To the Reviewers:
Anthy's Worst Fear: Love? Ack! Where?! Must destroy! Yes, it is fun to kill Sues. Yes, well, you confuse me. Oh well. More fun for me! Yay.
Lily: Perhaps, mate. We'll just found out, savvy?
Sunsong: We'll see.
mIsUnDeRsToOdGnOmE: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha . . . What? Can't I laugh with you?
Suki: Thanks for your opinion. I don't blame you for not liking it. It's a piece of trash and I know it, but I have to vent my anger somehow. ( Thanks for taking the time to review!
Bookworm2000: Well, we're catching on, now aren't we? Read this chapter and you'll know for sure the answer to your question. Are there terms if she won? We'll just find out and see . . . ;) GAH! You scare me. Please don't frighten me anymore . . . I'm scared enough writing this.
I Hate Sore Throat Medicine: Ugh. You're not one of those Tom Felton fangirls, are you? No offense, but I just don't see how he's hot. Seriously. Well, thanks.
Celtic Dawn Star: Thanks.
Megan Sleevewillow: You scare me, darling, but thanks anyways. I guess it's alright if I'm in your parody, but it seems a little stalker-ish if you ask me. Eh, oh well. ;)
The Milkman: Okay, I updated a lot slower than planned. Well, colorful reading to all, and to all a goodnight, or something like that.
*
The two females' hands slid apart and a twisted smile appeared on the Almighty's face, a smile that made a pang of uneasiness materialize in Calley's stomach. "What're you so happy about?" the shorter girl asked, staring up into the Sue's cold eyes.
"Now we're going to discuss what happens if *I* win and *you* lose," Almighty replied. Calley's stomach twisted into a knot. She wasn't supposed to know. "What's the matter, hunter dear? Surprised that I figured out your little plan? It wasn't so hard to figure, seeing as how it's been done loads times before. And I was actually expecting something more. I really am misjudging you lately, now aren't I?"
"Oh, you little-" The Sue put up a hand to stop Calley.
"Now, if I win, well, I'm free to do what I want seeing as how dear hunter will be dead and gone. If you lose, it's basically the same thing. So, are we agreed?" the Sue offered, extending a hand. Calley's own shaking hand went out to meet it. The complete opposites shook hands and it was agreed: it was basically to Calley's death or the Almighty's removal from Middle- Earth.
"Alrighty then. Let's go," stated a very nervous Calley as she pulled the bow and arrows from her back with another distasteful look at the Almighty. "Thanks to you, I can't use these." There was a much more bitter tone to Calley's voice than normal.
"Quit whining and hurry up. I'm getting bored," the Sue stated, throwing herself down on a handy, nearby bench. Calley smirked.
"Didn't we go over this already? Only boring people get bored," replied the hunter in a motherly voice. The Almighty shot her a look that clearly said, 'Do I look like I really care? Now hurry up so I can kill you and hang your head in front of millions off bobble-head dolls.' Okay, maybe not that last part, but I think you get the idea.
Calley tossed the useless weapons to the side rather roughly and undid the string which held her cloak. "Fine, if you insist on taking so long I guess I could mess with my appearance again. Let's see, now . . . What looks fun?" The Almighty thought for a minute before snapping her fingers. Her new looks seemed oddly familiar to Calley, somehow. They'd actually seem familiar to anyone who saw Calley when she was clean. It was a medium height woman with a round face, perfect white teeth, and dyed-blonde hair just below her pierced ears. "Hm . . . Not bad . . . Not extremely beautiful but still rather lovely," the Sue said as she surveyed her new body. "Quite an interesting person, really. Who is it?" Calley stared into the Almighty's, now level, blue eyes.
"You've got to be kidding me," was all the hunter could say before bursting out laughing.
"Really, who is it? If you won't tell me, I'll find out for myself." Unfortunately, Calley was giggling too hard to hear a word the Almighty said. After a few seconds had gone by, the Sue grinned. "Your sister?" Calley wiped a tear from her eye and the laughter quieted down.
"Oh, this is precious," whispered the Sue before sniffing the air delicately. "Ugh, what's that smell? Oh gross, is that you?" she pointedly asked Calley. The hunter didn't answer, she only bit her lip. "Ew, that's disgusting. Here, I'm going to fix this before I throw up." The Almighty snapped her fingers and the smell was gone and Calley was completely transformed. She now wore a regular pair of blue jeans, a red shirt, and plain black shoes, with a belt and a sword around her waist and her brown hair knotted into a high ponytail.
