To the Reviewers:
PrincessEilonwy: Hm, really . . . Interesting, very interesting . . . I'd be happy to 'take care' of you if there happens to be any Sue-ishness in there . . . Just give me a call, er, review . . . Yeah . . . Take no offense. Just doing my insane interpretation of a job.
Tallulah: Thanks. I'm trying to cover all species of Sue. Hopefully, I'll get them all before I go insane in the bad way.
*
An extremely tired and aggravated Calley stormed through the halls of Imladris, straining her ears for any sound of Sue activity. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything. This was definitely a bad sign. Calley leaned against a wall to catch her breath, but was soon interrupted by a high pitched giggle. Calley groaned and began to run again, this time finding herself at an outdoor walkway.
Two figures sat on a stone bench, swinging their legs back and forth. Curiously enough, one of them resembled the Ringbearer and could have passed for him as well had he not been almost five and a half feet tall. The other person was undoubtedly a Sue with her short red hair, sparkly white Elven gown, large Hobbit feet (free from hair, no doubt), and abnormal glowing eyes. Hang on, were they? Yep, they were sure as heck an uncanny shade of violet. It was the Kimberly Sue.
Calley slowed her breathing and approached them cautiously. As she drew nearer, it seemed like the Ringbearer look-alike was polishing the Ring, and in front of a Sue no less. Calley gulped and took a step forward, ill- fatedly stepping on a pile of leaves. "Shnikees," muttered the dirt covered girl before looking back upwards. 'Oh crap . . .' She had been spotted by the Sue and Frodo-wannabe.
"Who, like, are you?" asked the Sue, staring straight at Calley who was reaching for her trusty knife. "I said, like, who are you?" By this time Calley had the knife out of its sheath and the Ringbearer was now curled up on the ground in a fetal position. Calley cursed the movie-characterization of the hero before launching her knife. It would have been a good throw too had it not landed in the Sue's thigh. Crimson blood leaked from the wound and the Sue shuddered. Obviously, she didn't like the sight of blood. Calley took notice of this opportunity and drew her sword while running toward the Sue. The Sue looked up at Calley with pleading eyes. Just when Calley thought it would start getting easier, she found it harder and harder to lift her weapon. There was something in the Sue's eyes that prevented the muck covered girl from actually slaying the Sue. 'It's not really their fault they're so evil, is it?' she asked herself.
Suddenly, a sharp pain in Calley's upper arm suspended her thoughts. Calley looked over at her shoulder to see her own dagger lodged in her limb. Hatred replaced regret as Calley lifted the sword. She let out a cry as she began to pull it down on the Sue . . . but it wouldn't budge. The blade was suspended in thin air. "Shnikees . . . She's got mind powers.' "You wench . . ." Calley stated to the Sue who was grinning oddly.
"Don't mess with me," warned Kimberly Sue. What surprised Calley the most was the lack of slang or the word 'like'.
"What the . . .? What in the name of Eru are you?" asked the girl, who was starting to get scared.
"Did you honestly think I was like them?" said the Sue, "I knew you were one of those Sue hunters from the moment I laid eyes on you. I had to blend in with the average Marys in order to fool you. You ought to know better . . . Calley." The Kimberly Sue's eyes burned with flame and a searing pain surged throughout Calley's side and she abandoned trying to pry her weapon out of the Sue's telekinesis. The Sue chuckled and snapped her fingers. Her entire appearance changed. The Sue was dressed in a ruby cloak with the same white gown. Her Hobbit feet were gone. Her hair had grown at least two feet and become a nice shade of raven while her eyes became sea green. She looked the same as Lorenia Greyhame, the Sue from Trollshaw. "Look familiar?" Calley tried to step back but her feet wouldn't budge. "You can never really kill me. I'm an Almighty Sue."
She snapped her fingers and became another form, this time shorter with many honey colored braids and humongous brown eyes. Again she snapped and became several inches taller than Calley with a black pixie cut and jade eyes, all this time keeping an eerie smile on her rose colored lips. The Almighty Sue's eyes light up and two more of herself stepped forward to her side. "Do you think you can beat me now?" taunted the Almighty Sue.
Suddenly something sliced through all three heads. The bodies fell forward to reveal Frodo, standing on top of the stone bench in all his short Hobbit glory. Calley's sword clattered to the ground she stared up at the Hobbit in amazement. "How the freak did you do that?" she asked.
"Freak? I do not know the meaning of this word, but to answer your question, I think she forgot about me and I-I was myself again," he explained.
"Oh," stated Calley before picking her sword up from the ground, finding that her left arm was covered in blood, the dagger still stuck inside. "Oh yeah, this is gonna hurt." With that said Calley tore a piece of cloth from the bottom of her long shirt and wrapped her arm just below where the knife jutted out. "1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ." and Calley ripped the blade from her limb with an echoing screech.
"I'll fetch Lord Elrond. He'll stop the bleeding," Frodo stated.
"No! You don't have to do that," stopped Calley forcing a fake smile, "I'm fine, really. Just, uh . . . get back to your room. You, uh, look tired and need to sleep and stuff . . . yeah . . ." Frodo looked completely and utterly confused.
"As you wish, but could you tell me what that thing was. It certainly wasn't a maiden by all accounts."
"Just think of it as influence of the Dark Lord." And Calley staggered off, still in search of Sues.
*
The Milkman: Well, what did you guys think of Almighty Sue. I'll bet there's going to be more of her. Drop me a review! Don't actually drop a review on me. You don't know how much those things weigh. Just click on Charles the Review Button and let me know what you think!
The Almighty Disclaimer of Doom: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of its characters, nor any part of the plot. If you have heard otherwise, you have been misinformed.
