Title: A Piece of Our Minds: The Journey from Hell
Rating: PG (Strong language is represented by BEEP as it would be on the real show. I'm sure you can fill in the gaps)
Spoilers: None (But you need to have read the first chapter)
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, they belong to the lovely people at MGM, Showtime and Brad Wright. Obviously, Jerry Springer is a hugely successful chat show host and I mean him no disrespect, and no copyright infringement was intended - please don't sue me!!
Summary: SG-1 and SG-3 run into trouble on their journey to Hollywood. Eight people who hate each other are stuck in a Land Rover for many hours. It's a recipe for disaster.
~ A Piece of our Minds: The Journey from Hell ~
By Ruth
'A Piece of Our Minds' Series Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
**********
SG-1 and SG-3 found themselves trapped in the back of a land rover on their journey to Hollywood.
Jack and Edelson were squished together, Phillips was practically sitting on Teal'c's lap, Daniel and Noble were squished together in the corner and Sam and Makepeace sat across from one another, glaring.
"For the record, I hate you," Sam said.
"I'm not so fussy about you myself, Major." Makepeace replied.
"Are we nearly there yet?" Phillips moaned, jumping up and down on Teal'c's lap.
"No we are not!" Teal'c shouted angrily.
"Dammit, Jack," Edelson griped, "Stop moving - my butt's pressed against the window as it is."
"So is mine!" Jack replied, "Just shut up!"
"It's your fault that we're in this situation in the first place!" Sam said, pointing at Makepeace.
"My fault? Listen, lady, if your CO didn't have his head shoved so far up his arse he would have realised that we are both equally to blame!"
"Equally? Equally? You just stood there, shouted and screamed like a man and then beat everybody up."
"Oh yeah? Well you just stood there, shouted and screamed like a woman and ran away!" Makepeace retorted.
Sam snarled, picked up a map of Ohio and threw it at Makepeace's face.
"Ow!"
"How much further to go?" Phillips moaned.
"Hours," Teal'c replied in annoyance.
"Awww," Phillips said, hopping about on Teal'c's lap, "I need to go to the toilet."
Teal'c turned a deep shade of mauve.
"Bring this vehicle to a halt!" he hollered to the driver.
**********
Makepeace thumbed the paper cut on his eyebrow angrily and glared at Sam. She glared back.
Edelson and Phillips had decided to play I-spy, much to everyone else's horror.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with p," Edelson said.
"Pillock?" Makepeace enquired.
"No."
"Prat?"
"No."
"Ponce?"
"NO! Makepeace, this game is between me and Phillips - GO AWAY!" Edelson shouted.
Sam smirked. Makepeace picked up a window scraper and threw it at her.
"Agh!"
"Makepeace, when we get out of this land rover, I am SO gonna kick your ass!" Jack threatened.
"Yeah? Well, I'm far more likely to kick yours, as it's STICKING IN MY FACE!"
They were silent for a moment, but then a terrible noise was heard.
"Pffft."
Makepeace paled. "Okay, who did that?"
Sam began to choke. "Oh, my God!"
"Open the window!" Makepeace commanded, shoving his window open and commanding Sam to do the same.
She wrenched it open and stuck her head out, gulping in the fresh air.
"By my command, nobody is to do that again!" Makepeace shouted.
"Pffft."
"AAAGGGHHH!"
**********
Two hours later, Daniel and Noble were playing rock, paper, scissors in the corner. Daniel was winning.
"Three...two...one..."
Daniel produced a rock, Noble the scissors.
"Ha!" Daniel cried, "Now my rock will blunt your scissors - I win!"
Noble turned a shade of green and clenched his fist, proceeding to pound Daniel with it.
Jack and Edelson were still squished against the left and right sides of the land rover, which meant that they had the luxury of looking out of the window.
"Edelson?" Jack said, shifting his face so that his mouth was no longer pressed against the window.
"What?" he replied.
"You wanna play I-spy?" Jack asked.
Edelson snorted. "You really think I want to play that pathetic game with you?"
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T."
"Ooh!" Edelson said, "Ooh, I know this one.."
Makepeace put his head in his hands and mumbled something that Sam couldn't quite hear.
"What? You're actually surprised that your men are no more mature than toddlers?" Sam asked.
"Would you just shut up?" Makepeace hollered, "I've got a headache!"
"So have I!" Sam retorted, "You don't hear me complaining!"
Makepeace grunted and looked out of the back window.
"Pffft."
"Oy!" he shouted, "I said not to do that!"
Sam wrenched her window open and allowed the fresh air to course through the vehicle again.
"Something beginning with T," Jack repeated.
"Oh! Teal'c!" Edelson shouted happily.
"Yup. Okay, it's your turn!"
Sam watched as Makepeace pulled his own window open and began to try and climb out of it.
"Oh, no you don't!" she snapped, leaning forwards and grabbing him around the waist, pulling him back inside, "If I've gotta do this, then so have you!"
