Another Way To Kill The Paige, from chapter 8 of the book, '22 Ways to Get
your annoyingly pale half sister out of your life for good'
A/N ~~~ Does anyone have an annoyingly pale half sister? Not just a pale one, an annoyingly pale one? Anyone? Anyone at all?
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed. I do not own any of the people who DO own Charmed. I do not know anyone who DOES own Charmed. If I did, all my ideas on how to kill Paige would go to THEM. The people I know that own Charmed. But I DON'T know anyone who owns Charmed.
A/N~~~ Okay, I haven't posted for awhile, I doubt anyone missed it, mwahahaha BUT... THERE'S A BUT! But, I am posting anyway! HA!
Paige: Chapter something
Paige Veronica Elizabeth Shandaliya Hilary Gwendala Dinatteren Frances Fanny-Pack Hooligan Smithison Mathews Halliwell, long lost sister of 'THE Charmed Ones', daughter of a skanky witch and disturbed white lighter, granddaughter of a grams, sister of chosen ones, queen of pale skanks everywhere, woke up. That's right. She WOKE UP. Such an accomplishment for one so *cough*. Whoops, I coughed and nobody heard what word I said. Awwww.
Paige woke up to homeless orphans standing beneath her window, singing 'It's a hardknock life, for us, it's a hardknock life, for us' in screechy, cat eaten little voices as she groaned and rolled over, a sharp spike surging through her stomach.
"Ow! Piper! I felt that one!" She yelled. Since last week, she and Piper had been playing practical jokes on each other. For example, last week Piper hid a dinosaur in the plumbing so that when Paige had her bath, it came out and tried to eat her. Then Paige got her back by not putting the toilet roll in the bin after she'd used it! How cruel! So then Piper dyed Paige's favourite work outfit disastrous shades of brown and pinned a sign on the back, claiming "Paige soiled herself". But that was okay, cos Paige got her back by turning on Piper's lamp when she wasn't in the room! So when Piper got to her room, THE LAMP WAS ON! Today, Piper had put metal spikes in Paige's mattress, so they went through her stomach and back, causing various puncture wounds. But Paige hadn't been fired from the show, so she lived. Miraculously. You see, she wouldn't die seeing as SHE HADN'T BEEN FIRED! DUH!
Paige put on her slippers, feeling tarantulas biting her toes. 'Ow.' She thought. Then suddenly thought of a good way to get Piper back! Put Piper's ugliest jumper in the wash! Piper hated that jumper, she would be so mad when she found she couldn't find it! Paige giggled to herself, then ran to get Piper's jumper from her room. It was at the far end of Piper's closet, the end with all the clothes Paige had given her. Paige wondered why the jumper was next to all the clothes she had given Piper! They were such nice clothes, and down the 'ugly' end of the closet. Piper had told Paige she would NEVER EVER wear the clothes Paige had gotten her, as they were too beautiful to ever wear. Paige instantly agreed. She loved Piper and Piper *cough* her. What a great family!
Downstairs, she put some *orange flavoured* laundry powder in the machine, accidentally dousing herself with it too! "Whoopsie!" She said. She looked up to see Leo coming down the stairs, various shiny pink costumes from his drag act in his arms. He had finally come to terms with his homosexuality, unless of course he was around Piper, and she was naked, in which case he seemed to always *find his wood*. AHEM.
"Paige!" He yelled, scared. Then his mind relaxed. Who cares? It was PAIGE. Like she was going to remember to tell Piper.
[A/N~~~ Anyone ever notice how, Paige sometimes can't find her car keys on Charmed, and she just neglects/FORGETS to orb them into her hand! Geez!]
Paige wouldn't tell. Two weeks ago she had caught Leo eating the last of the whipped cream off of his own body, and had ran off to find Piper. She had yelled at Piper that they might need to buy some strawberries, because Paige loved strawberries and cream. She licked her lips thinking of it. "You wanna use the machine Leo?"
"Uh, yes please Paige, if you don't mind. I, uh, mean. Of course, woman! This is my damn house, I'll use the machine!" He added in a squeaky attempt at a masculine voice.
