It wasn't long after I had asked Amy to ask Jeff for another cd, when
I got one. It was constantly being played on my walkman for my ears only.
There had been no news on the Mindy front, but I knew something was going
to happen soon. I missed Jeff so much. He had been there since the first
day and now he wasn't. My love for him hadn't diminished any, but my love
for Shane was slowly doing so.
"Win big--Mama's fallen angel..........Lose big--livin' out her lies.....Wants it all--Mama's fallen angel.......Lose it all, rollin' the dice of her life," I sang out loud to the cd as I walked into the Diva's locker room. I set my stuff down and smiled at Amy as she nodded at me. I lowered my head phones around my neck and sat down with an exasperated sigh.
"Jeff's cd again?" Amy asked.
"Yeah, do I listen to anything else lately?" I chuckled.
"No, you don't," she laughed as she pulled a white netted midriff top over her head.
"I think I'm gonna tell him......tell him that I love him and want no one else but him," I smiled as her mouth dropped in an excited way. I laughed at the goofy look on her face as she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
"I'm so happy! It's about damn time girl. Well, Shane's in a good mood, so I'm guessing he doesn't know?" she questioned.
"Nope, haven't talked him about it yet. I wanna tell Jeff first. This way if he wants nothing to do with me I still have Shane in my life. If he does, then I can tell Shane later," I explained as Trish walked out of the shower area.
"Did I just hear you say that you're gonna make up with Jeff?" she asked in a friendly tone.
"What's it to ya?" I asked crossing my arms angrily.
"I know I haven't been the most supportive friend towards you these past few months but Jeff has been in my life a hell of a lot longer and we have certain ties to each other. I still love ya Case. I mean I don't agree with everything that has happened, but I do love you. And I'm apologize for acting the way I have," Trish apologized.
"That's okay. I guess I understand why you did and said everything you did. And to answer your question, yes, I am. Eventually. I don't know when yet and I don't know what I'm gonna say yet, but I will do it soon," I smiled happily to myself.
**********
I stood in the bedroom staring at the locker Shane had given me on our first Valentine's Day together. Ever since the happenings with Jeff I had tucked it far away. My philosophy was out of sight, out of mind. And until recently it was working well for me. My relationship with Shane had changed a lot since I have moved in with him. I had never realized how lazy he was until then. In the beginning of our relationship, I admit, it was mostly based on sex. But now we hardly did that. All he ever wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or play a video game. Which was all well and good, but I needed that intimacy as well. As I looked at Jeff's picture in the locket, tears formed in my eyes. I wiped them away and put the locket around my neck as I finished packing for the show in Charlotte that nite.
"Case! Ya ready?!" Shane yelled upstairs.
"Yeah! Coming!" I yelled back as I shut my suitcase. I looked down at the locket and smiled as I said to myself, "Tonite Jeff, it's our nite!"
*********
I smiled as I skipped down the hall of the arena. I was on a man hunt and that man was the one I loved, Jeff Hardy. My speech ran through my head millions of times as I looked for him. I suddenly saw his dark purple and dark blue colored hair and stopped. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak when I realized someone was with him. I moved to the side in time to see Mindy plant her dark red lips on his soft pink colored lips.
"No," I cried softly as tears streamed down my cheeks. I stood there staring at them as they shared a passionate, never ending kiss. "Jeff, no. You can't do this. I love you!"
"Casey?" Matt said behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder gently before moving around to stand next to me. "What's the matter?"
"I love him Matt. I love him so much," I cried as he pulled me into his body. I rested my head on his chest as I continued to watch Mindy assault Jeff's tongue with hers. "I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him that I wanted him. I was going to tell him everything!"
"Oh shit Case. Come on. Let's go," he said as he pulled me away with him. We had disappeared down the hall and away from the couple.
"What the fuck Mindy!" Jeff yelled as he roughly pushed her off him.
"What's the matter Jeff?" she asked.
"You don't just fuckin kiss me like that!" he yelled.
"Why not? Jeff, I like you and I know you like me," she said confidently.
