SEASON 7 PARODY:
PART VIII
** **
Caleb (to the First): "Okay I'm confused, first we dig that weapon up for her..."
Audience: "Then YOU literally open the hatch for her.."
Caleb: "....*AHEM*, and now you're ordering me to let her escape with it?"
The First: "Yes!!"
Caleb: "Why?? She's gonna chop me up with it first chance she gets!"
The First: (Evil laugh): "Hahah! In my evil brilliance I have it all worked out. That she HAS the weapon is GOOD for us! Because....uh...because...hang on...because...uhm...dang...."
Caleb: "Groan...."
Audience: "Not even getting into this one.."
The First: "No! I got it! You're weak now! And she's strong. We'll 'merge' later again which is the source of your strength! Ah? Ah? Not so glib now eh?"
Caleb: "Works for me. Although, uhm....I've never actually shown any sign at all of getting weaker.. And she was all alone now. Next time she might be all prepared and have back up and magic spells and stuff, and..Wasn't this really the best opportunity we ever had?"
The First: "You're not helping...!"
*******************
Faith: "Phew, I led them into a trap pretty much as stupidly as Buffy did. Another bunch of girls dead."
Audience: "We'll get over it..."
Faith: "Course I'm still alive, yo. Even though I was practically standing on the bomb. Ahhh, good to be regular..or at least a recurring character..."
Audience: "Tell that to Jenny Calendar when Angelus snapped her neck. Or Kendra when Dru slashed her throat. Or Angel when Buffy skewered him and sent him to hell. Or Tara when she got shot. Or Jonathon when he got gutted. Or .."
Faith: "Gulp! Damn, and I'm not THAT regular! Am I gonna survive this??"
Audience: "You'd better! We're not gonna watch "Kennedy the Vampire Slayer" as a new spin off!!"
Kennedy: "Ohh you're just saying that! Just wait till I show Joss my ideas. Like when I'm running a new school of Slayers! 'Kennedy Slayer High -Where Maggots learn to Obey'!"
Audience: (crying) "Someone make it stop! Please! Can't...take...more.."
Faith: "Can't gab now! We gotta split yo! I'm out for the count and you're stuck in the sewers with Ubervamps!"
SiTs: "AAAHHHH!!"
Audience: "Well, this should be fun! We'll even ignore the question where these buggers came from since only one Ubervamp came through the seal earlier and it's still closed.."
(The Ubervamps attack and eat a SiT. Kennedy tries to act tough. She's about to be the second course but..sigh.....Buffy has to ruin it and save her. Bloody do-gooder.)
Buffy: "Hey I'm the hero of the show. Sorry, but I have to save her."
Audience: "Yeah, yeah...get on with it."
(They bring lots of wounded girls back to the house. Anya and Andrew play nurse. Nothing to spoof. That was just damn funny. "Aw.Trying to talk will only kill you sooner." LOL. Sorry, got a dark sense of humor.
Buffy and Faith bond over being Slayers. They decide their lot is grim, but relieved a bit by the fact they're hot chicks with superpowers.... Yeah, can't argue with that. Arf! Arf! *Ahem*, anyhoo..)
*********************
Spike: "Hi Buffy. Cool ax- I mean scythe. Sure looks worth dumping me over."
Buffy: "Sure is! Shiny!"
Spike: "That's fine, not enough bits of my heart left by now anyway."
Buffy: "Well then it's time to give you a speech of how incredible our cuddling night was. How much it touched me and meant to me. How I'm tired of awkwardness and mixed signals."
Audience: "That's ALMOST funny coming from her."
Spike: "SHHHH! Let her talk!! Buffy, last night was the best night of my life. I'm terrified..."
Buffy: (sweetly) "You don't have to be...."
(Spikes eyes grow wide)
Buffy: "We need to acknowledge the significance of that beautiful night and deal with our feelings for each other."
Spike: "Gasp! Really??"
Buffy: "Yes! I was THERE with you. Maybe.....maybe when all this is over....??"
