Chapter 4 - VeRiTaSeRuM

I woke up the next morning feeling sick.

"It's just nerves! Anyone would feel sick after what happened to you last night," I told myself. I hadn't seen Torah last night; I went straight to my bed and cried myself to sleep. I hoped James didn't hate me. I needed someone there for me.

I was ready for breakfast early and I waited for Torah. I found my make-up bag and pulled out my compact. I put the powder on even thicker. It felt like I was trying to hide the real me and the fake me. I didn't want anybody KNOWING me anymore. The options of running away and even transfiguring myself went through my head and I knew I was being silly. I kept applying all my make-up; I had to pretend nothing at all happened yesterday. We walked down to the Great Hall.

"How are you?" She asked, looking at me through the corner of her eye. I had been wringing my wrists the whole walk.

"F-fine! Just peachy you know!" I smiled the biggest fake smile I could muster. I knew Torah sensed something was wrong but she didn't say anything. I was glad. I didn't want to tell Torah how I felt about James and everything that happened with Lucius.

We entered the Great Hall and I saw Lucius sitting with his friends at the Slithering table. His arm was around a skinny girl with black hair. He looked in my direction, as well as his friends. I saw him mouth the word "Mudblood" in my direction. Torah steered me towards the Gryffindor table. My nerves went through the roof when I saw James sitting there with Sirius, Remus and Peter. Torah kissed Sirius hello and sat down. I sat next to Peter who begun a full discussion with me about music.

"...I particularly like rock, you know with guitars and drums? I was thinking of starting a band. Maybe you'd want to be in it Lily?" Peter was babbling on. I didn't really pay much attention.

"Sure," I said. I had been watching James. He was avoiding eye contact with me. What if Lucius had told him?

I didn't even realize that the time had flown. Torah was saying good-bye and I half-heartedly waved to the boys. I knew I could never tell James why I had run off from him last night, after his confessions. But I had to explain some how. I had to tell him about Lucius before he said anything, even though he might have already.

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The morning was going quickly. I had half-written a letter to James. I figured this was the easiest way to explain to him all I could tell about what has been happening. I was so tired; I had to explain to the whole class in Charms how to do a spell. Professor Flitwick was having trouble interpreting to the students. And now in Potions, Professor Thornbury was having people read. I looked at my desk. On top of my Potions text book, was my letter. I lifted up my quill to write more but my eyelids were so heavy.

"I'll just rest my head for a moment," I murmured to myself and put my head on my book.....

"Lily....."

Go away! I thought. My eye-lids are still heavy!

"Lily, why can't you cook just like Petunia? Petunia is so good at cooking. She'll make a beautiful wife. The boy she'll get will be VERY lucky!"

I snorted. It's not my fault I can't cook. Why can't Mum just leave me alone?

"Lily!" I heard someone call my name.

"I don't care if I can't cook!" I grumbled.

"Miss Lily Evans! I don't care if you don't cook either. We happen to be studying the pro's and con's of Veritaserum," I heard the voice again and I doubted it was my mother's.

"What?" I sat up. I realized what had happened. I looked up to see Professor Thornbury's small beady eyes burrowing into mine. I couldn't believe I had fallen asleep! I was supposed to be just resting my eyes! I noticed Torah pointing at my desk, mouthing something. I mouthed "what" back to her. Professor Thornbury saw Torah point at my desk. I looked down at my desk to see a piece of parchment in clear view of others. Clearly written on top in big letters was, Dear James. Uh, oh. My letter to James!

"And what is this?" Professor Thornbury picked up my letter. She tutted very loud and started to read my letter,

"Dear James, I really need to talk to you. I have to explain myself about last night. I didn't mean what I said. I can't explain myself properly but I need you to know I am sorry for how I acted. Also, something happened with Lucius Malfoy. I'm not sure if you know but I want you to hear the story from me-"

Professor Thornbury snorted. Her eyes were scanning the rest of my half- finished letter. I felt my face burn. My whole class looked at me. They still saw me as "Little Miss Perfect, Lily Evans". No teacher has EVER done something like this to me before! I knew Professor Thornbury was mean to every house except Slytherin, but she had never humiliated her students like this before.

"From the shade of scarlet on Miss Evan's face, I doubt I need to read on. It is very amusing your letter but I doubt it will help you learn about Veritaserum. Maybe we could use some on Lily Evans here, it could be very interesting. Everybody think of a question you would like to ask Lily and I'll decide if we will try it out. But in the mean time, continue reading Samuel," Professor Thornbury swirled her robes around and stalked back up to the front of the classroom. I swallowed down what seemed to be a lot more than saliva. Looking around the classroom, I wondered what kind of questions they would ask me. Torah looked worried. I hoped the lesson would end soon.

The class finished reading and discussing aspects of the Veritaserum. I was praying someone would ask a question to waste time. Then I wouldn't have to drink the potion. Torah tried obviously but Professor Thornbury must have really wanted me to drink some of the truth potion.

"That's enough questions. I think it's about time for the moment of truth," An evil grin flicked onto her face, "Lily Evans, please come up to my desk. Everybody can pack away their books. We'll be having some entertainment for the rest of the lesson," Professor Thornbury pulled out a vile of the clear liquid. I swallowed and walked down to the front of the classroom. The class had packed their books away. Most of them had looks of terror on their faces. None seemed to want me to say anything embarrassing. They seemed sorry for me.