"Okay." She ran up the stairs, remembering to tell everyone just how masculine Leo was. "Pheobe, guess what!?!?"
Pheobe was sitting at the kitchen table, and smacked herself in the head for not being able to hide from Paige quick enough. "What?"
"I had a boyfriend once!"
"That's nice."
"It was more of a friend who was a boy actually. Or maybe it was just a girlie friend with high testosterone levels. She had a moustache. I saw a funny man on an ad once, he had a moustache. My foster father had a beard. I saw Father Christmas once. Do you think reindeers are real? I remember, once on a t.v. show, people went deer hunting. Is it fun in the woods? Why are the called woods? Are there steels? What's steel made of? Why do people ask questions? Questions are gay!" Paige questioned, then remarked.
"That's nice, Paige."
Piper walked in, saving Pheobe from a life time of endless brain torture. Piper groaned and tried to walk out of the kitchen when she saw Paige was there, but too layte, Paige had seen her!
"Damn." She grimaced and poured herself some coffee as Pheobe escaped.
"Hi Piper!"
"Yes."
"That's nice! You wanna play dollies?"
"Maybe later Paige. Why don't you ask the little girl next door?"
"Yeah! Good idea!" Paige ran next door excitedly, then came back a few minutes later in tears.
Piper sighed. "Fine, what is it?"
"She said, she said. . . I was too pale!" Paige sobbed heavily. Piper grabbed a stick of uncooked spaghetti, then patted Paige on the head with it cautiously. "There, there."
She found a random ball point pen and gave it to Paige.
"Here you go, suck on that."
Paige put it in her mouth. "Thankyou Piper. I love. . ." Paige choked, pointing to her throat. Piper watched her amused.
"What's wrong Paige?"
*Choke, choke*
Paige died. No one cried.
NOTE TO READERS~~~ More people die from choking on ball point pens, than by getting eaten by sharks. So this is dedicated to a dear friend, Kimberley Jane Griffiths, who died from choking on a ball point pen. (KNOCK ON WOOD!) I love you Kim.
your annoyingly pale half sister out of your life for good'
A/N ~~~ Does anyone have an annoyingly pale half sister? Not just a pale one, an annoyingly pale one? Anyone? Anyone at all?
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed. I do not own any of the people who DO own Charmed. I do not know anyone who DOES own Charmed. If I did, all my ideas on how to kill Paige would go to THEM. The people I know that own Charmed. But I DON'T know anyone who owns Charmed.
A/N~~~ Okay, I haven't posted for awhile, I doubt anyone missed it, mwahahaha BUT... THERE'S A BUT! But, I am posting anyway! HA!
Paige: Chapter something
Paige Veronica Elizabeth Shandaliya Hilary Gwendala Dinatteren Frances Fanny-Pack Hooligan Smithison Mathews Halliwell, long lost sister of 'THE Charmed Ones', daughter of a skanky witch and disturbed white lighter, granddaughter of a grams, sister of chosen ones, queen of pale skanks everywhere, woke up. That's right. She WOKE UP. Such an accomplishment for one so *cough*. Whoops, I coughed and nobody heard what word I said. Awwww.
Paige woke up to homeless orphans standing beneath her window, singing 'It's a hardknock life, for us, it's a hardknock life, for us' in screechy, cat eaten little voices as she groaned and rolled over, a sharp spike surging through her stomach.
"Ow! Piper! I felt that one!" She yelled. Since last week, she and Piper had been playing practical jokes on each other. For example, last week Piper hid a dinosaur in the plumbing so that when Paige had her bath, it came out and tried to eat her. Then Paige got her back by not putting the toilet roll in the bin after she'd used it! How cruel! So then Piper dyed Paige's favourite work outfit disastrous shades of brown and pinned a sign on the back, claiming "Paige soiled herself". But that was okay, cos Paige got her back by turning on Piper's lamp when she wasn't in the room! So when Piper got to her room, THE LAMP WAS ON! Today, Piper had put metal spikes in Paige's mattress, so they went through her stomach and back, causing various puncture wounds. But Paige hadn't been fired from the show, so she lived. Miraculously. You see, she wouldn't die seeing as SHE HADN'T BEEN FIRED! DUH!