PrincessEilonwy: Hm, really . . . Interesting, very interesting . . . I'd be happy to 'take care' of you if there happens to be any Sue-ishness in there . . . Just give me a call, er, review . . . Yeah . . . Take no offense. Just doing my insane interpretation of a job.
Tallulah: Thanks. I'm trying to cover all species of Sue. Hopefully, I'll get them all before I go insane in the bad way.
*
An extremely tired and aggravated Calley stormed through the halls of Imladris, straining her ears for any sound of Sue activity. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything. This was definitely a bad sign. Calley leaned against a wall to catch her breath, but was soon interrupted by a high pitched giggle. Calley groaned and began to run again, this time finding herself at an outdoor walkway.
Two figures sat on a stone bench, swinging their legs back and forth. Curiously enough, one of them resembled the Ringbearer and could have passed for him as well had he not been almost five and a half feet tall. The other person was undoubtedly a Sue with her short red hair, sparkly white Elven gown, large Hobbit feet (free from hair, no doubt), and abnormal glowing eyes. Hang on, were they? Yep, they were sure as heck an uncanny shade of violet. It was the Kimberly Sue.
Calley slowed her breathing and approached them cautiously. As she drew nearer, it seemed like the Ringbearer look-alike was polishing the Ring, and in front of a Sue no less. Calley gulped and took a step forward, ill- fatedly stepping on a pile of leaves. "Shnikees," muttered the dirt covered girl before looking back upwards. 'Oh crap . . .' She had been spotted by the Sue and Frodo-wannabe.
"Who, like, are you?" asked the Sue, staring straight at Calley who was reaching for her trusty knife. "I said, like, who are you?" By this time Calley had the knife out of its sheath and the Ringbearer was now curled up on the ground in a fetal position. Calley cursed the movie-characterization of the hero before launching her knife. It would have been a good throw too had it not landed in the Sue's thigh. Crimson blood leaked from the wound and the Sue shuddered. Obviously, she didn't like the sight of blood. Calley took notice of this opportunity and drew her sword while running toward the Sue. The Sue looked up at Calley with pleading eyes. Just when Calley thought it would start getting easier, she found it harder and harder to lift her weapon. There was something in the Sue's eyes that prevented the muck covered girl from actually slaying the Sue. 'It's not really their fault they're so evil, is it?' she asked herself.
Suddenly, a sharp pain in Calley's upper arm suspended her thoughts. Calley looked over at her shoulder to see her own dagger lodged in her limb. Hatred replaced regret as Calley lifted the sword. She let out a cry as she began to pull it down on the Sue . . . but it wouldn't budge. The blade was suspended in thin air. "Shnikees . . . She's got mind powers.' "You wench . . ." Calley stated to the Sue who was grinning oddly.
"Don't mess with me," warned Kimberly Sue. What surprised Calley the most was the lack of slang or the word 'like'.
"What the . . .? What in the name of Eru are you?" asked the girl, who was starting to get scared.
"Did you honestly think I was like them?" said the Sue, "I knew you were one of those Sue hunters from the moment I laid eyes on you. I had to blend in with the average Marys in order to fool you. You ought to know better . . . Calley." The Kimberly Sue's eyes burned with flame and a searing pain surged throughout Calley's side and she abandoned trying to pry her weapon out of the Sue's telekinesis. The Sue chuckled and snapped her fingers. Her entire appearance changed. The Sue was dressed in a ruby cloak with the same white gown. Her Hobbit feet were gone. Her hair had grown at least two feet and become a nice shade of raven while her eyes became sea green. She looked the same as Lorenia Greyhame, the Sue from Trollshaw. "Look familiar?" Calley tried to step back but her feet wouldn't budge. "You can never really kill me. I'm an Almighty Sue."
She snapped her fingers and became another form, this time shorter with many honey colored braids and humongous brown eyes. Again she snapped and became several inches taller than Calley with a black pixie cut and jade eyes, all this time keeping an eerie smile on her rose colored lips. The Almighty Sue's eyes light up and two more of herself stepped forward to her side. "Do you think you can beat me now?" taunted the Almighty Sue.
Suddenly something sliced through all three heads. The bodies fell forward to reveal Frodo, standing on top of the stone bench in all his short Hobbit glory. Calley's sword clattered to the ground she stared up at the Hobbit in amazement. "How the freak did you do that?" she asked.
"Freak? I do not know the meaning of this word, but to answer your question, I think she forgot about me and I-I was myself again," he explained.
"Oh," stated Calley before picking her sword up from the ground, finding that her left arm was covered in blood, the dagger still stuck inside. "Oh yeah, this is gonna hurt." With that said Calley tore a piece of cloth from the bottom of her long shirt and wrapped her arm just below where the knife jutted out. "1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ." and Calley ripped the blade from her limb with an echoing screech.
"I'll fetch Lord Elrond. He'll stop the bleeding," Frodo stated.
"No! You don't have to do that," stopped Calley forcing a fake smile, "I'm fine, really. Just, uh . . . get back to your room. You, uh, look tired and need to sleep and stuff . . . yeah . . ." Frodo looked completely and utterly confused.
"As you wish, but could you tell me what that thing was. It certainly wasn't a maiden by all accounts."
"Just think of it as influence of the Dark Lord." And Calley staggered off, still in search of Sues.
*
The Milkman: Well, what did you guys think of Almighty Sue. I'll bet there's going to be more of her. Drop me a review! Don't actually drop a review on me. You don't know how much those things weigh. Just click on Charles the Review Button and let me know what you think!
The Almighty Disclaimer of Doom: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of its characters, nor any part of the plot. If you have heard otherwise, you have been misinformed.
