Disclaimer - I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. I don't own Magic Knight Rayearth. And I don't own a lawn Gnome.
One of the reviewers was offended by mine way of dealing with MKR. I beg you all to remember: this is a humor/parody. It's a work of a guy who cannot write a serious crossover due to low writing abilities. But I hope that others will find my sense of humor more amusing and less blatant.
Once again thank you for the reviews. More reviews are welcome^_^.
Onwards!
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"Wark?"
"Get up Baka! We're movin'."
"I don't think he can get up, knight Sohryuu. You've beaten him up quite forcefully."
"Oh come on it was his fault! Besides he's just pretending."
"I don't think so. His not breathing." blue haired leaned over to touch the boys neck artery. "Plus the pulse is very weak."
"Oh shit!!! We have to save that Baka! Artificial respiration, quick!"
"Okay I..."
"NO WAY!!!" even Rei was a little startled by the fire that came out of Asuka's mouth. "I-I... I mean I'm better trained then you are..."
"Are you sure it's safe? You sound and look very feverish, with that red face and everything. You could contaminate him..."
"I'M FINE WONDER GIRL!!!" shouted Asuka, blushing even harder. "Besides it's my fault from the beginning."
_____________FLASHBACK____________________________________
Their landing was VERY hard. Asuka, who was well known for a hard head, recovered first. And when she got her senses running once again she found where Shinji have landed.
"ETCHI-BAKA-HENTAI!!!"
The rest is history.
_____________END FLASHBACK________________________________
"Have you located the target, Alcione?"
"Sure thing, Zaggie honey."
Some snickers in background.
"I don't see what's so funny, Innova." said Zagato in his usual commanding voice. "And I've told not to call me this way when we're in work."
"Sorry pumpkin."
"Whatever." mad laugher in background. "Just go and eliminate them."
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"I wouldn't do that if I were you, knight Sohryuu. He could choke to death with your tongue."
"Are you suggesting that I... LOOK OUT!!!"
Asuka threw herself forward, pinning Rei to the ground, and thus saving her from giant ice daggers, that shattered the earth in a place they just left.
"Someone is attacking us using magic!" Asuka swore not getting up. "It's time for you to enter the stage, Wonder Girl."
"Sure but... will you get off?"
"What do you..." Asuka finally noticed where EXACTLY was she resting her hand. "EEEEK!"
The redhead jumped in the air, blushing hard and mumbling something incoherent. Rei also stood up, draw her claymore and started running in the direction of the attack. Asuka only starred, obliviously caressing an invisible breast (sorry people couldn't help myself ^___^ - author).
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"What the fuck!?!" Alcione was some what startled by the suicide behaviour of the blue haired Magic Knight. "Who does she think she is?! Kamikaze Kaitou or something?! Dye little bitch!!!" With that she fired another volley of ice daggers (lovely oxymoron, don't you think^_^? - author).
Meanwhile Rei, still running, raised a hand and shouted:
"MIZU NO RYUU (water dragon)!!!"
Giant water pillar with a dragon head erupted from the ground where she stood, and flew towards Alcione. Ice daggers broke as if they were hitting a stone wall.
"SHIT!!!"
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"As... Asuka?"
Shin... eeh... Baka? You Okay?"
"Yeah... I think so... it's just that I've got that weird aftertaste in my mouth..." said the boy getting up. "It tastes like blood."
"..." said Asuka.'It has to be that beef I ate at Presea. It was almost raw... Oh God what' am I thinking?!' was what she thought. "Looks like you've hurt yourself falling."
"More like you hurt me when I landed..."
"Whatever. Hey look it's Wonder Girl!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!"
"And that good for nothing bird or whatever it is. Hey Pen Pen! How far is it to that Inferna Spring?"
"I thought it was Eterna..."
"I was joking, Wonder Girl!!!"
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"You have a third and final chance, Alcione. This time I will not tolerate failure."
"Yes sir." She didn't even dare to call him one of his tender names.
"I thought she only tried once so Far." said Innova in a doubtful voice.
"Are you calling my orders into a question?"
"No sir."
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"I think we are being followed, knight Sohryuu."
"Where are they? How many?"
"In the bushes behind us. Only one, I think."
"Asuka, don't do anything stu..."
