22 Ways To Kill Paige #7 RONALD AND DONALD RETURN FOR REVENGE

Disclaimer: Charmed belongs to Brad Kern and was given birth to by Constance M. Burge, a genius of the arts, only, when she left the show we know as Charmed, when she left her great, colossal creation, it shattered into broken ruins and became a show Jayme doesn't even bother watching anymore, she just tapes it and watches it when she has some spare time. She misses Pwue and the fact that the Sole left too makes her sad, although she will forever remain true to Piper and Leo, if Holly Marie Combs stops smoking!!!!!!!!! (

Disclaimer: I also don't own Farmer Jacks, although if I get enough money, someday maybe I will because the people that work there are sooooo nice! They put up with Kristen, Kimberley and I traipsing through their aisles and rearranging their shelves while two people push the third in the trolley, while TRYING not to bang into other people.

A/N~~~ My advice to you: Read the prologue or else you will have no clue in a Paige who Ronald and Donald are.

A/N~~~ Because of certain events occurring at Hamish's party, last night, Saturday the 12th of April will from now on be known as "Day of The Tongue". If anyone wants any specific and graphic details then REVIEW, my little pretties and I will share the information with you. MWAHAHAHA. . .HA. . . . HA!. . . . ha?

Jayme's Dictionary~~~ Tumach- Tummy and stomach put together, the area surrounding your belly button.

(PURELY FICTION!!!!!!) . . . . . . .wink, wink

Prologue

One thunderous, gloomy day, 3 hardcore young rebels known as Jamey, Christen and Kimberlie decided to walk to Farmer Jacks, a local cheapo supermarket a few hundred metres away from Jamey's and see what mayhem they could cause. They had fun. Blah blah woof woof, Then, on their way back up the alley to Jamey's back gate, they spotted 2 innocent trolleys, hanging around a pole at the top of a flight of stairs, enjoying their youth. They snuck up behind them, and Christen and Jamey moved to the side of the stairs to watch in glee as Kimberlie took a long run-up and then pushed a trolley down the stairs. It tumbled forward, turning over and then lay still at the bottom, unmoving as the trio of trolley-murderers burst into a cackle of evil laughter. Then they hauled it back to the top of the stairs, and Jamey took her turn, running from 6 metres away with the trolley and then pushing it down the stairs as it flipped over onto its side and tumbled down again, even faster than before. The girls could not hold their high-pitched laughter, they let it out as all the surrounding wildlife ran or flew away quickly, so as not to become targets if the girls became bored with killing shopping trolleys. Christen took her turn, concentrating seriously to inflict a maximum amount of harm to the trolley, then pushed it down the stairs where it rolled over, crying and then was stuck halfway on the cement landing. The trio laughed and then Christen stepped cautiously down the steps, and then kicked it the rest of the way. They ran down again to pull it up, but then realised it was far beyond the grave, body parts broken into disarray. They almost started crying with having nothing to do but then remembered the other trolley that the first trolley had been conversing with. It was cowering about a metre away from the stairs and they quickly pushed it down the stairs with joy and strength and ran away like the little cowards they were. As they returned to Jamey's, they decide to give the trolley's names, in loving (AHEM) memory of the trolleys. They immediately decided on 'Ronald' and 'Donald' and then abruptly forgot about the generous memorial service they had planned for Ronald and Donald's friends as soon as they jumped in Jamey's pool.

The End

~Hope you enjoyed that little bout of human cruelty to trolleys, if you have any qualms feel free to simply phone the Cruelty To Trolleys Organisation on the toll free number of 1800-JAIMES-HOUSE.

Now for the actual story.
Piper, Leo, Cole and Pheobe were sitting at the kitchen table to a cosy family breakfast that UNFORTUNATELY Paige had not been invited to, when they heard crashes and bangs coming from the attic. Piper and Pheobe ran upstairs to investigate, with Cole stopping very five seconds to help Leo, who kept falling flat on his face after finding it hard to run in six-inch- heels.

As Piper and Pheobe stood cautiously on the attic stair landing, the crashes became louder. They threw open the door and found Paige battling with two vicious-looking shopping trolleys that were attempting at least seventeen WWF moves a minute. Piper and Pheobe screamed with laughter and Pheobe's scream turned to horror as Piper turned ghostly white, clutching her round tumach. {see Jayme's dictionary at top of page if you do not know what a tumach is} Piper sank to the floor, her laughter ceased and Cole and Leo, sporting a broad brimmed straw hat featuring colourful flowers reached the top of the stairs, only to erupt into giggles at the sight of Paige wrestling with two youthful shopping trolleys. Leo quickly realised that something was not right with Piper as raced over to his wife as Cole doubled over, smacking the floor with his fist as a way of releasing the extreme laughter he was experiencing from the not-so-comedic going on in front of his eyes, next to the pedestal on which the Book of Shadows lay unharmed. Leo knelt down next to Piper as she squeezed Pheobe's hand tightly, wailing, in a puddle of watery looking liquid.

"Oh gawd, you're abouts to ave your baby, methinks." Pheobe said, eyes wide, in a 19th century British accent.

"No sh*t!" Piper yelled through grimaced teeth.

Pheobe jumped and backed off, returning to Cole who almost couldn't breathe with laughter. Paige had finally managed to get one of the trolleys off her, but Donald wouldn't give up!

2 DAYS LATER

"It's a beautiful little boy!" Leo said smiling as he handed Piper the baby which sat in Leo's gold handbag. Leo frowned as he saw what his handbag had become, a bloody mess. But the look of pure joy on Piper's face, mixed with that of serenity on the baby as it lay in it's mothers arms made Leo grin and forget about the fate which had befallen his handbag.

Paige finally succeeded in throwing one of the trolleys over her head and she ran for the attic stairs.

"Noooooo!" Piper yelled as she spotted Paige getting away. "She's ruining my homebirth!"

Phoebe quickly sprayed some orange juice box onto Paige and then retreated as Paige backed against the wall, very scared.

"What was the point of that?" Ronald asked.

"Decreases Paige's powers, although mostly she's too stupid enough to use them anyway. Like if she can't find her car keys she decides to walk around the house looking for them, rather than orb them into her hand. And the last two days, she was wrestling with reborn trolleys, she failed to orb out, the dumbass!" Pheobe answered.

Donald and Ronald nodded in appreciation, then Donald quickly swept Paige into it's broken basket. Donald threw Paige down the stairs and she lay unmoving at the bottom to thunderous applause from her sisters and their spouses.

Piper, Pheobe, Ronald and Donald were getting drunk and celebrating well into the night. They sat across from each other at the kitchen table, now with broken beer bottles and weed strewn across it.

"Why did you help us kill Paige?" Piper asked puzzled.

"It was a favour to our dear friend Jayme." Donald explained.

"Jayme? I thought she killed you." Pheobe said confused.

"Of course she did. Best thing anyone could of done for us. We had a bad life, having to carry around disgusting groceries and smelly babies all day long! But Jayme, Kristen and Kimberley gave us peace. Now, we live happily in heaven, playing bumper trolleys all day long and practicing our gymnastics! I taught myself to do a round-off back sault back flip step-out yesterday!" Ronald said proudly.

"Wow." Pheobe breathed. She attempted it in the backyard and then fell down the conveniently planted hole Piper had dug while she had frozen Pheobe while she was on the round off.

And Piper, her dolt of a husband and their brat child lived happily ever after. They never did discover what was making the crashes and bangs in the attic, which I later found out to be the latest Source and Prue, getting' it onnnnnnnnnnn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Then she dumped him.