22 Ways To Kill Paige.humorously TheThirdGhostRises

(And you can pick up your own copy of the book, '22 Ways to get your annoyingly pale half sister out of your life for good' at your nearest K- Mart, or for you Americums, Wal-Mart, unless you actually have a K-Mart. And for Irishums, Or Scotlums, Or Englums, you'll have to order a copy, sorry! UNLESS! Nope, no idea. Well they'll be on-sale at K-Marts and Wal- Marts and other Marts around the world VERY soon.)

Disclaimer: Me no own Charmed. Me own clothes, and um.um.um, photos! And um, Kimberley! She's my slaaaaaave haha Kim now you have to do my Maths homework for me you can start my doing the water feature and give it to Mrs Sherrard on Monday.

Other Disclaimer: I don't own a K-Mart or Wal-Mart or any copies of the book '22 Ways to get your annoyingly pale half sister out of your life for good' and if anyone does have a copy, cool! By the way, I own it. "How much does it cost to copyright something?. What was that Johnnie Howard? Oh, too much you say?. Meh."

Other, other Disclaimer: I don't own John Howard or any other members of the Liberal party.

A/n~~~Sorry to everyone who is offended by this story but if you want you can write something like 22 Ways To Kill Piper and I'll get offended. If you want me to. Whatever. If you don't like killing Paige, then read the chapters after and you see she comes back! How, no-one knows.

A/n~~~Thankyou to all the reviews; most are encouraging.(COUGH, COUGH) Nah, the bad ones are good, I call it, "Constructive Criticism." "Ummm, Jayme that already exists." "Shuddup!"

A/n~~~Someone may read this chapter and find it very familiar to an idea they gave me, thanks I liked it, it was cool! So half of the credit from this chapter goes to AngelWooWoo with the visitor and the coffin scene!

A/n~~~I'm not quite sure if Leo actually is gay, but I think that deep-down everyone can self-consciously feel that there is something not right with that man. He's very.feminine. So I tried out the idea and it kinda fitted; Spooooooky! I am NOT suggesting in any parallel universe of course (a horse of course-Kimmi) that Leo IS gay I think he's HOT! (Just with a misshaped head- I only noticed it last night during Witches In Tights as he was talking to Remus) but anyway he's still a cute character. Okay, on with the story. Sorry I took so long with all the above but I was scared people might start suing me for claiming I owned John Howard!!! Geez, close call!

(I made up a song last night, it was really cool! It went "Scotlums, Scotlums, Scotlums." ect. It was soo cool! Scotlums fascinate me. I wanted to do them for a Society and Environment project but Kimberley was all "I don't think they're a culture." Neither are leprechauns or fairies apparently. And cheerleaders are just a sub-culture. So we're doing Wiccans and Gypsies. How cool!)

Paige woke up to the sound of a light breeze rustling leaves, birds chirping cheerfully, and the gentle sound of Leo snoring peacefully in the next room. Oh, who was she kidding? Thunder rumbled, a huge wind howled, cars honked, Pheobe was yelling at someone, it was hell. Then she REALLY woke up and she could smell blueberry waffles dipped in chocolate syrup and the sound of her sisters discussing a book they had bought a few weeks earlier from K-Mart. She climbed out of bed and fell down a hole. Just kidding.

After wasting all the hot water and throwing her clothes on the floor, she finally went downstairs to the waffles.

"Where have you been?!?!?!" Piper glared. "It was a special occasion!!! I made Leo's favourite!"

"Sorry, slept badly. Did you know that someone was trampling up and down the hall ALL night in high heels, and falling over practically every step!" Paige exclaimed.

"Really? I had no idea, I didn't hear a thing!" Leo said casually into his plate of waffles.

"Well, I found my shoes on the stairs, whoever took them must have had REALLY huge feet!" She held up her shiny orange heels, that now had no toes due to large portions of the shoes ripped.

Pheobe walked in from the lounge room where she had disappeared to as soon as Paige walked in. "Oh, so it's you who can't walk in those things Paige? Give it a rest will ya that's the third night in a row I've had no sleep."

Paige just looked at her fuming.

Piper checked her watch. "Ohmagawd, look at the time! Pr-Priscilla will be here any second! Then she can help us with the" (wiggles her eyebrows at Pheobe)"plan!"

"What plan?" Paige asked looking stupidly from Pheobe to Piper to Leo to Leo's large, high heel wrecking feet, to Piper and back to Pheobe before settling on Leo's feet.

"If God intended you to know all the answers, he wouldn't have invented death." Piper pointed out.

"Well why not?"

"Because he just wouldn't have, I don't know help me with this analogy Pheebs." Piper stressed.

"Sorry, I was looking at Leo's feet." Pheobe apologised. "Besides Piper, you don't need to give Paige an answer for everything; she's dumb, she'll accept it."

"So, she's like you?" Piper questioned.

Pheobe thought for a moment. a long moment. an even longer moment. "Yeah, maybe, I don't know, what was the question?"

Piper growled. "Never mind. Ask me your question again Paige."

"Why would God have invented death if we weren't supposed to know all the answers?"

"Because I said so." Piper replied smartly.

"Oh."

Piper checked her watched again. "Geez, where the demonic wasteland is Pr- Priscilla?"

"Maybe she stopped for milk and cookies." Pheobe pointed out.

"What?" Piper exclaimed.

"I dunno, I was just hoping." Pheobe told her sadly.

Leo, Paige and Pheobe finally looked up from their respective plates of waffles or brother-in-law's shoes as Prue walked in.

"There you are!" Piper yelled.

"Yeah, soz hun. Now let's do this."

Paige tilted her head stupidly. "Do what?" She finally realised who Prue was and started waving stupidly. "Hi, Prue! Hi, Prue!" She yelled, jumping up and own on the spot.

"I don't think so!" Prue yelled, tipping a tall glass of [evil] orange juice over Paige.
Paige finally finished wiping the juice out of her eyes as Pheobe and Piper finished sealing up the coffin. Prue stood at the end of it, a black veil covering her face and a book from K-Mart open in her hands.

"Say goodbye, oh ever-so-annoyingly-pale-younger-half-witch-slash- whitelighter-sister. May you never come back to us safe and sound. May your soul be trapped forever in that ever-so-uncomfortably-cheap coffin. As life is a day so our ever-so-annoyingly-pale-younger-half-witch-slash- whitelighter-sister has passed into the night. Oh, unblessed spirit, we bid you farewell. May you not return. Ever!" She finished menacingly. So, they didn't want Paige to come back. Understandable. But I bet you can guess what happens next, right? That's right! Paige has a funeral and nobody comes! Because they don't care!!!!! How tragic! Almost! So once again, Paige is doomed to wander the parallel universes alone for awhile, while Prue goes back to heaven and lives happily ever after, very unhappily as she can see into the future and she doesn't like it! A Paige look-a-like comes! At least it isn't the real thing! Or is it?

Dum dum duuuuuuuuum.(Spooky music).