Severus Snape was not pleased to have his lecture interrupted by an insistent knocking. Pausing his pacing, he turned to the door, crossed his arms, and snapped,

"Enter!"

He had been expecting some idiotic student to terrify, or Dumbledore wanting a word with him again-- even bloody Potter would have been a preferred choice to come waltzing in to his class!

But no such luck. The unexpected guest stauntered in with a cheery, "Hello, Snape!"

It just had to be bloody Sirius Black.

"What do you think you're doing here Black? I was in the middle of a lecture- which you so generously interrupted- shouldn't you be cowering in some distant country, as far away from here as possible?"

"Oh I was....and enjoying myself too. In the sun! Oh wait, I shouldn't mention that around you, should I? You might bite." There was an audible snicker behind Snape at that comment.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw, Mr. Brass, for disturbing the class. Now get back to your antidotes!" Severus barked. "Black. My office. NOW!"

Opening the door for Black, Snape waited for him to pass before addressing the class. "If any of you do anything out of line while I'm gone it shall be a hundred points from your House, and detention for a week. Now continue making the antidotes. You shall all be testing them on yourselves later," with that he followed Black to his office.

"What is so important that you had to drag your sorry arse all the way here, Black?" Severus sneered.

"Look, Snape, I don't want to be in your company any more than you want to be in mine, so lets get this over with."

"Feel free to start explaining then."

"Well I was enjoying myself immensly on a tropical island for the last six years-- sun, drinks, women. What more would you want? Then-"

"I thought you were in a hurry! So get to the point," Severus snapped.

"As I was saying, I was enjoying myself immensy when Harry showed up."

"This is about bloody Potter!?" Snape exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table.

"No! Will you just shut up and let me tell the damn story, Snape?"

"Please do, and hurry with it," the professor growled.

"I was in the middle of recieving a lovely back-rub from this sexy topless beauty when Harry showed up. He said he's been looking for me for six years ever since the Final Battle. Of course I had no idea the kid missed me so much. So he insisted I go back to England with him, and that's how I ended up here," said Black with a smile.

"As much as I love hearing about your lovely family matters with Potter you still haven't told me what you are doing here!" Severus said emphatically.

"I'm getting there! Stop interrupting me," blurted Sirius.

"Get on with it then. I have a class to look after, I'd appreciate it if you'd make it quick."

"It turned out that Harry wanted nothing to do with me. He was quite angry with me taking off like that. After the whole thing with your boss was over. I was just taking some time to myself."

Severus had to bite his tongue not to interrupt.

"Actually it was Hermione Granger that had wanted to see me. She's one fine girl let me tell ya-"

"Stop getting off the topic, for Merlin's sake Black! Get to the bloody meaning of your visit already!" Severus hollered once more.

"Anyway, it seems that Hermione and I had gotten up to some funa after the Final Battle. She was probably too drunk to use any protection and now I am the father of two little brats," said Black with a sneer apparent in his voice.

"As interesting all this might be to you, I don't happen to give a damn. And yet you still haven't explained why you are here, so get on with it."

"You should rememer one little incident during the Final Battle. It involved me saving your life."

"I remember you being too idiotic to heed my warning, thus stepping in front of a lethal curse. Sadly a talented mediwizard was there and managed to save you in the nick of time."

"Even so I still took that curse which was meant for you, and so saved your life. That is a Wizards Debt," said Black while pulling out some ruffled papers from his jacket. "You should just sign here."

"Oh no you don't! You got yourself into this mess and I am not going to get involved. There is no way you can make me do this!"

"Face it, old man, Wizard's Debt is something you can't turn away from. Since you haven't managed to redeem yourself from it so far, I have a right to ask anything from you. I ask for you to marry Hermione."

"Marry Miss Granger? Why me out of all the other wizards?"

"Because the Wizarding Law of United Kingdom states that a witch with children must be married to the father or somone the father chooses, unless said father is deceased."

"So decease then," Severus snarled.

"You might enjoy it, but I'm very happy with my current life and hold no desire to leave it."

"For Merlin's sake just marry the girl and get over with it. No need to bring me into this."

"I'm not a man to settle down. I like my freedom. Out of all the men not married yet in this country, you were the best choice."

"Have you even thought about how Miss Granger will feel about it? Do you think she'll be pleased?!" Severus was becoming desperate.

"I don't really care, as long as it's not me getting married. There is nothing that outranks a Wizard's Debt, Snape, so just go ahead and sign the damn marriage license," growled Black.

Reluctantly, Severus picked up a quill and signed the contract.

"Now get out of here, Black," he growled, "and by Merlin if you ever show your face here again..."

"No worries, I have no reason whatsoever to return here. Your wife shall arrive tomorrow," Black yelled back at him over his shoulder before dissapearing up and away from the dungeons, leaving Snape to get back to the class.

"What are you all staring at?! Get back to your cauldrons!" yelled Snape. Still he couldn't help thinking, What have I gotten myself into...


Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Huge Thank You's for my two wonderful beta's Xan and Shon!!!

Authors Note:
The fic will contain spoilers for OotP. If you do not wish to know certain details not having read the book yet. Return to it once you've finished reading Rowlings jewel.
This is written as an answer to the


"You Ain't My Daddy!" Challenge By Severely Snaped.

"You Ain't My Daddy!----SHUT UP!"

I know---crazy WIKTT challenge, huh? But I thought this might be a lil' different. Okay, boys and girls and Slytherins (and a few Ravenclaws...), here's the premise:

Severus Snape becomes a step-dad to Hermione's kid(s). 'Nuff said. The story must center around Hermione's constant need for someone to watch or discipline her unruly brat. I don't care who the father is or the circumstances behind it---that's all up to YOU!

