"Buffy, wait up!" Xander said, running to catch the Slayer.
Buffy kept walking, but Xander caught up to her and paced her.
"Why'd you storm out like that?"
Buffy kept walking, silently.
"Buffy, talk to me!" he said, grabbing her arm. At his touch, she turned suddenly and pulled him into a hug, crying into his shirt.
"You could have died!" she said.
"What, back there? Nah, I can handle Willy."
"Xander, I meant last year."
"Yeah, I know. But I didn't," he said. "See? Still here."
Buffy continued to hold him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Why didn't you tell us?" she asked.
"Tell you what, exactly? I don't know if you remember, but you guys were kind of pushing me away at that point. What would I have said? 'Guys, I know you think I'm worthless, but hey, I saved the world from Hell, so ha?' You guys would have just kept me out more than you were. You would have seen it as further proof that I just get into trouble."
"I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest. "We just didn't want you to get hurt."
"I know," he said. "And I love you for worrying about me, but that wasn't your choice. I knew the risks, I chose to help. I couldn't know what was out there and not do anything. If you guys hadn't let me back in, I would have done something stupid, like patrolling on my own, or something. I was safer with you guys than without."
"I know," she said. "But if something happened to you. . . I couldn't take it. Especially now, that I. . ."
"That you what?" he asked, gently, stroking her hair.
Buffy looked up, gazed into his eyes for a second, then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss.
Startled, Xander pulled back suddenly. Buffy clasped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said, and ran off.
Xander stood there stunned for a minute, one thought going through his mind. 'She kissed me. She kissed me. She KISSED me. SHE kissed me. She kissed ME.' Too surprised to do anything but act on instinct, Xander started walking, and ended up at Giles's apartment. He walked in, slammed the door behind him and plopped down on the couch.
Giles, having been woken by the door, quickly hurried downstairs. Seeing Xander in a stupor, he rushed over.
"Xander, are you all right? Xander? Xander!" he yelled.
Xander stared straight ahead. "Buffy. . ." he said.
"Xander, what about Buffy? Is she okay? Is she hurt?"
"Buffy. . . she. . ."
"She what? Is she all right?"
Xander looked up at Giles, eyes still wide in shock. "She. . . she kissed me."
Giles was taken aback. "She what?"
"Kissed. . . me," he said, a grin spreading across his face. "She kissed me!" he yelled, jumping up off the couch, a fist in the air.
"Well, congratulations," Giles said smiling. "Um. . . where is she now?"
"She. . . kissed. . ."
"Yes, I understand, she kissed you, very good. And now she is. . ."
"Um. . . I don't. . . she. . . ran away," he said, frowning. "Why did she run away? Oh no, did she think it was a mistake?" Xander grabbed Giles by the shoulders, fear in his eyes. "Giles, did Buffy think kissing me was a mistake?"
"If you could. . . just. . . release me. . . perhaps Willow will know her whereabouts. . ."
"Willow. . . yes. . . good, call Willow. . ." he said, letting Giles go.
Giles moved over to the phone and quickly dialed the girls' dorm room.
"Hello, Willow? Is Buffy there?" Giles asked.
[Giles, thank the Goddess you called. Buffy's here, crying, and I can't get anything from her. What happened? Is Xander there?]
"Yes, he is, and he's fine. Rather. . . euphoric, I think would be the correct term."
[Does he know why Buffy's crying?]
"I don't know, let me ask him. Xander? Do you know why Buffy would be crying?"
"She's CRYING?" he yelled. "Oh god, she does think it was a mistake!" Xander threw himself on to the couch.
Giles rolled his eyes.
[Giles?]
"Um, yes. Well, it appears that, for whatever reason, Buffy kissed Xander tonight. Um. . . from the state I found him in when he returned here, I would hazard a guess that he was too shocked to respond in kind."
[That sounds about right] Willow said. [So then, him not responding scared her, she thought he hated her or something like that, and ran all the way here, crying, and is now incoherent.]
"Yes, that does sound likely, knowing how well these two judge people's reactions. Xander is currently thinking that Buffy believes kissing him was a mistake, and is taking it out on my couch."
