The Misadventures of Gilderoy Lockhart
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own the Harry Potter characters or any of J.K. Rowling's work. However I do claim this piece of Fan Fiction, "The Misadventures of Gilderoy Lockhart," as my own ideas and work.
A/N: Hey everyone! Please tell me what you think of this story from Gilderoy Lockhart's POV. FYI, I don't necessarily agree with what Lockhart says- I don't think that Ravenclaws are studious freaks, or Gryffindors are brainless! It's just Lockhart- snobby, conceited Lockhart and his snobby, conceited mind. Enjoy! ; )
Chapter One: The Most Popular and Successful
My name is Gilderoy M. Lockhart.
No autographs now, please.
I'm twelve years old and attending my second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Exciting, no? It is, especially since I am the envy of the entire second year for my good looks and charms.
Those who aren't envious of me have clearly lost their minds. Because of this, a large portion of my year could be considered insane.
No matter, really. Universal popularity doesn't keep me from being modest and working towards my goal- becoming an internationally famous wizard whose name is known in every household, all over the globe.
I don't know what I'll do to be famous. I'm still working on that.
~*~
I'm now at the sorting ceremony for the new first years. It's a waste of time, really, because I could be up in my Hufflepuff dormitory practicing my smile. I drum my fingers loudly on the tabletop, then create a song to go along with the percussion. The prefects shoot looks at me, telling me to shut up.
They're just jealous.
A girl with flaming red hair comes to the sorting hat. "Evans, Lily," Professor McGonagall says her name is.
She's quite good looking, but not as good looking as me. Evans is sorted into Gryffindor.
Lupin, Remus is sorted not long after. He looks pale and sickly. Probably a loser, I think to myself.
He is sorted into Gryffindor also.
Potter, James is called up next. His hair really is atrocious. Maybe I should offer him some of Gilderoy Lockhart's Extra-Strength Hair Gel. Potter goes to the Gryffindor table, sitting between Lupin, Remus and Evans, Lily. A boy across from him ( Whom I vaguely recall as being "Black, Sirius,") jumps up and down wildly. I shoot him a death glare, which he returns to me easily.
He must be a loser also.
I zone out for the next few sortings. Then I see a greasy-haired boy come to the hat. "Snape, Severus!" McGonagall calls. His hair is nearly as atrocious as Potter's. He needs Gilderoy Lockhart's Oil-Controlling Shampoo and Conditioner, to say the least.
The Sorting finally ends. This new bunch of first-years isn't very promising, I think to myself. But that's no matter. Nothing Gilderoy-Lockhart's "It's A New You!" Potion can't fix.
~*~
I'm in the library filing my nails when a group of said first years enters. It's Evans, Potter, Snape, and a Ravenclaw I don't know. They must be doing a group project.
Oh great, I groan. I can't be near them, they'll spoil my image.
'Not if you can help them first!' a voice in the back of my brain calls. I agree with it and walk up to the first years.
"Allow me to introduce myself," I drawl, sounding very much like Lucious Malfoy, a seventh-year Slytherin. "I'm Gilderoy M. Lockhart, the most-"
"Excuse me, Mr. Gilderoy M. Lockhart," Lily Evans says. "We're very busy, and we need to finish this assignment by tomorrow if we want to get full marks."
"Never mind full marks, I just want to get out of this library!" Snape says.
"Believe me, Snivellous, I am less than thrilled to be here also," Potter responds.
"Stop fighting! If I research, Lily organizes, Potter writes, and Snape revises, we can get this in on time!" The Ravenclaw desperately explains. Studious freaks, the bunch of them.
"Before I was so rudely interrupted," I continue, "I was going to say that I am Gilderoy M. Lockhart, the most popular and successful student in this school, and I can help the lot of you" - I look them over- "become popular and successful just like me." I beam at them with a grin that shows all my teeth. "Of course, it might take a while, perhaps a year or so for you to reach full potential-"
"And we're really pressed for time now, thank you," Evans says. Stupid Gryffindors, bravery leaves no room for any thought or common sense.
"You can go away now," Snape says.
"Ah yes, one of the many things I can help you with is how to subtly get a point across, or how to instantly make a crowd of people like you! And-" - I disdainfully look Potter and Snape over- "I've created a full line of hair-care products for people like you-"
"There's nothing wrong with us!" Snape yells, infuriated.
"Recognizing the truth is the first step to acceptance, and without acceptance you can never improve, Mr. Snape. You see-"
"Gilderoy Lockhart!" Madam Pince screeches behind me. "Kindly return to your seat!"
The first years shoot death glares at me. I don't think they like me at all.