He kicked at her angrily, but eventually had to succumb because his foot started to go numb. He turned around in his seat and sulked, folding his arms and frowning.
Sam sighed, reached into her pocket for an aspirin, and gave it to him.
"Take it and shut up."
**********
Makepeace had fallen asleep. Phillips was leaning over, his butt in Teal'c's face, drawing on Makepeace with a black pen. He laughed as he drew the moustache on his cheeks and then proceeded to write 'Kick Me' on his forehead. Sam stifled a giggle and looked over at her commanding officer, who was having a fight with Edelson about whether grass was spelt g-r-a-s-s or g-r-a-r-s-e.
Teal'c was trying to get some sleep, but he cast a look over at Sam.
"Are you alright, Major Carter?" he asked.
"I'm holding up," she said with a grimace - her feet were trapped under Makepeace's legs. "Are you okay?"
"I would be better if Phillips would remove his behind from my face," Teal'c commented.
Makepeace chose that moment to wake up, discovering that Phillips was drawing on him. With a roar of rage, he grabbed the pen from his hand and threw it at Sam.
"OW! What did I do to deserve that?" she asked.
"You existed," Makepeace grunted.
Sam brought her leg up and smacked him in the back of his legs for that comment, making him howl in surprise.
"Ow!"
He grabbed the nearest object to his hand and threw it at Sam - it turned out to be a Reader's Digest from 1995.
She retaliated by throwing the pen back at him, un-covered end first. It drew a long black line down his face. He growled angrily.
Grabbing the pen, he leant forwards and pushed Sam down into the seat, raising the pen above her threateningly.
"Nnnooo!" she screamed, trying to kick him off of her.
"Grass!" Jack shouted, smacking Edelson in the ear with a banana.
"Three...two...one..."
Daniel produced paper, and Noble produced a rock.
"Ha!" Daniel cried, "My paper wraps around your rock! I win again!"
"Have you any idea what that sounds like, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked in disgust, shoving Phillips off of him and onto the floor.
"Waaah!" Phillips shouted, reaching down for his shoe. He took it off and threw it at Teal'c, smacking him in the nose.
"Pffft."
"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
The land rover suddenly came to a halt, throwing Makepeace down on top of Sam, sending Phillips careening into the window, crushing Noble and Daniel together even further and not managing to move Teal'c one inch.
"We're here," the driver announced.
**********
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next time: SG-1 and SG-3 face their first problem - they only have one hotel room for the eight of them.
Rating: PG (Strong language is represented by BEEP as it would be on the real show. I'm sure you can fill in the gaps)
Spoilers: None (But you need to have read the first chapter)
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, they belong to the lovely people at MGM, Showtime and Brad Wright. Obviously, Jerry Springer is a hugely successful chat show host and I mean him no disrespect, and no copyright infringement was intended - please don't sue me!!
Summary: SG-1 and SG-3 run into trouble on their journey to Hollywood. Eight people who hate each other are stuck in a Land Rover for many hours. It's a recipe for disaster.
~ A Piece of our Minds: The Journey from Hell ~
By Ruth
'A Piece of Our Minds' Series Copyright (c) 2003, Ruth
**********
SG-1 and SG-3 found themselves trapped in the back of a land rover on their journey to Hollywood.
Jack and Edelson were squished together, Phillips was practically sitting on Teal'c's lap, Daniel and Noble were squished together in the corner and Sam and Makepeace sat across from one another, glaring.
"For the record, I hate you," Sam said.
"I'm not so fussy about you myself, Major." Makepeace replied.
"Are we nearly there yet?" Phillips moaned, jumping up and down on Teal'c's lap.
"No we are not!" Teal'c shouted angrily.
"Dammit, Jack," Edelson griped, "Stop moving - my butt's pressed against the window as it is."
"So is mine!" Jack replied, "Just shut up!"
"It's your fault that we're in this situation in the first place!" Sam said, pointing at Makepeace.
"My fault? Listen, lady, if your CO didn't have his head shoved so far up his arse he would have realised that we are both equally to blame!"
"Equally? Equally? You just stood there, shouted and screamed like a man and then beat everybody up."
"Oh yeah? Well you just stood there, shouted and screamed like a woman and ran away!" Makepeace retorted.
Sam snarled, picked up a map of Ohio and threw it at Makepeace's face.
"Ow!"
"How much further to go?" Phillips moaned.
"Hours," Teal'c replied in annoyance.
"Awww," Phillips said, hopping about on Teal'c's lap, "I need to go to the toilet."
Teal'c turned a deep shade of mauve.
"Bring this vehicle to a halt!" he hollered to the driver.
**********
Makepeace thumbed the paper cut on his eyebrow angrily and glared at Sam. She glared back.
Edelson and Phillips had decided to play I-spy, much to everyone else's horror.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with p," Edelson said.
"Pillock?" Makepeace enquired.
"No."
"Prat?"
