A/N: Part of my inspiration for this chapter came to me when I was listening to "Mermaid" by GLAY. It's something of a sad, sweet piece that reminds me of oceans and something that was lost and should be found again. Hm, I think I listen to far too much JRock; especially GLAY. ^^;;

Anyways, it's that time again! Replies to reviews!!! ^^

somebody: Oh, so that's what you meant. Wow...that many? Please, forgive my messed up mind. And I understand that lazy factor...I can be the laziest person on the face of the Earth some days. I'm writing this chapter in my pajamas at 6:30 a.m. ^_^
Kitty_Kat_3214: I'm glad you like this fic and the pairing. I just had to ask myself the question: "What happens to them now?" after Torment of Paradise *shrugs* This is the result.

When All Is Lost…

Chapter Nine

A steady thunking sound came from down the hallway as Jess made her way to the kitchen. She felt tired and exhausted with aches all over even though she had been asleep for most of the night. Simply changing this morning had been a monumental task in itself; the only easy part had been putting on her shoes. She paused as she reached the kitchen table, taking a momentary breather before she went to the counter and took out the things for hot chocolate. She went through the motions almost zombie-like until she had the steaming cup on the counter…with no way to get it to the table.

"I don't believe this." she muttered as she hung her head.

"Need some help?"

She looked up, surprised to see Wufei standing in the doorway. "I guess."

Her eyes widened slightly as he came over and took the mug to the table for her. Obviously Wufei must have been sick or sleepwalking; where was the snarky comment or acerbic words that usually riled her. Jess walked to the table and sat down, leaning her crutches against the table while looking at Wufei all the while.

"What do you want now?" he asked, irritated.

"You…the…are you feeling all right?"

"Perfectly fine." he snorted.

A somewhat uncomfortable silence descended around the table as Jess picked up her mug and took a sip. She glanced at the clock on the microwave, seeing the bright neon green glowing 6:45. She blinked before she took another sip. No wonder she was so out of it; up at 6:45.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" she asked before taking a sip of the hot liquid.

"Watching the news." Wufei fixed himself a cup of tea.

"Ah. Anything interesting?"

"Disarming in the Sanq Kingdom." He replied as he sat down. "In a socio-political context."

"That must have been interesting…since disarming in a pacifist kingdom is something of an oxymoron."

Wufei gave a grunt of agreement. "But Wallace did raise some good points."

"Undoubtedly; but do you mean to tell me that you agree with that pompous windbag of a columnist? You, me, the six of us know what it will really cost to disarm a country, much less the entire world like Relena wants." she regarded him for a moment. "We were the cost."

"And you think what he's saying isn't true? That we can't achieve peace by this means?

Jess remained silent. "Ever heard of 'pax romana'? That's what we have here."

"That I won't dispute," Wufei said, with a candid look. "But it is what the people wished for, desired."

"Then that's like saying they desired war. And when they tired of it, they wanted peace." Jess looked down into her mug for a moment, contemplating what they said. "War and peace are an endless waltz, because humans are fickle creatures. When we have had our fill of one, we want the other thereby perpetuating the cycle."

"But it is the people who must fight for what they believe in." Wufei looked at her unflinchingly. "Oz came to the power it had because people were afraid to stand up to them in the beginning and oppose them. Such ease to power can only lead to corruptibility."

"It does make people arrogant and forgetful of what they had to do. But so many died to achieve the peace we have now. But how long until it ends, Wufei? How long before they need more soldiers like us; young, with burning desires to fight and end it? How many with a desire to do something noble for the greater good? How many needless soldiers like us are needed? How many soldier's lives are needed?"

"Soldiers are not needless. They are the ones who are willing to do something to fix the evils of injustice and see their actions through." Wufei paused for a moment. "Soldiers are the ones who decide a battle and its outcome. Battles are won from their determination and belief that they can succeed."

"By how much of themselves they put into it?" Jess shifted slightly. "How much of yourself did you put into avenging your wife's death?" she held up her hand, seeing him start. "How much did Heero put into becoming the perfect soldier? Did Duo do so much to leave L2 become the God of Death? Was Trowa's mercenary past part of his own voluntary doing? That Quatre was born a Winner, the only heir, who disobeyed his father to join the cause?"

"And did you put in all you could to escape him? There is only so much the individual can do before the strength of many is needed."

"But if the individual knows what they are doing, then they may not need the strength that numbers can offer them."

"Si jeunesse savait, si veuilesse pouvait [1]." Wufei fired back. "That is what it boils down to. Youth is inexperienced and never listens to the elder voice of reason. That is why we suffer so and go through this."

