A/N: Did I spell 'loagy' right? You know, when you have that icky stuff in the back of your throat that you have to spit out because it's so disgusting? I think I spelt it right….I was never clear on that word to begin with.
When All Is Lost…
Chapter Four
The darkness was back again; it was back, all around her. She took a sharp panicked breath; the dark was what held her worst fear. And this time she knew that she had a slim chance of escaping it. She looked around as she stared to hyperventilate; she needed to get out now. She wanted to be back home with her parents, with her friends - even if Wufei could be an ass, with Duo and most of all, back with Quatre. Relief washed through her as she saw a faint light off in the distance.
She didn't think for a second, starting to run towards it with all she had. Yet as she went, it seemed to move further away, as if it was simply beyond her reach. 'No, no. I will make it there…I have to…I have to…' Tears started to run down her face as she pushed herself harder, wishing with all she had to make it back to her goal.
Suddenly she was pitched to the ground hard as a massive pain hit her legs. She lay there, trying to curl up in pain as she tried to see what had caused it.
"You're not going anywhere this time. I made sure of it. You and I have some business to settle bitch." his voice was cruel and malicious.
"Iie, Kamisama, kudasai…" she begged in a broken voice as she picked herself up; she fell back and when she looked down, she saw her legs lying there at a impossible angles. "Kamisama, kudasai…"
"There's no help for you now." his hand fisted in her shirt and pulled her up. "You're gonna regret crossing me ever."
"What are you going to do to me?" she asked in a whisper as she struggled to free herself from his hand.
A sneer came to his lips as he leaned forward and whispered into her ear. "I'm going to have some fun with you first. No one knows where you are. Not your parents, not your little 'friends' and most certainly not Winner." the last word was said in a sneer. "Then I'll kill you."
She bit back her cry of pain as she was dropped back onto the ground unceremoniously. "And if I kill myself first?"
"And you'd cause Winner such pain?" he bent down and caressed her face with a cold metal object. "I highly doubt you'd do that. You hope…no, you know that he's coming after you…and…well and I incapacitated your sole means of escape. And I have prepared for this since the satellite. "
An involuntary shiver ran through her as she felt a tip at her throat. 'It's a dagger.' She didn't say anything as it travelled down and back up again.
"But then again. I'm not against causing him pain."
She didn't say anything as the blade was slashed against her cheek. She glared at him as he looked at her with a cold and distant expression.
"Nothing to say?" he asked.
Jess paused, bringing up a huge logy before she spit it right in his face, aiming for his eye as best she could. Nothing was said for a few minutes before she saw his shape moving towards her . She tried to move out of the way but found herself hampered by her legs. The dagger sank all the way in, leaving her gasping with bloody breath. She brought a shaking hand to her lips as she fell back to the floor. After a few seconds, it fell also, fingertips stained with blood. She lay there, limp and dying.
"Right through your heart. Winner wa temae no kokoro desu ka? Where is he now to save his beloved?"
She woke with a start, a scream in her throat. She bit it back however once she sensed the presence passed out beside her. His black hair stuck out against the pillow; she wanted so much to grab it and rip it out from the roots, anything to make him suffer for what he inflicted on her. She looked down at her naked body above the blanket, the ugly bruises darkening by the minute.
"Kamisama…" she whispered as she fought the tears that rose.
First he had taken the sledgehammer and…she swallowed hard, not wanting to recall the sharp crack of bones that had echoed out across the room or her solitary scream; it still grated against her mind and had now and then invaded her dreams, The dreams had started again, only now they were much worse. When she was at the safehouse by the beach, she was simply arguing with him, treading the dangerous line - he had a gun in his hands - but still safe. Now he had killed her, a stab in the heart. And why had he spoken in Japanese?
