DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lizzie McGuire or any of the characters in it (thank God!)

Thanks for all da peeps who reviewed

psychial: YAY! At last someone describes this work as 'stupid'! I was waiting for that thanks!

Juicydrop-pop: Well, I tend to make everything about Harry Potter...

Cosmogal14: Yes I am English - I know this is an American programme but I can't be arsed to change too many things...meh. I even made a British Will and Grace fic - check it out!

Broadwaypoetess: thanks for the Oreos! (whatever they are...o_O) Snape is bushy?? Oh and I AM British, and I do say bloody and bugger all the time! ^_^

Gordo'sGirl PapyrusAndInk: ....Rrrright....

Okay this is the last chapter ever cuz this meaningless story needs to end!!!

Alexei Noire xXx =P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 6: A Girl Called Kill~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{At Lizzie's house on a Saturday afternoon}

Mum: Lizzie, get up off your fat arse and get a girlfriend!

Lizzie: *angrily* Shut up bitch - I don't think it's any of your business who I want to shag!

[Dad walks in with Matt]

Dad: Lizzie, Matt's found something in you're room that is of some interest to your mother and me.

Lizzie: *with wide eyes* You looked through my stuff??

Matt: Lizzie, you've been a ba-a-ad girl!

Dad: Care to explain this? *holds up magazine with pornographic pictures of rockstars*

Lizzie: WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?

Matt: Under your mattress - how lesbian is THAT?

Dad: Well?

Lizzie: *snatching magazine off him* I...like to read the articles...

Mum: *laughs* Yeah, and Gordo's relationship with Ethan is non-physical (!)

Matt: Ew, mental image...

Dad: *sits down opposite Lizzie* Honey, if you prefer men - that's fine with us, but you know we're gonna have a time getting used to this.

Lizzie: Oh do shut up! *reaches under sofa and pulls out a Revolver*

Mum: *tentatively* What are you gonna do with that Lizzie?

Lizzie: *cocks gun and points it at her Mum* Take a wild guess, missy *shoots*

Dad: LIZZIE! *gets shot*

Matt: Well done, Liz - now lemme have a g-*dies*

Lizzie: Mmmmhmmmhmmm HAHAHHAHAAAAA!

___________________________________________________________________________________________

{At a SlipKnoT concert}

SlipKnoT: # I've known faces that have disappeared in time, find me wrapped in glass and slowly soaked in lime...#

Lizzie: FUCK YOU! FUCK IT ALL! FUCK EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!

[Bassist of SlipKnot, Sid in the Clown mask notices Lizzie]

Lizzie: SLIPKNOT YOU RULE!!!

Corey: Okay we're gonna take a break now - but we want a fan to come up to the stage to mosh with us!

[Lizzie screams loudly and vehemently]

A few minutes break later.................

Corey: Right everyone - whoever catches my good man Sid's eyes here will come and mosh to da Max with us!

[Sid casts his eyes around the crowd and sees Lizzie jumping up with her stupid American happy blonde face and boy-loving cheeks]

Sid: HER! *points at Lizzie*

Lizzie: Oh MY GOSH! AAAAARGH!!! *runs up to the stage and moshes*

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

{Backstage}

Sid: Hey that was some pretty good moshing for a girl who looks so preppy and lesbian you know.

Lizzie: *angrily* What did you say?

Sid: Just kidding!

Lizzie: Good, I kinda fancy you ya know. *flutters Maybelline eyelashes*

[Lizzie pulls Sid in for a kiss]

Sid: Let's hit the road bitch!

Lizzie: Hell yeh! But... can you hear that?

[Scraping sound]

Sid: I think it's coming from over here *walks over to janitor's closet and opens it*

Lizzie: BLOODY HELL!

[Mark and Tom from Blink 182 are inside, butt naked and Mark is spanking Tom on his bare pink ass]

Mark: Like how rude!

Tom: Yeah, I mean can you not see we're a little busy here?

Lizzie: Mark - you're GAY!

Mark: Nope, we do this all the time - it's fun.

Sid: Aren't you supposed to be married, Tom?

Tom: Meh *shrugs shoulders*

Mark: Now leave us! *closes door and proceeds spanking Tom*

Lizzie: Well that was unexpected.

Sid: Yep, and d'you know what else is unexpected? Me and you going to Las Vegas to get married!

Lizzie: Let's do it babe!

[Sid lifts Lizzie up and carries her over to his Hippy Van and they drive away]

Sid: *driving* There's something I've been meaning to ask you - I heard that you were gonna release a single.

Lizzie: *laughs* Yeah, it's called 'So Yesterday' - you heard it?

Sid: Fuck no! It's gonna be incredibly shit, like all other pop music...except Madonna.

Lizzie: What are you saying - I can't sing?

Sid: Yeah

Lizzie: Well neither can you!

Sid: I love you.

Lizzie: *smiling* I love you too!

Sid: *laughs* We all set then?

Lizzie: *biting lip* Umm no - before we tie the knot I want you to take your mask off and show me your real face.

Sid: *shrugs* Fair does, but you have to take off your mask too.

Lizzie: *tensely* What mask??

Sid: Don't lie to me! *pulls off her mask to reveal Hillary Duff*

Hillary: Erp..

Sid: AAAAAAAARGH!!! It's hideous!!!

Hillary: Shut up, let's see your face now. *pulls off Sid's mask to reveal ...*

Sid: Come on then, honeybunch let's go to Vegas!

Hillary: *breathless* Uh...okay...

[And they drive off into the sunset, with their hippy van and the most unlikely pairing since Alexei Noire and Julia Roberts.]

[THE BITTER END]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#

Well, Well, Well people there thou hast it - the last chapter! Read and Review your thoughts upon it. And don't forget those flames!

I'm such a bad boy for ever writing this and making all the loser Lizzie fans feel sorry and cry into their Sailor Moon bedsheets but ah well.

Alexei Noireã xXx =D