Look! It's A Giant Blown-up
Tampon!
22 Ways To Kill Paige
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed. Kristen might. Do you Kristen? She doesn't but she wants to. I'd rather own Dark Angel. Kristen doesn't think that Kimberley would want to. "Hello Kristen." Said Kristen. I'm on the phone to her and she just said hello to herself but. . . . anyway. Point being : I DON'T OWN CHARMED!
A/N~~~ Thankyou to all the reviews, they're extremely encouraging and fun to read. Hint, hint! (
A/N~~~ I like Paige except she should die more often on the show because then it would be funner. Apparently 'funner' tisn't a word. Well meh, Microsoft Word! Bill Gates obviously has a large vocabulary! So teh!
A/N~~~ Sorry it took me so long to post Chapter 6, I had to have radical emergency amateur brain surgery to remove a nano-chip from my cerebellum before I stroked out from a neuro-chemical overload. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' with it.
Pheobe and Piper giggled, crouched over what looked to Paige to be a Styrofoam cup sitting on the bathroom counter. She walked over, trying to lean over to see what was in the cup but Pheobe elbowed her backwards.
"Oops! Sorry, Paige. I didn't see you there." She said loudly, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Paige stepped to Piper's left, trying that side of approach instead but Piper just shoved her to the floor.
"Owwwww!" Paige cried, picking herself up from the floor and nursing her gut.
"Oops! So sorry, Paige, I didn't see you there." Piper laughed. Paige stuck out her bottom lip but before she could she heard a loud bang from the attic.
"What was that?"
"Probably you and yourself, goin' at it again." Piper muttered.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said I have a cold!"
"Oh. Well. Ummmm, sisters, what's in that cup?"
"Oh, this cup?" Pheobe asked. "Nothing."
Piper nodded earnestly.
"O-kay." Paige narrowed her eyes unconvincingly but then noticed a butterfly flying around outside the window. "Ohhh, pretty!" She breathed. She ran downstairs and out the front door as Piper and Pheobe suspiciously tucked the cup safely in their hands and sneaked slowly up to the attic, ducking down in case somebody noticed them.
Paige jumped into the air. She was running after a pwetty butterfly. It was pwetty. She skipped along, skip skip skippity skip skip skip, singing her little Paige song.
"I'm Paige and I rage Everybody hates me Cos I resemble a vampire Now I'm chasing Chasing Chasing a pwetty butterfly You may think My song is stoopid But I'm Paige Don't act surprised Cos I'm Paige Paige Paaaaaaaaaaige!" She finished with a bang. The butterfly finally noticed the disgusting creature that had been following it and flew away quickly, not wanting to look back at the creature in case it threw up.
"I don't see any disgusting creature." Paige said out loud. "Oh, I get it. It's ME!" She finished proudly, pathetically proud of the fact that she had finally worked out why everyone ran away from her in the playground as a child. And as an adult. And why her work cubicle had been on the very edge of the cubicles, right next to the wall. So that no one had to look at her. And she FINALLY figured out what that white monster was that stared at her from the other side of the mirror every morning. "Now it all makes sense!" She yelled triumphantly to an extremely ugly cockroach crawling down a sewer. It looked up and noticed her, then crawled away. It may be an ugly cockroach, but that white gangly thing was disgusting!
Pheobe and Piper reached to pedestal upon which the sacred, beautifully encrafted, ancient, antique, family heirloom Book of Shadows lay and threw it open to a page labelled "Engorgement Spell." Holding the Styrofoam cup sacredly in their hands, they recited the spell.
"This tampon is tiny This tampon is small Make it big Like a ball!" They finished with a flourish.
The object in the Styrofoam cup, already three times it's natural size became as big as a. . . . . . BALL! It burst out of the cup and rolled across the attic floor.
"Quick, Hebee! Go get it!" Piper yelled, opening the attic window as Paige walked up the manor steps, while singing "My song is stoopid, but I'm Paige, don't act surprised. ." She raised her head and noticed Piper leaning out of the attic window, small squishy objects in her hand.
"Hi Piper!" She yelled smiling. Her grin faltered as Piper rained dozens of orange-juice filled water balloons down on her, pelting her with the sickly juice. Paige screamed and tried to orb out. But orange juice had gone on her, so, oh yeah, she couldn't! Convenient . . . . . . Meh.
Pheobe, or as she/he is now widely known, Hebee, rolled over the giant tampon and threw it through the glass, with Piper pushing for more strength. Paige dumbly stood in the same spot. THEY HAD REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY! She had always wanted a beach ball. . . made of cotton. And jiffy pot. . . stuff. She looked up to it expectantly as it hit her square on the head, flattening her bones and her body until there was just a pile of dust. Triumphant yells came from Piper and Hebee as they spotted the dust.
"I knew she was a vampire!" Hebee yelled stoopidly.
"Uh, Hebee, we unfortunately got her out of that mess ages ago."
"We did?"
"Duh! Now hurry up or I'll accidentally lock you in the attic again."
Hebee hurried after Piper. Even from all Hebee's yelling and screaming, Piper hadn't heard Hebee for almost a week. Well, until she had to use the Book of Shadows and she couldn't pretend she couldn't see Hebee right in front of her, could she?
. . . . . . . . . That's an idea.
