"Ryan?"
He freezes, startled by Marissa's voice. "Hey."
"Ryan, you look awful. What..."
"I had a reaction with one of the medications the doctor gave me."
"Medications? Are you okay?" Marissa's face is tight with concern.
"Yeah, I'm okay." Ryan slowly makes his way to the bed, sitting down heavily.
"You poor thing," Marissa says, sitting down beside him on his rumpled bed.
"I'm better now. I was really sick for a while. I'm still a little woozy but at least I don't feel like I'm dying."
Marissa squeezes his hand, reassuringly. "You've had a rough couple of weeks, Ryan. I'm sorry..."
"It's not your fault." Ryan doesn't meet her eyes, looking out the window instead.
"You've been one of the only things keeping me going. You and Seth...you're good friends. I don't know if I've ever had those before. It's almost like you guys care or something."
"I care. I care a lot, Ryan. I don't know what it is, but I worry about you. I know, I know, you're a man or whatever and you can take care of yourself but..." Marissa starts.
Ryan leans over and kisses her on the cheek, chastely. "Thank you."
Marissa smiles, surprised. "Is that what you call a thank you?"
She takes his chin in her hand and turns his face to hers.
"Ryan, Mom's got dinner...hey, Marissa..." Seth interrupts, speaking as he walks into the pool house.
"Hey, Seth. I was just came by to check on Ryan," Marissa replies, blushing.
Ryan is too stunned to speak.
"You want to stay for dinner?" Seth asks, not closing the door and remaining halfway in and halfway out of the pool house, not sure if he should intrude.
"I can't, I have to have dinner with my family in a few minutes. I'll come by after dinner. Is that cool, Ryan?" Marissa says, turning to him as she stands up.
"Sure, it's fine," Seth answers, seeing Ryan's blank look.
"Great. I'll see you boys later," Marissa grins, squeezing past Seth to exit.
"Ryan, what did I just interrupt?" Seth asks, mischievously.
"Nothing. Let me just say that you have really shitty timing," Ryan sighs, standing up and going to the door to follow Seth to dinner.
"Ryan?" Kirsten follows the teenager into the kitchen after dinner as Ryan takes his plate to the sink.
"Yes, Mrs. Cohen?"
You look a lot better, Ryan. How are you feeling?"
"My appetite's back. I'm a little nauseous but it's not like before, it's just the remnants of the little puke-fest I had last night. Sorry, that's a little crude..."
"It's okay, I'm used to it with Seth and Sandy around," Kirsten smiles. "I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Me, too. I think I'll be good as new by tomorrow, well, aside from the broken bones," Ryan smiles, slightly.
"Sandy got a phone call today. From your father."
"My dad? He's in jail, how would he..." Ryan starts, confused.
"Your brother apparently wrote your father after a phone call from your mother. He wanted to know where you were. He was worried about you," Kirsten says, quietly.
Ryan snorts. "I haven't talked to my father in years, Mrs. Cohen, I doubt that's what it is."
"You haven't talked to him in years?" Kirsten asks, startled.
Sandy enters, hearing his wife's question.
"No. Not since he went to serve his time," Ryan says, nodding to Sandy.
"He was concerned about you, Ryan. He says that he's been keeping updated on you and your brother through your mother. He also said...he said you were with him when he committed the armed robbery that got him arrested. Is that true?" Sandy asks.
"Sure, I was there. I was a kid...he told me to stay in the truck and wait for him. So I did. But instead of him coming back for me, the cops did," Ryan shrugs.
"But you didn't see anything?" Sandy probes.
Ryan shrugs. "It was a long time ago."
"Ryan..."
"He shot some guy in the shoulder, so what? I'd seen worse shit...stuff than that at that age. Dad might think that he scarred me for life or something, but believe me; I was already scarred by that point. What did you tell him?" Ryan asks, flushing at his unintentional revelations.
"I told him that you were in our temporary custody. He asked to see you," Sandy admits.
"No. I'll go see Trey, if he ever asks, but not my father. It's been too long." Ryan states.
"He's your father, Ryan..." Kirsten starts.
"I'll go if you make me go, but I have nothing to say to him. He's my dad, he should have stayed in contact with me if he really gave a shit," Ryan mutters.