"I'M CLEAN!!!" Calley cried in an extremely jubilant voice before giving herself a hug. Then she noticed the blade. "What is this?" she inquired with an angry glare, pulling the rapier from its sheath. The steel was dotted little gold gems and little tiny flower imprints. "Are you serious? There is no way in Japan I am using this thing!" Calley chucked the weapon onto the ground and pulled the sheath out with it disgustedly to find it covered with little red and pink hearts. "Hearts. Hearts? HEARTS?!" bellowed the extremely agitated hunter before hurling the scabbard onto the ground. Much to Calley's joy, it smashed and broke into three pieces. "You, dear, are getting me a new sword."
"What's wrong with that one? It was perfect! Have you no sense of femininity at all?" the Sue asked in horror. Calley only shook her head and glared at the Sue. "Ugh, fine. Here." Another sword appeared in Calley's belt.
"A k-ka-katana?" the hunter asked in disbelief as she drew the weapon. In fact, it was. The tsukaito was a glossy black colored leather and the kashira was molded into the shape of a tree. "Are you serious?"
"What? Now you don't like something I picked from your own brain? Fine, I'll just try again." But Calley held up her hand stop the Almighty.
"No! I love it! It's my new best friend." Calley then gave the sword a hug before slipping it back into its saya.
"You're weird, hunter."
"I'm proud of it."
"You shouldn't be.
"Well, I am so deal with it," retorted the hunter before sticking her tongue out at her opponent. "Right-e-o. Are you ready?"
"Ah, I believe the question is, are *you* ready, dear hunter?" stated the Sue with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Well, I would be, if you changed your appearance. It's really hard to concentrate when you're staring right at your own sister who'd rather ram a knife in her gut than be here." The Almighty rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, changing into a tall woman with brown hair down her back and mud colored eyes.
"Are you happy now?"
"Very. Now, let's go."
Both females drew their blades and prepared to fight. Calley struck first by launching herself high into the air, with the help of the bench the Almighty had sat on minutes ago and a nearby tree, and bringing her katana down on top of the Sue while shouting, "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Tsui Sen!" With the Sue bending her knee, the blow struck her thigh.
The Sue then took this opportunity to ignore the pain and leap towards Calley while spinning, giving the hunter just enough time to crouch and thrust her foot up into the air, hitting the Sue in the stomach, but still receiving a scratch on the left side of her forehead. The Almighty was forced backwards, landing on her back.
The Sue jumped to her feet. "Very good, hunter. You're much better than I expected," said the Almighty coolly, throwing back her long locks.
"I'm much better than I expected too," said Calley with a smirk.
"Shall we proceed?" The Almighty gave a toothy grin and held her sword out, ready to attack. This time, Calley let her make the first move. The Sue ran forward and swung. Calley prepared to block it, but steel never clashed. Instead a booted foot found its way into Calley's stomach. The hunter fell to her knees and coughed up blood, trying to regain breath. "I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve, though. This should be short and sweet, and as painful as I want it to be." Calley glared up at her opponent weakly. It was not a pleasant feeling to have one's own blood worm its way up one's throat.
"You'll never know how much I hate you," was all Calley managed to say before receiving a kick in the chest. A cracking sound verified that at least one or two of the hunter's ribs had been broken. The Almighty reached out a hand and grabbed Calley by the back of her shirt and lifted her into the air.
"Oh, but I do think I *already* know how much, dear hunter." Calley glanced behind her foe for just a brief second to see the future king of Gondor standing twenty feet away, dumbly staring past the two at a tree.
"Oh, hi, Aragorn. 'Didn't notice you there," the hunter croaked before feeling her back smack the marble floor. She got up and regained her composure quickly.
"Had enough?" taunted the Sue. Calley shook her head in response before dashing out to give the Sue a nasty cut on her right forearm.
"We're only just beginning." The hunter swung again to meet the Sue's blade before reaching her right leg around the Sue's left, bending her knee, and pulling it back in. The Almighty collapsed and Calley pressed the tip of her blade to the Sue's throat.