Tampon!
22 Ways To Kill Paige
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed. Kristen might. Do you Kristen? She doesn't but she wants to. I'd rather own Dark Angel. Kristen doesn't think that Kimberley would want to. "Hello Kristen." Said Kristen. I'm on the phone to her and she just said hello to herself but. . . . anyway. Point being : I DON'T OWN CHARMED!
A/N~~~ Thankyou to all the reviews, they're extremely encouraging and fun to read. Hint, hint! (
A/N~~~ I like Paige except she should die more often on the show because then it would be funner. Apparently 'funner' tisn't a word. Well meh, Microsoft Word! Bill Gates obviously has a large vocabulary! So teh!
A/N~~~ Sorry it took me so long to post Chapter 6, I had to have radical emergency amateur brain surgery to remove a nano-chip from my cerebellum before I stroked out from a neuro-chemical overload. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' with it.
Pheobe and Piper giggled, crouched over what looked to Paige to be a Styrofoam cup sitting on the bathroom counter. She walked over, trying to lean over to see what was in the cup but Pheobe elbowed her backwards.
"Oops! Sorry, Paige. I didn't see you there." She said loudly, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Paige stepped to Piper's left, trying that side of approach instead but Piper just shoved her to the floor.
"Owwwww!" Paige cried, picking herself up from the floor and nursing her gut.
"Oops! So sorry, Paige, I didn't see you there." Piper laughed. Paige stuck out her bottom lip but before she could she heard a loud bang from the attic.
"What was that?"
"Probably you and yourself, goin' at it again." Piper muttered.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said I have a cold!"
"Oh. Well. Ummmm, sisters, what's in that cup?"
"Oh, this cup?" Pheobe asked. "Nothing."
Piper nodded earnestly.
"O-kay." Paige narrowed her eyes unconvincingly but then noticed a butterfly flying around outside the window. "Ohhh, pretty!" She breathed. She ran downstairs and out the front door as Piper and Pheobe suspiciously tucked the cup safely in their hands and sneaked slowly up to the attic, ducking down in case somebody noticed them.
Paige jumped into the air. She was running after a pwetty butterfly. It was pwetty. She skipped along, skip skip skippity skip skip skip, singing her little Paige song.
"I'm Paige and I rage Everybody hates me Cos I resemble a vampire Now I'm chasing Chasing Chasing a pwetty butterfly You may think My song is stoopid But I'm Paige Don't act surprised Cos I'm Paige Paige Paaaaaaaaaaige!" She finished with a bang. The butterfly finally noticed the disgusting creature that had been following it and flew away quickly, not wanting to look back at the creature in case it threw up.
"I don't see any disgusting creature." Paige said out loud. "Oh, I get it. It's ME!" She finished proudly, pathetically proud of the fact that she had finally worked out why everyone ran away from her in the playground as a child. And as an adult. And why her work cubicle had been on the very edge of the cubicles, right next to the wall. So that no one had to look at her. And she FINALLY figured out what that white monster was that stared at her from the other side of the mirror every morning. "Now it all makes sense!" She yelled triumphantly to an extremely ugly cockroach crawling down a sewer. It looked up and noticed her, then crawled away. It may be an ugly cockroach, but that white gangly thing was disgusting!
Pheobe and Piper reached to pedestal upon which the sacred, beautifully encrafted, ancient, antique, family heirloom Book of Shadows lay and threw it open to a page labelled "Engorgement Spell." Holding the Styrofoam cup sacredly in their hands, they recited the spell.
"This tampon is tiny This tampon is small Make it big Like a ball!" They finished with a flourish.
The object in the Styrofoam cup, already three times it's natural size became as big as a. . . . . . BALL! It burst out of the cup and rolled across the attic floor.
"Quick, Hebee! Go get it!" Piper yelled, opening the attic window as Paige walked up the manor steps, while singing "My song is stoopid, but I'm Paige, don't act surprised. ." She raised her head and noticed Piper leaning out of the attic window, small squishy objects in her hand.
"Hi Piper!" She yelled smiling. Her grin faltered as Piper rained dozens of orange-juice filled water balloons down on her, pelting her with the sickly juice. Paige screamed and tried to orb out. But orange juice had gone on her, so, oh yeah, she couldn't! Convenient . . . . . . Meh.
Pheobe, or as she/he is now widely known, Hebee, rolled over the giant tampon and threw it through the glass, with Piper pushing for more strength. Paige dumbly stood in the same spot. THEY HAD REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY! She had always wanted a beach ball. . . made of cotton. And jiffy pot. . . stuff. She looked up to it expectantly as it hit her square on the head, flattening her bones and her body until there was just a pile of dust. Triumphant yells came from Piper and Hebee as they spotted the dust.
"I knew she was a vampire!" Hebee yelled stoopidly.
"Uh, Hebee, we unfortunately got her out of that mess ages ago."
"We did?"
"Duh! Now hurry up or I'll accidentally lock you in the attic again."
Hebee hurried after Piper. Even from all Hebee's yelling and screaming, Piper hadn't heard Hebee for almost a week. Well, until she had to use the Book of Shadows and she couldn't pretend she couldn't see Hebee right in front of her, could she?
. . . . . . . . . That's an idea.