She tried to roll onto her side but bit her lip hard as pain went through her legs. 'God, I really can't escape. He'll use me again and again and then when he's tired himself of me…' She shuddered, pushing the thought out of her mind. There was no way that she was leaving anytime soon. She looked down at her body in disgust seeing it covered in blood and a whitish substance she didn't care to identify; she had become physically numb when he had completed what was started in the alleyway. She felt battered bruised and horribly violated in the worse sense, physically and psychologically. But she recalled every single vile revolting thing that he had done to her and had made her do despite her inability to move well and…
Gritting her teeth, she moved her upper body slightly, freezing when he shifted and snorted. She breathed a sigh of relief as he settled back down and resumed his deep breathing. Slowly, she inched her way over to the edge of the bed; it was a far long shot but it was better to go down fighting rather than being so unresponsive about it. She started to slide herself gently when a hand shot out and grabbed her with a jerk back to the bed.
"Going somewhere?"
She stiffened at the mocking tone in his voice, not responding at all.
"I recall saying you had to answer me." he muttered in a discontent voice. "It seems that you still defy me even now. I'm going to have to break it."
"Kisama…" she hissed between her teeth.
"Ah." he said in a disapproving voice. "What did I say about that?"
Jess winced slightly feeling the blade slice into her arm. "Masochist."
"Could you tell?" he drawled, the blade now tracing a red line up her stomach.
"Hentai." she spat out. "Hentai otoko."
"You don't learn do you?" he said in an icy tone as the blade paused.
Jess managed to remain straight faced as he pressed the tip into the soft flesh of her breast. Blood ran down the dagger freely as he pressed it in harder and harder. By the time he finally relented, his hand was slippery and sticky with the red substance.
"Bakayaro." she didn't even look at him, simply infusing her voice with a highly dismissive and superior tone.
"You don't learn, do you? It didn't have to come to this." his hand trailed his way down her shoulder. "If you had simply listened to me and done as I commanded, I would be perfectly fine."
She remained still as his fingers dug cruelly into her lower arm.
"But you couldn't even do that, could you? You should be grateful I even took you. You're nothing more than a reject whose real parents didn't want her anymore. So they left you out there to die. You're the trash that should have been taken out; I, the son of a wealthy banker, should never have given you that second look. This is what I get for having pity on you."
"Pity?" she finally spoke, her voice dripping with scathing and sarcasm. "You don't know pity. You see this as a way to look gracious in your own eyes; so you don't have to be held accountable for your own actions. And as for that second look, as you eloquently put it, I know exactly what drove that and it wasn't looked for baka."
"Shut up." he growled, sliding out of the bed and putting on his pants and boots.
Jess couldn't stop now. "Why don't you take a good long look in the mirror, baka? Or are you afraid of what you'll see there? That you'll see nothing more than a spoiled brat who met someone who wouldn't cave before him? That you will see yourself as less of a man? You disgust me, with your own disillusionment."
"I said shut up." he made a motion to strike her.
"But that's how you get your jollies, isn't it, you kusottare?! Isn't it?! You beat up on someone who's weaker than you physically? But I didn't take it lying down, which didn't suit your plans, ne? Ne?! So you had to resort to using a tool in place of your own strength, you weak incompetent fool of a-"
"Shut up!" he roared, punching her in the face.
She sprawled to the floor, landing on her legs. She was just picking herself up when he strode over and grabbed her by the hair, her blood smearing on the floor from her mouth.
"You think you know me?" he hissed. "You know nothing. But I know more about you and that's why I have the power here; incapacitating you was only a precaution, since you have a predilection to running away on me. I know I can leave you with that blade in here and you won't have the guts to use it on yourself; I know you must have thought about killing yourself to escape this. I know that you're pitifully weak, seeking his love and affection, his acceptance when you don't deserve it at all. You want to not need it but you do. I can see it in your face; I saw it in your face at the party. You looked miserable but you were glad to see him. Him; that little weak blond sop of a boy." His lips twisted into a vicious sneer as he raised her head higher. "But no one touches what is mine, and that's what you are; mine. You have no say in the manner. If I want you help, I'll take it. If I want what's mine as your husband," his hand grasped her breast and squeezed it hard. "I'll fucking well take it. You are mine and not his; don't you ever forget that!"
Jess remained motionless as he flung her to the floor hard. Her shoulders started shaking and soon, she was giggling. She looked up at him boldly, not backing down when he made a move to hit her.