"No, I don't mind. I'm already in love and the girl I love IS NOT you!" he exclaimed before walking off.
"Damn it!" she exclaimed in a huff before walking away by herself.
"You were going to tell him?" Matt asked as we sat in an empty locker room. I nodded as I wiped my cheeks with a tissue.
"Yeah. I was goin to tell him that I needed to be with him. That I was going to break up with Shane. I didn't think he'd actually take Mindy," I cried.
"I'm sorry. I had no clue about it. You know that if I had I would have told you about it," he said holding me tightly.
"I know, there was nothing you could do about it. I heard the rumors from Amy that she was gonna go for him. But I was hoping that he would refuse her!" I sobbed.
"He still loves you Case. He's probably just realized that he will never have you."
"But Matt, he can have me. I'm willing and ready to give myself to him."
"I know Kiddo. In time maybe," he said as he rubbed my back slowly and soothingly.
I sat on the bench in the Diva's locker room. I didn't have a match that nite, but I needed to be there in case they all of a sudden needed me for something, which never happens. I looked up as Amy tiredly trudged into the locker room holding the Women's Championship belt over her shoulder.
"Matt told me about Jeff and Mindy," she said as she sipped some water. "Are you okay?"
"I will be. I mean I broke his heart. Why should he be allowed to break mine?" I said sadly.
"No one deserves to have their heart broken," she said wisely.
"For everything that I've put him through, I do," I said as tears slowly dripped down my face.
"Casey, trust me, NO ONE deserves it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy," she said shaking her head. "Well, I'm gonna jump in the shower. I'll talk to you later?"
"Yeah, later," I replied softly.
*******
"Jeff, Casey saw you," Matt whispered to his younger brother as they walked down the hall.
"Saw me doing what?" Jeff asked.
"Saw you kissing Mindy," Matt replied.
"Oh shit!" Jeff exclaimed causing everyone to stop and look at him.
"Yeah," Matt muttered.
"Matt, that kiss meant nothing. She just jumped on me. I pushed her away. Really I did. I don't want Mindy. Hell, I loathe the girl," Jeff said as he and Matt stopped in front of the exit to the arena.
"Really? Jeff, she was so upset," Matt confessed.
"Why?"
"I can't tell you why. Just trust me that she was," Matt said before leaving the building.
Jeff sighed and shouldered his bag. "Why would she be upset? Unless....." Jeff smiled as the thought sunk into his brain.
********
"This isn't gonna be like that last time we had a girl's nite is it?" I asked as I followed Trish into her lavish home, hands full with paper bags holding the food we'd need for the nite.
"Nope, hopefully anyways. I'd really like to remember this one!" she laughed as I sat the bags on the counter. She looked at me and smiled before wrapping me up in a hug.
"What was that for?" I asked hugging her back.
"I just missed you," she said as we pulled apart. I smiled at her as I began to take the food out of the bags.
About an hour later Amy and Nora had showed up and we were all seated in Trish's hot tub, drinking Smirnoff. I set my bottle down and moved my dark blue bikini top around, straightening it out. I laid my head back and looked up at the nite sky with a sigh.
"Did you really see Mindy kissing Jeff in the hall?" Nora asked cautiously causing me to lift my head and look at her.
I nodded and said, "Yeah, broke my heart. I was gonna get him back in my life. But I guess I'm not now."
"Let's not talk about Jeff," Amy suggested with a smile.
"Let's talk about sex," Nora blurted out. We looked at her shocked as she smiled innocently at us.
"Why?" I asked slowly.
"Cause I just have some news that I want to share with you girls," she said continuing to smile. I looked from Trish, to Amy, and back at Nora before I smiled.
"So, spill!" Amy said as she sipped her Smirnoff.
"Chris and I slept together last week!" Nora said triumphantly.
"You did NOT!" Trish said.
"Oh I so did!" Nora replied with a laugh.
"Well, how was it for your first time? Was it everything you expected?" Amy asked.
"Yes and no. I mean he was nice and gentle, but it hurt like hell! Was it supposed to?" Nora asked nervously.