Jess paused, hearing the faint reminiscent tone in his voice. "Je ne sais pas que tu parles français [2]."

Wufei looked at her, surprised. "Not many do." he took a sip of his tea. "Since when could you?"

Jess paused, hearing the faint tone of respect in his voice. "I lived in Canada for a bit. You had to take French; it's the country's second language. That was before I had some mission in the United States."

"¿Hablas español [3]?" He asked suddenly.

"Sí, hablo." She looked at him, a wide smile spreading across her face suddenly. "¿Porque tu querrías saber [4]?"

Wufei looked at her, a hesitant smile spreading across his face as well. A few moments later, they were grinning at each other like fools, not saying anything. When a slight shuffling sound reached their ears, they looked back to see Quatre standing there with a look of wary surprise on his face. Jess looked back at her mug as she bit her lip, trying to not laugh.

Quatre walked into the kitchen slowly, watching Jess and Wufei sit quietly at the table, sipping their tea and hot chocolate. He walked over to the stove watching them from the corner of his eye. Jess and Wufei glanced at once another but didn't say anything, focusing their attention on their cups.

"OK," Quatre said as he turned to look at them. "What happened?"

"What makes you think anything happened, Q-kun?" Jess asked in an innocent voice.

"You two aren't arguing or at one another throats. Glad as I am, something must have happened to cause this."

Wufei shrugged. "We're simply sitting here drinking. You missed the exchanged words."

"Yup." Jess said before she promptly took another sip.

Quatre looked between the two of them before he walked over to the fridge, taking out the things for breakfast. After a few minutes, he started cooking, but he'd glance back at them every so often, as if he expected them to start bickering once again. When Quatre finished cooking and set the three plates on the table and sat down, he still glanced at them from time to time.

"I thought it would be great if you two stopped your feud," he began as he contemplated his plate. "But now, it's just too weird."

Jess snickered before she giggled. After a few moments, she was laughing with tears pooling in her eyes. Quatre and Wufei glanced at one another, completely puzzled. Jess shook her head, making waving motions with her hand that did nothing to clear any of their confusion up.

"Are you all right?" Quatre asked after a few minutes.

Jess took a sharp gasp of air. "I'll be fine. Man, I needed the laugh." She wheezed for a bit, wiping the tears from her eyes before she looked down at her plate. "Oh."

"Is something wrong with your breakfast?" Quatre asked.

"Hm? No, nothing's wrong with it…it's just not what I want to eat." She pushed the plate away slightly.

"Ah. What do you want to eat then?" he asked, half rising from his seat.

"Erm…" Jess stared down into her mug as she mumbled rapidly, "A-big-bowl-of-ice-cream-with-cheesies-celery-and-maybe-some-sprinkles-and-pepper."

Quatre stared at her for a moment. "Could you say that again without the mumbling?"

"A big bowl of ice cream with cheesies, celery and maybe some sprinkles and pepper." Jess repeated slowly; she was acutely aware of Wufei's stare now too. "Would you just humour the pregnant girl?"

"OK," Quatre said in a slow voice as he opened the freezer and pulled out the ice cream. "Are you sure you want that stuff on top?"

"Yes."

"All right."

Jess glanced over at Wufei. "Do you have anything to say about that?"

Wufei shook his head curtly before he started to inspect his mug. Jess smiled slightly, watching as Quatre made her the bowl of ice cream, a strange expression on his face as he put the stuff on top. He placed the bowl in front of her with a slight flourish and a smile before he sat back down in front of his own breakfast. The ice cream was vanilla, now flecked with small bits of rigid green celery, bright orange curls of cheesies and multicoloured sprinkles and black spots of pepper.

"Mmmm, this looks good." She murmured to herself as she picked up the spoon and started eating.

"How can you eat that?" Wufei asked in a slightly horrified voice.

"Easily; see the spoon? You scoop up the contents of the bowl and insert them into the large hole in your head called a mouth." Jess went through the motions, and ended up with a big spoonful in her mouth. "See, easy enough." She said once she swallowed.

Wufei shuddered as he rose from his seat. "This is far too weird for me in the morning. I'll be in the back if you need me."

Jess watched as he deftly placed his mug on the plate and quickly fled from the kitchen. She looked over at Quatre, whose own plate was barely touched. "Something wrong?"

"I just can't figure out how you can eat that." He said, shaking his head as he looked at her.

"Neither do I, but it tastes pretty good." She shovelled in another spoonful. "Yummy."

