Hello hooray. it's time for another fun and frolick-packed chapter, packed
full of fun and er- well- frolicks. Nothing more to put here, so review at
the end and give me some suggestions on what trials and tribulations you
would like to see Lucius put through.
I am a little (more) hyper after getting my GCSE results =D No carpet- fitting for me! I also saw the Queen Musical last night, "We Will Rock You". I love Queen more than ever. Anyone out there a Queen fan? Or David Bowie? Or T-Rex? Or Any glam/old rock whatsoever?
*holds up big sign: please be Lou's friend*
JKR owns the characters and Top of the Pops belongs to the BBC.not that I'd ever want it anyway. Pimms-o-clock is from an advertising campaign for the wonderful drink Pimms. Which admittedly, though I have consumed much of, I do not qualify as owning. But I am young and my liver is as yet unblistered. So we have time!
And now on with the show!
------------------------------- ---------------------------------- --------- ------------------- xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Chapter Four:
Lucius the Domestic Goddess
Wednesday 14th August
A week passed since the Voldemort incident, during which time Lucius had managed to obtain one injury. On Thursday night Draco had taken a telephone call from a friend of Lucius', inviting him to a toga party. Unfortunately, Draco's handwriting was less than legible and so after attending the party dressed as a goat, Lucius was ravaged by a frisky sheep on the way home.
Draco had done his best to apologise, but Malfoys aren't good at apologising either and so comments such as "at least you're not dead", and "you've still got that Malfoy charm, dad", only served to make Lucius more annoyed.
When he finally emerged, one week later, Lucius was greeted with a note stuck to the fridge.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lucius. I am fed up. During the last two weeks you have either been absent or a complete waste of space, so I have gone to Lanzarote with some friends. While I'm gone I hope you'll be okay with the cooking and cleaning and general survival. Here is a list of things I expect done before I get back:
Wash the clothes I have left out on my bed Set the video to record Top of the Pops on Friday Try and get into work at least once Sort out the drink cabinet Get some groceries Get the cat neutered
Kisses
Narcissa
Ps. I've just remembered the Parkinsons are coming for dinner tonight. I don't know what you intend to cook but make sure it's Coq Au Vin. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lucius gaped at the letter. He'd always thought that Coq Au Vin was love in a lorry. . .
**************************************************************************** ************ 11.15am
"...And so I'm terribly sorry Elaine. . . Yes. Yes I know. Well we all thought Syphilis was extinct too. Yes. Yes it is terrible. One in a million chance, I know. Thank you. Yes. Yes I will. Okay. Yes Draco and Narcissa hope I don't die as well."
"Don't bet on it" Draco muttered.
"Goodbye Elaine". Lucius put down the phone, his tragic expression having quickly transformed into a grin.
"Well. I suppose I'd better get started on that list your mother left. Really though, why she couldn't have had the house elves do them I can't work out."
Draco gave a trademark sneer and answered.
"Father. How can I say this. You are happily married. Unfortunately your wife is not. You have to realise that very probably, mother does not like you. She's just making the most of having you incapable of magic, the same as I am. It makes very good entertainment."
Lucius shot him a look and stalked off to start the chores. It was nice to have a son that reminded him of a 16-year-old version of himself, with the same stuck-up manner and posh voice. But it was at times like these that he was grateful he had such a large Manor so he could get the hell away from him. In the nicest way possible, of course.
"Well", said Lucius to himself, "I suppose I should really work my way down the list."
However, after spotting 'Drink Cabinet' halfway down the list, all plans of systematic and methodical work went down the drain.
"Come on Draco, time for alcohol"
He didn't have to be asked twice.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
2.13pm "Hey Draky. Draky Draky Draky boy. You've always been my favourite son, yanno"
"Daddy! I'm your only son"
"Well.I'm not so sure about that, I used to feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. And then I was born. Anyway I digress. What was I saying? I make it Pimms-o-clock."
Three hours of cabinet-sorting had left Lucius and Draco dancing around the lounge, happy as pigs in clover. Upon looking through the extensively- stocked cupboard (and sampling some along the way, naturally), it had been decided that actually nothing had to be thrown away. To Draco's dismay, each and every bottle of liqueur or vintage wine had a story behind it.
"And this. . . this one is special, my boy. Your Great Uncle, Albertus Dracillis Malfoy, was given this bottle of Chablis in 1975. He won the award for "most likely to cause the demise of the known world". I remember his acceptance speech well: 'I don't deserve this award. But then, I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either'. Lucius paused, nostalgically reading labels. He picked up an empty bottle.