"Give up? If you move at all, it's 'Bye-bye vocal chords, hello bleeding to somewhat of a death.' What do you say? I could open the portal for you right now and it could all be over," offered the hunter. "But before you make your decision, let me tell you what I think of you as. You are a twelve year old Mary Sue writer who spends all her time fantasizing about canon characters and writing romance fan-fics about an OC and them. Am I right?" The Sue let out a low guttural sound that erupted into an ear- piercing shriek. The hunter seemed unaffected. That's when the Almighty's leg shot up giving Calley another blow to the stomach. The hunter backed up. "I'll take that as a 'Heck no, and a yes.'"
"I'll kill you."
"Freak."
"I'll kill you."
"Just keep tellin' yourself that."
"I'll kill you!"
"So I hear. Can we get on with it please?" With that, Calley swung her blade one last time, getting the Sue across the throat. "Bye-bye, *princess*," the hunter said mockingly as the body disappeared and reappeared standing up.
"Fine, you won. Are you happy now?" the Sue asked icily. There was such a degree of coldness in her tone that one might want a sweater and a pair of earmuffs to keep warm.
"Extremely." The hunter then turned around and slashed the air in an 'X' shape, making the atmosphere rip. She pulled to four pieces back to reveal a sky of blood red and pink clouds. "Toodles, darling." Calley grabbed the Sue and pulled her forward. Reluctantly, the Sue obliged and let herself be pulled forward and pushed through the portal.
"I'll never forget you for this!" were the Sue's last words before Calley sealed the portal by pulling all of the pieces back together again.
"Well, that was certainly interesting. 'Think I can let the last one go 'till tomorrow." With that said," Calley sheathed her new blade and trumped off to find somewhere to sleep. Well outside Rivendell's borders, leaving the Heir of Isildur rubbing his temple and greeting the dawn, quite confusedly.
*
The Milkman: For all you who didn't know, a katana is a Japanese sword, a tsukaito is the wrappings around the hilt, and the kashira is the butt of the sword that is often decorated and molded into pretty shapes. And the saya is the scabbard, easily enough. Oh, and the whole 'Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Tsui Sen' is actually off of Rurouni Kenshin. It's a sword move where the person using it leaps high into the air, right above the opponent, and then strikes down directly on the opponent before they can do anything. Please review! Charles is an attention hog.
The Almighty Disclaimer of Doom: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of its characters, nor any part of the plot. If you have heard otherwise you have been misinformed.
Anthy's Worst Fear: Love? Ack! Where?! Must destroy! Yes, it is fun to kill Sues. Yes, well, you confuse me. Oh well. More fun for me! Yay.
Lily: Perhaps, mate. We'll just found out, savvy?
Sunsong: We'll see.
mIsUnDeRsToOdGnOmE: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha . . . What? Can't I laugh with you?
Suki: Thanks for your opinion. I don't blame you for not liking it. It's a piece of trash and I know it, but I have to vent my anger somehow. ( Thanks for taking the time to review!
Bookworm2000: Well, we're catching on, now aren't we? Read this chapter and you'll know for sure the answer to your question. Are there terms if she won? We'll just find out and see . . . ;) GAH! You scare me. Please don't frighten me anymore . . . I'm scared enough writing this.
I Hate Sore Throat Medicine: Ugh. You're not one of those Tom Felton fangirls, are you? No offense, but I just don't see how he's hot. Seriously. Well, thanks.
Celtic Dawn Star: Thanks.
Megan Sleevewillow: You scare me, darling, but thanks anyways. I guess it's alright if I'm in your parody, but it seems a little stalker-ish if you ask me. Eh, oh well. ;)
The Milkman: Okay, I updated a lot slower than planned. Well, colorful reading to all, and to all a goodnight, or something like that.
*
The two females' hands slid apart and a twisted smile appeared on the Almighty's face, a smile that made a pang of uneasiness materialize in Calley's stomach. "What're you so happy about?" the shorter girl asked, staring up into the Sue's cold eyes.
"Now we're going to discuss what happens if *I* win and *you* lose," Almighty replied. Calley's stomach twisted into a knot. She wasn't supposed to know. "What's the matter, hunter dear? Surprised that I figured out your little plan? It wasn't so hard to figure, seeing as how it's been done loads times before. And I was actually expecting something more. I really am misjudging you lately, now aren't I?"
"Oh, you little-" The Sue put up a hand to stop Calley.
"Now, if I win, well, I'm free to do what I want seeing as how dear hunter will be dead and gone. If you lose, it's basically the same thing. So, are we agreed?" the Sue offered, extending a hand. Calley's own shaking hand went out to meet it. The complete opposites shook hands and it was agreed: it was basically to Calley's death or the Almighty's removal from Middle- Earth.