Paige put on her slippers, feeling tarantulas biting her toes. 'Ow.' She thought. Then suddenly thought of a good way to get Piper back! Put Piper's ugliest jumper in the wash! Piper hated that jumper, she would be so mad when she found she couldn't find it! Paige giggled to herself, then ran to get Piper's jumper from her room. It was at the far end of Piper's closet, the end with all the clothes Paige had given her. Paige wondered why the jumper was next to all the clothes she had given Piper! They were such nice clothes, and down the 'ugly' end of the closet. Piper had told Paige she would NEVER EVER wear the clothes Paige had gotten her, as they were too beautiful to ever wear. Paige instantly agreed. She loved Piper and Piper *cough* her. What a great family!
Downstairs, she put some *orange flavoured* laundry powder in the machine, accidentally dousing herself with it too! "Whoopsie!" She said. She looked up to see Leo coming down the stairs, various shiny pink costumes from his drag act in his arms. He had finally come to terms with his homosexuality, unless of course he was around Piper, and she was naked, in which case he seemed to always *find his wood*. AHEM.
"Paige!" He yelled, scared. Then his mind relaxed. Who cares? It was PAIGE. Like she was going to remember to tell Piper.
[A/N~~~ Anyone ever notice how, Paige sometimes can't find her car keys on Charmed, and she just neglects/FORGETS to orb them into her hand! Geez!]
Paige wouldn't tell. Two weeks ago she had caught Leo eating the last of the whipped cream off of his own body, and had ran off to find Piper. She had yelled at Piper that they might need to buy some strawberries, because Paige loved strawberries and cream. She licked her lips thinking of it. "You wanna use the machine Leo?"
"Uh, yes please Paige, if you don't mind. I, uh, mean. Of course, woman! This is my damn house, I'll use the machine!" He added in a squeaky attempt at a masculine voice.
"Okay." She ran up the stairs, remembering to tell everyone just how masculine Leo was. "Pheobe, guess what!?!?"
Pheobe was sitting at the kitchen table, and smacked herself in the head for not being able to hide from Paige quick enough. "What?"
"I had a boyfriend once!"
"That's nice."
"It was more of a friend who was a boy actually. Or maybe it was just a girlie friend with high testosterone levels. She had a moustache. I saw a funny man on an ad once, he had a moustache. My foster father had a beard. I saw Father Christmas once. Do you think reindeers are real? I remember, once on a t.v. show, people went deer hunting. Is it fun in the woods? Why are the called woods? Are there steels? What's steel made of? Why do people ask questions? Questions are gay!" Paige questioned, then remarked.
"That's nice, Paige."
Piper walked in, saving Pheobe from a life time of endless brain torture. Piper groaned and tried to walk out of the kitchen when she saw Paige was there, but too layte, Paige had seen her!
"Damn." She grimaced and poured herself some coffee as Pheobe escaped.
"Hi Piper!"
"Yes."
"That's nice! You wanna play dollies?"
"Maybe later Paige. Why don't you ask the little girl next door?"
"Yeah! Good idea!" Paige ran next door excitedly, then came back a few minutes later in tears.
Piper sighed. "Fine, what is it?"
"She said, she said. . . I was too pale!" Paige sobbed heavily. Piper grabbed a stick of uncooked spaghetti, then patted Paige on the head with it cautiously. "There, there."
She found a random ball point pen and gave it to Paige.
"Here you go, suck on that."
Paige put it in her mouth. "Thankyou Piper. I love. . ." Paige choked, pointing to her throat. Piper watched her amused.
"What's wrong Paige?"
*Choke, choke*
Paige died. No one cried.
NOTE TO READERS~~~ More people die from choking on ball point pens, than by getting eaten by sharks. So this is dedicated to a dear friend, Kimberley Jane Griffiths, who died from choking on a ball point pen. (KNOCK ON WOOD!) I love you Kim.