"Ahhh this one is special to me. What's left of my first ever bottle of Absinthe. It wasn't my last either. You know, they launch rockets on this stuff, but I'd finished it in ten minutes. Seven, I was. "
Draco hiccuped and passed out, landing on the carpet with a 'thunk'. Lucius continued regardless, either not noticing or not caring.
"Of course, this was particularly special after the Great Absinthe Shortage of 1954". Lucius paused for effect, then, not receiving any, decided this would be a splendid time to do some chores.
"I think we'd better get the cat neutered" Lucius mused, prodding Draco with his toe.
"DRACO! Get up, come on we're getting Cornelius neutered. Wouldn't want him becoming a father now, would we? God, now that'd ruin his life."
Draco opened one eye, groaned and performed a spell to sober up:
"Cliffus Richardus Nakedus"
A flash of green light and Draco was standing, traumatised but sober. He had also lost the will to have sex ever again. Cliff Richard naked and sexual thoughts go together like port and. . . something that doesn't go with port.
Cornelius was effectively a soft automaton provided by nature for Lucius to kick when things went wrong. Lucius loved him. He thought back to the time when he had given Cornelius a bath. He loved it and it was fun for Lucius too. The fur would stick to his tongue but other than that. . .
"Come on Draco, time for the vets! I found one in the yellow pages that have a policy, if their neutering doesn't work you get some free Ketamine. It's horse tranquiliser, technically, but it's terrifying and great fun for kids parties."
Draco took a deep breath, closed the door and joined his father for a fantasmalicious journey to the vets. Things were going to get a lot worse before they got worse.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Another chapter seems to have found its way to your attention. If you have completed it, well done! I loved writing this chapter, this could be because it's the longest yet. More probably it's trashy and awful. You tell me! Review review review please!
I would greatly appreciate any ideas you want to put my way about what Lucius is going to be put through before the end of August 1991 (remember the case comes up for review!) So give me any ideas you'd like to see included and you win a prize. The prize mainly being me.
In the next chapter.!
Cornelius gets the chop!
Lucius talks about Absinthe a little more!
The Ministry checks up on Lucius to see how he's coping!
Lucius will actually set the video in this one! I promise!
Xxx Review review review review xxx
I am a little (more) hyper after getting my GCSE results =D No carpet- fitting for me! I also saw the Queen Musical last night, "We Will Rock You". I love Queen more than ever. Anyone out there a Queen fan? Or David Bowie? Or T-Rex? Or Any glam/old rock whatsoever?
*holds up big sign: please be Lou's friend*
JKR owns the characters and Top of the Pops belongs to the BBC.not that I'd ever want it anyway. Pimms-o-clock is from an advertising campaign for the wonderful drink Pimms. Which admittedly, though I have consumed much of, I do not qualify as owning. But I am young and my liver is as yet unblistered. So we have time!
And now on with the show!
------------------------------- ---------------------------------- --------- ------------------- xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Chapter Four:
Lucius the Domestic Goddess
Wednesday 14th August
A week passed since the Voldemort incident, during which time Lucius had managed to obtain one injury. On Thursday night Draco had taken a telephone call from a friend of Lucius', inviting him to a toga party. Unfortunately, Draco's handwriting was less than legible and so after attending the party dressed as a goat, Lucius was ravaged by a frisky sheep on the way home.
Draco had done his best to apologise, but Malfoys aren't good at apologising either and so comments such as "at least you're not dead", and "you've still got that Malfoy charm, dad", only served to make Lucius more annoyed.
When he finally emerged, one week later, Lucius was greeted with a note stuck to the fridge.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lucius. I am fed up. During the last two weeks you have either been absent or a complete waste of space, so I have gone to Lanzarote with some friends. While I'm gone I hope you'll be okay with the cooking and cleaning and general survival. Here is a list of things I expect done before I get back:
Wash the clothes I have left out on my bed Set the video to record Top of the Pops on Friday Try and get into work at least once Sort out the drink cabinet Get some groceries Get the cat neutered
Kisses
Narcissa
Ps. I've just remembered the Parkinsons are coming for dinner tonight. I don't know what you intend to cook but make sure it's Coq Au Vin. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lucius gaped at the letter. He'd always thought that Coq Au Vin was love in a lorry. . .
