Chapter Four

Harry lay awake on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had no intention to sleep, though the fellow schoolmates of him in the room were all dozed off. He had to think, and there was no escape.

He had not told Ron and Hermione about the Occlumency lesson; avoiding them was all he could do. For some reason he could not bring the subject up.

Snape's expressions when Harry had shouted to himit was a mixture of loathe disbelief and if possiblehurt. Had he really touch Snape's weakest point? The things he had said back in the office, Harry had no idea why he had shouted like thatall he knew was he wanted to let Snape know that he, Harry, had been through a lot more than him. He had no idea, completely not even near to what he felt whenever he thought of Sirius, whenever he faced Voldemort

But did that mean Harry was right? He had seen what was it like in Snape's childhood and he had actually felt sorry for him back then. He knew perfectly that his father was wrong to abuse Snape like that but it still did not stop Harry from hating Snape just the same. Snape had suffered in his childhood and he knew it, so did that mean Harry had no right to blame Snape for having no love? For his cold attitude?

Harry sighed and frowned. This was giving him a great headache and Harry was dreading to face Snape the next day at the Potions lessons. He knew Snape would not cancel the Occlumency lessons as he did before, with Dumbledore at the school, but Harry preferred he did. Now that he thought more about Snape's past and the things he shouted to him, Harry started to regret it. Who am I to shout at him? Who am I to bring his unhappy memories back to him?

Sighing yet again, he made up his mind to apologize to Snape tomorrow. Privately, of course. Harry buried his face in his hands just to think of it- it was going to be the hardest thing ever.

* * *

How long did he sat on the floor, glaring at everything he owned and letting his tears stream down, he did not know. All he knew was that he had let Potter beak him down, and he could not do anything to help it.

He started to recall a Muggle song:

Oh, why? Why is those soil so rich while those so rot?

Why are those men so tall while those so low?

Why are those children so full while those so hollow?

Just, why this isn't an impartial court?

These were the exact thoughts inside his head. Though he had given up such long ago to find the answer, he found himself wondering why he had such a life again. Nothing in his life was right, nothing was under his control, nothing brought him happiness and warmth. Potter was right, he thought bitterly, I have no idea what it is like to be loved and to love. I have no idea how Potter feels when he remembers his godfather. He had no idea
But he did know how it was like to feel abandoned, how it was like to lose love, how it was like to lose to himself, how it was like to beafraid. He doubted Potter's fear for Voldemort was stronger than him. Not that he feared the man himself, but it was Voldemort who reminded the most miserable and dark days in his life. He doubted that Potter would ever feel helpless with his own self.

Having a million thoughts in his mind, he scowled at himself for being weak and letting Potter do this to him. He hated Potter, hated him more than ever

* * *

"Harry, are you alright? You look like the walking of the dead, man!"

"Did you even sleep last night?"

"Harry?"

"Yes?' Harry blinked several times and shook himself. Looking back to his two friends, he repeated, "Yeah?"

"Honestly, Harry, are you OK? Your mind is always wandering off!" Hermione looked at him, frowning. Ron was beside her, wearing a concerned expression.

It was late afternoon and they were getting ready for Potions lesson. To Harry's bewilder, they had a double lesson today. Every now and then Harry would stare at the door, dreading Snape's arrival. He had chosen a seat at the back of the class.

"Yes, I'm OK. How many times do I have to tell you that?" replied Harry rather grumpily.

Hermione turned back to her cauldron and said, "Well, excuse me for being concerned, you know."

"Sorry." muttered Harry.

WHAM. The dungeon door flew open and the greasy haired Potions Master rummaged in. He paused to glare at the class as usual though he did not meet Harry's eyes.

And so the lesson began. Harry avoided Snape's eyes as much as possible and concentrated to the Conscious Potion they were supposed to make. One lesson flew by and Snape had not walk to the back row once.

Just as the second lesson was going to end and Harry could finally breathe, he caught Snape's eyes accidentally when talking to Ron. Snape did not look away and Harry noticed his hands twitching to reach inside his robes. For a second Harry was sure Snape was going to hex him but the Potions Master looked away as the bell rang and flew out of the dungeon. Knowing that his chance to talk to Snape alone was then, he told Hermione and Ron to wait for him in the Great Hall for dinner, and then followed Snape.

* * *

"Who's it?" the cold voice of Snape's snarled from the inside if the office.

Harry took a deep breath before answering.

"It's Harry Potter, sir."

There was a pause.

"Come in."

Harry swallowed hard and willed himself to be calm as he entered the chamber.

Snape was sitting behind his desk, clearly writing on something. He shoved the parchment aside as Harry came in and looked up at him.

"What is it?" Snape's usual sneer was gone, placed by a ugly expression of loathe.

Harry looked at the ground and began, "Professor, yesterday-"

"Yes?"

Snape snarled at Harry, as though daring him to say another word.

"Well, I- I-"

"I do not have the whole day, Potter. Either spit it out or leave-"

"I'm sorry."