I let out a chuckle as I answered her question, "Honey, for your first time, yes. It get's easier the more you do it."
"Oh good. I was worried for a second," she said releasing a sigh of relief.
"You have nothing to worry about. So, did you like it?" Trish asked curiously.
"Well, I expected to um........well, he......" Nora trailed off nervously.
"He came and you didn't as much?" Amy said for her.
"Yeah. Is that normal?"
"Okay, one thing you gotta know, not all women get off without some kind of.......well......did he rub you or anything like that?" Trish said sounding almost embarrassed.
"Yeah......."Nora answered turning a bright shade of red.
"Well, did you get off from that?" Amy asked.
"Oh yeah," Nora said happily.
"There ya go. You need that in order to get off. Just straight on sex isn't gonna cut it for ya honey," Trish said.
"Is that normal?"
"Oh yeah. Most girls need that kind of stimulus. Don't worry about it," I said.
"What about you three? Is it like that for you?" Nora asked.
"I love the straight on sex, really I do, but it doesn't do much for me," Trish confessed.
"Matt gives me everything I need when I need it. Enough said," Amy said proudly.
"Case?" Nora said.
"Depends on the mood. I love both and get off from both. But if I just need something, he just gives me head. But either way, Shane knows exactly how to please me!" I laughed.
"I'm sure!" Nora laughed.
"Where's the craziest place anybody has had sex?" Amy asked.
"Tim and I had sex in a changing room once. What about you Ames?" Trish answered.
"Matt and I had sex on Jeff's bed," she answered shyly.
"OH GROSS!" I yelled. "I've slept on that bed! YUCK!"
"That's not all that crazy," Trish pointed out.
"I know, just wanted to see if Case would get freaked out," she laughed. "I guess I'd have to say having sex in the backseat of the car while at a drive in kiddie movie. How bout you and Shane?"
"Towards the beginning of our relationship we had a quickie in a hotel elevator. We also had sex in his car in his brother's driveway before the Halloween party. Ummm........a restaurant bathroom," I answered.
"Okay, we get the picture," Amy laughed.
"What about kinky sex? Anyone done any of that stuff?" Trish asked.
"No, not at all," Amy said sounding a bit disgusted.
"Nope, not my thing. The only thing we ever do is use glow in the dark sex dice," I answered.
"Yeah, not my thing either," Trish agreed.
"What are sex dice?" Nora asked.
"They have different commands on the sides and you roll to see what you have to do," I explained.
"Matt and I should get some of those," Amy said with a wink.
"Phone sex?" Trish asked.
"Once," I said shyly.
"Are you serious?!" Amy exclaimed.
"It was while my wrist was broken," I said.
"Shannon told me that Shane was acting really weird during one call from you. He went in the bathroom and locked himself in there. Then when he came out he looked all worn out!" Amy laughed.
"Yeah, that would be cause of the phone sex," I laughed. "What about you and Matt?"
"Nope, not ever!" she said confidently.
"Amy," I said tilting my head to the side and crossing my arms.
"Okay, maybe a few times," she confessed.
"I KNEW IT!" Trish laughed. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with phone sex. Of course now I know that when Tim and I did it he was actually having sex with another girl, but whatever."
"So, did Chris ask for a blow job?" Amy asked.
"Yeah, but I told him no cause well, I don't know what the hell I'm doing and if I'm doing it right," Nora answered.
"Every guy is different. Just go for it and he'll let ya know if it's good or not," I replied.
"Do all guys like it?" Nora asked.
"Shane loves it! But one of my ex-boyfriends did like it that much. Like I said, every guy is different," I said.
"I haven't been with one guy that hasn't liked it!" Trish laughed. "But hun, there's really no wrong or right way to do it. Just go for it."
"What if I don't like it?"
"Then you tell him. Most girls don't like it. And it takes a long time for us to get used to it," Amy said. "I don't really like doing it, but I know Matt loves it, and I don't mind making him happy."
"So if I wanna make him happy I should do it?"