She continued eating, enjoying all the tastes as they burst in her mouth. When she finally scraped the bottom of the bowl, she let the spoon rest with a content sigh. Then she pulled her plate back towards her and finished it off as well. She placed the fork down after a few minutes and looked up to see Quatre still looking at her, his own plate untouched.

"Um, aren't you going to eat?" she asked.

"I'm not that hungry anymore," He replied. "I think you ate enough, even for me."

Jess chuckled. "It was somewhat strange, huh?"

"Somewhat." Quatre rose, putting her plates in the sink and his in the fridge. "Do you feel up for a walk today?"

"I suppose so. I should exercise my legs more than simply walking around the house." Jess said as she grasped her crutches. "Where would we be walking to?"

"There a river not too far from here. We can walk down the road to it."

"That sounds nice." She braced herself against one of the crutches and pulled herself up. "Did Sally say when she was going to come back to give me a check up?"

"She should be back soon." Quatre said as he started for the front door. "Maybe in the next month or so."

Jess nodded as she went after him, smiling as he held the door open for her. The bright sunlight glittered down, making her blink owlishly. It seemed a lot brighter than she remembered but she had spent almost three months in a house without ever going outside.

"Wait a moment, I have just the thing."

Jess glanced over to see Quatre pull a pair of sunglasses from his pocket before he slid them onto her face. "Do you think of everything?" she asked with a chuckle.

Quatre shrugged. "I guess so. But I do want you to keep your eyesight."

Jess didn't say anything as she carefully made her way down the short flight of steps and onto the gravel road that twisted down the hill; she never even realized that the house was built on the top of a hill. Quatre fell in step beside her and they walked away from the house, the sound of gravel crunching beneath their feet. Jess took her time walking, glad to feel the wind on her skin once more. She gave a murmur of content as she took in the scenery. The mountains weren't that far off, but were still cloaked in wisps of cloud. It gave them something of a mystical feel, the tree covered slopes wreathed in a halo of faint white. The clouds lessened as she looked down the mountains, seeing the gentle rolling of hills and valleys, some sectioned off into terraces for planting rice. Even from this distance, she could see the still water, housing the young rice plants.

"Jess, this way."

She broke from her reverie to see Quatre standing on a small path, just off the side of the main road. She walked over, noticing the wild plants and shrubs that pressed in closely around the path. "Not many people come this way, huh?"

"Not many. It's not too far now." Quatre said as he started walking ahead of her.

Jess kept her eyes glued to the path, not wanting to trip over anything. It wasn't long before she could hear the sound of running water. She sniffed, the delicate fresh scent of the water wafting around. When she finally stepped out from the thickening brush, she found herself in a clearing, Quatre by the edge. There was a sharp incline a few feet away and down at the bottom ran a river. She walked over to Quatre's side, looking down at the rushing yellowish water. All around the fringes of the brush, the wildflowers grew thick and colourful, the yellows, whites, oranges and reds bright against the emerald green of leaves.

"It's beautiful here." She whispered, not daring to raise her voice any higher.

Quatre nodded. "I came here a lot during the first month here. Sally wasn't sure if you would make it. I'd come here and just hope…pray that you would get better."

"It worked." Jess said as she shifted on her crutches, trying to get more comfortable. "It must have been pretty hard on you."

"Harder on you." He murmured. "Everybody just wanted you to get better."

Jess nodded as she shifted. "Can we sit?"

"Sure." Quatre said. "Here, let me help."

Jess let him take a crutch and help ease her down onto the ground. She didn't say for a moment when Quatre sat down beside her, looking at the river and the land beyond. Picking at the grass around her, Jess found a fat blade and plucked it, placing it between her thumbs, pressing the fingers to her lips and blowing. Sure enough a piercing squeak echoed out. She caught Quatre's glance and smiled slightly.

"I used to do that when I was a child, especially in the city." She paused and looked at the blade in her palm now. "I always thought that somehow if I blew hard enough, I'd vanish away from that life and have a new one, with parents and all that stuff you dream about having as a child." She blew on the blade again. "Now, I just wish that I could change things, stop things from happening."

Her fingers curled into a loose fist as she felt her hand start to shake slightly, the blade of grass still in her hand. Quatre placed his hand over hers, curling his fingers so his grip was firm but gentle. Jess didn't say anything as she looked out over the landscape, but she held onto Quatre's hand.

"There're times I wish the same thing." Quatre murmured softly. "Then there're the times when I wonder of that just asking too much."

"No, it's not asking too much." Jess moved in closer until she closed the small gap between them. "We gave so much to simply enjoy a moment like this. So enjoy it."

