Title: Shh! No It Doesn't!
Authors: Lallie and Tiny Q
E-Mail: bitter_is_better@hotmail.com
Tiny Q: Wow. You actually wrote an ending without killing everyone off in your frustration.
Lallie: Hey! I only did that once and just because I'm planning to again doesn't mean anything!
Tiny Q: Whatever you say my dear. But you really should see someone about all your issues. Preferably someone who knows what they are doing.
Lallie: Monty Python knows what they're doing. Just look at the "Run away" and the God quote thing with the apologizing...That's brilliant! Even you can't argue with that.
Tiny Q: Well... I could... But I am not going to 'cause I would rather like to keep my head in it's place. Too bad we didn't come up with that stuff though... We would be millionaires! I mean even those cutesy little fishies in Finding Nemo said it!! Well, swim away....
Lallie: Oh those wonderful little fish...anyways this is really long. I hate writing long things...though this did take us a long long time to write. Oops.
Tiny Q: Damn school. I swear those teachers knew that we were writing this and made sure that we had no class time whatsoever to continue.
Lallie: I suppose they were just doing their jobs. At least they knew what they were doing...not like us. We keep having to steal movie quotes and ideas. Look at the Matrix and Ghost Busters stuff we pulled in. The readers might think we are a little off. It's totally random...not like those elephants. They fit right in. I wish I was an elephant in school...I'd be the popular one then and all would bow down.
Tiny Q: What? Like our counselor?? You really are off your rocker! And here I thought I was the crazy one. All bow down to Lallie, Queen of Insanity. Yes, you too Mr. Pink Floyd.
Lallie: You're right...I was popular at school...what was I thinking. Thanks for bringing me to my senses. Anyways I'm sorry reader people....we didn't mean to take so long but we were....distracted. With the hating of this story and writing other stories that we hate. Maybe we should get some anger counseling.
Tiny Q: Damn straight! And it's anger management Lallie. Don't you remember that movie? They sang in it! I feel pretty, oh so pretty- Ow! Stop throwing things! Albeit for me to be able to break into song randomly. But noooooo. That is reserved only for the Queen of Insanity. Hmph.
Lallie: Oh stop talking...or should I say RANTING oh crazy one. Let the people read the story they've been waiting for! I mean we did leave them hanging...literally!
Tiny Q: I'm sure they've been waiting so anxiously. Ok! I'll shut up!!
Shh! No It Doesn't!
Chapter 2
Tiny Q: So, what are we going to call this chapter??
Lallie: Is there even an option?
Elephants!!!!!!
Tiny Q: Apparently not.
~*~
"Oh my god!" Ginny's voice sliced through Draco's own yelps of horror. "We're gonna die!"
"Weasley!" Draco screamed at her, but she kept right on yelling.
"We're going to keep falling until we hit something!" she shrieked, flailing her arms about in an odd attempt to fly.
~pause~
Well obviously.
~unpause~
Draco resisted the urge to do the same, crossing his arms in frustration, indecently causing himself to fall faster. "It's times like these I wish I wore a dress," Draco muttered bitterly, as the girl continued to scream.
Ginny stopped screaming and looked at him puzzled. Then she frowned. "You're wearing a robe, isn't that close enough?!"
Draco muttered thanks to whatever gods there may be for that blessed shriek free moment.
They had been falling for the last five minutes, down a dark, not so narrow tunnel. The two had yet to see anything but darkness. But he had been subjected to five whole minutes of flapping and screaming. Off key piercing screaming, mind you.
"Oh shut up already," Draco snapped finally at the flapping red head. "If we die we die. No point in wrecking my eardrums before it happens." He paused
Ginny continued flapping her arms as she shot Draco a glare. "I'm sorry alright?" she said with a sniff.
"Don't apologize," Draco snapped. "Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. It's starting to get downright annoying."
"Think highly of yourself, don't you?" Ginny said flatly, frowning at him.
"Well of course I do," Draco said with a drawl. "I am the Slytherin Badass."
"Well I'm sorry," Ginny sniffed once more. "But I just can't stay around someone so high and mighty as you. Goodbye."
He looked upwards to see tears form in Ginny's eyes and see her try to move away from him in a comical attempt to do a backwards breaststroke. To his amazement she moved away from him in this odd form of locomotion and disapeared into the darkness.
