Chapter Two
Reflections of those Doomed to Failure
It was almost midnight when Harry Potter looked up from the relatively large book he was reading. Marking his page with a slip of parchment torn away from the makeshift calendar he had pinned to his notice board, he sighed and rolled over on his bed.
The isolated, depressed feeling he had endured since Sirius's death in the Department of Mysteries returned, seeping into his mind slowly like ink in water.
Reading was his only escape, his only pleasure throughout his stay with the Dursleys. He had completed his Summer homework during his first few weeks, writing much more than the specified number of compulsory scrolls. His essays were detailed and accurate, with labelled diagrams and a bibliography to show where his information had come from.
When he was not doing his homework he would sit, perched at the base of his bed, staring out of the window of the smallest bedroom of Number Four, Privet Drive. His eyes, normally a bright, emerald green would merge into dull, lifeless olive as he rocked slowly backwards and forwards, memories of the little time he had spent with his godfather flashing through his mind. He didn't cry.
He never cried.
No, he had never cried at all.
Not even when he was a three year-old waking from a nightmare involving a cruel, high-pitched laugh which echoed ruthlessly in his mind. He had wanted nothing more than to held, to be reminded he wasn't alone. He had gone to his aunt, the first time. He remembered it so clearly.
***
The small child tumbled out of the cupboard under the stairs, the only possession he had called his - a soft teddy with button eyes and coffee-coloured fur – clutched tightly in his left hand, the thumb on his right wedged in his mouth. Oh, how many times Uncle Vernon had scolded the boy for sucking his thumb. Of course, Dudley was never told off for such a thing. No, for it showed Dudley was 'a healthy little tyke'.
Having stumbled his way into the living room, the child saw his Aunt Petunia watching an interior design programme. Vernon had not been there at the time.
***
Harry remembered feeling glad his Uncle hadn't been there, for otherwise he would have surely been punished to another week of staying locked in the cupboard. He wondered why Vernon wasn't present… Oh yes, it was an 'important business meeting'. Harry let himself watch the rest of the memory.
***
Harry had tried to reach the couch, falling over several times in the process - his Aunt had offered no help.
"Arwent Pe-toon-ya," he had said, shaking the elder woman, after having successfully climbed onto the sofa, "Arwent."
"What, boy?" she had asked harshly, without looking down at him.
"Had nas-ty dreem," he replied, seemingly not noticing the air of indifference the woman was giving him.
"Go to bed, it wasn't real," was her mechanical response, as though she had said it many times. Her eyes never left the television screen.
Harry bit down on his lip as he made to move off the settee. He stumbled slightly and turned to look once more at his Aunt.
She didn't move, though if one looked closely you could see her eyes dart sideways quickly.
Sniffling, and wiping his nose on the sleeve of Dudley's old T-Shirt which he was wearing he slowly made his way back to the cupboard, where he would be kept awake – not from nightmares, but from questions. For, as he had just left the room, he heard Aunt Petunia utter a single word, a name.
"Lily," she had said.
Who was Lily?
Dudley had started crying then, and she had gone upstairs to look after him.
***
Harry had never known, not until Hagrid had taken him from the Dursleys six years ago and shown him the wizarding world - the place he thought of as home - that Lily was his mother.
Looking back at his life, Harry realised he had never truly cried. Sure, he had a little sniffle here and there – when he was totally alone – but never cried in public. Did that make him inhumane?
No, the small voice inside his head said, you're human. You have a choice, remember? To either kill or be killed. Surely that shows you're human?
Harry sighed. The prophecy. The prophecy which told of his future. He thought back to when he was in the hospital wing talking to his friends. He hadn't told them of the prophecy, told him of the choice he would have to make. And, oddly enough, he found this didn't affect him at all.
He did not feel guilty.
He could leave them in the dark. After all, that was what they had been doing to him all summer, wasn't it?
Yes. Both of his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, were obviously having a great time at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, as they had not bothered to send him one letter. Not even a hello. It was okay last year, he understood that Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, had forbidden them from writing anything which could give Voldemort a clue as to their actions.
And, Harry thought furiously, what was it Mad-Eye Moody had said in King's Cross at the end of term?