Quatre tilted his head, looking at her for a moment. His expression was thoughtful before he slowly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in closer. Jess gave a small squeak of surprise, her heart stopping for a moment with fear before she took a deep breath. This was going to be a lot harder than she had originally thought it would be.

She could feel Quatre's arm start to draw back, but she stopped him. She brought her head down to rest on his shoulder softly, closing her eyes as she did. Quatre didn't move for a few seconds before he tightened his arm imperceptibly. Jess snuggled in a bit closer, glad to feel the warmth of his body. A small breeze started up, whispering through the grasses surrounding them.

Holding out her hand, Jess unfurled her fingers and allowed the wind to take hold of the small blade of grass. It jumped for a second before it left her hand, carried off by the brisk wind picking up. Jess shivered slightly, moving in closer to Quatre.

"Hm, you're always warm." He murmured quietly, burying his nose in her hair. "And your hair smells good, like peaches."

Jess gave a soft giggle. "My hair smells like peaches? Well, there's a new one for me."

"It smells like peaches, sunshine and summer," he said with a smile as he wrapped his other arm around her. "All the good things."

"Hm," she sighed happily, taking a deep breath. "You just smell good."

"That's it? I just smell good? At least I don't smell bad."

Jess smiled; Quatre smelled like cinnamon buns and that maleness. But it wasn't some overpowering musk, but it wasn't weak either. It was just right and she felt as if she would never get tired of it at all. She raised her head slightly to meet Quatre's eyes. She moved up, planting the faintest of kisses on his cheek before she rested her head on his shoulder once more. He didn't move for a moment, but when he did, she could feel him kissing the top of her head.

She closed her eyes in content, not wanting to move from this spot at all. It was healing just to be out in nature again once more. It made her feel grateful that she was alive to be here. That she had two legs to walk with under her own power. She was grateful to even just be walking; she knew by all rights she could have lost her legs.

She couldn't even remember how long she sat like that, mind drifting off, but it took a while for her mind to register that Quatre was shaking her gently. She managed to force her eyes open to find him looking at her, with a dark grey, and rumbling, sky surrounding them.

"Yes?"

"You slept all morning and afternoon. I didn't want to wake you, but we should get going to the house. It's evening and it looks like a storm is about to hit."

Jess nodded as she leaned off of him and rubbed her eyes. "I feel asleep? Didn't seem like it. I was just thinking and just let my mind go."

"You were out like a light." Quatre said as he rose and offered his hand. "No nightmares either."

Jess took his hand and pulled herself up awkwardly, crutches on the ground still while she stood by herself. "And I can stand with the crutches!"

Quatre grinned as he picked them up. "Do you still want them?"

Jess paused, chewing her lip before she took a hesitant step forward. Slight pain shot up her leg, making her nod her head rapidly. "Yeah. I can stand, but not quite walk yet. I need their support still."

"That's all right." Quatre said as he handed them to her. "When you want to give walking a try, just let me know."

Jess nodded as they started down the path again. "It looks like it's going to rain pretty hard."

"And it looks like it's coming up fast." Quatre squinted as he glanced at the sky. "I think we can make it."

"I don't think so." Jess said. "I just felt a drop."

"So did I." Quatre stopped walking. "Jess, hold onto your crutches."

"What? What for!" she squealed in surprise as Quatre scooped her up in his arms and started walking quickly.

She struggled with the crutches before she gave up, glaring at Quatre as he simply smirked at her. The rain started in a gentle drizzle but morphed into a downpour that soaked them completely in the six minutes it took to hurry back to the house. Once they were inside, he flicked on the light and set her down in the main hallway by the small table, making sure she was steady on her feet.

"You know, you could give a person a bit more warning than that!" she bristled as she wiped away some of the water that ran into her eye.

"That road gets pretty muddy when it starts to rain," Quatre said. "You would have been hard pressed with your crutches."

"I suppose, but give more warning than 'hold onto you crutches'." She said as she started down the hallway, "God that sounded like some bad movie line."

Quatre chuckled but it died down as he noticed a piece of paper on the tabletop and read it. "Hm…"

"Something wrong?" Jess asked as she glanced back at him

"Wufei's gone to the border to meet Duo." He said as he double checked on the paper. "He'll be back two days from now."

"Took the baka long enough to get back!" Jess exclaimed.

As if in agreement, a loud crack of lightning came from outside, followed by the light in the hallway flickering erratically. Quatre and Jess both looked at it apprehensively before another crack of lightning came and the light died. Pitch blackness filled the hallway, the sound of pounding rain and thunder coming from outside.