Spike: "DOUBLEGASP! Really??? Does this mean..????"
Buffy (shrugs): "Pfffff, who said it MEANT anything?? Weirdo."
Spike: ".....Joss, you know that dying thing I do at the end? Could I do that NOW? I mean, really, I can't take much more of this."
Joss: "Nah. Suck it up."
Buffy: "....like it has to....you know, *MEAN* something. Where does he GET that stuff? Pffff!"
************
(Buffy meets white haired priestess/witch woman)
Buffy: "Galadriel??"
Witch Woman: "Nah, but I get that a lot."
Buffy: "So, you made the scythe?"
Witch Woman: "Yes, you see it is a WEAPON..Forged to FIGHT with."
Buffy: "Uh yeah thanks, I got that part already."
Witch Woman: "I have survived centuries, sitting here staring at the walls, JUST so I could have this talk with you."
Buffy: "Wow, and you haven't actually told me all that much!"
Caleb: "Nor is she gonna! *CRACK*" (breaks her neck)
Buffy: "Damn."
(Buffy and Caleb fight. Decent fight. It ends with Caleb beating her and on the verge of killing her.)
Angel: "HAH! Suddenly I show up and punch Caleb so hard he flies through the room and he's almost knocked out! Even though even Buffy couldn't really do that."
Audience: "Say how'd Angel even know she was in this secret hidden temple?"
Angel: "Uh....something...Wolfram & Harty..magic. Or something. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, heeere I come to save he daaay!"
(Angel sure smirks a lot for a guy who just has been through a harsh war that killed a lot of people that he couldn't save, almost killed him and his friends, and cost him his current love interest Cordelia as well as his son.
Oh well. Time to kiss Buffy.)
Buffy: "Angel!" (Kisses him)
Spike: "And I'm right on time to witness it and not do a bloody thing about it. You know, I would really, really like to do that dying thing now..."
Joss: "Not an option."
Spike: "Sigh.....what a season I'm having...."
** **
TBC! NEXT UP THE CONCLUSION: CHOSEN.
PART VIII
** **
Caleb (to the First): "Okay I'm confused, first we dig that weapon up for her..."
Audience: "Then YOU literally open the hatch for her.."
Caleb: "....*AHEM*, and now you're ordering me to let her escape with it?"
The First: "Yes!!"
Caleb: "Why?? She's gonna chop me up with it first chance she gets!"
The First: (Evil laugh): "Hahah! In my evil brilliance I have it all worked out. That she HAS the weapon is GOOD for us! Because....uh...because...hang on...because...uhm...dang...."
Caleb: "Groan...."
Audience: "Not even getting into this one.."
The First: "No! I got it! You're weak now! And she's strong. We'll 'merge' later again which is the source of your strength! Ah? Ah? Not so glib now eh?"
Caleb: "Works for me. Although, uhm....I've never actually shown any sign at all of getting weaker.. And she was all alone now. Next time she might be all prepared and have back up and magic spells and stuff, and..Wasn't this really the best opportunity we ever had?"
The First: "You're not helping...!"
*******************
Faith: "Phew, I led them into a trap pretty much as stupidly as Buffy did. Another bunch of girls dead."
Audience: "We'll get over it..."
Faith: "Course I'm still alive, yo. Even though I was practically standing on the bomb. Ahhh, good to be regular..or at least a recurring character..."
Audience: "Tell that to Jenny Calendar when Angelus snapped her neck. Or Kendra when Dru slashed her throat. Or Angel when Buffy skewered him and sent him to hell. Or Tara when she got shot. Or Jonathon when he got gutted. Or .."
Faith: "Gulp! Damn, and I'm not THAT regular! Am I gonna survive this??"
Audience: "You'd better! We're not gonna watch "Kennedy the Vampire Slayer" as a new spin off!!"
Kennedy: "Ohh you're just saying that! Just wait till I show Joss my ideas. Like when I'm running a new school of Slayers! 'Kennedy Slayer High -Where Maggots learn to Obey'!"