'What the?' he thought as he heard her echoing sniff drift back to him.
"Shit," he swore aloud, trying to think of a way to follow her, though as to why he needed to, he wasn't sure. Finally letting a disgruntled he hissed: "Well this is just great."
As he continued to fall deeper into the dreary blackness he rolled his eyes and muttered: "Well, it's not like I have anything better to do." With a shake of his head he attempted to do the same strange stroke that Ginny had previously done into the general direction that she had disappeared.
"The things I do for that red head," he said as he fell faster and faster into the darkness. But the darkness was becoming lighter and lighter as he plummeted down.
Suddenly Draco was enveloped in a blinding white light. "Ahh!" he bellowed in a gruff girly man voice. H e looked down only to see the ground rushing up to meet him. "I am really starting to hate this falling stuff," he muttered caustically.
A giggle drifted up to him from somewhere below him. He looked around, but instead of seeing the girl he had hoped he saw a gigantic pillow. It was looking up at him, getting bigger and bigger as he approached. Yet as to how a pillow could look at you, was beyond Draco. He quickly sheltered his head with his arms as he did a belly flop. The pillow giggled again.
Rolling over, he sat up on the pillow, which giggled once more. He stared down at it, and gave it an experimental poke for good measure. It giggled again.
"Well that's new," he muttered. "A giggling pillow."
"Oh, it does more than giggle," a voice said from behind him.
Draco's eyebrows shot upwards into his hairline. He turned around to see the familiar face of Ginny. "And how would you know that?"
Ginny pointed her sock covered foot as though making a point. "It just ate my shoe. That's how I know," she said with a certain smugness.
"Ugh," he groaned, moving his face. "Get your smelly foot out of my face."
"My feet don't smell," she scoffed.
"Sure they don't," he sneered. "A bog just decided to pass by."
Ginny looked around, but upon seeing no bog, passing or otherwise, she scowled at Draco. "Don't lie! It's not good for you."
Draco looked at her with amusement and he burst out laughing. He just laughed and laughed, as Ginny's face got redder and redder.
"Ow!" he suddenly bellowed. Ginny had kicked him squarely in the stomach.
"See?" she asked innocently. "Told you." There was a triumphant look in her eyes.
"It's only bad for me because of you kicked me," he pointed out the obvious. He rolled over to lay on his back, simply staring upwards. "Hey Weasley, I know you lost your shoe, but could you stop trying to take mine?"
"What?" he heard the confusion ring clear in her voice.
"They wouldn't go with your outfit. Armani and jean do not go together."
"Why would I want your stupid shoe?" she hissed.
"Cause just one is worth double your house value," he sneered, attempting to pull his foot away. The tugging persisted.
"Well then," she growled. "I was going to tell you that the pillow was eating your shoe, but I don't feel like it anymore."
"What?" he snapped. Looking sharply down at his shoe he saw that what the red head said was true. The pillow had half eaten his lovely leather loafer.
Draco looked at his foot helplessly and stopped his quivering lip. "We should go before any more casualties happen," he said with an emotionless voice.
"What are you talking about?" Ginny snapped. "The cow was dead before it was turned into your overpriced shoes."
"Who cares about the cow," Draco muttered darkly, getting up from the ground, glaring down at the pillow that was still attached to his foot. "I want my shoe." He attempted to kick the pillow, but found it heavier than it seemed. "Give it back," he hissed, pulling at his leg in an attempt to get his foot and shoe free.
With an all-mighty jerk the blonde stumbled backward, straight into a startled red head. Draco's Armani shoe was sadly not among the pile of limbs.
"Get off!" Ginny shrieked, swatting at him with her hand.
Draco struggled into a sitting position causing Ginny to squeak in pain. He looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow curiously. "What's the problem Weasley? Does the sight of my fine behind cause you physical pain at the sight of its beauty?"
She shook her head and tried to push him off her lap. "No! It's boney!"
"Boney?" he scoffed. "There is no way-" He was cut off as Ginny gave a rough push and the blonde was forced off the red head's lap. "Ow," he muttered as his ass landed on the ground. Perhaps his behind was lacking a good portion of natural cushioning after all.