"He's in jail, he thought you'd never forgive him..." Sandy starts.
"Whatever," Ryan snorts. "He's my father, I'd love him no matter what. He knew that, I'd seen him commit worse crimes before he got busted. I don't want to see him. Tell him to look me up when he gets out of stripes."
"Are you sure?" Sandy asks, after a pause.
"Yeah. If you and Mrs. Cohen really want me to go, I'll do it for you, but if it's up to me, I don't want to see him. As far as I'm concerned, I have no family," Ryan says, quietly as Seth enters.
"What's going on?" Seth asks, sensing the tension.
"Nothing, honey, we just needed to talk to Ryan," Kirsten smiles.
"Well, let me know if you change your mind," Sandy nods, startled by Ryan's adamant opinion.
"What was that all about, Ryan?" Seth asks, sitting down on the couch in the pool house.
"My dad called your dad. Says he wants to see me," Ryan answers, his voice flat. Marissa steps inside with a wave and sits down beside Seth. Ryan has his back to them, taking the sling off his shoulder.
"Your dad that's in jail?" Seth asks, ignoring Marissa's concerned glance.
"Yeah. Hey, Marissa," Ryan says, hiding his surprise as he turns around.
"What's going on? Your dad wants to see you?" Marissa asks.
"Yeah," Ryan answers.
"Are you going to go see him?" Seth asks.
"No."
Marissa slides closer to Seth to allow Ryan to sit beside her. "What's the deal with it, Ryan? I thought you hadn't talked to him in forever."
"I haven't. I haven't talked to him since he left for prison," Ryan responds.
"What do you think he wants?" Seth questions.
Ryan doesn't know why, but he suddenly needs to hear what Marissa and Seth have to say about his father. He realizes that they aren't asking him out of pity or fake concern, but that they might really care about him. He trusts their opinion.
"I don't know. Mr. Cohen says that he's always kept himself updated on how Trey and I were doing. I think that's bullshit. I think that maybe my mom called him or something and he freaked out of something. I...I just can't believe that he gives a shit about me. It makes it easier to think that he doesn't care."
"Maybe he was ashamed, of being in jail and all," Seth offers.
"Let me tell you guys about my dad. He's in jail for robbing a convenience store. He pulled up to the store and told me to wait in the car. He'd been on a coke binge for about a week and a half, he'd kicked mom out of the house, her and trey were staying with my mom's boyfriend at the time. Dad walked in and pulled out his gun and asked for all the money. The kid behind the counter, he must have been about eighteen, the kid didn't move. So dad shot him in the shoulder. He didn't hesitate. The cops came a few minutes afterwards and my dad still had his hands in the register, gathering up the change. So, to me, having him in jail doesn't make me ashamed."
"I think that's the most I've ever heard you say at one time," Seth whispers quietly. Ryan smiles as Marissa punches Seth, playfully.
"So you're saying you're not ashamed of him for being in jail, you're ashamed of him being a...criminal?" Marissa asks, serious again.
"Yeah. Sort of. He's just an asshole. He never gave a shit about me or Trey. I mean, we never had Christmas, we never had birthdays..." Ryan mutters, leaning back and covering his face.
"You didn't have Christmas?" Seth asks, after a beat.
Ryan is silent.
"Ryan?"
"Trey and I would always drink a forty, if you can believe that. Yes, I'm that ghetto," Ryan smiles, glancing at Marissa and Seth. Ryan starts to laugh.
Marissa and Seth don't know why their friend is laughing but they join him. They have never heard him laughing with such pure enthusiasm but it's infectious.
"Should I buy you a forty ounce for Christmas?" Seth laughs.
"Miller High Life or Old English?" Marissa chokes.
"Always the O.E," Ryan replies.
Kirsten and Sandy are walking toward the pool house and they pause, hearing the laughter.
"Is that..." Sandy begins.
"Ryan?" Kirsten finishes. "Ryan's laughing..."
"I think Marissa's in there with them," Sandy comments, putting an arm around Kirsten.
"The three of them make an interesting group. But they seem to be having a good time," Kirsten smiles, pulling Sandy toward the main house. "I think they're good for each other. When they're not burning things down," She adds.