"NO! If you really don't like it, don't do it. It's as simple as that. He'll have to except it," Trish said.
"Thanks guys. You've all been really great with this. I really appreciate it," Nora said.
"Win big--Mama's fallen angel..........Lose big--livin' out her lies.....Wants it all--Mama's fallen angel.......Lose it all, rollin' the dice of her life," I sang out loud to the cd as I walked into the Diva's locker room. I set my stuff down and smiled at Amy as she nodded at me. I lowered my head phones around my neck and sat down with an exasperated sigh.
"Jeff's cd again?" Amy asked.
"Yeah, do I listen to anything else lately?" I chuckled.
"No, you don't," she laughed as she pulled a white netted midriff top over her head.
"I think I'm gonna tell him......tell him that I love him and want no one else but him," I smiled as her mouth dropped in an excited way. I laughed at the goofy look on her face as she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
"I'm so happy! It's about damn time girl. Well, Shane's in a good mood, so I'm guessing he doesn't know?" she questioned.
"Nope, haven't talked him about it yet. I wanna tell Jeff first. This way if he wants nothing to do with me I still have Shane in my life. If he does, then I can tell Shane later," I explained as Trish walked out of the shower area.
"Did I just hear you say that you're gonna make up with Jeff?" she asked in a friendly tone.
"What's it to ya?" I asked crossing my arms angrily.
"I know I haven't been the most supportive friend towards you these past few months but Jeff has been in my life a hell of a lot longer and we have certain ties to each other. I still love ya Case. I mean I don't agree with everything that has happened, but I do love you. And I'm apologize for acting the way I have," Trish apologized.
"That's okay. I guess I understand why you did and said everything you did. And to answer your question, yes, I am. Eventually. I don't know when yet and I don't know what I'm gonna say yet, but I will do it soon," I smiled happily to myself.
**********
I stood in the bedroom staring at the locker Shane had given me on our first Valentine's Day together. Ever since the happenings with Jeff I had tucked it far away. My philosophy was out of sight, out of mind. And until recently it was working well for me. My relationship with Shane had changed a lot since I have moved in with him. I had never realized how lazy he was until then. In the beginning of our relationship, I admit, it was mostly based on sex. But now we hardly did that. All he ever wanted to do was cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or play a video game. Which was all well and good, but I needed that intimacy as well. As I looked at Jeff's picture in the locket, tears formed in my eyes. I wiped them away and put the locket around my neck as I finished packing for the show in Charlotte that nite.
"Case! Ya ready?!" Shane yelled upstairs.
"Yeah! Coming!" I yelled back as I shut my suitcase. I looked down at the locket and smiled as I said to myself, "Tonite Jeff, it's our nite!"
*********
I smiled as I skipped down the hall of the arena. I was on a man hunt and that man was the one I loved, Jeff Hardy. My speech ran through my head millions of times as I looked for him. I suddenly saw his dark purple and dark blue colored hair and stopped. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak when I realized someone was with him. I moved to the side in time to see Mindy plant her dark red lips on his soft pink colored lips.
"No," I cried softly as tears streamed down my cheeks. I stood there staring at them as they shared a passionate, never ending kiss. "Jeff, no. You can't do this. I love you!"
"Casey?" Matt said behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder gently before moving around to stand next to me. "What's the matter?"
"I love him Matt. I love him so much," I cried as he pulled me into his body. I rested my head on his chest as I continued to watch Mindy assault Jeff's tongue with hers. "I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him that I wanted him. I was going to tell him everything!"
"Oh shit Case. Come on. Let's go," he said as he pulled me away with him. We had disappeared down the hall and away from the couple.
"What the fuck Mindy!" Jeff yelled as he roughly pushed her off him.
"What's the matter Jeff?" she asked.
"You don't just fuckin kiss me like that!" he yelled.
"Why not? Jeff, I like you and I know you like me," she said confidently.
"No, I don't mind. I'm already in love and the girl I love IS NOT you!" he exclaimed before walking off.
"Damn it!" she exclaimed in a huff before walking away by herself.