Too late. She already leaped in the air with an axe in her hands and a battle cry on her lips. The Bush was cut in half (and he deserves it, that smart-ass cowboy^_^ - author) and the girl started looking for another prey. She soon spotted a shadow behind a tree and Cephiro's oxygen production was once again diminished. When she started foaming a white flag was raised from behind a big rock. This was the moment Shinji chose to stop Asuka from ripping whoever they've met to bits. And he even succeeded. Because redhead's axe was stuck in the rock.
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"How long will she need to cool off?"
"I don't know. She's been mumbling german curses for over an hour. And she wanted to bite off my hand when I was feeding her."
Shinji and Ferio, a boy that was almost killed and probably eaten alive by the german girl, were now watching her all tided up from a safe distance. Rei was doing something in the big, fridge-like house that Pen Pen has summoned. The other boy was taller then Shinji and had white hair (Kaoru Nagisa^_^). There was something weird about him, but Shinji couldn't place it.
"So, Ferio-kun" Shinji started. "What are you planning to do now?"
"I don't know. Maybe I will stay and protect you?"
"Ehmm... I... that is..." Shinji stuttered, blushing hard. "I don't I will be in a big danger. You've seen both of them fighting."
"And who's going to save you from those two?"
"Good point." the boy admitted. "I'm hungry. Let's go inside."
When they stepped inside they've found out what precisely Rei was doing. She was taking a shower. And now she was parading in the living room in only her towel.
"Like I said, Shinji-kun. WHO is going to protect you from them?"
Shinji didn't answer, too busy stammering and looking the other way. Rei obviously didn't see anything wrong in her state of dress so she was surprised with boys' behavior. Suddenly a red blur erupted from the doors, run between both guys and stopped by Rei.
"Baka-Shinji, what are looking at!?!" yelled Asuka, covering Rei with a blanket. "And you Wonder Girl, stop seducing hi... our guest."
"Better use chains next time" Ferio suggested to Shinji's ear. "Or if you let me, I could show how to tie a person to a bed so there is no way he's getting away."
"N-no th-thank you" said Shinji, blushing nice and brightly.
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Far away, in the heart of the Forest of Silence, remnants of the cats were slowly and carefully returning to their home, plotting bad things to do to their guardian.
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Morning was beautiful. It would be even more beautiful for Shinji if Asuka wouldn't tie him to the bed (yes, she was eavesdropping). It was because the house had only two bedrooms. Because if Rei and Asuka were to sleep in the same room only one of them would've come out of it in the morning, Asuka declared that she will sleep with one of the guys. And because
Ferio was a complete stranger she decided to share the room with Shinji. And don't get any funny ideas - she tied him up so he COULD NOT do something naughty, not to DO something naughty (owww... -author). Rei didn't use any ropes on Ferio, though he was very eager that she would (^_^ - author).
After a tasty breakfast they followed Pen Pen to the Spring of Eterna. They were attacked by few monsters, but the monsters ran away when they saw Asuka swinging her axe and yelling something about Ragnarok. Each time she did so Ferio kept saying something about fight being an aphrodisiac and encouraging Shinji. Rei remained silent.
Finally they've reached their destination. At least Pen Pen thought so.
"This is Spring Eterna?! What the fuck!?!" I think I don't have to say who said it.
"I've never seen that kind of a ball before."
"Perhaps it is made of Escudo?"
What they saw was a rather big ball with black and white stripes on it. It kind of strange and it definitely wasn't a spring of any kind. The german girl finally lost her temper.
"Damn ball!!!" she yelled, throwing a stone. The stone never hit the ball, 'cause it disappeared (the ball that is). And under the feet of our heroes appeared a black shade-like surface. "FUCK!!!"
"So that's how it works!" Ferio exclaimed peacefully. He and Pen Pen were the only ones who didn't fell.
"Waaark!!!"
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There was only silence and darkness. Shinji couldn't see even the end of his nose. Confidentially, he couldn't even FEEL the end of his nose. At least for the first moment. After a while he felt different parts of his body and started seeing some blurry lights. And then he saw...
"Hikari?" (Okay so you need to know the MKR to get this joke - author) he asked the dark figure. "Why are you growling?"
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Asuka was disorientated. She was surrounded by strange spiral galaxy-like light sources. And in front of her was... another her (yes, I know people like to duplicate her^_^ - author). And that alter ego of hers had a quite frightening look in her eyes. Of course she wouldn't admit it.
"Ein Doppelganger (german shapeshifter)? There is only one Sohryuu Asuka Langley and I shall prove it! YAAAAAA!!!"