"Jess? Where are you?" Quatre's voice was mingled with the sound of his shuffling feet. "Where are you in here?"

"I'm right here." She said. "Careful, don't walk into me."

"Okay, I'll put my hand out." Quatre's feet came closer.

Jess stayed where she was. "Is there a torchlight or some candle anywhere?"

"They're in the kitchen. I'll get them, don't worry."

Jess breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. A few seconds later, they snapped open as she felt something touch her on the breast. Immediately, her hand flew out connecting with something with a resounding smack. She groaned, recognizing the sound of flesh being smacked.

"Quatre?"

"What did I touch?" he was rubbing his cheek; she could hear it, even if she couldn't see it.

"My breast."

"Oh." There came a pause. "I'll go get the torchlight."

She didn't say anything as she heard Quatre moving past her carefully. Then she heard the sound of his shoes squelching against the linoleum of the kitchen. A few noises came as he looked through drawers but after a few minutes, a beam of light shot out from the kitchen, illuminating the hallway. She started towards it, seeing Quatre using it to light a candle in a holder on the kitchen table when she came in view.

"I guess the heat will be out too." Quatre said as he shook out the match and held up the candle. "It'll be a chilly night."

"I'm sure there's extra blankets and stuff." Jess said as she yawned and headed for the living room. "Besides, even if we steal some blankets from Wufei's bed, he's not here to complain."

Quatre chuckled at that. "Touché. Are you still tired?"

"A bit." She admitted. "I haven't slept that well in ages. I think I should just go to sleep now."

He nodded and started towards the bedrooms, the candle flickering as he went. Jess followed after him, eyes darting around. She had a bad feeling about this for some reason, and he didn't know why. Quatre glanced at her once but didn't say anything as he opened the door to her room and walked in, placing the candle by the bedside.

"I'll see about those extra blankets. I'll leave the candle here for you."

"Thanks." She said as she walked over to the bed. "Quatre, I'm sorry that I slapped you."

"It's all right." He said as he turned on the torchlight. "I couldn't see and you did it as an instinctual reaction. I'll see about those blankets."

Jess nodded as he walked out, and disappeared down the hallway. She looked at her wet clothes in distaste before she grabbed her pyjamas and headed to the bathroom to change. Her wet clothes made a slight smack sound as they landed on the floor as she managed to strip quickly, dry off and change into the dry clothing. The flannel pants were warm and the top was obviously an old one of Wufei's but it fit her fine. She made her way back into the bedroom to find Quatre spreading out two extra blankets on the bed.

"That should keep you warm enough." He said as he smoothed the last one out. "Are you fine now?"

"Yes. No." she bit her lip, as she felt her face flush. "It's just that…" she trailed off lamely as she felt her voice dry up.

Quatre looked at her for a brief second before he nodded his head and left the room. Jess made her way over to the bed and sat down on it, leaning her crutches against the wall. She slid under the covers, a shiver passing through her as her skin came in contact with the cold bed sheets. When Quatre came back, he had changed into his own pyjamas. He came and sat on the bed, regarding her.

"Are you sure?"

A loud rumble of thunder came from outside and she shivered as the feeling inside sharpened. She nodded her head as she lay down, resting her head on the pillow and pulling the blankets up close to her head. She swallowed hard as she felt Quatre slid underneath the sheets as well. She jumped slightly as Quatre's foot brushed against hers before she pulled the blankets up even closer.

"Jess?"

She could barely see Quatre's worried expression; but she could definitely feel it. "Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know." She replied in a small voice. "I don't know what's wrong, but I'm worried."

"It's OK," he said as he moved in a bit closer. "I'm here now."

Jess didn't move for a moment before she scooted in closer to him, trying to quell the worry inside. He would just pick up on it and it would worry him in turn. He had already worried about her so much, she didn't want to cause any more for him. She took a deep breath, making herself look at the whole situation. It was probably just the storm that had her worried.

"Q-kun?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." She whispered as she snuggled in, closing her eyes.

"I love you too." He replied in a soft voice as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Go to sleep."

Jess gave a murmur that was lost as she started to drift off once more, with nothing plaguing her this time.

~*~

Notes
[1] Si jeunesse savait, si veuilesse pouvait. - If youth knew, if age could.
[2] Je ne sais pas que tu parles français. - I didn't know you could speak French.
[3] ¿Hablas español? - You speak Spanish?
[4] Sí, hablo. ¿Porque tu querrías saber? - Yes, I speak (Spanish). Why would you want to know?