"You were going to tell him?" Matt asked as we sat in an empty locker room. I nodded as I wiped my cheeks with a tissue.
"Yeah. I was goin to tell him that I needed to be with him. That I was going to break up with Shane. I didn't think he'd actually take Mindy," I cried.
"I'm sorry. I had no clue about it. You know that if I had I would have told you about it," he said holding me tightly.
"I know, there was nothing you could do about it. I heard the rumors from Amy that she was gonna go for him. But I was hoping that he would refuse her!" I sobbed.
"He still loves you Case. He's probably just realized that he will never have you."
"But Matt, he can have me. I'm willing and ready to give myself to him."
"I know Kiddo. In time maybe," he said as he rubbed my back slowly and soothingly.
I sat on the bench in the Diva's locker room. I didn't have a match that nite, but I needed to be there in case they all of a sudden needed me for something, which never happens. I looked up as Amy tiredly trudged into the locker room holding the Women's Championship belt over her shoulder.
"Matt told me about Jeff and Mindy," she said as she sipped some water. "Are you okay?"
"I will be. I mean I broke his heart. Why should he be allowed to break mine?" I said sadly.
"No one deserves to have their heart broken," she said wisely.
"For everything that I've put him through, I do," I said as tears slowly dripped down my face.
"Casey, trust me, NO ONE deserves it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy," she said shaking her head. "Well, I'm gonna jump in the shower. I'll talk to you later?"
"Yeah, later," I replied softly.
*******
"Jeff, Casey saw you," Matt whispered to his younger brother as they walked down the hall.
"Saw me doing what?" Jeff asked.
"Saw you kissing Mindy," Matt replied.
"Oh shit!" Jeff exclaimed causing everyone to stop and look at him.
"Yeah," Matt muttered.
"Matt, that kiss meant nothing. She just jumped on me. I pushed her away. Really I did. I don't want Mindy. Hell, I loathe the girl," Jeff said as he and Matt stopped in front of the exit to the arena.
"Really? Jeff, she was so upset," Matt confessed.
"Why?"
"I can't tell you why. Just trust me that she was," Matt said before leaving the building.
Jeff sighed and shouldered his bag. "Why would she be upset? Unless....." Jeff smiled as the thought sunk into his brain.
********
"This isn't gonna be like that last time we had a girl's nite is it?" I asked as I followed Trish into her lavish home, hands full with paper bags holding the food we'd need for the nite.
"Nope, hopefully anyways. I'd really like to remember this one!" she laughed as I sat the bags on the counter. She looked at me and smiled before wrapping me up in a hug.
"What was that for?" I asked hugging her back.
"I just missed you," she said as we pulled apart. I smiled at her as I began to take the food out of the bags.
About an hour later Amy and Nora had showed up and we were all seated in Trish's hot tub, drinking Smirnoff. I set my bottle down and moved my dark blue bikini top around, straightening it out. I laid my head back and looked up at the nite sky with a sigh.
"Did you really see Mindy kissing Jeff in the hall?" Nora asked cautiously causing me to lift my head and look at her.
I nodded and said, "Yeah, broke my heart. I was gonna get him back in my life. But I guess I'm not now."
"Let's not talk about Jeff," Amy suggested with a smile.
"Let's talk about sex," Nora blurted out. We looked at her shocked as she smiled innocently at us.
"Why?" I asked slowly.
"Cause I just have some news that I want to share with you girls," she said continuing to smile. I looked from Trish, to Amy, and back at Nora before I smiled.
"So, spill!" Amy said as she sipped her Smirnoff.
"Chris and I slept together last week!" Nora said triumphantly.
"You did NOT!" Trish said.
"Oh I so did!" Nora replied with a laugh.
"Well, how was it for your first time? Was it everything you expected?" Amy asked.
"Yes and no. I mean he was nice and gentle, but it hurt like hell! Was it supposed to?" Nora asked nervously.
I let out a chuckle as I answered her question, "Honey, for your first time, yes. It get's easier the more you do it."