Audience: (crying) "Someone make it stop! Please! Can't...take...more.."
Faith: "Can't gab now! We gotta split yo! I'm out for the count and you're stuck in the sewers with Ubervamps!"
SiTs: "AAAHHHH!!"
Audience: "Well, this should be fun! We'll even ignore the question where these buggers came from since only one Ubervamp came through the seal earlier and it's still closed.."
(The Ubervamps attack and eat a SiT. Kennedy tries to act tough. She's about to be the second course but..sigh.....Buffy has to ruin it and save her. Bloody do-gooder.)
Buffy: "Hey I'm the hero of the show. Sorry, but I have to save her."
Audience: "Yeah, yeah...get on with it."
(They bring lots of wounded girls back to the house. Anya and Andrew play nurse. Nothing to spoof. That was just damn funny. "Aw.Trying to talk will only kill you sooner." LOL. Sorry, got a dark sense of humor.
Buffy and Faith bond over being Slayers. They decide their lot is grim, but relieved a bit by the fact they're hot chicks with superpowers.... Yeah, can't argue with that. Arf! Arf! *Ahem*, anyhoo..)
*********************
Spike: "Hi Buffy. Cool ax- I mean scythe. Sure looks worth dumping me over."
Buffy: "Sure is! Shiny!"
Spike: "That's fine, not enough bits of my heart left by now anyway."
Buffy: "Well then it's time to give you a speech of how incredible our cuddling night was. How much it touched me and meant to me. How I'm tired of awkwardness and mixed signals."
Audience: "That's ALMOST funny coming from her."
Spike: "SHHHH! Let her talk!! Buffy, last night was the best night of my life. I'm terrified..."
Buffy: (sweetly) "You don't have to be...."
(Spikes eyes grow wide)
Buffy: "We need to acknowledge the significance of that beautiful night and deal with our feelings for each other."
Spike: "Gasp! Really??"
Buffy: "Yes! I was THERE with you. Maybe.....maybe when all this is over....??"
Spike: "DOUBLEGASP! Really??? Does this mean..????"
Buffy (shrugs): "Pfffff, who said it MEANT anything?? Weirdo."
Spike: ".....Joss, you know that dying thing I do at the end? Could I do that NOW? I mean, really, I can't take much more of this."
Joss: "Nah. Suck it up."
Buffy: "....like it has to....you know, *MEAN* something. Where does he GET that stuff? Pffff!"
************
(Buffy meets white haired priestess/witch woman)
Buffy: "Galadriel??"
Witch Woman: "Nah, but I get that a lot."
Buffy: "So, you made the scythe?"
Witch Woman: "Yes, you see it is a WEAPON..Forged to FIGHT with."
Buffy: "Uh yeah thanks, I got that part already."
Witch Woman: "I have survived centuries, sitting here staring at the walls, JUST so I could have this talk with you."
Buffy: "Wow, and you haven't actually told me all that much!"
Caleb: "Nor is she gonna! *CRACK*" (breaks her neck)
Buffy: "Damn."
(Buffy and Caleb fight. Decent fight. It ends with Caleb beating her and on the verge of killing her.)
Angel: "HAH! Suddenly I show up and punch Caleb so hard he flies through the room and he's almost knocked out! Even though even Buffy couldn't really do that."
Audience: "Say how'd Angel even know she was in this secret hidden temple?"
Angel: "Uh....something...Wolfram & Harty..magic. Or something. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, heeere I come to save he daaay!"
(Angel sure smirks a lot for a guy who just has been through a harsh war that killed a lot of people that he couldn't save, almost killed him and his friends, and cost him his current love interest Cordelia as well as his son.
Oh well. Time to kiss Buffy.)
Buffy: "Angel!" (Kisses him)
Spike: "And I'm right on time to witness it and not do a bloody thing about it. You know, I would really, really like to do that dying thing now..."
Joss: "Not an option."
Spike: "Sigh.....what a season I'm having...."
** **
TBC! NEXT UP THE CONCLUSION: CHOSEN.