[I think Buffy's pillow is soaked through.]
They both sighed, shaking their heads.
[Giles, Buffy's in no position to be moved. Do you think you could get Xander over here? I kinda think they need to talk.]
"Yes, I do believe that would be best. I'll do what I can. Try to calm her down."
[Right] said Willow. [See you guys in a bit.]
"Xander?" Giles said, hanging up. "Xander, can you compose yourself for a moment?"
"She hates me!" Xander said. "I know it. She's disgusted with herself for kissing me."
Giles cleaned his glasses.
"Xander, I can assure you that Buffy does not hate you."
"Then why is she crying?"
"I. . . look, we have to go over there. You and she need to talk this out."
"I can't face her if she thinks it was a mistake, Giles."
"Xander, please believe me when I say that if you do not accompany me to their room, I shall beat the living shit out of you."
Xander looked up at Giles, confused.
"Now come, before I have to flog you."
Xander got up, unenthusiastically and followed Giles to the car.
* * * * *
"She hasn't stopped yet," Willow said as she let Giles into the room. "Where's Xander?"
"In the hallway, like a big baby," Giles said, cleaning his glasses again. "I swear, the two of them could take this show on the road. Title it 'Lessons in Emotional Immaturity.'"
"Make the big bucks," Willow said, agreeing. "I'll go get Xander in here, you try to get Buffy. . . I don't know. . . not sobbing?"
"I shall do my best."
Willow nodded and went out into the hall.
"Buffy?" Giles said, kneeling next to the young woman. "Buffy, would you please talk to me?" Giles asked.
"No!" Buffy said. "He hates me, what is there to talk about?"
Giles rolled his eyes yet again. "Buffy, I feel quite safe in assuring you that Xander Harris does not now, nor will he ever hate you. He doesn't have it in him."
"He does!" Buffy yelled into her pillow. "When I. . . he was disgusted! He pulled away from me, he hates me!"
Giles sighed. "If he hated you, which I assure you, he does not, would he be here to see you?"
Buffy peeked at Giles from her pillow. "He's here?" she whispered.
Giles nodded. "He's in the hallway, afraid to come in. He heard you were crying, and assumed you believed kissing him was a mistake."
"No!" Buffy yelled. "How could it ever be? I love him. . . Giles, make him know it wasn't a mistake!"
"I'm afraid that's something you'll have to do yourself," Giles said. "Knowing him, he won't believe it from either Willow or me."
Buffy sniffed. "How could it ever be a mistake?" she asked.
"I don't know. Just assure him of your feelings, and I'm sure everything will be fine," Giles said, taking a tissue and wiping Buffy's tears away. "Come now, let's get you a little cleaned up, shall we?"
"Oh my God! He can't see me like this!" Buffy said. "He'll think I'm hideous."
"Buffy Anne Summers, you stop that thought right there," Giles said, glaring at her. "You are a beautiful young woman, in any state, and Xander knows as much."
"Even if I was covered in demon goo?" she asked.
"Yes, child," Giles chuckled. "Even if you were covered in demon goo."
There was a knock at the door.
* * * * *
"Xander?" Willow said, seeing her long-time best friend crouching in the hallway.
"Hey, Will," he whispered.
"So. . . I guess a thing happened, huh?"
"Yeah," he said, laughing bitterly. "I got my dream, and then it was ripped away."
"Oh, sweetie, that's not what happened."
"Will, she thinks it was a mistake, how is that not having it ripped away?"
"She doesn't think it was a mistake, you big doof."
"Then why is she crying? She's disgusted with herself, because she kissed me, and she regrets it."
"Xander, stop doing this to yourself. Let me ask you a question, how did you react when she kissed you? I bet you. . . you got all shocked, and stiffened up, right?"
"I. . . yeah," he said.
"See? I know you too well," she said, happy with herself. "So, here's a funny question. If you kissed someone, and they stiffened up and pulled away, what, do you guess, you'd assume their reaction was?"
Xander looked at Willow, eyes wide. "She. . . oh, man, she thinks I hated it!"