Silence. Harry would simply love to run out of the room just then but he knew he had to face it.

"I'm sorry." He repeated yet again, "I had no right to shout at you, sir, and for that I apologize."

There was another pause of silence and Harry dared himself to look up at Snape. There was his expression, with what seemed like a shock.
Just get it over with, fool, just give me detention or throw me out of the room

"Very- very well."

Harry stared back at the Potions Master. He was actually biting his lip.

He knew this was the best chance to get out, and so he nodded, turned and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

* * *

Severus was still staring at the closed door. He was stunned, and shocked, to say. Never in a million years he would thought he'd see Harry Potter, the most arrogant living thing and the son of the conceited James Potter, apologize to himself. He leaned against the back of his chair, replaying the scene happened just few seconds ago. Potter apologizing to him? He would rather believe that he was the son of Lord Voldemort's.

Blinking several times, he started to realize that Harry Potter was nothing like the James Potter he loathed. Though he had always put it that way, Severus had to admit that he was not quite right. James Potter would never apologize for disrespecting him, and although they were equal by age, James Potter still did not have the right to insult and humiliate him. Harry Potter showed great courage and respect today- he let the thought swarm into his head before he could help it. Even when sometimes Severus knew that he was wrong, he did not bother with apologies. Words are nothing compared to real act, he had always said, but he knew deep inside that it was just a cover for his cowardice.

Was it true? Was it real that Harry Potter was braver than he was? Was it true that Harry Potter had won him in his character? Was it really believable that he was starting to see the good side of his most hated, loathed boy?

"Nonsense!" he scolded himself out loud. He had always hated Potter, loathed him, and was always happy to find chances to cicritize him. There was no good in Potter or else I would not have treated him like this

But you did not treat him badly because of hating him, a nasty voice said inside his head. Come to think of it, you hate him because you hate his father. And those are two different people, no matter how you put them. Did Potter not tell everyone about the Pensive when James Potter would have? Didn't Potter just apologize to you, something that James Potter would never have done even if his life depended on it?

Yes, he came to a conclude. You owe Potter as much as he owes you. Your unfairness has held too long, and while there is a battle out there, you are starting one inside. Both of you will have no chance to win if you carry on the attitude now.

And Severus, still startled by his own thoughts, finally understood.

* * *

Still stunned by his luck, Harry found his mood lighter than days. It had been a bad start of the term but things had come to a rest, he thought happily. Humming to himself off-tuned, he went straight to the Gryffindor table and found his two best friends. He made up his mind that he would be more decent to them since he was really grumpy to them in the last few days.

"Hey, how's it going?" Harry called to them brightly as he approached. To his surprise, Ron and Hermione looked extremely worried.

Frowning a little, Harry took a seat beside Ron and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Will you look at this?" Ron replied, frowning deeply.

Harry took the Daily Prophet from Ron's hands and read the headlines:

RETIRED SPY FOUND KILLED BY DEATH EATERS

Reading fiercely, Harry learned that a wizard named Meloneor White, who was a Death Eater once but turned into a spy, was found killed by a Death Eater in a Muggle Town called Little Hangleton. The Death Eater was not caught and the Healers have informed the authorities that White was killed by one of the Unforgivable Curse. Meloneor White was one of the missed patients in St Mungo's over the summer and the other one, the Ministry regretted, was still missing.

"My gosh." Said Harry to himself softly as he finished.

"My gosh is right," sighed Hermione, folding the paper and putting it away. "Voldemort- oh, Ron- is starting to take act and gaining powers like the past."

Harry's mood was suddenly heavy. "White- he's a traitor to Voldemort, like Snape if Dumbledore's right, then Snape's in danger too, d'you reckon?"

Ron poked around with his food as he answered, "Yeah, I guess Snape knew it would happen when Vol-Vol-"

"Voldemort, Ron!" Hermione snapped, "Really, can't you even say his name properly?"

"Alright, alright! Vol-demort!"

Harry was turning to the feast when something suddenly hit him.

"Wait- Meloneor White! I remember him- damn, he was captured by Lestrange in Greenish! What was he doing there when he was supposed to be in St Mungo's?"

Ron and Hermione stared at him.

"But Harry, how did you know that?" asked Ron, staring.

"I-" Harry stopped himself. Would his friends believe him again after the last year?

"I saw it in a dream." He answered with a bit of embrassment. "Remember the one I told you about?"

Hermione looked thoughtful for awhile.

"Well, I don't see any reason for him running away from St Mungo's." she finally said.

Harry sighed. He did not blame Hermione for having doubts about his weird dreams- he did not quite believe himself too, for instance.

They finished their dinner quickly and went up to the common room to deal with their homework which was growing more than ever.

* * *

The weekends have past, and the months were flying by. November had came and gone, and it was time to think of the jolly Christmas coming up. With snowy scenes and glowing candles everywhere, Harry found it hard to not be cheerful.

