When All Is Lost…
Chapter Six
Jess opened her eyes as the fresh scent of grass filled her nose. "I'm not dead?" She rose shakily, looking at her hands. They were fine and whole, not a single bone broken. Her hands flew to her face, not feeling any of the bumps of tender spots. She looked back at her hands, tears starting to come to her eyes.
"I'm not dead!!" she exclaimed happily, looking at herself in amazement before she took a step forward.
She took another one forward, amazed at how her legs didn't buckle beneath her. Before long she was walking rapidly before she broke into a full run, laughing out loud. No more would she ever have to worry about Samuel and all that he had done to her. She flung herself to the ground, inhaling the scent of the earth and the grass before she rolled over and closed her eyed happily.
It was all over. She was fine, safe and had nothing to fear any longer. She remained there, spread eagled on the ground, too content to move at all. The sun was warm and slowly, she found herself drifting off on blissful empty waves to sleep.
She opened her eyes once more, seeing a bright light come seeping in. She winced, closing them abruptly against such intrusion. It hurt her head, it made it spin, and it made her feel like she wanted to throw up. Rolling over with a groan, she burrowed back underneath the thick blankets as best she could. The quieter she was the more likely he was to sleep if she feigned no motion for at least five minutes. She could escape another painful session of-
"I think she may be waking up now. Go get some water."
She paused, opening her eyes once more and looking at the blanket intently; was she hearing things or was that Duo's voice she heard? But what had happened to the grass and the fresh air? Her legs hurt just like before and she felt sick, like she wanted to throw up.
"It wasn't real," she whispered to herself in a broken hoarse voice. "It wasn't real at all…" she held herself and started to cry.
"Jessica? Are you up?"
She shrank away as a hand touched her shoulder, eyes squeezing shut. Now it would all start again and she would die for sure. There was no way that was Duo's voice she had heard. She had become delusional in her desire to escape. She was sick and tired of Samuel treating her like he did. As soon as he left, she would take that knife and -
"Jesus, Maxwell!" the sound of a door being opened and closed echoed up through the walls. "You still haven't cleaned up the blood?! It's been three days!!"
Jess remained silent, her eyes wide and unblinking; there was only one person she knew who could sound, much less be, that irritated and arrogant at the same time.
"Wufei?" she coughed and struggled to sit up, collapsing back down as she inadvertently rested on her broken, and bandaged, wrist. "Duo?" she blinked seeing her brother's relieved indigo- purple eyes and swinging braid.
"You are! Quatre, hurry up with that water!" Duo exclaimed as he ran to and yelled out the door.
Jess looked around taking in her surroundings. The plain demoralizing grey walls were gone to be replaced by a jade coloured room, the light emphasising the book filled wall and leather chair tucked into the lighted corner. She moved her head, seeing the black lamp gleam with white curves, the colours winking off. She closed her eyes and groaned again; everything seemed like it was starting to whirl violently.
"Duo…" she gasped, rolling over to the edge of the bed. "I'm think I'm gonna hurl."
"Wha…hang on! I'll be back in five seconds!" he raced from the room.
Jess lay there trying to quell the uprising for at least two minutes. She never saw Duo come back but as soon as a basin materialized, she let it loose, her stomach heaving violently before she sank back to the bed, feeling weaker and exhausted.
"You didn't throw anything up." he looked into the bowl half disgusted at what he saw, half puzzled.
"Thanks for noticing." she said retorted in trembling voice.
"Here's the water you wanted." Quatre said as he walked into the room. "Wufei gave me hell for the blood we didn't clean up yet. Jess…you're up."
She took the glass with her good hand, avoiding his eyes. She drank it all down slowly before she placed it on the table and sank back down, pulling the covers up and not saying a word. A somewhat tense silence descended before Duo spoke.
"I think I'll go see about cleaning up that mess. The longer it sits there the more Wufei is gonna bitch and complain."
A sharp knock came on the door. "I heard that Maxwell!"
"See what I mean?" he gave them both a grin before he left the room silently.
'Yeah, sure, just leave why don't you?' She shifted slightly, almost pulling the blanket up over half her face. As much as she was glad to see Quatre, she just wanted to be alone now. Nothing was said for a few minutes more before the sound of him sitting on the bedside seat came.
"How are you feeling?" he asked softly.
"My kingdom for an aspirin." she muttered, glancing at him.