"No."
"No?"
"She thinks you hate her, Xander."
"No!" Xander said forcefully, standing up. "I can't let her think that!"
"I know," Willow said, standing up with him. "Go on, get in there, ya big lug. And tell Giles to come out."
Xander stood in front of the door, steeled himself, and then knocked.
* * * * *
Giles moved to open the door.
"No wait!" Buffy said. "What if you're wrong?"
Giles took Buffy's hand in his and looked her in the eyes.
"Buffy. . . trust me," he said.
Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded.
Giles opened the door and allowed Xander to pass before removing himself to the corridor beyond, where he saw Willow sitting against the far wall. Sitting next to her, he leaned his head against the wall.
"How those two ever survived high school is quite beyond me," said Giles.
"I know what you mean," Willow said. "No idea whatsoever."
"Hey," said Oz walking up to the pair on the floor. "Locked out?"
Giles shook his head as Willow patted the floor beside her.
Oz sat down.
"Buffy and Xander kissed," said Giles.
"But Xander, being a big dummy, was startled, and pulled away," said Willow.
"So Buffy ran away, thinking Xander hated her."
"And Xander, being shocked, walked himself to Giles's instead of following her."
"Buffy showed up here, crying her eyes out."
"Xander started to spaz when he heard she was crying, cuz he thought it meant she thought it was a mistake."
"And now they are, hopefully, talking."
"Huh," said Oz. "How'd they make it through high school?"
Willow and Giles shook their heads.
"No idea," they said.
"You know," said Willow, "when they get together, and I know they will, it's gonna be real good. I approve of Buffy as Xander's first."
"First?" Giles asked. "Um. . . I realize it might be a tender subject but. . ."
"No, it's okay," said Willow. "But Faith doesn't count."
"Doesn't count?" Oz asked. "How do you come up with that."
"Well, I could go into detail, but I'd need charts and graphs and stuff."
"Is there a short version?" asked Giles.
"Yup."
"And?"
"Basically. . . Xander's a dumbass, and Faith's a big ho."
"Ah."
----------
End Chapter 9
Buffy kept walking, but Xander caught up to her and paced her.
"Why'd you storm out like that?"
Buffy kept walking, silently.
"Buffy, talk to me!" he said, grabbing her arm. At his touch, she turned suddenly and pulled him into a hug, crying into his shirt.
"You could have died!" she said.
"What, back there? Nah, I can handle Willy."
"Xander, I meant last year."
"Yeah, I know. But I didn't," he said. "See? Still here."
Buffy continued to hold him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Why didn't you tell us?" she asked.
"Tell you what, exactly? I don't know if you remember, but you guys were kind of pushing me away at that point. What would I have said? 'Guys, I know you think I'm worthless, but hey, I saved the world from Hell, so ha?' You guys would have just kept me out more than you were. You would have seen it as further proof that I just get into trouble."
"I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest. "We just didn't want you to get hurt."
"I know," he said. "And I love you for worrying about me, but that wasn't your choice. I knew the risks, I chose to help. I couldn't know what was out there and not do anything. If you guys hadn't let me back in, I would have done something stupid, like patrolling on my own, or something. I was safer with you guys than without."
"I know," she said. "But if something happened to you. . . I couldn't take it. Especially now, that I. . ."
"That you what?" he asked, gently, stroking her hair.
Buffy looked up, gazed into his eyes for a second, then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss.
Startled, Xander pulled back suddenly. Buffy clasped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said, and ran off.
Xander stood there stunned for a minute, one thought going through his mind. 'She kissed me. She kissed me. She KISSED me. SHE kissed me. She kissed ME.' Too surprised to do anything but act on instinct, Xander started walking, and ended up at Giles's apartment. He walked in, slammed the door behind him and plopped down on the couch.
Giles, having been woken by the door, quickly hurried downstairs. Seeing Xander in a stupor, he rushed over.
"Xander, are you all right? Xander? Xander!" he yelled.
Xander stared straight ahead. "Buffy. . ." he said.
"Xander, what about Buffy? Is she okay? Is she hurt?"
