; probably for both, his mind didn't really seemed to be working at full force.

Rose looked at him with a face that ripped John's heart out of his chest.

Even now she managed a little smile.

A deathly silence hung in the air and was killing both of them.

"Why didn't you come to me sooner, Rose?"

"I just couldn't. I still have a hard time even thinking about it. And yet the nightmares come each night. I'll never forget that night for as long as I live. It will always be a part of me."

"I understand. I want you to know you can trust me. I'm here for you when you need me."

"Thanks, John." was all she could put into words.

They looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

John had to careful not to blush, always as he looked at her he started to fly.

How could he tell her what he felt?

After what she'd been through, this is probably the last thing she wants and yet he couldn't keep it inside any longer and so he took a deep breath.

"Rose," his voice was shaking terribly "there's something I wanted to say ever since I met you..."

Rose's eyes grew wide as she knew what was going to follow.

"I love you, Rose. I can't hide it anymore. I have to be honest with you."

Rose stared at him in shock. What could she do? She couldn't hurt him but she didn't love him, she still loved Jack.

"Look, you don't have to answer right here, right now. I understand. I promised myself I wasn't going to tell you but it just got too powerful. It's just that when I look in your eyes, I see millions of stars in them, all shining brightly in the glow of your soul."

Tears were filling Rose's eyes. In his words, she could feel he meant it but her heart didn't even show the slightest emotion.

They were warm words landing on a stone cold heart.

"John, I don't know what to say...." she answered "but I want you to understand that I just don't need love in my life right now. I don't even know who I am, how can I share that with someone else? I feel friendship for you, I really do. But that's all that I can offer, a deep friendship."

"I can't lie to you by saying I have enough with that but I know you need some time and I don't want to make you feel pushed or ordered."

"Thanks, John. It's not you, I swear. It's me. I'm not ready for it yet. I want to discover who I am and what I want to do, I want to experience it, alone. I want to live the life I've always dreamed of."

"I understand..." his voice was soft and weak and couldn't hide his disappointment.

Rose lifted herself out of her chair and said: "I think we've still got some work to do. Didn't you have a breakfast on the stove?"

"Shit." was all he could say as he ran towards the corner where he had left his eggs on the fire.

Rose couldn't suppress a soft laughter and looked at him with a mixture of mock and pity.

"Is a slice of bread and some jam alright with you?" John asked a little shy and ashamed.

"That's okay." Rose said to him. In her eyes he could read her understanding and felt a little more at ease.

Silently Rose gathered two plates and two glasses and sat the table.

It was a habit that when she needed to work an early shift, she ate breakfast at the tea - house.

During their breakfast neither of them said much, all they discussed was the weather.

The day passed slowly and yet it was evening before Rose had a clue.

All day, she had been thinking about John and what to say to him, how she could explain herself without lying or revealing Jack.

The last thing she wanted was to hurt John; he had been so good to her.

Thanks to him, she found a decent, well - paid job and a best friend.

How could she let him down?

She knew that her answer of a few hours ago had eased his head but not his heart.

She of all people understood the pain of an unrequited love, or at least the feeling of not being able to be with the one you adore...

The tearoom was filled with people and still Rose felt alone.

Would she ever lose that feeling of emptiness?

John hadn't spoken to her for the rest the day, and he sat in a corner of the room, tears were in his eyes and Rose was the only one who could see them.

The sun had set a long time ago and now darkness ruled the city.

Rose realized it was time to go home but she didn't want to leave John like this.

She just couldn't.

Everyone left, one by one, leaving Rose and John alone.

Silently Rose walked up to him and seated herself in the chair next to him.

He didn't even look up.

"Do you want to talk?" Rose asked shy but friendly.

"Everything has been said." was the bitter answer.

"I don't think so; you wouldn't be sitting here like a dead plant."

"I just want to be alone right now. If you want to rip my heart out of my chest and dance on it, I would appreciate it if you would do it some other time."

"Why are you so cruel to me?" her voice was shaking and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Why are you?" John looked at her for a brief moment and then pointed his attention back to the floor.

"John, I... I..." she could find the right words, not even after searching for hours.

He looked in her eyes and Rose could read the pain and disappointment in them.

"John, I need time... I'm just not..."

"How much time?" he interrupted her suddenly.

"I'm just not ready for it John. I don't know when I will be. It could be days, months, years even..."

"I can't wait that long Rose. I can't."

"I can't control who I fall in love with, and neither can you. I know that."

'I certainly know that' rushed through her mind.

"But why, Rose? Why? Is it that I'm not good enough? Because I'm no Caledon Hockley with money coming out of my ass?"

"Of course not, John. I ran away from that life, remember? It's got nothing to do with money. It's just not the right time for me right now."

John stared at her for a couple of minutes, minutes that closed Rose's throat, bit by bit.

"Is there someone else?"

Rose felt the blood leaving her cheeks and she became deathly pale.

Her eyes burned with tears and she quickly tossed her look to the other side of the room.

"So there is. Why didn't you tell straight away?"

"It's not what you think. Not the way you think. I... I... I can't talk about it."

Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped on the floor.

"Rose, is there something you can talk about? Please let me know if there is!"

At that John stood up, grabbed his coat and stormed out, leaving Rose alone.

'What have I done?' she asked herself over and over again

'I just wanted to help and now things are only worse.'

Desperately she looked around the empty room.

"I can't stay here." she said to herself.

She took her coat that hung over a chair and left the door after locking it firmly.

The frigid night air felt cold on her heated skin and made her shiver.

She pulled her coat closer around her.

High in the sky, a million stars lit the night.

The moon was barely visible but that slipped Rose's mind as she made her way home.

She decided to go home by a circuitous, she needed time to think.

The thought of John ached her heart and she figured he'd be probably be in a filthy bar drinking beer to get drunk and forget everything.

The quietness in the streets was something she had missed for so long and she enjoyed it so very much.

'This is the first time I can hear myself think.' she smiled to herself.

She looked up to the sky and was overwhelmed by the number of stars high above her.

"I know you're watching over me. I love you, Jack" she said, nearly above a whisper...