In the pool house, the three friends are finally recovered enough to catch their breath.
"I'm sorry guys, but when the words came out of my mouth, I was like, I bet you guys have never even drank a forty before," Ryan laughs.
"Fuck you, Ryan, we're not aliens, of course we drink forties," Marissa scoffs.
"But you have to admit it's pretty funny," Ryan smiles.
"I don't know how funny it is, but it's good to see that you can laugh like that about it," Seth replies, seriously.
"Shit, man, you just have to learn to roll with the punches, try and land on your feet," Ryan remarks. "Don't dwell on the past, just keep looking ahead." Ryan stops speaking. "I guess I forgot all that lately, though. I lost my head for a while."
"Damn, Ryan, I think you did pretty damn good except for the little runaway thing. How were you supposed to know your mom was going to walk out again?" Seth asks.
"Because I knew she would. I could just see it in her eyes. There was nothing...there was nothing in them," Ryan replies, quietly.
"Ryan, I'm sure...I'm sure your mother loved you," Marissa says.
"That's what you guys don't understand. There are people out there that are incapable of love. They don't understand the concept. You guys...I mean, you've got to admit that you have pretty good lives...but you've never seen just...pure indifference. People that just don't care," Ryan says, quietly.
"You're underestimating us again, Ryan," Seth replies. "I might not have experienced it first-hand but I know people that have no conscience, that are dead inside."
"Me, too. Cold-hearted. You can't call it cruelty because they have no concept of emotion," Marissa continues.
"Yeah. That's my mom. You guys are dead on. I wasn't underestimating you, I was hoping that you'd never felt it."
"I'm sorry about your mom," Marissa says.
"It's cool. I just need to...it's like the last few weeks, I've been so stressed out, so out of control and now when I finally have a chance to chill out and catch my breath..." Ryan struggles to explain. "I just can't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's like, what's next."
"You're home, Ryan," Marissa says, suddenly. "Don't you feel it? I don't mean with the Cohens..." "She means that you have a family now," Seth adds.
"What?" Ryan asks.
"Let's make an agreement," Marissa announces.
"I disagree already," Seth sighs.
"Stop it! Let's make an agreement that you'll talk to somebody before you hit the streets again," Marissa turns serious.
"Cool. Hopefully, I won't have to take off again," Ryan sighs.
"Damn straight," Seth agrees.
"Cool," Marissa smiles.
Ryan yawns suddenly, exhaustion taking his strength in an instant.
"You want us to go?" Marissa asks, concerned.
"No, stay...I'm just going to take a little nap..." Ryan falls asleep mid-sentence, his head resting against the corner of the couch.
"Damn, Marissa, you sure have a way with the guys, you knock them right out," Seth jokes. Marissa punches Seth, playfully. Seth stays in the pool house, playing Playstation with Marissa until she falls asleep, sitting up beside Ryan.
Ryan wakes up with his arms curled around Marissa protectively, her head nestled by his collarbone, her breath on his neck.
"Ryan..." Marissa senses that he's awake and mumbles his name.
"Do you need to go home, Marissa?" Ryan whispers.
"Nah, I'm at a sleepover at Summer's...I just decided that I would rather hang out with you...make sure you were really okay," Marissa yawns, disentangling from him and sitting up.
"I'm sorry to wake you, I just didn't want you to get in trouble," Ryan says.
"Sure, like you didn't wake me up for something else," Marissa smiles, mischievously.
"What..." Ryan starts, but can't finish his question because of her lips pressed against his.
They lose the next few moments as they explore each other's mouth.
Marissa takes Ryan's face in her hands and kisses him, desperately.
"Marissa..." Ryan pulls away a few minutes later.
"Oh god...I'm sorry," Marissa puts her hand over her mouth.
"No, it's my fault..." Ryan stammers. "I just lost control for a minute..."
"Me, too...but...can we just forget about all that?"Marissa asks.
"If..."
"Can we forget about Luke and everything? Just for a while? I..." She gives him a shy glance. "I just like the way you taste..."
Ryan doesn't know how to respond. So he doesn't answer. He just pulls her close to him and kisses her softly. "No regrets, okay?"
