He was a mercenary again.
Had love replaced the ever-present urge for some accomplishment, it was now exactly the other way around. The urge, the search for the thrill and the feeling of satisfaction, again he only found those doing dangerous missions. Again he had to be on his guards twenty-four hours a day, but sometimes doubts crept up in him, whether he was always alert because of a possible danger, or because he didn't allow himself to think about it, about her, about them.
Even now, two years after his departure he still wasn't able to think about his short past as an honest man, for fear of turning insane. Continuous work gave him the feeling of having regained everything he had given up before. He wanted to believe that he was once again Sark, but even he couldn't fool himself into oblivion. Deep inside, his heart ached and he couldn't shake the feelings, feelings he had acquired while being in love, feelings that made him feel and act human and weak on occasions.
He hadn't been able to kill that lady, when he saw a little boy holding tight onto her hand, hadn't been able to kill the youngster tussling in the garden with his little Beagle. Before he would have registered the child and the happy laughter of the teen while playing with his dog, but he would have dismissed it as fast as he had noticed it. Not anymore.
Dismissing and ignoring weren't possible anymore. She had spent so many days making him aware of such details, that he had finally started paying attention to them and even find a smile for them. And he couldn't get rid of it.
His employers weren't happy at all, but he didn't care. It was only a danger more he had to be aware of all the time and which kept him from thinking about her and their past.
He wondered when he would meet her on a mission. He had been surprised, positively or not, he couldn't decide, that he hadn't yet had an encounter with her. They had met so often before, but for the last two years, he hadn't seen a single hair of her. Which was just fine by him, because he wasn't as delusional as to think he could hit her, or pull the trigger if necessary. Whether it was the same case for her, he doubted it.
He didn't keep tabs on her, he couldn't have. He wanted to cut her out of his thoughts, out of his live, out of his past, but she had marked him. She was always present and every day he hated himself a bit more for not being able to shake her off.
If he saw her again, what would happen? Subconsciously he wished she had checked those files, whished that she had said goodbye to her "friends", who wouldn't even let her be happy. He couldn't make himself check this though, he lived in ignorance, tired of hurting, tired of feeling weak.
All Sark wanted was closure, so that he could finally be himself again. As soon as he had decided this, he sat down in front of his computer to find out where she currently was.
In their apartment. Still living in the place they had bought together, saying that it was the closest they could get to being a normal couple. At that time, they had laughed together. Standing on front of their door, no, her door, he hesitated. He wasn't sure that in order to find closure, he should meet her again. She would probably aim a gun at him, tell him to leave if he was lucky.
He ringed the bell; seconds later she opened the door.
Her eyes widened and filled with tears and all he could think was "She is the one".
**********
I don't know if it's any good. In fact a sequel wasn't planned, but Mrs. Curly wrote me such a sweet review, that I wanted to try at least. It's yet again inspired by a song, I listen to too much music. It's from Prime STH and called "She". If you can download it, do it, and listen to the text, it's just so fitting for Syd and Sark (in my dreams anyway ;) )
Had love replaced the ever-present urge for some accomplishment, it was now exactly the other way around. The urge, the search for the thrill and the feeling of satisfaction, again he only found those doing dangerous missions. Again he had to be on his guards twenty-four hours a day, but sometimes doubts crept up in him, whether he was always alert because of a possible danger, or because he didn't allow himself to think about it, about her, about them.
Even now, two years after his departure he still wasn't able to think about his short past as an honest man, for fear of turning insane. Continuous work gave him the feeling of having regained everything he had given up before. He wanted to believe that he was once again Sark, but even he couldn't fool himself into oblivion. Deep inside, his heart ached and he couldn't shake the feelings, feelings he had acquired while being in love, feelings that made him feel and act human and weak on occasions.
He hadn't been able to kill that lady, when he saw a little boy holding tight onto her hand, hadn't been able to kill the youngster tussling in the garden with his little Beagle. Before he would have registered the child and the happy laughter of the teen while playing with his dog, but he would have dismissed it as fast as he had noticed it. Not anymore.
Dismissing and ignoring weren't possible anymore. She had spent so many days making him aware of such details, that he had finally started paying attention to them and even find a smile for them. And he couldn't get rid of it.
His employers weren't happy at all, but he didn't care. It was only a danger more he had to be aware of all the time and which kept him from thinking about her and their past.
He wondered when he would meet her on a mission. He had been surprised, positively or not, he couldn't decide, that he hadn't yet had an encounter with her. They had met so often before, but for the last two years, he hadn't seen a single hair of her. Which was just fine by him, because he wasn't as delusional as to think he could hit her, or pull the trigger if necessary. Whether it was the same case for her, he doubted it.
He didn't keep tabs on her, he couldn't have. He wanted to cut her out of his thoughts, out of his live, out of his past, but she had marked him. She was always present and every day he hated himself a bit more for not being able to shake her off.
If he saw her again, what would happen? Subconsciously he wished she had checked those files, whished that she had said goodbye to her "friends", who wouldn't even let her be happy. He couldn't make himself check this though, he lived in ignorance, tired of hurting, tired of feeling weak.
All Sark wanted was closure, so that he could finally be himself again. As soon as he had decided this, he sat down in front of his computer to find out where she currently was.
In their apartment. Still living in the place they had bought together, saying that it was the closest they could get to being a normal couple. At that time, they had laughed together. Standing on front of their door, no, her door, he hesitated. He wasn't sure that in order to find closure, he should meet her again. She would probably aim a gun at him, tell him to leave if he was lucky.
He ringed the bell; seconds later she opened the door.
Her eyes widened and filled with tears and all he could think was "She is the one".
**********
I don't know if it's any good. In fact a sequel wasn't planned, but Mrs. Curly wrote me such a sweet review, that I wanted to try at least. It's yet again inspired by a song, I listen to too much music. It's from Prime STH and called "She". If you can download it, do it, and listen to the text, it's just so fitting for Syd and Sark (in my dreams anyway ;) )
