SEASON 7

Okay, yet another parody. I just had to get this out. Please note I love 'Buffy', obviously so don't take this as bashing. I think Joss and his team are some of the best TV creators in TV history, but I'm not blind to little mistakes or decisions I thought were a little bad. So I'm not bashing, just having a little fun. Parody is just another compliment, masquerading as humor. I think someone said that...

Oh and I sorta jump through the season at intervals, marked by the ********s.

Disclaimer: Oy, once again, Joss owns all, we owe crap. That's why our stuff's on the net and his is on TV.

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Buffy: "I'm so happy. The new season starts and I won't be so angsty, depressed and...*AHEM*, horny and kinky anymore. Now we'll get back to the ROOTS! The High School is reopened. Where it all began. Things will be like they used to!"

Joss Whedon in the background: "Right. What everyone thought when I said the High School would be rebuilt. Of course if we really went back to high school stories, we'd have renamed the show "Dawn". Which we really didn't. And really not gonna."

Dawn: "I'm excited too! I get to wear high heels this season! And be important! And kick ass! Like now, when Buffy's teaching me to slay! She's my Yoda! I rule! Spin-off here I come! Woohoo!"

Joss: "Sure, sweetheart, sure."

Wood: "Hi, I'm the new principal, Robin Wood. Get it? It's a play on words. It's like 'Robin Hood', and yet not, ya know?"

Audience: "......."

Wood: "And my real name is 'Woodside', which makes it even more humorous."

Audience: "......."

Wood: "And the whole 'wood' thing of course is a sly hint at my sexual virility.

Audience: "......."

Wood: "Tough crowd. Uh, did I mention I am really shiny?"

Buffy: "Man you really are. And I shall look at you like I COULD find you attractive. Then again, it may just mean I'm gazing at my reflection in your head. Let's not find out."

Dawn: "Buffy!! Something's going on in the school with...ghosts..or something. It's making me scream more than usual on one day!"

Buffy: "And yet the ghosts are still there???"

Dawn: "....."

Buffy: "Keep your panties on. I'll save the day by skulking in the school's cellars and kicking the ass of zombie janitors and the like."

Spike: "Cryptic Drusilla-esque rambling. Sexy tussled hair. Sad look. More cryptic talk. More ramblings. But I did manage to make it all the way back here from Africa, while totally nuts. But of course the fact a vampire went from the US to Africa on a motorbike was miracle enough. Anyway, ramble, ramble..."

Buffy: "Oh goodness! It's Spike who loves me, with whom I've had an intense relationship on many levels, both bad and good, and who disappeared from Sunnydale, right after that shocking scene where for no reason at all I suddenly turned into a weak and whimpering little soap-opera character. Now he's in the school basement near the Hellmouth and is out of his mind!! I have no idea where he's been or what's happened to him! There's only one reaction to this!"

(Buffy shrugs, turns and leaves Spike in the basement. The first time of many..)

The First: "Ha! I shall rule! I am the greatest villain of the entire series! Not to mention cheap, because they can use the other actors to be me. And they need the money this season for more FX stuff. But I don't feel totally short changed. In this ep alone I am about a dozen guest actors! Ha! (Suddenly sighs sadly) Which will hopefully compensate for the fact that I am doomed to do little more than stand around and gab....."

**************

Buffy: "Oh my goodness! Spike seemed normal for a few hours, but then he started acting weird again and now he's rambling worse than ever. What happened to him? Well at least he's getting naked again."

(Then follows Spike's heart-rendering monologue in the church.)

Buffy: "Oh my god. He got his soul! For me! Something Angelus would never do! This is amazing! I am standing here with tears in my eyes! And Spike's hanging there, on that cross, one of the great tragic images of our time. And also something that really can't be good for vamps! There's only ONE reaction to all this!"

(Buffy shrugs, turns around and leaves the church)

Spike: "Buffy? Are you still there? Buffy?"

(Church is empty save for him)

Spike: "Aowie..."

*****************

Willow: "Well I'm back. Now we all have to deal with me nearly killing everyone last season. Of course, I'll be forgiven way easier than Spike or Anya, even though I wasn't even a demon or soulless or anything. But then I AM Willow and I'm still the cutest girl on TV. And on the set."

(Crew, writers, actors and Joss all nod. Sarah and Michelle grumble.)

Buffy: "Hmm we need to find this skin-eating demon. Oh wait, I left Spike at that church. He now has a soul which he got for me! He lost his sanity because of it and is now clearly in need of help! This was the great cliffhanger from last season! And now last ep I found out about it! I must act!"

(Buffy decides to use Spike as a bloodhound while Xander insults him and she makes cracks about the 'crazy vampire'. This gal's clearly all heart.)

Buffy: "Ok, good doggie. Now shoo."

(Spike goes back to the school basement where the Hellmouth is because it's clearly such a great place to be.)

***************

Cassie: "I can see the future. I'm about to die, but first I have to say to you: She'll tell you. One day she'll tell you."

Spike: "Who will tell me what?"

Cassie: "Her. She'll say, you know, 'it'."

Spike: "Uh...thanks....I think."

Cassie: "In all honesty though, she probably won't really mean it."

Spike: "...okay."

Cassie: "But you won't be ENTIRELY sure and neither will anyone else."

Spike: "Good thing you won't be doing this seer-stuff for a living."

*************

Buffy: "Oh Spike, one third of the season is over and you're still in the school basement!"

Spike: "Tell me about it!"

Buffy: "Don't worry, I'm here. I have the perfect solution. I'll put you up with Xander. You know, the guy who hates your guts! Even after you saved his life a couple of times."

Spike: "......I miss my crypt."

Buffy: "Yeah well, they tore that set down. Deal with it."

Xander: "Man, I gained a few pounds since last season."

Spike: "Hey, so did I."

Xander: "......"

Spike: "Well, I did."

Xander: "....Shut up."

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TBC!