The Milkman: Hullo friends! This is a piece of trash. I know it. You know it. But it's all in good fun, ne? So sit back, relax, grab a Dr. Pepper, and get ready for death, blood, gore, swords, and more death.

Warning: If you are a fan of Mary Sues, I suggest you hit the back button and find a different story. Also, this story is not for those who do not like violence, seeing as how that's what this story is about. Kapeesh?

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The night air was soundless unless you counted the howls of the Nazgul, shrieking and crying for the One. The foliage around the ring of stone Trolls rustled as four shapes emerged. One was considerably taller than the other three and seemed to clutch something over his shoulder with one hand while the other held a bright torch. One of the slower, shorter figures led a small, brown pony into the clearing while the tall one set the thing on his shoulder to the earth. The two other figures knelt by it.

"Sam, do you know the athelas plant?" the tall figure asked.

Before the one called Sam could respond, a bright beam of clear cerulean light enshrouded the area, causing all to step back and struggle to shield their eyes. A large wind picked up as the light faded away and a stunning woman stood next to one of the stone trolls. Her hair was black as the night around her and her sea-green eyes shone with an aberrant luminosity. She was clothed in a ruby cloak that let sight of her untainted white robes escape. A mithril tiara she wore on her head, one pale sapphire hanging from it. She held a straight, wooden staff in her hand that gave colorless light to the ring. The tall man stepped forward, drawing his sword.

"Who are you?" he inquired gruffly. The woman was silent. "If you will not give me your name and your business here, I shall not show mercy!"

The female sauntered forward, throwing back her cloak.

"My name is Lorenia Greyhame, my lord, and I have been summoned here by my father, Gandalf the Grey to aid you in bringing the Ringbearer to the Last Homely House," she explained herself.

The tall man did not move, keeping his sword aimed at the woman. All was silent.

"You need not fear, my lord Aragorn, for I know of you greatly. My father has told me much and I have seen many things through my clairvoyance. My mother is the Lady of the Golden Wood and I inherited much from her. I come to you now, to aid you and -"

She was caught short by a silver dagger caught in her throat. She gasped and fell to her knees. Her hand went up to the weapon and tried let it rest upon the handle. She stared up at the tall, dark figure, wheezing. With a long, heavy sigh, the woman fell face forward into the mud and did not move. The man sheathed his sword and began to kneel next to the woman.

"Ack! No!" yelled someone from on top of the troll statues.

A teenage girl leapt down grabbed the dagger from the woman's throat.

"Just ignore that. Sauron's doings." the girl informed all five dumbfounded figures while wiping the blade on the grass.

She pulled back her dark brown cloak and slid the dagger back into its scabbard before looking back up at the tall man. Her hair was dark but short and her round face was hardly visible.

"Toodles," the girl said quickly before placing a hand upon her chest and motioning it forward to show respect.

Without another word the girl drew her hood up revealing a quiver of arrows and a bow. Silently, she retreated into the woods.

Everyone stood still before a gasp escaped the one on the ground.

"We shall worry on it naught," the tall man stated, "Sam, do you know the athelas plant?"

*

The Milkman: Well, children, what did you think? Visit Charles the Review Button. He has no friends.

The Almighty Disclaimer of Doom: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of its characters, nor any part of the plot. If you have heard otherwise, you have been misinformed.