DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)

Alexei Noire xXx :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 2: Ethan Craft~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{At Lizzy's school, in the cafeteria}

Lizzy: So, Ethan - you wanna go out with me some time?

Ethan: *stunned* I never asked you to sit with me!

Lizzy: *grabs hold of Ethan's balls from under the table, and squeezes them hard* Yes you did...

Ethan: *wincing and whimpering from the pain* Ow bitch - that hurts!

Lizzy: I'll let go if you ask me out and then fuck the brains outta me.

Ethan: *breathlessly* I...can't...unless you let go of my balls...

Lizzy: *Lets go of Ethan's testicles* Come on, ass, I ain't got all day.

Ethan: *massaging crotch* Um... there's something I have to tell you Lizzy

Lizzy: Oh God, what the fuck is it? You're not going out with Miranda are you?

Ethan: *sighing* No, your little brother goes out with her - I...I'm gay.

[That cold wind and tumbleweed strike again!]

Lizzy: *standing up* WHAT?

Ethan: Well, you see I've not really been feeling anything from women - plus I think the uncircumcised clitoris looks appalling, but there's more...

Lizzy: *taps foot* Tell me then, faggot!

Ethan: I-I'm going out with your friend - Gordo.

Lizzy: *eyes widen* You little fucker! *grabs her fork and stabs it into Ethan's crotch*

[Ethan howls in pain, but Lizzy continues to stab his crotch until his balls are nothing more than a torn and ripped, bleeding wound]

Lizzy: Take that!

[Gordo runs over from the lunch queue]

Gordo: *sees his dead boyfriend* What have you done, you slag?

Lizzy: You knew I fancied Ethan! You fucking asshole! Since when have you been gay anyway?

Gordo: You've ruined his balls! I can't fuck a guy with no balls! I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this!

Lizzy: *punches Gordo in the face* I hate you! What kind of a friend are you?

[Miranda appears from behind, holding Matt's hand]

Miranda: Oh so you finally killed them - let's party!

Matt: Yay! Can we have Vanilla Coke? My Mum says I'm not allowed it!

Lizzy: What are you even doing here, Matt?

Miranda: He slept with the School Governors and now he goes here! He doesn't have to do any work though - he just sits at the back of class and looks through pornography.

Lizzy: *sighing* I do that anyway.

Matt: *laughs* You wanna come join the party, Liz?

Lizzy: *smiling menacingly* Hell yeh!

[Exeunt]

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Hehehehe, please review this cuz it's just SUCH a stupid fic. Thanx

Alexei Noire xXx =P