"If we don't hear from you for three days in a row, we'll send someone along…"
And Lupin, too…
"Keep in touch."
Mrs. Weasley…
"We'll have you away from there as soon as we can."
Then Ron…
"We'll see you soon, mate."
And finally, Hermione…
"Really soon, Harry… we promise."
We promise… the words sounded strangely false in his own head. It seemed they were all wrong. Only this morning – Harry looked at the clock. 01:06. Only yesterday morning had his first Owl come – other than those delivering the Daily Prophet – from the Order, telling him to… what was it?
He rummaged around in the top drawer of his bedside table. He hated not being able to remember something, ah, there it was. They had told him to:
'…stay only within the boundaries of Number Four, Privet Drive, for failure to do so could result in death.'
Harry was beginning to think everybody was catching on to Hermione's idea that Voldemort was sitting behind a dustbin waiting to attack him. For he was the only way he could ever possibly die.
Hadn't they, the Order, assigned somebody to watch him, just like last year? Was everybody too busy to think about he, Harry, again? That had certainly been his first thought before the letter came, and even now… What if they had forgotten about him? What if they had meant to send the letter at the start of the holidays, only for it to put aside due to an emergency? But no, that was stupid, he had read the Daily Prophet, the closest it got to mentioning the upcoming war was an article printed two week's ago publicly asking for his own O.W.L results. Unless it was something within the Order itself, but even then they would have given Harry some sort of warning, wouldn't they?
He shook his head as if to free himself of thoughts. Though he was glad for the break from thinking about Sirius, thinking too hard gave him no answers.
Merely a headache.
He couldn't sleep, so leaned over to cross off Sunday 18th August off the calendar and opened the book he had previously been reading. He had decided that studying would not only take his mind off Sirius and the guilt he felt, but it could help him win against Lord Voldemort when they would meet and do battle.
He scanned the book quietly, not being interrupted by his Aunt waking first, then her husband, nor his Cousin. He ate breakfast quickly before rushing up to finish reading, again taking a break for lunch.
He was disrupted from his reading by the telephone ringing at three o'clock that day.
******************************
Author's Note: I will be on holiday from August Sixth until August Twenty-Seventh, so I won't be able to upload anything around that time. This may well be the last chapter before I go, actually… I may be able to squeeze in Chapter Three – I'm going to have fun with it :). I promise to write lots during the three hour car journey and two/three/four whatever hour long aeroplane journey to Austria.
Author's Ramblings: This was meant to be uploaded in a few days time but I got so many reviews I'm giving it to you early! There you go, Chapter Two. I hope you liked it! Harry-angst. He's so easy to torture.
About the flashback: I had to put something about his childhood in.
About Chapter Three: We find out why Harry can't get letters. We find out who is calling Number Four, Privet Drive. We find out a bit more about a character we really only know by name.
Question: Shall I keep the DA? Shall I have a Yule Ball?
Repliers: Wow, I can't believe the number of reviews I got in such a short amount of time!! Thank you all for replying! I literally jumped for joy when I woke up and saw that I had over twenty new email messages! (I ran downstairs in my PJ's and with bed-head shouting that I got loads of reviews – *cough* Ron in Chapter One *cough*
Note to Repliers: About the First in the Year: I haven't actually truly figured it out yet myself… I still have to find some loopholes to give h- *cough* that character full justification. A lot of you seem to want Harry – or think Harry – is the first in year. Neville was a good suggestion too… hmm… we'll see…
I'm glad a lot of you liked my writing – I hope to be an Author and/or graphic designer when I grow up :) That's a big ambition but I love to write and draw… We were supposed to do a short story – one page long -on finding a secret place and mine was four pages long in small font ;)
I'm sorry if I missed you, I don't think I missed anybody though!
Eowyn of Ithilien: Thanks! Yes, I have an old school exercise book in which only a page was used, and half of it has got quotes and paragraphs from OotP to justify different people's O.W.L results, lol!
Oh I wonder who the first in the year will be!
Mronimusha: Wow, I never even managed a Bronze! (My friend had plenty of fun boasting over that – I'm apparently a Hermione-clone). I don't know why Hermione would want to take over Madam Pince either, she kind of just turned around at Ron's joke and said it. Hmm… maybe I'll have a reason by the end of this.