The word "wookie" must be mentioned at some point.

Filch has to baby-sit at least once (not by choice on either party!)

Severus does not like children...just joking, that's pretty much a given, huh?!

The text must contain three (or more) of the following phrases:
"Yes, I know why tigers eat their young---I just cannot fathom putting something that disgusting in my mouth!"

"You ain't my daddy!"---or for the more proper English dialect, "You're not my father!"

"So help me God, I will beat you like a red-headed step-child!" (although the kid in question does NOT have to be red-headed, mind you!)

"Does this look like a daycare to you?"

"Look, I'll only be gone five minutes, I promise!"

"This is all your fault, Ronald Weasley!"

"That is a 'cauldron', it's not a pail and shovel!"

"Well, I see Miss Granger has kept herself busy over the years!"

"...probably gets it from his/her father!"

"They never tell you about these things in school."

"Why doesn't my sandcastle look like that?"

"I know there's an entrance around here somewhere, but I can't seem to remember as to where."

"Harry, you really piss me off sometimes---but I love you anway."

"I am not putting that thing ANYWHERE near me!"

"You look so much like your father!"

"Has anyone seen my Tonka truck/Powerpuff Girl?"

"I don't like you any farther than I can throw you!"

"He thinks I'm playin' with him, and I'm NOT!"

Soooo, there you have it. Have fun. Run with it...give it life. Make me proud. *sniff!* *wipes away tear*

Good luck and have FUN!


Sincerely, Severely Snaped

Severly Snaped can be found at:




That was obviously the challenge.

Sadly I won't be updating reguralry, I don't have regural computer access at the moment so that makes it quite impossible. I also have studies to keep up with.
But fear not! I never abandon a story written for a challenge!
Meaning this fic shall be completed unless the unfortunate even of my demise happens before(and dying is not on my schedule for a good many years yet).


The following part shall gain more notes as the story progresses and chapters are uploaded. All AN's shall stay on this page. They will be updated along with the story. I find it very distracting and annoying to read AN's in the middle of chapters/fics. All Thank You's and ansers to reviewers questions will also be here under the appointed chapters notes.

Read on only at your own risk. The following will contain spoilers for the story.


S

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Prologue:
I along everyone else who have read OotP know that Sirius is dead. However I begun this fic before June 21. But not to have it labeled as an AU I made some changes. Sirius is still the father. How that was managed will be explained shortly in Chapter 1. The Prologue did not suffer serious changes, just some minor adjustments and a change of a name. This fic however is not about Sirius as much as it is about Severus, Hermione and two little brats.

If you wish to know more about certain details mentioned off-hand in the story, ask politely and there's a possibility that I will write a short ficlet explaining it more fully. Or you might just ask for a simple explenation which you shall recieve in a personal e-mail(provided that you leave an address). It will also be included in the next update of the story on this same page under the notes for the chapter in question.

Mr. Brass - just a character mentioned in passing. His name comes from the word 'brassy' which is a synonyme for 'insolent'. Rather fitting for the insolent brat that he is.

The idea of requesting a favor for a Wizard's Debt is not originally mine. I applied it to this story and made some small adjustments(which will also be explained more fully in Chapter 1).
The first place I saw that used was 'Serpent's Bride' by reiko.
That fic is a very good read and I strongly suggest you all to read it, if you already haven't that is. It is not a SS/HG fic, but D/G instead. But people! Don't be so single minded to limit yourself to just one ship! Explore! So go read, after you have read this of course.
The link to reiko's wonderful story follows here:

FF.net "storyid=610745"

Enjoy!

My regards to:

Joanne-Davenport
And it's getting funnier...

Idamae
Thank you! Well this new chapter might give you a bit more ideas aout that, but I won't guarantee too much.

Elenora
Well I've been reading SS/HG too much to have Sirius as the hero or the like. Siri!Jerk is just so much more natural to me. But I am sad about him dying. He's alive here though! Be glad for it.
I'm so glad my Snape hasn't gone all mushy.
And if you read the part before you know I will continue this. It's for a challenge!

QueenBonnie
Oh yes, it definetely won't be easy for them. *grin*

fcuking cathy
Thanks! Well it will be slow in some parts, but I hope you'll still enjoy it!

Dee Winston
Thank you! I found the challenge interesting as well. Obviously or this fic wouldn't exist... *smile*






Chapter 1
Well 'Gil' is meant to be just the way he is. The constant useage of 'mate' is intended. And the nickname 'Gil' I picked up from Longing for Lethe by pandorabox82 AKA Steph, which can be found at:

FF.net "storyid=596855"

Mind you, her 'Gil' is different from mine, a lot more developed and nicer. It's a SS/HG story. So if you haven't read it yet. Do so after you finish with mine.

I myself would have called him Roy, but that made me think of Louis IV and even if there are certain similarities between the two I couldn't bring myself to disgrace the king like that.
Just as Gil's 'mate' is intended so is Sebastian Sanglorn's 'ah' 'oh'. His name has no special meaning except I really like it. If you come up with one let me know too.

Maybe I should warn you all that I'm prone to make Albus Dumbledore a dirty old man in SS/HG stories. Don't ask me why. Just with his brother and all his weirdness I simply can't think of him much differently.
A shameless bit of self-promotion:
Check out my story 'Tears of the Mighty', which is centered on Dumbledore. SS/HG is mentioned though. It's a bit sad so if you're one of the humour seeking readers: Read at your own risk! Dumbledore is not a dirty old man, he's a calculating ruler...

FF.net "storyid=1383121"

Mr. Timor's name comes from the word 'timorous', which means afraid, scared, frightened etc. I think it suits him.
Len

P.S. This should be in essence a simple Author's Note. It seems more like a dry business letter to me...