"You shouldn't really have drugs in your system." he said quietly. "But if your head is really hurting…"
She sighed heavily as Quatre reached over for the bottle and proffered one. "Thank you." she took it and swallowed it gratefully before she closed her eyes. Her bones ached and felt so skewered that she almost wanted them chopped off.
"Dr. Po said your legs might not heal properly."
"Dr. Po?" she asked looking at him alarmed; she wasn't aware of any doctor examining her.
"She's a friend of Wufei's. She was waiting for us here and looked you over since you were out . She says that you'll walk again but doesn't know how the bones will heal."
"Oh." she lapsed back into silence.
"Your wrist will heal and you should have full use of it again. Some of those cuts are going to leave scars."
She nodded again as she gazed up at the ceiling. "How did you…how many days was I asleep for?"
"A week." he replied. "You slept even when the guards were yelling at us at the border."
"Border?"
"We're in China now." he explained. "Duo said driving from there to here was murder."
"China? So he doesn't know where I am?" she asked in a hopeful whisper.
"By now, I'd imagine he's realized you're gone. Where exactly though…" he trailed off, shaking his head.
She nodded, rubbing her face with her right hand. "Could I go back to sleep…please?"
"Sure." he said rising. "If you need anything just ring this bell."
She glanced over at the brass object within reach. "Thank you."
"Sleep well." he said reaching for her hand.
She retraced it back immediately before she could think. She looked up at him guiltily before she looked away and pulled the blanket closer around her. A few seconds later, she heard his feet against the carpet as the door was shut quietly. Closing her eyes shut, she tried to not let the tears run down her cheeks. She gave a shaky choked sob, before she wrapped her arms around herself and tried her best to go to sleep.
The ground pounded as she ran, the light up ahead in the distance. It was so close, all she had to do was reach out and touch it. The warmth flowed back into her outstretched hand, the skin glowing. Then it all vanished away, the darkness around encroaching again.
She felt hands on her, grasping, restraining, fingers digging in. And those grey eyes that burned with a malicious intensity that made her scream inside; only now, they made her scream for real.
"Jess! Wake up!"
Her eyes flew open, her vocal chords still working at full capacity. She didn't see anything at all, all she could see was an indistinct shape. She screamed even louder, flailing with her good fist as she felt hands settle on her shoulder. She'd fight him even if he truly did bury that dagger in her heart. Suddenly more hands descended, making her lash out even more.
Whatever words they said were drowned out by her voice, her fist still connecting with flesh. After a muffled expletive that sounded particularly angered, a light was finally flicked on, making her blink and shield her eyes, as well as stop screaming.
"Finally, onna. You could have brought the house down with your noise."
She blinked as her pupils adjusted to the light, seeing Duo, Wufei and Quatre standing there, winces on their faces. She cringed seeing the black eyes that Duo and Wufei now sported while Quatre had a rather large black and blue bruise rapidly forming on his jaw. This was not what she had envisioned for the start of her second week here.
"What were you screaming about?" Duo asked seating himself on the edge of the bed.
"I thought…I thought I wasn't here," she whispered, pulling at the hem of the blanket. "I didn't mean to disturb you all from your sleep."
Duo nodded his head with a sympathetic smile. "Do you want one of us to stay with you for tonight?"
She didn't say anything for a few minutes, hearing Wufei mutter something about babysitting and the things he did. She shook her head vehemently, still a bit unsure herself. Wufei turned and left with a sigh while Quatre volunteered to go make some ice packs, or find some meat. Duo sat there for a few minutes before he looked at her bandaged hand.
"God Jess, you never told me anything," he said, shaking his head. "Why didn't you?"
"I didn't want you to know." she said. "I was ashamed." she didn't know why though; it wasn't her fault in the slightest.
"He's the one that should be ashamed, doing this to you." Duo's voice was clipped before he sighed and ran a hand through his bangs. "Maybe you should just take a painkiller. Sally said you shouldn't really take them beyond necessary…but if you can't get a decent night's rest."
"Drifting off for awhile is probably better." she murmured.
Duo rose and left before coming back with the bottle. "This stuff does have codeine in it, so go easy, all right."
"Thank you." She took one and promptly swallowed it. "Good night Duo."
"Night Jess." he leaned forward to give her a kiss on the head but stopped seeing her cower. "Jesus, just what did he do to you?"