"Buffy. . . she. . ."
"She what? Is she all right?"
Xander looked up at Giles, eyes still wide in shock. "She. . . she kissed me."
Giles was taken aback. "She what?"
"Kissed. . . me," he said, a grin spreading across his face. "She kissed me!" he yelled, jumping up off the couch, a fist in the air.
"Well, congratulations," Giles said smiling. "Um. . . where is she now?"
"She. . . kissed. . ."
"Yes, I understand, she kissed you, very good. And now she is. . ."
"Um. . . I don't. . . she. . . ran away," he said, frowning. "Why did she run away? Oh no, did she think it was a mistake?" Xander grabbed Giles by the shoulders, fear in his eyes. "Giles, did Buffy think kissing me was a mistake?"
"If you could. . . just. . . release me. . . perhaps Willow will know her whereabouts. . ."
"Willow. . . yes. . . good, call Willow. . ." he said, letting Giles go.
Giles moved over to the phone and quickly dialed the girls' dorm room.
"Hello, Willow? Is Buffy there?" Giles asked.
[Giles, thank the Goddess you called. Buffy's here, crying, and I can't get anything from her. What happened? Is Xander there?]
"Yes, he is, and he's fine. Rather. . . euphoric, I think would be the correct term."
[Does he know why Buffy's crying?]
"I don't know, let me ask him. Xander? Do you know why Buffy would be crying?"
"She's CRYING?" he yelled. "Oh god, she does think it was a mistake!" Xander threw himself on to the couch.
Giles rolled his eyes.
[Giles?]
"Um, yes. Well, it appears that, for whatever reason, Buffy kissed Xander tonight. Um. . . from the state I found him in when he returned here, I would hazard a guess that he was too shocked to respond in kind."
[That sounds about right] Willow said. [So then, him not responding scared her, she thought he hated her or something like that, and ran all the way here, crying, and is now incoherent.]
"Yes, that does sound likely, knowing how well these two judge people's reactions. Xander is currently thinking that Buffy believes kissing him was a mistake, and is taking it out on my couch."
[I think Buffy's pillow is soaked through.]
They both sighed, shaking their heads.
[Giles, Buffy's in no position to be moved. Do you think you could get Xander over here? I kinda think they need to talk.]
"Yes, I do believe that would be best. I'll do what I can. Try to calm her down."
[Right] said Willow. [See you guys in a bit.]
"Xander?" Giles said, hanging up. "Xander, can you compose yourself for a moment?"
"She hates me!" Xander said. "I know it. She's disgusted with herself for kissing me."
Giles cleaned his glasses.
"Xander, I can assure you that Buffy does not hate you."
"Then why is she crying?"
"I. . . look, we have to go over there. You and she need to talk this out."
"I can't face her if she thinks it was a mistake, Giles."
"Xander, please believe me when I say that if you do not accompany me to their room, I shall beat the living shit out of you."
Xander looked up at Giles, confused.
"Now come, before I have to flog you."
Xander got up, unenthusiastically and followed Giles to the car.
* * * * *
"She hasn't stopped yet," Willow said as she let Giles into the room. "Where's Xander?"
"In the hallway, like a big baby," Giles said, cleaning his glasses again. "I swear, the two of them could take this show on the road. Title it 'Lessons in Emotional Immaturity.'"
"Make the big bucks," Willow said, agreeing. "I'll go get Xander in here, you try to get Buffy. . . I don't know. . . not sobbing?"
"I shall do my best."
Willow nodded and went out into the hall.
"Buffy?" Giles said, kneeling next to the young woman. "Buffy, would you please talk to me?" Giles asked.
"No!" Buffy said. "He hates me, what is there to talk about?"
Giles rolled his eyes yet again. "Buffy, I feel quite safe in assuring you that Xander Harris does not now, nor will he ever hate you. He doesn't have it in him."
"He does!" Buffy yelled into her pillow. "When I. . . he was disgusted! He pulled away from me, he hates me!"
Giles sighed. "If he hated you, which I assure you, he does not, would he be here to see you?"