"Well then, let me tell you something about your self you insecure little ass wipe!" she spat out as she sat up as tall as she could. "You are a weak incompetent fool of a man. You can't do anything right. You never knew who you were, you don't know who the fuck you are and you are nothing more than a perpetual loser who has grandiose dreams about his character. I know my own shortcomings but you, like a trusting moronic, simple child, has trusted in yourself and distrusted it at the same time! You are the most fucked up individual that I have ever had the unfortunate displeasure of-" she coughed up blood as his booted foot sank into her stomach.
"You still haven't learned have you?" he sneered, as he shrugged into his shirt casually. "I have no shortcomings; I am fine the way I am."
"Persona, ego driven freak." she muttered harshly; another kick made her cough up more blood. "Truth hurts, ne?"
"That's what I am talking about." he said with an irritated sigh. "You just…don't…learn!" each word was followed by a kick that landed on whatever body part.
She lay there for a moment, her eyes resting on the dagger that lay a few centimetres away from her. She remained motionless until she heard a small 'hmph' and the sound of boots crossing the floor. Reaching forward, she grabbed the dagger and threw it at him with a flick of her wrist. It shaved past his neck and crashed uselessly against the door. He paused before he bent down and picked it up, walking back over slowly.
"I think you want me to kill you right now." he said in a low tone as he crouched down before he. "I think you want more pain."
"I think that I'm not going to give in so easily to the likes of you, kusottare." she said as she wiped away the blood from her lip.
"I think I may have to break your hand. Give it to me." he ordered.
"Iie, bakayaro."
He grabbed her hand roughly and gave it a sharp unyielding twist at the wrist, the resulting crack echoing out through the room. Jess remained silent this time, her jaw twitching imperceptibly. He gave it a good final twist for good measure then dropped it.
"Try to not get into too much trouble. It's now Thursday and I do want to have you around at least until Sunday."
"Sorry, my Friday nights are booked solid."
He made a move as if to hit her but thought better of it, a somewhat sadistic smile coming to his face. "Soon, you'll see what a real man can do."
"I've already seen what real men do, I fought with them. They're the ones who ended the war. What I see before me is nothing more than a pathetic twisted Galatea, forged by a deluded egotistical Pygmalion."
Jess didn't say anything afterwards. She could hear his footsteps as he left and closed the door behind himself. Once it closed, she sank completely to the floor, bent over her hand. The joint flopped around when she raised her arm. She had managed to fix her leg bones somewhat. But this…this just may be beyond her.
"At least it wasn't my writing hand." she muttered as she managed to pull herself along the floor and up on the bed.
She shivered slightly as she stared at the ceiling. It was cold in the room; she was starting
to notice it now that her rage was cooling. Her breath came out in little puffs. She pulled the
blankets over herself and held herself in her arms, wishing they were Quatre's instead. She knew
what he would do in a situation like this; tell her it wasn't her fault, and that she had done
all she could. How he would offer to help and try to cheer her up. A tear rolled down her cheek,
followed by another and another until she was sobbing into the pillow. But what had happen was
something far bigger. What if she ended up pregnant? Would he still want her then? Her heart
said yes, but her mind was doubtful and she didn't know why. Perhaps he had placed it there with
his words, questioned her feelings for Quatre, and they were still in their delicate stages. He
knew her, ha! All he had done was manage to make her sink into a new hole of despair. Her mind
couldn't stop asking the question now as it raced through her head, playing out new scenes, each
one leaving her heart broken. Would Quatre still want her after this?
All the other words and phrases, and this is long, gomen nasai, are as follows, in sequential
order:
Iie, Kamisama, kudasai… = Please God, no.
Winner wa temae no kokoro desu ka? = Winner is your heart?
Kamisama = God
Kisama = You fuck
Hentai; Hentai otoko = perverted; perverted man
Baka = idiot
Bakayaro = bastard
kusottare = asshole
ne = [at the end of the sentence] - right?; [at the beginning of a sentence] - Well?
Iie, bakayaro = No, bastard
