Title: 'Ello Luv!

Author: WindCherry

Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance?

Disclaimer: The muse walks out, carrying a Styrofoam sign (recent cutbacks). Written in blue sharpie marker are the words: Currently she owns nothing but a vanilla scented candle that's mocking her for all the work she has to do.

Well…it's true at least…

Last Chapter: You find the debonair Capt'n Sparrow in you room…Wait…What?

Author's Note: AHH! I'm so sorry for the delay! School started, and I stupidly took more college courses than I should have, since I'm not even in college yet! Everything snowballed and I've been up until two in the morning finishing my work, and balancing my job and sleep in between. It's all died down now, but I hope you can forgive me! ^^

*Blinks repeatedly while staring at reviews*…WOW! How did that happen? Thank you all so much! *Smiles widely*

Chapter 3

While you're musing over graceful ways to break such news, Jack mood changes from startled to serious very quickly.

He rises from the bed and looms over you…rather menacingly if you were any judge of body language. He steps closer - smile foreboding - and his hand comes to rest on his pistol before he addresses you.

"Now luv, don't get me wrong, this teté a teté has been enchanting and all, but I've no time for games. Places to go, people to see, Commodores to rile…" At this point, Jack leans in close and draws his pistol, waving it half-casually around under your nose. You can't help but notice how the black gun smells strongly of salt and perhaps something darker, and that the lights cast sinister shadows on the pirate's face. You shiver.

This certainly isn't a dream. No dream of mine would exchange one happy, sexy pirate for a hellish demon of a man. What ever happened to that damn mouse?!

"Listen closely darlin'; I'm not gonna repeat myself. Tell me where I am, and where the nearest port is, and I'll be out of your way, injustices forgotten." He nudges your chin slightly with the barrel of the pistol for emphasis, and his chocolate eyes are grim and intense as he continues. "But don't lie to me lass. I may be a pirate an' all, but I'm far from daft. I won't swallow just any tale you spin, and if ye don't tell me true, then other means of persuasion can be arranged. Savvy?"

Wouldn't make much of a psychiatrist, would he? You mentally snarl. What do I say now? He thinks the truth is a lie, and any lie I tell is still a lie…so no matter what I say I'm lying! Argh! Frustrated, you scowl. Being vague is always a good method, though…

"You're in my house." You say with finality.

Jack glowers at you, "Don't play games, luv…I'm warnin' ye."

"Well, you asked where you were, so I told you. You're in my house. And as for the nearest port, I have absolutely no idea where one is, never mind the closest one."

As you speak, you gesticulate ferociously in hopes of convincing yourself as much as him. You do know where some ports are, but places like Boston Harbor are stupid to even suggest…It's not like the Pearl would be there anyway.

Jack straightens. "What's behind your house lass?"

"Sorry? What was that?" you inquire, thoroughly thrown off at the abrupt change of topic.

"Behind you house, lass. What's behind your house?" He repeats himself slowly, treating you as he would a recalcitrant child. You find yourself getting aggravated.

"Woods, what else?" You snap back, glaring because of his capriciousness.

"Is that all?" He asks of you.

You force a "yes" between your clenched teeth. Where's the bright light and wooden chair in the corner? You think sardonically. Interrogation time, anyone?

"And ye have spirits in the house?"

"What?! Last time I checked, Jack, this wasn't an exorcism! No! There aren't ghosts in the house!"

What the heck is he thinking???

Jack cocks his head and laughs, and you just stare at him. No, he's not daft; he's entirely psychotic…

Wiping a tear from his eye, he smiles at you, genuinely. "Oh luv, not apparitions, alcohol. Do ye have any wine, brandy…rum?"

You ponder what to tell him. Woods and wine…now what does that equate to? Your wayward imagination once again runs away with a stray though, and viciously reminds you of homicidal maniacs burying or burning their victims in the leaves, and alcohol was always good for starting fires. I could say we don't have any, but I'd have to lie…what if he knows I'm lying???

Anyway, you can't picture Jack cackling maniacally and setting fire to bodies in the deep forest. Well, maybe you can…but that's not important. You decide to tell the truth.

"Yes."

"Ah, now that's just what I wanted to hear. Lead the way to it!" He looks happier now, or at least, less hostile. Jack snags your wrist and stands you upright, propelling you toward the door. Before you reach it though, he stops behind you, positioned close enough so that his breath warms the base of your neck. You feel you hair rise involuntarily.

"Don't do anythin' foolish luv - like wake the family. Wouldn't want to get violent, now would we?" He whispers in your ear.

Your first instinct is to think this an idle threat, but, upon realizing just how dangerously close Jack is hovering by you, you realize that it would be best to stay silent. So without mishap you lead the way to the kitchen, where your parent's special vintages are kept. Jack proprietorrially grabs six bottles, and then thinks twice and goes back for two more. You roll your eyes. Drunken sot.

Hands and arms filled with liquor, Jack turns to you and gestures for you to move on…outside. "Jack! You're not seriously going to steal that many, are you?"

"Commandeer darlin', commandeer. And yes, I think I will." He flashes another dastardly smile.

Semantics… You inwardly sigh, This was going to be a long night.

You escort him across your backyard in the darkness, and right before you enter the woods you ask him, "Jack, just what are you planning to do to me?"

"In vino veritas, luv." He retorts. "In wine there is truth"

In other words, he plans on getting me extraordinarily drunk…

Wonderful…

Author's Note: A bit of friction in this chapter, huh? Sorry about the plot…(if you don't like it), though I hope that you do. I've honestly no set idea where I'm going with this - it's definitely a fly-by-night kind of thing. Suggestions and comments are always welcome! Thanks for reading!!!

For reasons previously mentioned in the Author's Note, please remember that updates will be a little more infrequent. I apologize in advance for any delay, and am willing to listen to and answer anything discrepancies or questions that you guys want to throw at me, as long as it's civil. ^_~