She shook her head, biting her lip hard. "Duo…I want him to suffer for what he did. I want him to die a slow and painful death. Am I wrong for wanting such things?"
"No." Duo's face became grim. "Is he still on that ship?"
"Probably. Where it is, I have no idea. I don't want to know." she sighed and closed her eyes. "I just want to rest, Duo."
"It's all right," he said gently as he dimmed the light to a quiet glow. "I'll take care of everything."
Jess paused; she didn't think she would ever hear that tone in Duo's voice again; not after what happened at the church. "Duo?" she forced her eyelids open; that codeine was working fast. "Are you leaving?" her voice was slurred also.
"Two weeks tops, then I'll be back." he looked back at her. "No one messes with Maxwells like this and doesn't regret it."
Jess looked outside, the early morning sunlight streaming in on faint dusty beams through the Venetian blinds. Being bedridden for a week has done nothing to improve her mood. She hugged the pillow closer to her body and rested her head against it. She threw up every time she ate something and felt like crap in general. The bottle of painkillers beside her bed was nearly empty and the water pitcher was almost full. For most of the week, she had been on painkillers, asleep in a dark dreamless place or drifting off contentedly, where memories couldn't haunt her. Today was the one day that she wasn't on the drug.
She knew it wasn't good for her to be like this. With so many healing parts, she needed all the energy she could get. But food simply wasn't sitting well with her at all. All she honestly felt like doing was lying here in the dark; there was something else wrong with her; she didn't know what, but she knew it.
"Jess? Are you up?"
"Come in Quatre." she called softly. "You brought breakfast?" she couldn't stop the groan that escaped.
"You need to eat." Quatre placed the tray down on the bedside table. "Did you sleep well?"
"Thanks to these." she pointed to the bottle.
"Are you still having nightmares?"
"I imagine I would if I didn't take the pills," she said softly, not looking at him. "Are there any more? This bottle's almost done."
"One more bottle. Then I'll have to go to the pharmacy."
"How's your jaw?" she asked, piping up.
"Better. Not as sore." he said. "The bruise is fading."
She nodded before she leaned over slightly. "What kind of soup is it?"
"Your favourite, beef consommé."
"You make it sound so fancy….beef consommé. Just call it beef broth, Q-kun." she chuckled.
He gave her a look as he handed her the napkin and spoon. "I'll call it consommé, thank you. I put in some vegetables this time."
"No green beans?" she tucked in the napkin and held her spoon.
"No green beans." he placed the tray over her lap. "And they're all really soft too."
"Eww…soggy veggies." she made a face. "Not crunchy?"
"No."
She sighed as she started to eat. "Did you have breakfast already?"
"I'm not really hungry," he said, shaking his head. "You go on. Do you want anything else?"
"This is fine, thank you." she sipped quietly before she looked at him. "Quatre?"
"Yes?"
"Give me your hand."
He looked puzzled but moved forward and held it out. She didn't say anything, simply reaching out with her bandaged hand and placing it in his, trying to stop the trembling that had taken hold. He looked at her surprised.
"Jess-"
"I know you would never hurt me Quatre," she said. "I know it, but my flesh…it has learned a harsh lesson very quickly and is still basing reactions from it. It's going to take me awhile to work past that."
He nodded his head. "You had me slightly worried." his hand curled around hers softly. "I know that you don't like to talk about things of this nature."
"I know. I'd rather not talk about it now. Maybe later…" she sighed and put down the spoon. "Did Dr. Po state when she was coming back?"
"Two to three weeks, and that soonest. Do you feel sick?"
"I just wanted to talk to her for myself. I still don't feel fine." she shrugged. "Maybe it's just me. I could be turning into a hypochondriac."
"You're fine, don't worry."
"Your jaw…" she paused, unsure of what to say next. "I didn't know…I mean, it was…I didn't mean it." she finally said in a small voice.
"I know you didn't." he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Did you want to finish off your book today?"
"Yeah." She said, staring at the soup bowl. "It's winding down."
"You don't want anymore?" he asked seeing the expression on her face.
Jess looked at him. "Not really. But, I'll eat it," she smiled seeing the doubtful look on his face. "I know I may bring it back up, but I have to eat something."
"Maybe you should give your stomach a break," he suggested. "It has been a week."
She nodded her head before she looked at him and gave a wane smile. "I will. After I finish the consommé."
