DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it
(thank God!)
A/N: Okay I don't actually like Lizzy McGuire, so I'm kinda writing this fic cuz she's so preppy and I wish for her to deviate from that path...Quidditch Toned ass - Yum! Alexei Noire xXx :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 1: Matt's girlfriend~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{At the dinner table in the McGuire household}
Mum: So Lizzy, Matt - anything new at school today?
Lizzy: *chewing on a piece of broccoli* Well Miranda said she has a new boyfriend, and I'm sure it's not anyone I know, so he's either older than her or younger.
Dad: *raising eyebrows* You mean she might be going out with a high school guy?
Lizzy: It's possible.
Mum: *pours custard over Matt's burger* Well, Lizzy your father and I never want to see you with an older guy okay? I mean, guys that age are only interested in one thing - sex!
Matt: *rolls eyes* Duh
Dad: *slaps Matt on the head* Don't speak with your mouth full, asshole!
Matt: Whatever, faggot. Anyway people - I have an announcement to make!
Lizzy: Oh fuck, what is it now?
Mum: *gasps* Lizzy! Don't swear with your mouth full!
Matt: *clears throat and stands up on his chair* I have a girlfriend!
[Cold wind blows through dining room, followed by a tumbleweed rolling across the carpet]
Dad: What did you say?
Matt: *gets down from chair* I have a girlfriend, and she's no other than Miranda!
Mum: Miranda who?
Matt: *shrugs* I dunno her last name, I just know she's Lizzy friend.
Lizzy: *jaw drops* Holy SHIT! You can't be serious!
Matt: *smiling and ramming broccoli up his nose* I bloody well am, bimbo!
Mum: Now, now, Elizabeth, calm down - no need to get all worked up just because your little brother found someone before you did.
Lizzy: *standing up* Mum, this is SO not fair! I mean, I tried to jack Ethan Craft off in class but all he did was tell everyone we fucked! Boys are so pathetic!
Dad: *rests head on hands* So I guess this means you're gonna be a lesbian now? Your mother and I have been waiting for this day since the day you were born.
Lizzy: You...WHAT?
Mum: You heard us - we think you'd be better off with a woman. Matt can carry our family on, Miranda can carry his babies.
Lizzy: You two are SO fucking deranged! I'm gonna kill you both some day - all I needs is a Colt Python! Or at least a Rocket Launcher...
Dad: *casually* Well can you make sure you aim for my stomach, 'cause I want al my guts to spill out. It was my dream to hari-kari some day but *sighs* it never worked out.
Matt: Couldn't get it up?
Dad: *puts hands round Matt's neck* Why you little!
Mum: *clapping* You strangle him good Poppa!
Lizzy: *moans* I fucking hate this family!
[Exeunt]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~#
I know I'm too stupid for even bothering to post this up, but I hate stories like this or Arthur the Aardvark where people live such happy, utopian lives - so I fuck them up good!
Alexei Noire xXx
Plz Review, oooh and don't forget those flames!
A/N: Okay I don't actually like Lizzy McGuire, so I'm kinda writing this fic cuz she's so preppy and I wish for her to deviate from that path...Quidditch Toned ass - Yum! Alexei Noire xXx :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 1: Matt's girlfriend~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{At the dinner table in the McGuire household}
Mum: So Lizzy, Matt - anything new at school today?
Lizzy: *chewing on a piece of broccoli* Well Miranda said she has a new boyfriend, and I'm sure it's not anyone I know, so he's either older than her or younger.
Dad: *raising eyebrows* You mean she might be going out with a high school guy?
Lizzy: It's possible.
Mum: *pours custard over Matt's burger* Well, Lizzy your father and I never want to see you with an older guy okay? I mean, guys that age are only interested in one thing - sex!
Matt: *rolls eyes* Duh
Dad: *slaps Matt on the head* Don't speak with your mouth full, asshole!
Matt: Whatever, faggot. Anyway people - I have an announcement to make!
Lizzy: Oh fuck, what is it now?
Mum: *gasps* Lizzy! Don't swear with your mouth full!
Matt: *clears throat and stands up on his chair* I have a girlfriend!
[Cold wind blows through dining room, followed by a tumbleweed rolling across the carpet]
Dad: What did you say?
Matt: *gets down from chair* I have a girlfriend, and she's no other than Miranda!
Mum: Miranda who?
Matt: *shrugs* I dunno her last name, I just know she's Lizzy friend.
Lizzy: *jaw drops* Holy SHIT! You can't be serious!
Matt: *smiling and ramming broccoli up his nose* I bloody well am, bimbo!
Mum: Now, now, Elizabeth, calm down - no need to get all worked up just because your little brother found someone before you did.
Lizzy: *standing up* Mum, this is SO not fair! I mean, I tried to jack Ethan Craft off in class but all he did was tell everyone we fucked! Boys are so pathetic!
Dad: *rests head on hands* So I guess this means you're gonna be a lesbian now? Your mother and I have been waiting for this day since the day you were born.
Lizzy: You...WHAT?
Mum: You heard us - we think you'd be better off with a woman. Matt can carry our family on, Miranda can carry his babies.
Lizzy: You two are SO fucking deranged! I'm gonna kill you both some day - all I needs is a Colt Python! Or at least a Rocket Launcher...
Dad: *casually* Well can you make sure you aim for my stomach, 'cause I want al my guts to spill out. It was my dream to hari-kari some day but *sighs* it never worked out.
Matt: Couldn't get it up?
Dad: *puts hands round Matt's neck* Why you little!
Mum: *clapping* You strangle him good Poppa!
Lizzy: *moans* I fucking hate this family!
[Exeunt]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~#
I know I'm too stupid for even bothering to post this up, but I hate stories like this or Arthur the Aardvark where people live such happy, utopian lives - so I fuck them up good!
Alexei Noire xXx
Plz Review, oooh and don't forget those flames!