"Alrighty then. Let's go," stated a very nervous Calley as she pulled the bow and arrows from her back with another distasteful look at the Almighty. "Thanks to you, I can't use these." There was a much more bitter tone to Calley's voice than normal.
"Quit whining and hurry up. I'm getting bored," the Sue stated, throwing herself down on a handy, nearby bench. Calley smirked.
"Didn't we go over this already? Only boring people get bored," replied the hunter in a motherly voice. The Almighty shot her a look that clearly said, 'Do I look like I really care? Now hurry up so I can kill you and hang your head in front of millions off bobble-head dolls.' Okay, maybe not that last part, but I think you get the idea.
Calley tossed the useless weapons to the side rather roughly and undid the string which held her cloak. "Fine, if you insist on taking so long I guess I could mess with my appearance again. Let's see, now . . . What looks fun?" The Almighty thought for a minute before snapping her fingers. Her new looks seemed oddly familiar to Calley, somehow. They'd actually seem familiar to anyone who saw Calley when she was clean. It was a medium height woman with a round face, perfect white teeth, and dyed-blonde hair just below her pierced ears. "Hm . . . Not bad . . . Not extremely beautiful but still rather lovely," the Sue said as she surveyed her new body. "Quite an interesting person, really. Who is it?" Calley stared into the Almighty's, now level, blue eyes.
"You've got to be kidding me," was all the hunter could say before bursting out laughing.
"Really, who is it? If you won't tell me, I'll find out for myself." Unfortunately, Calley was giggling too hard to hear a word the Almighty said. After a few seconds had gone by, the Sue grinned. "Your sister?" Calley wiped a tear from her eye and the laughter quieted down.
"Oh, this is precious," whispered the Sue before sniffing the air delicately. "Ugh, what's that smell? Oh gross, is that you?" she pointedly asked Calley. The hunter didn't answer, she only bit her lip. "Ew, that's disgusting. Here, I'm going to fix this before I throw up." The Almighty snapped her fingers and the smell was gone and Calley was completely transformed. She now wore a regular pair of blue jeans, a red shirt, and plain black shoes, with a belt and a sword around her waist and her brown hair knotted into a high ponytail.
"I'M CLEAN!!!" Calley cried in an extremely jubilant voice before giving herself a hug. Then she noticed the blade. "What is this?" she inquired with an angry glare, pulling the rapier from its sheath. The steel was dotted little gold gems and little tiny flower imprints. "Are you serious? There is no way in Japan I am using this thing!" Calley chucked the weapon onto the ground and pulled the sheath out with it disgustedly to find it covered with little red and pink hearts. "Hearts. Hearts? HEARTS?!" bellowed the extremely agitated hunter before hurling the scabbard onto the ground. Much to Calley's joy, it smashed and broke into three pieces. "You, dear, are getting me a new sword."
"What's wrong with that one? It was perfect! Have you no sense of femininity at all?" the Sue asked in horror. Calley only shook her head and glared at the Sue. "Ugh, fine. Here." Another sword appeared in Calley's belt.
"A k-ka-katana?" the hunter asked in disbelief as she drew the weapon. In fact, it was. The tsukaito was a glossy black colored leather and the kashira was molded into the shape of a tree. "Are you serious?"
"What? Now you don't like something I picked from your own brain? Fine, I'll just try again." But Calley held up her hand stop the Almighty.
"No! I love it! It's my new best friend." Calley then gave the sword a hug before slipping it back into its saya.
"You're weird, hunter."
"I'm proud of it."
"You shouldn't be.
"Well, I am so deal with it," retorted the hunter before sticking her tongue out at her opponent. "Right-e-o. Are you ready?"
"Ah, I believe the question is, are *you* ready, dear hunter?" stated the Sue with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Well, I would be, if you changed your appearance. It's really hard to concentrate when you're staring right at your own sister who'd rather ram a knife in her gut than be here." The Almighty rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, changing into a tall woman with brown hair down her back and mud colored eyes.
"Are you happy now?"
"Very. Now, let's go."
Both females drew their blades and prepared to fight. Calley struck first by launching herself high into the air, with the help of the bench the Almighty had sat on minutes ago and a nearby tree, and bringing her katana down on top of the Sue while shouting, "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Tsui Sen!" With the Sue bending her knee, the blow struck her thigh.