Mordecai: Wow, thanks!! I'm probably just too self-critical.
Met19: Another chapter coming up!
Siriusly Obsessed: I like the name! :) I wonder… read my note above about the first in the year thing… I'm posting :)
The Elfin Child: Yes, I felt that way too, I thought, what would Hermione hate to happen? And voila, lower than 'Outstanding' marks. Thank you! I've updated :)
Caz (Anonymous): I'll write lots more while I'm travelling and on holiday :) Me neither, I'm already driving my family crazy about it – "But she's taking so long!" – yes, the Maths Challenge sucks. Our class was made to do it. Luckily we did better in our SAT's.
Skkatebrat: FOL? I'm not aware of that abbreviation, care to enlighten me? No, I know there was a whole palaver about the first and second chapters… Fanfiction.net was going crazy on me. It's all sorted now.
Lady Lightning: Thank you! I wonder… Again, see above for information on the highest in the year.
Mystic Queen: Yes, she does, it wasn't my idea though, I was going to have her be a schoolbook Author or something, but as soon as Ron said that joke she had enough and decided to, "Show him to make a fool out of me." I'm updating :)
Facade: It could be Harry, but then again, it might not. You'll find out when I post Harry's results in Chapter Four – or five, whatever way you see it really. Again, see above about the highest in the year. I've updated :)
Muah-Baby-Muah: Thank you :) Oh, I'm like that permanently ;) I will check out your Fanfiction tomorrow morning – wait – this morning, when I'm awake, not at 1AM :)
Tomcatmaster (Anonymous): Thank you!
Ava: Thank you :) Yes, I hope there weren't too many paragraphs in this chapter :S Yes, it happened to me in the Maths Challenge, I was so shocked when I found out wrong answers were given negative points.
Mrs.Will-Turner: Canadians have a CIA? Wow, you learn something new everyday. Neville? Now there's an interesting idea!
Kayla (Anonymous): No, I haven't posted this anywhere other than Fanfiction.net. I only wrote it a few days ago :)
Chris (Anonymous): Okay, okay :)
Not What You Think: Thank you, I thought reparo was to repair as well, but I looked on an online latin-english dictionary (several, actually) and it came up with that.
Drew (Anonymous): Thank you, I will keep going :)
Lizzie (Anonymous): Thank you very much! Well, there's Harry for you, I didn't treat him too badly, no? ;) You'll see Ron's grades a few chapters after Harry's (Harry's Chapter Four).
Sirius-Black: Oh my you're alive! Ah, Ron didn't do too badly, just not as good as certain others. I want to know how Mr. Arthur Weasley had a feeling of foreboding on his grades – maybe he's a Seer O.o ? I'm continuing :)
Sam (Anonymous): Thank you! Harry is? That'd be cool. Not too much? Good.
Flame-the-Phoenix: Everybody seems to think there's not too much dialogue, so I'll trust everyone's judgement.
Yes, I wanted to have a little fun with the characters, wind them up so to speak. I had a lot of fun with Harry, and I'm going to have a lot of fun in the next chapter :)
Thank you, you don't know how it aggravates me when I find two people speaking on the same line, so I try not to do it myself, too. That would be hypocritical of me.
I hope to continue until it's finished too, maybe even a seventh year sequel… and a sequel after that too – I have weddings/families/jobs planned out :) Random Fact: The weddings come from dreams, as do the jobs…
Thank you!
AUDRANIAC (Anonymous): Lol, okay… Thank you! I'm hurrying :)
Crater212: Thank you!
xMEx: It could be Harry. I'm updating. Thank you :)
Tara: I'm updating :) There you go, lot's of Harry! His results will be in Chapter Four.
HPForever: I wrote it straight after I uploaded the First Chapter, I just wanted to give it time ;) … and revised.
Ganymade: Yes, poor girl, how could she have overlooked such a rule? Here's Harry :) I'm updating!
John (Anonymous): Thank you! Yes, I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for poor Hermione. We'll see about Harry… okay, getting scared now :S I'm updating :)