I looked at Professor Thornbury. She held out the vile for me to drink. I knew that three drops were sufficient enough to make me tell the truth for a while. The vile looked like it held a little less than a quarter of a cup. I took the vile and I heard the class gasp when I drank the whole vile. It tasted like strong muggle liquor. I could almost feel my secrets waiting to be revealed.

"Now Lily. I have some questions for you," Professor Thornbury smiled greedily. I was very worried. Just as she opened her mouth, the bell for the end of the lesson rang.

"Maybe another time!" I smiled to her and ran down the class to get my bag. I swung my arms into the straps, grabbed Torah's hand and we ran as fast as we could out of the classroom. It was lunch so we walked to the Great Hall.

"Torah, I need you to not let anyone ask me questions. I drank too much of that potion. I could be telling anyone anything! I don't know how long it will last either..." I looked anxiously at Torah and she smiled.

"Don't worry. I'll just stretch the truth!" Torah laughed. We entered the Great Hall and Sirius called us over to the Gryffindor table.

"How are you two?" He asked. Before I could stop it, my mouth flew open and I started to blabber on.

"Absolutely HORRIBLE! I felt sick all day because I was afraid to front Lucius-" I was cut off by Torah's hands covering my mouth. I was still talking, I couldn't help it. The Marauders all looked at me strangely, even James. That had been the first time he had looked at me all day. I finally stopped talking and Torah removed her hands. She gave me a weird look at what I said.

"Lily isn't feeling very well. So just don't ask her questions. She doesn't feel like talking much," Torah lied, quickly stuffing her face with food. I knew the boys didn't buy this. It was quite clear that I didn't mind talking.

"How was Potions? That is what you two had right?" Remus asked. He didn't ask specifically and my mouth started to talk again.

"That was probably one of the worse things today! Professor Thornbury caught me asleep, read the letter I was writing James and she gave me a whole vial of Veritaserum-" I was cut off again by Torah's hands. But this time it was too late.

"She what? Why did you drink it Lily?" Peter exclaimed. All four boys ogled at me. From their faces, they couldn't believe what they had just heard. Torah couldn't help but take her hands away. She was letting me tell the truth. I told her not to let me!

"She gave me a vial of Veritaserum, the truth potion. I don't know how long I'll be talking truths for. She gave me about a quarter of a cup! And three drops is supposed to be enough for me to tell everybody my deepest secrets. I didn't want to drink it, but I was forced. It was my punishment for writing a letter to James and for falling asleep," My mouth stopped. That was as much as I could tell for those questions.

"I have to find away to stop. I don't want Lily to regret anything. Imagine if she tells something bad. Something she'd been feeling. Maybe one of us should take her to the hospital wing. The only thing that can get her over the potion is time," Torah suggested. The boys nodded.

"I'll take her," James spoke. I almost died in my seat. James was going to help me. But what if I said something to him I didn't want to?

James picked up my bag and his and led me out of the hall. We were walking towards the hospital wing when suddenly James pushed me into a classroom. He sat me down on a dusty desk.

"Lily, I need to know the truth. I know this is mean to do this to you, but this is the only way I'm going to find out what I need to hear," James had his hands on my shoulder and stared into my eyes. His chocolate brown eyes were making me melt. I nodded and I wished I could kiss him. But I knew James wanted me to talk.

"Why were you afraid to front Lucius today?" James looked into my eyes, as if trying to find the answer there before I opened my mouth.

"After I ran away from you last night, I didn't know where I was going and I got lost in the Dungeons. I ran into Lucius and he sweet talked me. I started to think he wasn't what I thought he was and I let him take me to his dorm. Besides, I wanted to get away from you. He kissed me. I had wanted to kiss you for so long, that I thought kissing him would make me feel just as good. I let him touch me. He told me he'd do whatever I wanted. He started to rape me. When I told him to stop, Lucius called me a Mudblood. He said he was giving me what I deserve, and he was doing you a favor. Lucius said that I was stupid to throw you away like I did because we were perfect for one another. When he was done, he left me there. I felt so dirty James. I didn't want him at all," I sat on the table, still staring into James's eyes. They were watering but they didn't overflow. He looked away, his shoulder slumping. I know this was too much for him. But he still wanted more.

"Why did you run away from me last night?" James asked. My mouth flew open once again and I spilled out the truth, unwillingly.

"I was scared. I was scared that I might not be able to fake who I am anymore. You were breaking me down James. All these years at Hogwarts, no- one has known the real Lily Evans. I've tried to be someone who I thought everybody would love. I tried to be my sister. I had to get away because I knew if I stayed near you any longer, I couldn't keep up my act anymore. I couldn't be someone who I'm not," I sat quietly as James soaked in what I had said. His glasses slipped down his nose when he looked down for a moment.

"Do you love me?" James whispered and looked up at me. The tears in his eyes were on the peak of overflowing. He pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Yes. More than anyone I have ever loved before. I wanted to tell you last night but I was scared. I was scared I'd let you see the real me," I spoke slowly. I had told James almost everything I was scared to tell him. Tears finally fell from James's eyes and dribbled down his cheeks.

I looked into James's eyes and asked him a question.

"Do you still love me?"

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