**************************************************************************** ************ 11.15am
"...And so I'm terribly sorry Elaine. . . Yes. Yes I know. Well we all thought Syphilis was extinct too. Yes. Yes it is terrible. One in a million chance, I know. Thank you. Yes. Yes I will. Okay. Yes Draco and Narcissa hope I don't die as well."
"Don't bet on it" Draco muttered.
"Goodbye Elaine". Lucius put down the phone, his tragic expression having quickly transformed into a grin.
"Well. I suppose I'd better get started on that list your mother left. Really though, why she couldn't have had the house elves do them I can't work out."
Draco gave a trademark sneer and answered.
"Father. How can I say this. You are happily married. Unfortunately your wife is not. You have to realise that very probably, mother does not like you. She's just making the most of having you incapable of magic, the same as I am. It makes very good entertainment."
Lucius shot him a look and stalked off to start the chores. It was nice to have a son that reminded him of a 16-year-old version of himself, with the same stuck-up manner and posh voice. But it was at times like these that he was grateful he had such a large Manor so he could get the hell away from him. In the nicest way possible, of course.
"Well", said Lucius to himself, "I suppose I should really work my way down the list."
However, after spotting 'Drink Cabinet' halfway down the list, all plans of systematic and methodical work went down the drain.
"Come on Draco, time for alcohol"
He didn't have to be asked twice.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
2.13pm "Hey Draky. Draky Draky Draky boy. You've always been my favourite son, yanno"
"Daddy! I'm your only son"
"Well.I'm not so sure about that, I used to feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. And then I was born. Anyway I digress. What was I saying? I make it Pimms-o-clock."
Three hours of cabinet-sorting had left Lucius and Draco dancing around the lounge, happy as pigs in clover. Upon looking through the extensively- stocked cupboard (and sampling some along the way, naturally), it had been decided that actually nothing had to be thrown away. To Draco's dismay, each and every bottle of liqueur or vintage wine had a story behind it.
"And this. . . this one is special, my boy. Your Great Uncle, Albertus Dracillis Malfoy, was given this bottle of Chablis in 1975. He won the award for "most likely to cause the demise of the known world". I remember his acceptance speech well: 'I don't deserve this award. But then, I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either'. Lucius paused, nostalgically reading labels. He picked up an empty bottle.
"Ahhh this one is special to me. What's left of my first ever bottle of Absinthe. It wasn't my last either. You know, they launch rockets on this stuff, but I'd finished it in ten minutes. Seven, I was. "
Draco hiccuped and passed out, landing on the carpet with a 'thunk'. Lucius continued regardless, either not noticing or not caring.
"Of course, this was particularly special after the Great Absinthe Shortage of 1954". Lucius paused for effect, then, not receiving any, decided this would be a splendid time to do some chores.
"I think we'd better get the cat neutered" Lucius mused, prodding Draco with his toe.
"DRACO! Get up, come on we're getting Cornelius neutered. Wouldn't want him becoming a father now, would we? God, now that'd ruin his life."
Draco opened one eye, groaned and performed a spell to sober up:
"Cliffus Richardus Nakedus"
A flash of green light and Draco was standing, traumatised but sober. He had also lost the will to have sex ever again. Cliff Richard naked and sexual thoughts go together like port and. . . something that doesn't go with port.
Cornelius was effectively a soft automaton provided by nature for Lucius to kick when things went wrong. Lucius loved him. He thought back to the time when he had given Cornelius a bath. He loved it and it was fun for Lucius too. The fur would stick to his tongue but other than that. . .
"Come on Draco, time for the vets! I found one in the yellow pages that have a policy, if their neutering doesn't work you get some free Ketamine. It's horse tranquiliser, technically, but it's terrifying and great fun for kids parties."
Draco took a deep breath, closed the door and joined his father for a fantasmalicious journey to the vets. Things were going to get a lot worse before they got worse.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Another chapter seems to have found its way to your attention. If you have completed it, well done! I loved writing this chapter, this could be because it's the longest yet. More probably it's trashy and awful. You tell me! Review review review please!
I would greatly appreciate any ideas you want to put my way about what Lucius is going to be put through before the end of August 1991 (remember the case comes up for review!) So give me any ideas you'd like to see included and you win a prize. The prize mainly being me.
In the next chapter.!
Cornelius gets the chop!
Lucius talks about Absinthe a little more!
The Ministry checks up on Lucius to see how he's coping!
Lucius will actually set the video in this one! I promise!
Xxx Review review review review xxx