There were not many students signing up to stay this Christmas, and Harry, Ron, Hermione and a few other Gryffindors were the only left. To Harry's disgust, Draco Malfoy and his two friends decided to stay, too. But nothing could ruin Harry's high moods as Christmas holidays drew nearer.

"Bye, Merry Christmas, goodbye, have a nice holiday!" Hermione was shouting farewells to those who were boarding the Hogwarts Express. Ron and Harry were grinning and laughing at her.

It was the first day of holiday and the three decided, since they wanted to get out of the castle for some fresh air, to walk with students who were going back home to the platform. Finally, as the scarlet train pulled out of sight, the three set off back towards the castle,
joking and laughing as they went.

* * *

Severus patrolled down the corridor leading to the Great Hall. Though he found it annoying and boring, it was his duty to make sure everything was "in place." Just as he was passing the Great Hall, he spotted Draco Malfoy and his gang sneering at Potter, Weasley and Granger. He did not react at first, but wanted to see what was going to happen.

"Here's love from the Dark Lord, Potty!" smirked Malfoy as Potter and his two friends passed him.

"Oh shut up, Malfoy!" Potter responded carelessly, not making any attempt to stop.

Malfoy stepped in front of the three, blocking their way, "Why aren't you back into what you call your house, Weasel?"

Severus saw Weasley go red.

"That, is perfectly none of your business, Malfoy." He replied, glaring.

"Is it because your parents can't afford to bring you up anymore? They cannot afford to get enough for all of you red heads to eat, is that right? That's why you're staying at Hogwarts, I suppose, the feasts here are like a paradise to you, right?"

Severus frowned slightly; he knew Malfoy liked to insult the others, but this was a little overboard.

Potter shot back coolly, "Shut your fat mouth, Malfoy, you're dad's not even home for you, he'll be having Christmas in St Mungo's before you know it."

Severus could not help himself; he chuckled silently. The thought of his "friend" Lucius Malfoy in St Mungo's was laughable.

Craning his neck, he poked inside the Great Hall just in time to see Malfoy hexing Potter. A jet of purple light flew by Potter's ears as he and his two friends attempted to push past Malfoy.

Potter acted fast; plunging inside his robes, he pointed his wand straight to Malfoy, who was doing the same thing. Both were wearing an expression of pure loathe and fury.
Severus decided that he would end it right there. Walking towards the six students, he shouted as if he had not see the scene, "Potter! Get that aim off Mr Malfoy!"

Potter and Malfoy froze, and Severus could not help noticing that Malfoy seemed to be more pleased when he approached them.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Severus snarled in his face.

Potter took his wand from pointing at Malfoy as Weasley replied urgently, "Malfoy
attacked Harry first, sir, Harry didn't do anything-"

"Enough, Weasley." Severus cut him off. It was a pleasure for him finding a chance to give Potter a detention, but

Be fair. He was fair to you. You must not lose to him, where is your courage? Where is your dare?

Severus was startled by his thoughts for a moment, then he recovered, "Fifty points from Gryffindor, Potter..."- he saw Malfoy's smirk of triumph to Weasley- "And"

The students looked at him expectedly, waiting for him to give Potter detention. Weasley was glaring at him, Granger scowling and Malfoy smirking

"One point from Slytherin."

There. He had done it. He had not lost. Not exactly wanting to see the expressions on the faces of his students, he strolled away without another word.

He still could not believe what he had done.

* * *

"Yahoo!" Ron shouted triumphantly. "The world has changed, my boys and girls! You should be celebrating!"

A crowd of first years glared at Ron as they past him in the corridor.

"Have a taste of the whole new world! Come on my lads-"

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione snapped at him.

"Yes, my dear lady?"

"Really, you're getting like Fred and George!"

"Thank you, mam'm."

Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry who was snickering uncontrollably.

They were heading back to the Gryffindor Tower and the three were still pretty shocked by what their greasy haired Potions Master had just done, though Harry had quite an idea why.

It was because Harry showed respect towards him in the first place, he thought, how bitter sweet and strange, finding Snape can change.

"Really, Snape taking a point off Slytherin? I'd rather believe he washed his hair!" Ron exclaimed. Harry could not help it, even Hermione was laughing hard as they ascended the stairs.

"Though creative your imagination undoubtfully is, Weasley, I do not find it amusing when the subject matter consists of me."

The three froze and hurled around. Snape was wearing his usual sneer, standing right in front of them.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Weasley, and if I hear you again, it will be fifty." With a too familiar smirk, Snape turned and descended the stairs.

Once he was out of earshot, Hermione pulled Ron and Harry up the stairs.

"That was really close, Ron, he could have given you detention again- why one earth are you smiling?"

Harry turned to see Ron grinning from ear to ear as he replied, "Ten points doesn't matter to me as long as he really took a whole point from Slytherin."

Laughing, the three of them entered the Tower.


A/N: There I had done it. Is it good? By the way, I can't believe you gave me reviews, man! Thanks, all of you, especially Aislin-Black you really lit my day up, you know that?! I really appreciate it- it keeps me get going on!