Buffy peeked at Giles from her pillow. "He's here?" she whispered.
Giles nodded. "He's in the hallway, afraid to come in. He heard you were crying, and assumed you believed kissing him was a mistake."
"No!" Buffy yelled. "How could it ever be? I love him. . . Giles, make him know it wasn't a mistake!"
"I'm afraid that's something you'll have to do yourself," Giles said. "Knowing him, he won't believe it from either Willow or me."
Buffy sniffed. "How could it ever be a mistake?" she asked.
"I don't know. Just assure him of your feelings, and I'm sure everything will be fine," Giles said, taking a tissue and wiping Buffy's tears away. "Come now, let's get you a little cleaned up, shall we?"
"Oh my God! He can't see me like this!" Buffy said. "He'll think I'm hideous."
"Buffy Anne Summers, you stop that thought right there," Giles said, glaring at her. "You are a beautiful young woman, in any state, and Xander knows as much."
"Even if I was covered in demon goo?" she asked.
"Yes, child," Giles chuckled. "Even if you were covered in demon goo."
There was a knock at the door.
* * * * *
"Xander?" Willow said, seeing her long-time best friend crouching in the hallway.
"Hey, Will," he whispered.
"So. . . I guess a thing happened, huh?"
"Yeah," he said, laughing bitterly. "I got my dream, and then it was ripped away."
"Oh, sweetie, that's not what happened."
"Will, she thinks it was a mistake, how is that not having it ripped away?"
"She doesn't think it was a mistake, you big doof."
"Then why is she crying? She's disgusted with herself, because she kissed me, and she regrets it."
"Xander, stop doing this to yourself. Let me ask you a question, how did you react when she kissed you? I bet you. . . you got all shocked, and stiffened up, right?"
"I. . . yeah," he said.
"See? I know you too well," she said, happy with herself. "So, here's a funny question. If you kissed someone, and they stiffened up and pulled away, what, do you guess, you'd assume their reaction was?"
Xander looked at Willow, eyes wide. "She. . . oh, man, she thinks I hated it!"
"No."
"No?"
"She thinks you hate her, Xander."
"No!" Xander said forcefully, standing up. "I can't let her think that!"
"I know," Willow said, standing up with him. "Go on, get in there, ya big lug. And tell Giles to come out."
Xander stood in front of the door, steeled himself, and then knocked.
* * * * *
Giles moved to open the door.
"No wait!" Buffy said. "What if you're wrong?"
Giles took Buffy's hand in his and looked her in the eyes.
"Buffy. . . trust me," he said.
Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded.
Giles opened the door and allowed Xander to pass before removing himself to the corridor beyond, where he saw Willow sitting against the far wall. Sitting next to her, he leaned his head against the wall.
"How those two ever survived high school is quite beyond me," said Giles.
"I know what you mean," Willow said. "No idea whatsoever."
"Hey," said Oz walking up to the pair on the floor. "Locked out?"
Giles shook his head as Willow patted the floor beside her.
Oz sat down.
"Buffy and Xander kissed," said Giles.
"But Xander, being a big dummy, was startled, and pulled away," said Willow.
"So Buffy ran away, thinking Xander hated her."
"And Xander, being shocked, walked himself to Giles's instead of following her."
"Buffy showed up here, crying her eyes out."
"Xander started to spaz when he heard she was crying, cuz he thought it meant she thought it was a mistake."
"And now they are, hopefully, talking."
"Huh," said Oz. "How'd they make it through high school?"
Willow and Giles shook their heads.
"No idea," they said.
"You know," said Willow, "when they get together, and I know they will, it's gonna be real good. I approve of Buffy as Xander's first."
"First?" Giles asked. "Um. . . I realize it might be a tender subject but. . ."
"No, it's okay," said Willow. "But Faith doesn't count."
"Doesn't count?" Oz asked. "How do you come up with that."
"Well, I could go into detail, but I'd need charts and graphs and stuff."
"Is there a short version?" asked Giles.
"Yup."
"And?"
"Basically. . . Xander's a dumbass, and Faith's a big ho."
"Ah."
----------
End Chapter 9