The Sue then took this opportunity to ignore the pain and leap towards Calley while spinning, giving the hunter just enough time to crouch and thrust her foot up into the air, hitting the Sue in the stomach, but still receiving a scratch on the left side of her forehead. The Almighty was forced backwards, landing on her back.
The Sue jumped to her feet. "Very good, hunter. You're much better than I expected," said the Almighty coolly, throwing back her long locks.
"I'm much better than I expected too," said Calley with a smirk.
"Shall we proceed?" The Almighty gave a toothy grin and held her sword out, ready to attack. This time, Calley let her make the first move. The Sue ran forward and swung. Calley prepared to block it, but steel never clashed. Instead a booted foot found its way into Calley's stomach. The hunter fell to her knees and coughed up blood, trying to regain breath. "I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve, though. This should be short and sweet, and as painful as I want it to be." Calley glared up at her opponent weakly. It was not a pleasant feeling to have one's own blood worm its way up one's throat.
"You'll never know how much I hate you," was all Calley managed to say before receiving a kick in the chest. A cracking sound verified that at least one or two of the hunter's ribs had been broken. The Almighty reached out a hand and grabbed Calley by the back of her shirt and lifted her into the air.
"Oh, but I do think I *already* know how much, dear hunter." Calley glanced behind her foe for just a brief second to see the future king of Gondor standing twenty feet away, dumbly staring past the two at a tree.
"Oh, hi, Aragorn. 'Didn't notice you there," the hunter croaked before feeling her back smack the marble floor. She got up and regained her composure quickly.
"Had enough?" taunted the Sue. Calley shook her head in response before dashing out to give the Sue a nasty cut on her right forearm.
"We're only just beginning." The hunter swung again to meet the Sue's blade before reaching her right leg around the Sue's left, bending her knee, and pulling it back in. The Almighty collapsed and Calley pressed the tip of her blade to the Sue's throat.
"Give up? If you move at all, it's 'Bye-bye vocal chords, hello bleeding to somewhat of a death.' What do you say? I could open the portal for you right now and it could all be over," offered the hunter. "But before you make your decision, let me tell you what I think of you as. You are a twelve year old Mary Sue writer who spends all her time fantasizing about canon characters and writing romance fan-fics about an OC and them. Am I right?" The Sue let out a low guttural sound that erupted into an ear- piercing shriek. The hunter seemed unaffected. That's when the Almighty's leg shot up giving Calley another blow to the stomach. The hunter backed up. "I'll take that as a 'Heck no, and a yes.'"
"I'll kill you."
"Freak."
"I'll kill you."
"Just keep tellin' yourself that."
"I'll kill you!"
"So I hear. Can we get on with it please?" With that, Calley swung her blade one last time, getting the Sue across the throat. "Bye-bye, *princess*," the hunter said mockingly as the body disappeared and reappeared standing up.
"Fine, you won. Are you happy now?" the Sue asked icily. There was such a degree of coldness in her tone that one might want a sweater and a pair of earmuffs to keep warm.
"Extremely." The hunter then turned around and slashed the air in an 'X' shape, making the atmosphere rip. She pulled to four pieces back to reveal a sky of blood red and pink clouds. "Toodles, darling." Calley grabbed the Sue and pulled her forward. Reluctantly, the Sue obliged and let herself be pulled forward and pushed through the portal.
"I'll never forget you for this!" were the Sue's last words before Calley sealed the portal by pulling all of the pieces back together again.
"Well, that was certainly interesting. 'Think I can let the last one go 'till tomorrow." With that said," Calley sheathed her new blade and trumped off to find somewhere to sleep. Well outside Rivendell's borders, leaving the Heir of Isildur rubbing his temple and greeting the dawn, quite confusedly.
*
The Milkman: For all you who didn't know, a katana is a Japanese sword, a tsukaito is the wrappings around the hilt, and the kashira is the butt of the sword that is often decorated and molded into pretty shapes. And the saya is the scabbard, easily enough. Oh, and the whole 'Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Tsui Sen' is actually off of Rurouni Kenshin. It's a sword move where the person using it leaps high into the air, right above the opponent, and then strikes down directly on the opponent before they can do anything. Please review! Charles is an attention hog.
The Almighty Disclaimer of Doom: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of its characters, nor any part of the plot. If you have heard otherwise you have been misinformed.
