Ron: Go away man, I'm trying to get high here!
Voldemort: Silence you little stoner punk!
Ron: Screw you man!
Hermione: [Slaps Ron for cursing.] I'm not surprised it's you. Who else would've come up with a name like Schnookie?
Voldemort: Pure genius! Nobody would've suspected me with the name schnookie! I'm a genius!
Ron: no you're a penis! Get it? Genius-Penis! HAHAHA! [Ron passes out.]
Hermione: Why'd you use dinosaurs to kill people?
Voldemort: Because their feces are good for dr—uh I mean… NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!!!!!!!!! [Jumps on a pterodactyl and flies away embarrassed.]
Harry, Ron and Hermione run from hagrids hut but are immediately attacked by a trio of pterodactyls who bombard them with giant globs of poop. They reach Hogwarts and take the elevator up but it gets stopped at hufflepuff tower. Ron (who just got high) decides to try and sell some pot to some hufflepuff first years.
Ron: yo yo yo yo yo! What it is motherfuckers?
First year #1: Oh shit it's Ron!
First year #2: You mean that pot head?
First year #1: Yeah! So what's up Ron?
Ron: Me you bitches I'm high on pot! Wanna buy some?
First year #1: No Ron drugs are bad.
First year #2: Nope can't help you man.
Ron: P-ussies! [Ron lights up.] Whoa… Holy shit! [Break dances.]
Hermione: [slaps Ron.] Quit wasting time!
Harry: Stop slapping people Hermione! It's depressing! [Starts crying like a little bitch.]
Hermione: [Slaps Harry] quit whining! We should find Dumbledore since he's the only one that could defeat Voldemort.
Harry: Voldemort, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Continues to cry like a little bitch.]
First year #1&2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Die of fear.]
Ron: O.k. but first… I'm gonna go make some brownies…
Hermione: whatever.
Harry and Hermione head towards dumbledores office while Ron heads into the cooking class.
Ron: (to himself) Well hufflepuffs you want to call me a pothead do you? Well I'll have my revenge soon enough! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Harry and Hermione enter Dumbledors office.
Hermione: Dumbledore we have Urgent news!
Dumbledore: What news do you have for me Ginny?
Harry: Voldemorts back and he made dinosaurs poop on us! [Cry's like a little bitch.]
Dumbledore: Oh isn't [farts] that cute voldemorts back!
Hermione: That's not cute, that's bad! Voldemorts evil!
Dumbledore: Who's [farts] Voldemort?
Hermione: The evil dark wizard!
Dumbledore: What's [Farts] a wizard?
Hermione slaps Dumbledore in rage.
Dumbledore: Thank you Hermione [farts] I needed that. So Voldemorts back is he? [Farts]
Hermione: Yes he is he was here disguised as a professor named Schnookie.
Dumbledore: Schnookie? What kind of pussy name is Schnookie?
Hermione slaps dumbledore for cursing.
Hermione: He's hiding in the castle right now and he's unleashed a bunch of dinosaurs around the school, which are killing everyone!
Dumbledore: Dinosaurs Oh I want to pet one!
Hermione: No you don't! They'll
Dumbledore: dino-saurs dino-saurs I'm gonna pet me a dinosaur!!!
Dumbledore skips down the hall looking for a dinosaur to pet while Harry and Hermione try to stop him.
Outside the hufflepuff common room.
Ron: Hello hufflepuff fifth year! Would you like to buy some brownies?
HP 5th year: Why are you selling brownies Pothead?
Ron: Can't a guy sell brownies!?
HP 5th year: well… yeah I just…
Ron: Forget it, hey why don't you help me out and give free samples to everyone inside?
HP 5th year: Well O.K.
The hufflepuff fifth year comes back outside high as a kite.
HP 5th year: you idiot there was pot in there! Everyone in there is acting stupid like you!!!!
Ron: Stupid? Really? Well… KILL THEM!!!!!
Suddenly the Raptor that Ron got stoned ran out of the hall and started killing all the hufflepuffs who were too stoned to run away.
HP 5th year: What are you doing pothead!?!? [Raptor kills him.]
(20 minutes later)
Ron: Wow that was a lot quicker than expected.
Raptor: [Roars]
Ron: Well here's my end of the bargain [hands Raptor 2 kilos of pot] now be very careful with this, you don't wanna smoke too little. Cause if you do you'll go through withdrawal symptoms.
Raptor: [Roars]
Suddenly Draco Malfoy appears in front of them.
Draco: Ron weasley! I'm going to tell dumbledore on you!
Ron: You do it you die Malfoy!
Draco: Try and stop me!
Ron: Hey I'll add another Kilo if you kill him!
Draco: huh?
Suddenly the Raptor jumps on Draco knocking him down the stairs. The Raptor jumps on him as Dumbledore comes around the corner singing while Harry and Hermione try and stop him.
Draco: Harry Pott--- [gets killed.]
Dumbledore: Oh is that a pretty dinosaur!
Suddenly the Raptor kills dumbledore.
Ron: Well thanks for getting rid of the dorks for me!
Raptor: [Roars and then leaves.]
Harry: all his death makes my feelings hurt! [Cries like a little bitch.]