"Let's get out of here," Ginny muttered, rubbing her legs.
Draco looked mournfully at his shoe as he stood, before he reached for Ginny's hand and yanked her to her feet. "One generally stands before they can achieve a worthwhile forward motion." He smirked at her.
"Oh thank you Malfoy. I could never have figured that out by myself," she cooed mockingly, batting her lashes at him with fake adoration.
Draco's eyes flicked over her with amusement. "I know," he stated simply before he started to walk in the opposite direction of the pillow. "I hope you don't mind but there seems to be a door over there."
Ginny growled something under her breath and grudgingly followed him towards the door.
"What did you say Red?" the blonde called over his shoulder.
"I didn't say anything," she snapped back.
"Oh, but you did," he replied in an almost sing-song voice. Almost. Malfoys do not sing even when taunting someone.
A sneer between the two of them mutually ended the conversation. And so they began to walk in silence toward the door. The trek gave Draco the chance to look about their surroundings. It appeared the two of them had landed in the middle if a large field. Far off to the left a dark forest loomed menacingly. Yet to what Draco assumed to be the North there was a large door, floating on the top on a ridge. There appeared to be no building for the door to lead to, but it was there nonetheless.
Draco glanced back over his shoulder to where he had landed. He did a double take.
"Uh, Weasley," he said slowly, glancing at her. "I recommend that we run."
"Huh?" she asked in confusion. "Why?"
"Because that shoe-eating pillow is charging towards us," he replied passively. "And I have a feeling that it wants the remaining shoes."
"Oh," Ginny replied. She started jogging towards the door.
"No Weasley! I said RUN!" he screamed as he started to sprint away from the rampaging pillow.
"It's all your fault! You shouldn't have tried to pull your shoe away. It didn't like the taste of my shoe," she complained in between pants as she tried to catch up with Draco.
"It was too poor! Now shut up and run!" he yelled back at her as he leapt upwards, trying to land on the ridge that was just bellow the floating door. He succeeded.
Sprinting as fast as she could, Ginny attempted a similar feat. Unfortunately her long legs were a touch clumsier than Draco's and her take off was not as smooth. Her feet came up short causing her to hit her shins painfully against the ledge.
"Crap!" she called, catching the ledge as she fell back towards the ground. It took a touch of effort but she managed to pull herself up onto solid ground and sat there, clutching her bruised shins. "Thanks so much for your help, Malfoy," she sneered, glaring up at the blonde.
"Oh, no problem Weasley," he drawled, examining his nails.
Ginny rubbed her shins one more time with a sympathetic pat before she stood up straightening her robes. "Well, why are you just standing here? Open the door," she muttered.
He rolled his eyes. "You don't honestly think that you can just turn the handle of a magic door and it will open, do you?" he asked with his assumed superior ness ringing through like a bell.
Ginny shrugged and turned the handle. The door swung open. "Well, what do you know? I guess it does." And she walked through without looking backwards.
"Don't you ever look before you enter a room?" he snapped.
"Why should I?" she asked curiously. He followed her through and they both stopped in amazement at what they saw.
"That's why," was his only reply.
Before them was an ongoing hall that had an infinite amount of doors spreading in either direction. They all looked exactly alike.
Draco sighed with disgust. "Why does one door always lead to another?"
Ginny stopped and raised her hand to scratch her chin thoughtfully. "Not all doors. There are doors that lead outside and doors that just lead into a room with no other exits."
Draco interrupted her with the only way he could think of: he kissed her. "Shut up, Ginny," he muttered with boredom.
"You kissed me," she said, pointing at him, her face resembling what could only be described as a fishy expression.
"Why yes, I did," he stated. "Now let's go home."
"But how do you know which door leads home?" she asked, her fishy expression replaced by curiosity.
He pointed to a door with sparkly stars placed randomly all about, making the already childish design look like it had been attacked by attention starved pre-schoolers. "It's the only one that has 'home' written on it."
Ginny finally looked at the ugly door she had been trying not to glance at. She had a feeling that if she stared at the door down the hall and slightly to the left for too long she would get nauseous. "Well, so it does. What do you know?"
Draco shook his head in slight disgust, but seemed too involved in his smirking to comment. The two of them turned to make their way down the hall towards the poorly painted door. They were making good time too, well until one of the monotonous doors opened.