"Oh good. I was worried for a second," she said releasing a sigh of relief.
"You have nothing to worry about. So, did you like it?" Trish asked curiously.
"Well, I expected to um........well, he......" Nora trailed off nervously.
"He came and you didn't as much?" Amy said for her.
"Yeah. Is that normal?"
"Okay, one thing you gotta know, not all women get off without some kind of.......well......did he rub you or anything like that?" Trish said sounding almost embarrassed.
"Yeah......."Nora answered turning a bright shade of red.
"Well, did you get off from that?" Amy asked.
"Oh yeah," Nora said happily.
"There ya go. You need that in order to get off. Just straight on sex isn't gonna cut it for ya honey," Trish said.
"Is that normal?"
"Oh yeah. Most girls need that kind of stimulus. Don't worry about it," I said.
"What about you three? Is it like that for you?" Nora asked.
"I love the straight on sex, really I do, but it doesn't do much for me," Trish confessed.
"Matt gives me everything I need when I need it. Enough said," Amy said proudly.
"Case?" Nora said.
"Depends on the mood. I love both and get off from both. But if I just need something, he just gives me head. But either way, Shane knows exactly how to please me!" I laughed.
"I'm sure!" Nora laughed.
"Where's the craziest place anybody has had sex?" Amy asked.
"Tim and I had sex in a changing room once. What about you Ames?" Trish answered.
"Matt and I had sex on Jeff's bed," she answered shyly.
"OH GROSS!" I yelled. "I've slept on that bed! YUCK!"
"That's not all that crazy," Trish pointed out.
"I know, just wanted to see if Case would get freaked out," she laughed. "I guess I'd have to say having sex in the backseat of the car while at a drive in kiddie movie. How bout you and Shane?"
"Towards the beginning of our relationship we had a quickie in a hotel elevator. We also had sex in his car in his brother's driveway before the Halloween party. Ummm........a restaurant bathroom," I answered.
"Okay, we get the picture," Amy laughed.
"What about kinky sex? Anyone done any of that stuff?" Trish asked.
"No, not at all," Amy said sounding a bit disgusted.
"Nope, not my thing. The only thing we ever do is use glow in the dark sex dice," I answered.
"Yeah, not my thing either," Trish agreed.
"What are sex dice?" Nora asked.
"They have different commands on the sides and you roll to see what you have to do," I explained.
"Matt and I should get some of those," Amy said with a wink.
"Phone sex?" Trish asked.
"Once," I said shyly.
"Are you serious?!" Amy exclaimed.
"It was while my wrist was broken," I said.
"Shannon told me that Shane was acting really weird during one call from you. He went in the bathroom and locked himself in there. Then when he came out he looked all worn out!" Amy laughed.
"Yeah, that would be cause of the phone sex," I laughed. "What about you and Matt?"
"Nope, not ever!" she said confidently.
"Amy," I said tilting my head to the side and crossing my arms.
"Okay, maybe a few times," she confessed.
"I KNEW IT!" Trish laughed. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with phone sex. Of course now I know that when Tim and I did it he was actually having sex with another girl, but whatever."
"So, did Chris ask for a blow job?" Amy asked.
"Yeah, but I told him no cause well, I don't know what the hell I'm doing and if I'm doing it right," Nora answered.
"Every guy is different. Just go for it and he'll let ya know if it's good or not," I replied.
"Do all guys like it?" Nora asked.
"Shane loves it! But one of my ex-boyfriends did like it that much. Like I said, every guy is different," I said.
"I haven't been with one guy that hasn't liked it!" Trish laughed. "But hun, there's really no wrong or right way to do it. Just go for it."
"What if I don't like it?"
"Then you tell him. Most girls don't like it. And it takes a long time for us to get used to it," Amy said. "I don't really like doing it, but I know Matt loves it, and I don't mind making him happy."
"So if I wanna make him happy I should do it?"
"NO! If you really don't like it, don't do it. It's as simple as that. He'll have to except it," Trish said.
"Thanks guys. You've all been really great with this. I really appreciate it," Nora said.