She swung her axe to anticipate the attack on her. And she was even successful in cutting of the other Asuka's braid. The bad news was - her braid also fell to the ground.
"So she's my mirror reflection?" thought Asuka. Yes Kaji definitely shouldn't allow her to watch so many animes. "This is not good."
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Rei Ayanami was standing face to face with a pair of adults. The one was a woman in a suit; the other was a man in a jacket. They were locked in a staring contest for a few minutes, before she said.
"AOI TATSUMAKI!" summoning a blue whirlpool which hit the pair and probably smashed it.
"You're good!" said Alcione when the illusions faded away. "How did you know that they weren't your real parents?"
"The woman wore red suit. Red is the color I hate."
"And what if your mother wore red?" Alcione asked Rei politely. There was a long silence. Then suddenly:
"MIZU NO RYUU!"
"KYAAAAAA!!!"
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"YAAA!!! Please Hikari! Stop! I didn't do anything! It was all Toji's idea!"
"What are you doing?"
Shinji stopped to look at his interlocutor. She was a little girl with a very long, golden hair and sapphire eyes. Her sight alone was astounding, and on top of all that she was a bit transparent. In a normal day the boy would simply ran away screaming, but he came to a conclusion that meeting ghosts here in Cephiro was something normal and unsensational. So he just watched the ghost with wide open eyes. Hikari took advantage of his opening and burrowed her teeth in the back of his neck.
"What do you mean what am I doing?" asked Shinji, not thrown off balance by Hikari's wild demonstration of lust. "I'm saving my live!"
"You've got a knife. Can't you just kill her?"
"But she's a human! A friend from school!"
"Hello!?! This is Cephiro! What in the nine Hells would she be doing here?! She's just an illusion."
"Re-really?"
"I'm positive. Now take care of her, I have to talk some senses into Asuka before she..."
"Who are you little girl?"
"I'm priestess Emeraude, the one that summoned you three blockheads here."
"I don't it's safe for you to talk to her. She IS quite pissed off on you, you know."
"I'm a GHOST, you numbskull! What possibly could she do to me? By the way, hurry up or miss freckled here is gonna bite your head off."
"Thanks for reminding me. OUCH!!!"
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"But when I cut her braid off, I also cut off mine!"
"Don't worry. It's a 100% certain. I swear it!"
"I can see through you."
"So?"
"Your fingers are crossed behind your back. Hey watch it!" the last sentence was referred to her clone, which was swinging her axe wildly. Asuka dodged and parried another attack.
"I'm still not sure of this."
"You know" said Emeraude, smiling wickedly. "Rei has already passed this test."
"WHAT!?! Now you tell me that I fall behind to Wonder Girl!?!"
"A-nd, Shinji also passed. So now they..."
"STIRB (die - germ.)!!!" with one blow Asuka became one and only once again.
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"So this is Escudo? I thought it was something else, like colorful crystals or bars of a metal..."
"I knew the name was somewhat familiar, but..."
Three wanna-be Magic Knights were examining their loot. It was... three coins with some words written in Portuguese on them.
"I don't get it."
"Escudo is a national currency in Portugal, baka."
"Portugal? Is it somewhere in Africa?"
"You really ARE an idiot aren't ya?"
"WAAAAAAAAARRRK!!!"
"What's with you dumb bird... I think..."
"I think he's trying to show us something. What is it Pen Pen?"
The black and white ball of fur (yes, fur! it's my fick, is it not^_^? - author) turned around and they saw a mini TV screen. And it was showing some kind of a statue. The statue had spoken:
"It's me, Clefia. That son of a bitch put a spell on me. Now I'm some kind of an decoration."
"Actually you're a lawn gnome..."
"I KNOW THAT!!!" the statue roared, though it'd lips weren't moving. "Now I will give some magic powers, 'cause I forgot to do it earlier."
"'Bout time." said Asuka. She and Shinji soon felt a strange but pleseant sensation. After a while the German pointed a finger towards Rei. "HONO NO YA!!!"
When the fire expired Shinji saw that Rei was slightly singed but still standing straight. And she was giving Asuka a VERY unpleasant glare.
"You're going to have trouble, knight Sohryuu." she said in a low voice before she collapsed.
"That wasn't a very good idea" Ferio, who met them again on the surface, whispered to Asuka's ear. "She's not i a good mood right now. And besides: now Shinji will have to heal her with his spells."
"Damn."
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Okay people, that's all for now. If you want me to continue let me now. If you want me to stop - don't make any reviews^_^.