"They can't find me in here," Voldemort muttered, glancing around. Ginny instantly leapt towards Draco, grabbing onto his robes. Voldemort looked their way but appeared too eager to hide from "they" that he took no notice. He closed the door and took off at a quick pace in the direction opposite of the painted "home" door.
Ginny clung to Draco with a painful grip.
"God damn it," she whispered into him. "Can't that freak leave me alone?" Draco got the impression that Voldemort was your simple run-of-the-mill stalker rather than the Dark Lord. He was about to comment when the door opened once more. All present turned.
"There he is!" Peter called.
Four men dressed in plain grey jumpsuits donned with a "no" sign about a ghost. There were also tacky looking belts fasten about their waists covered in various gadgets. On their backs were large plastic looking backpacks connected to the apparent ray-guns in their hands. They would have looked cool in the 80's, but now they were just plain silly.
"Voldemort, come back!" Winston called.
Voldemort looked at them as a deer looks at an oncoming car and ran as fast as he could in the direction he had been headed.
The four plastic equipped men stood there in a daft fashion for a moment and took off after them, brushing past Draco and the Klingon- I mean, cling on, Ginny in the process.
"Sorry," Raymond called back.
"Do you hear something?" asked Raymond, glancing around.
"Hey! Snake dude!" Peter called as they continued to run.
"I'm not Voldemort!" the white skinned terror bellowed. "I'm Tom Riddle!"
"I swear I hear something," Raymond mused again.
"You always are hearing things," Egon snapped.
Ginny paused to think, then pulled her face away from Draco and bellowed down the seemingly endless hall: "Riddle and Voldemort are the same person!"
"Ow," Draco muttered, rubbing his ear as though searching for sympathy. He received none.
Raymond, the one who claimed to hear things, turned around and glanced at the red head. Though his attention seemed to be drawn to something behind her. His eyes grew wide.
"I knew I heard something!" he screamed at the others. They all turned to look at him, still running. "ELEPHANTS!" he screamed, pointing at a heard that had appeared from somewhere around the painted door.
Ginny and Draco turned to look as well. The elephants had paint all down their trunks. Nether wanted to ponder what this meant.
"Run away!" they all screamed as one, and chanted this phrase as they bolted past the Dark Lord who soon joined them.
The heard of elephants rushed past the two Hogwarts students, leaving a large dust trail in their wake. When the dust had cleared only the two of them remained in the hall. They both looked about blankly.
"Well that was..." Ginny trailed off, giving a feeble shrug at her apparent loss for words.
"Not right?" Draco offered.
Ginny nodded.
They stood there for a moment then Draco looked down on the girl still clinging to him. "Shall we then?" He gestured towards the door.
"Uh..." Ginny said slowly. "Sure. Why not?"
And they walked towards the door, the badly painted elephant door, and went through.
They passed through the threshold of the Main Entrance doors just in time to see themselves get sucked into the sinking step. They looked at each other and blinked in surprise. "Well that was productive," Draco muttered as he pulled Ginny forward with his arm around her waist.
The trio looked at them and then looked at the stair. Hermione's left eye started twitching. Ron's right eye started twitching. Harry's hand flew to his head and clutched it as if in pain. "Steps... saving... here... no more saving... I won't be a hero... NOOOOOOO!" he uttered brokenly.
Ron started to approach Draco menacingly, his hands clenched into fists. "What did you do to my sister?"
"Nothing," the blonde snapped as he pulled Ginny tighter against him. "I just fell in love with her."
Ginny looked at him in surprise. "You did? When?"
Draco shrugged. "I think it happened between the rampaging pillow and the Tom Riddle Cling. My heart made it's own connection."
Ron fell to the ground in a full body spasm. "Malfoy... sister... very bad... very bad, very bad, very bad... Unnatural!" could be heard between his unintelligent mumbles.
The End
Lallie and Tiny Q: REVIEW!!! Please oh please. We need constant reassurance.
Tiny Q: No. That's just you. I need artistic reassurance. No one likes my drawings.
Lallie: I do but that's not the point. Readers....Please share your thoughts even if it's just to yell at us for taking so long to come out with our interesting little finale.