"No."
"Ponce?"
"NO! Makepeace, this game is between me and Phillips - GO AWAY!" Edelson shouted.
Sam smirked. Makepeace picked up a window scraper and threw it at her.
"Agh!"
"Makepeace, when we get out of this land rover, I am SO gonna kick your ass!" Jack threatened.
"Yeah? Well, I'm far more likely to kick yours, as it's STICKING IN MY FACE!"
They were silent for a moment, but then a terrible noise was heard.
"Pffft."
Makepeace paled. "Okay, who did that?"
Sam began to choke. "Oh, my God!"
"Open the window!" Makepeace commanded, shoving his window open and commanding Sam to do the same.
She wrenched it open and stuck her head out, gulping in the fresh air.
"By my command, nobody is to do that again!" Makepeace shouted.
"Pffft."
"AAAGGGHHH!"
**********
Two hours later, Daniel and Noble were playing rock, paper, scissors in the corner. Daniel was winning.
"Three...two...one..."
Daniel produced a rock, Noble the scissors.
"Ha!" Daniel cried, "Now my rock will blunt your scissors - I win!"
Noble turned a shade of green and clenched his fist, proceeding to pound Daniel with it.
Jack and Edelson were still squished against the left and right sides of the land rover, which meant that they had the luxury of looking out of the window.
"Edelson?" Jack said, shifting his face so that his mouth was no longer pressed against the window.
"What?" he replied.
"You wanna play I-spy?" Jack asked.
Edelson snorted. "You really think I want to play that pathetic game with you?"
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T."
"Ooh!" Edelson said, "Ooh, I know this one.."
Makepeace put his head in his hands and mumbled something that Sam couldn't quite hear.
"What? You're actually surprised that your men are no more mature than toddlers?" Sam asked.
"Would you just shut up?" Makepeace hollered, "I've got a headache!"
"So have I!" Sam retorted, "You don't hear me complaining!"
Makepeace grunted and looked out of the back window.
"Pffft."
"Oy!" he shouted, "I said not to do that!"
Sam wrenched her window open and allowed the fresh air to course through the vehicle again.
"Something beginning with T," Jack repeated.
"Oh! Teal'c!" Edelson shouted happily.
"Yup. Okay, it's your turn!"
Sam watched as Makepeace pulled his own window open and began to try and climb out of it.
"Oh, no you don't!" she snapped, leaning forwards and grabbing him around the waist, pulling him back inside, "If I've gotta do this, then so have you!"
He kicked at her angrily, but eventually had to succumb because his foot started to go numb. He turned around in his seat and sulked, folding his arms and frowning.
Sam sighed, reached into her pocket for an aspirin, and gave it to him.
"Take it and shut up."
**********
Makepeace had fallen asleep. Phillips was leaning over, his butt in Teal'c's face, drawing on Makepeace with a black pen. He laughed as he drew the moustache on his cheeks and then proceeded to write 'Kick Me' on his forehead. Sam stifled a giggle and looked over at her commanding officer, who was having a fight with Edelson about whether grass was spelt g-r-a-s-s or g-r-a-r-s-e.
Teal'c was trying to get some sleep, but he cast a look over at Sam.
"Are you alright, Major Carter?" he asked.
"I'm holding up," she said with a grimace - her feet were trapped under Makepeace's legs. "Are you okay?"
"I would be better if Phillips would remove his behind from my face," Teal'c commented.
Makepeace chose that moment to wake up, discovering that Phillips was drawing on him. With a roar of rage, he grabbed the pen from his hand and threw it at Sam.
"OW! What did I do to deserve that?" she asked.
"You existed," Makepeace grunted.
Sam brought her leg up and smacked him in the back of his legs for that comment, making him howl in surprise.
"Ow!"
He grabbed the nearest object to his hand and threw it at Sam - it turned out to be a Reader's Digest from 1995.
She retaliated by throwing the pen back at him, un-covered end first. It drew a long black line down his face. He growled angrily.
Grabbing the pen, he leant forwards and pushed Sam down into the seat, raising the pen above her threateningly.
"Nnnooo!" she screamed, trying to kick him off of her.
"Grass!" Jack shouted, smacking Edelson in the ear with a banana.
"Three...two...one..."
Daniel produced paper, and Noble produced a rock.
"Ha!" Daniel cried, "My paper wraps around your rock! I win again!"
"Have you any idea what that sounds like, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked in disgust, shoving Phillips off of him and onto the floor.
"Waaah!" Phillips shouted, reaching down for his shoe. He took it off and threw it at Teal'c, smacking him in the nose.
"Pffft."
"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
The land rover suddenly came to a halt, throwing Makepeace down on top of Sam, sending Phillips careening into the window, crushing Noble and Daniel together even further and not managing to move Teal'c one inch.
"We're here," the driver announced.
**********
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next time: SG-1 and SG-3 face their first problem - they only have one hotel room for the eight of them.