"No regrets, Ryan. Not with you...You're special...I mean...I feel like I...like I belong to you...and you belong to me...and Seth...something just clicks when I'm around you...you make things make sense Ryan, when nothing makes sense...you make that okay," Marissa explains, quietly. "So I don't care about Luke right now, I Just...you're okay…and that means a lot."
"I'm okay, Marissa. We'll all be okay. Okay?" Ryan whispers, kissing her neck, impulsively. Ryan and Marissa wake up the next morning with the flash of a camera. Seth is standing over them with a camera in his hand.
"Oh my god, Cohen! I'm going to kill you!" Marissa gasps, tackling him and tickling him mercilessly. Ryan manages to grab the camera from Seth's flailing hand and pulls the Polaroid from the camera and stuffing it in his pocket. He spots Sandy's shadow on the way to the pool house.
"Parent alert," Ryan mutters, quietly, but Marissa and Ryan hear him and freeze. Ryan tosses pillows on the floor suddenly, and Seth starts to cover Marissa with the large pillows.
"Ryan? Morning, Ryan. Seth," Sandy smiles, opening the door.
"Good morning Mr. Cohen," Ryan says, calmly. Seth and Ryan both stand in front of the large mound of pillows on the floor covering Marissa.
"We're making real breakfast so you boys come on up when you're ready," Sandy says, turning away. "Thanks. We'll be up in a few minutes," Ryan nods.
"Okay." Sandy smiles, suspicious, but he turns away, leaving them.
"I can't breathe," Marissa says, suddenly.
"You're a mean dude," Ryan scolds Ryan.
After breakfast, Ryan finds Sandy in the den, studying some files.
"Mr. Cohen?"
"Yeah, Ryan?" Sandy answers, looking up.
"If you have some free time one day, I guess...I guess I can talk to my father," Ryan says, quietly.
"Really? What changed your mind?" Sandy asks, surprised.
"I just...I had a talk with Seth and Marissa. I mean...everybody deserves a chance, right? Maybe it'll make him do a better job once he gets out," Ryan says.
"Well, I'll call the prison and see...I'll let you know when I get it set up."
Sandy manages to contact Ryan's father and set up a visit with the prison for that afternoon. Ryan finds himself alone with Mr. Cohen on the ride up.
"So Ryan, you seem to be settling in."
"Yes, sir."
"Kirsten mentioned to me that you told you a little about your family."
"Yes, sir. I told her about my uncle who died a few years back."
Sandy nods, silently.
Ryan glances at him and feels like the older man is waiting for him to continue but he doesn't know what to say.
"When you were talking about your father the other day...you mentioned that you saw your father shoot a man. But you said that you had seen worse things...what did you mean?"
Ryan shrugs, uncomfortable. "I don't know..."
"I'm just curious," Sandy replies.
Ryan is quiet for a moment. "I've seen some things. I've watched people die. I've seen people shoot up drugs and then just fall over, dead. I was in a car accident with one of my mother's boyfriend's once and I was trapped in the car for a while. I was with him when he died..."
"In the car?" Sandy gasps, stunned.
"Yeah, he flipped it down this embankment and we were upside down, strapped in. Something, like, impaled him and he bled to death while the firemen were trying to get us out. I was ten, then. It was a long time ago," Ryan replies.
"I'm...I don't know what to say, Ryan. I'm sorry," Sandy states.
"It's okay," Ryan says.
The car is silent for a while.
"Seth's a good kid. It seems like you're worried about him because he's not popular or anything, but it's because you raised him to be his own person."
"Seth..."
"He's going to be okay. He's got his problems, it's like, hard for him to talk to people, he gets so nervous, but he's...he's like comfortable with himself and that's...it's really important," Ryan interrupts. "He's been a really good friend to me."
"I'm glad. And thanks for saying something," Sandy nods.
The car lapses into silence again.
"Are you nervous about seeing him?" Sandy asks.
"Yeah. I wonder what he's going to say. I mean...it's been a long time since I let myself think about him," Ryan replies.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Sandy says, calmly.
"I'm not going to let him upset me," Ryan states.
"I'm sure he's not trying to upset you, Ryan. He sounded...really glad to hear that you were coming."
"You don't know my father, Mr. Cohen."