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own the Harry Potter characters or any of J.K. Rowling's work. However I do claim this piece of Fan Fiction, "The Misadventures of Gilderoy Lockhart," as my own ideas and work.
A/N: Hey everyone! Please tell me what you think of this story from Gilderoy Lockhart's POV. FYI, I don't necessarily agree with what Lockhart says- I don't think that Ravenclaws are studious freaks, or Gryffindors are brainless! It's just Lockhart- snobby, conceited Lockhart and his snobby, conceited mind. Enjoy! ; )
Chapter One: The Most Popular and Successful
My name is Gilderoy M. Lockhart.
No autographs now, please.
I'm twelve years old and attending my second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Exciting, no? It is, especially since I am the envy of the entire second year for my good looks and charms.
Those who aren't envious of me have clearly lost their minds. Because of this, a large portion of my year could be considered insane.
No matter, really. Universal popularity doesn't keep me from being modest and working towards my goal- becoming an internationally famous wizard whose name is known in every household, all over the globe.
I don't know what I'll do to be famous. I'm still working on that.
~*~
I'm now at the sorting ceremony for the new first years. It's a waste of time, really, because I could be up in my Hufflepuff dormitory practicing my smile. I drum my fingers loudly on the tabletop, then create a song to go along with the percussion. The prefects shoot looks at me, telling me to shut up.
They're just jealous.
A girl with flaming red hair comes to the sorting hat. "Evans, Lily," Professor McGonagall says her name is.
She's quite good looking, but not as good looking as me. Evans is sorted into Gryffindor.
Lupin, Remus is sorted not long after. He looks pale and sickly. Probably a loser, I think to myself.
He is sorted into Gryffindor also.
Potter, James is called up next. His hair really is atrocious. Maybe I should offer him some of Gilderoy Lockhart's Extra-Strength Hair Gel. Potter goes to the Gryffindor table, sitting between Lupin, Remus and Evans, Lily. A boy across from him ( Whom I vaguely recall as being "Black, Sirius,") jumps up and down wildly. I shoot him a death glare, which he returns to me easily.
He must be a loser also.
I zone out for the next few sortings. Then I see a greasy-haired boy come to the hat. "Snape, Severus!" McGonagall calls. His hair is nearly as atrocious as Potter's. He needs Gilderoy Lockhart's Oil-Controlling Shampoo and Conditioner, to say the least.
The Sorting finally ends. This new bunch of first-years isn't very promising, I think to myself. But that's no matter. Nothing Gilderoy-Lockhart's "It's A New You!" Potion can't fix.
~*~
I'm in the library filing my nails when a group of said first years enters. It's Evans, Potter, Snape, and a Ravenclaw I don't know. They must be doing a group project.
Oh great, I groan. I can't be near them, they'll spoil my image.
'Not if you can help them first!' a voice in the back of my brain calls. I agree with it and walk up to the first years.
"Allow me to introduce myself," I drawl, sounding very much like Lucious Malfoy, a seventh-year Slytherin. "I'm Gilderoy M. Lockhart, the most-"
"Excuse me, Mr. Gilderoy M. Lockhart," Lily Evans says. "We're very busy, and we need to finish this assignment by tomorrow if we want to get full marks."
"Never mind full marks, I just want to get out of this library!" Snape says.
"Believe me, Snivellous, I am less than thrilled to be here also," Potter responds.
"Stop fighting! If I research, Lily organizes, Potter writes, and Snape revises, we can get this in on time!" The Ravenclaw desperately explains. Studious freaks, the bunch of them.
"Before I was so rudely interrupted," I continue, "I was going to say that I am Gilderoy M. Lockhart, the most popular and successful student in this school, and I can help the lot of you" - I look them over- "become popular and successful just like me." I beam at them with a grin that shows all my teeth. "Of course, it might take a while, perhaps a year or so for you to reach full potential-"
"And we're really pressed for time now, thank you," Evans says. Stupid Gryffindors, bravery leaves no room for any thought or common sense.
"You can go away now," Snape says.
"Ah yes, one of the many things I can help you with is how to subtly get a point across, or how to instantly make a crowd of people like you! And-" - I disdainfully look Potter and Snape over- "I've created a full line of hair-care products for people like you-"
"There's nothing wrong with us!" Snape yells, infuriated.
"Recognizing the truth is the first step to acceptance, and without acceptance you can never improve, Mr. Snape. You see-"
"Gilderoy Lockhart!" Madam Pince screeches behind me. "Kindly return to your seat!"
The first years shoot death glares at me. I don't think they like me at all.
